


There's something broken about this, but I might be hoping about this

by hllfire



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Charles is a Sweetheart, Charles is good with Kids, Charles is trying his best, Charles-centric, Erik is a Sweetheart, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Drama, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mentions of past toxic relationship, Minor Violence, Poor Charles, Raven is also a Sweetheart, Reconciliation, Sexual Content, Sharon Xavier is actually not that bad here, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, also i mean it when i say angst, anyway, but just in the past, erik lehnsherr is self-destructive, no cuba also, or is it?????, slightly Dark!Charles at the end, the school is a thing here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 08:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 112,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22846858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hllfire/pseuds/hllfire
Summary: Charles Xavier's biggest problem is his big mouth mixed with his pride. He usually doesn't know when to stop talking or when to back down. That's why, when his family goes to Westchester to visit him, Charles can't stop himself from lying to keep the appearance of a perfect life. That's also why he now has to find a fiancé as fast as possible.He didn't expect, however, that his impulsive little lie would bring back ghosts he didn't know he would have to face again.Title from "From Eden" by Hozier.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 71
Kudos: 204





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles puts himself into a tricky situation.
> 
> TW: Implied child abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first actual Cherik fic and Of Course it would be a fake dating au. I couldn't hold myself. I don't know when the next chapters will be coming or how long this fic will be, but probably won't be too long. If I'm honest, probably nothing more than 5 chapters cause my habilities are limited and also, I have two other fics to work on, this is just an idea that I had and really had to write.
> 
> ANYWAY, thanks for stopping by and checking this fic out, I really hope you like it. If you'd like to see more of my cherik/xmen bullshit, go follow me at hellfre on tumblr where I constantly shitpost about them. Without further ado, enjoy the fic!
> 
> EDIT: Second chapter is coming on Wednesday. I'll try to update this on Wednesdays and Saturdays! No promises though, writers block attacks when I least expect.

Charles took another sip of his tea as he heard his stepfather talking to him about the family business back in England, none of the words the man was saying sticking to his brain as his eyes sometimes rose to watch his mother with her glass of wine on the couch opposite of him. She looked as broken as ever, Charles noticed. Exactly the same broken woman he grew up with before parting ways. He didn't dare to reach for her mind, although there was always the curiosity to do so, knowing that he would only find pain and that sense of helplessness he had felt years and years ago.

On the other side of the room, standing behind the couch his mother and stepfather were in, Cain Marko was standing with his arms crossed and his eyes glaring at Charles, the rage still burning behind his eyes from when they were kids. Charles sustained his look, trying to show Cain he wasn't afraid of him anymore, making his stepbrother's expression only grow harder as the rage burned brighter.

"Are you even listening to me, boy?" Kurt asked, catching Charles' attention immediately. He looked as displeased as he had always been with Charles. 

"Sorry, I have a lot in my head right now. Work." Charles smiled apologetically after that lie, even if he wasn't sorry at all. He didn't want them there, he wanted his peace again, he wanted them gone and as far away from him as possible. But, instead of saying that, he just smiled. "But from what I did manage to hear, business seem to be going well."

"Yes, indeed." Kurt had no real emotion in his voice. He sounded bored, as if he wanted to be somewhere else at that moment. "Your mother insisted on visiting you, if you're wondering why we're here at your… school." 

That took Charles by surprise, his eyes widening slightly and moving to look at Sharon Xavier, still lost to the world on that couch while her lips took another sip of the red wine. Charles didn't know what to think of that, what to say. Part of him was surprised, part of him was angry. She never cared about Charles, or at least never did anything to show him she cared, and yet she was the one who wanted to visit Charles. Visit their old house, where she lived with his dad. Where her world broke into pieces. Now, more than ever, Charles wanted to read his mom's mind, to understand why she did that to him and to herself, but he stopped himself. He promised himself never to go into her mind again, he would keep that promise.

"We also want to know how you're doing." Kurt finally kept going, grabbing his attention again, making him miss the saddened look in his mother's eyes towards him. "We've seen the news of your school and your students. You seem to be doing great, huh?"

"Oh, more than great." Charles sat back more relaxed now, his smile growing bigger by the second as he saw how his happiness made Kurt and Cain more and more frustrated. He would make them know that he was doing great, that he was living without them and being more than successful in his life. He needed that, for once. To be on top of them. To be more than the scared boy he was when he was a child. "I've been able to do what I always wanted, to teach kids like me how to control their powers and give them the protection they need. Give them a home. It's been wonderful. Even made this old house feel like a home for the first time in years."

The last few words came out with some contained anger behind them. He couldn't control himself, couldn't stop the memories of how much he suffered inside that house as a kid. From Cain's and Kurt's daily abuse to the loss of both his dad, when he died when Charles was just a child, and his mother, when she decided to make sure to leave him on his own back then. That big old house in Westchester had painful memories to Charles in each and every room. Had memories of abandonment, death and hurt. But now, with the school, it had good memories that helped to cover the bad ones. The corridors, that used to remind him of the days he had to run from Cain to not get beaten up, now reminded him of the many children playing around them. The kitchen, that used to remind him of the days he would cook something simple — with the help of one of their maids, always — and wait expectantly to have a breakfast with his mother that never came, not only had the memory of meeting Raven all those years ago when she entered his house, but also reminded him of the many times he had breakfast or dinner with a few children that loved his company, that made him feel better about that place. 

It was a different house now. A happier one, where Charles felt not only wanted but like he belonged to that family he created.

His eyes immediately went to his mother after a while, wanting to see her reaction to his words, noticing her blue eyes — so much like Charles' own — staring back at him. There was something behind them that made Charles feel a small pain in his chest, but not because it was something bad. Sharon Xavier seemed genuinely happy for him behind those blue eyes that were clouded by the alcohol. It was something Charles hadn't seen in years and years. He remembered vaguely of that look from when he was a child, when his dad was still alive. He looked away quickly, feeling his throat closing as he felt many emotions going through his body at once while seeing those eyes look happy for him. For the boy she abandoned. He found it was easier to look at Kurt Marko's eyes, where he would only find apathy and maybe anger. He was used to those eyes at least.

"Any girlfriends?" Cain's voice asked from the other side of the room. Charles only sighed.

"I think I've already told you many times that I'm gay. So, no, no _girlfriends_." 

That didn't please Cain in the slightest. Charles was well aware of his stepbrother's hatred towards not only his mutation, but also his sexuality. He was also well aware of how much of a freak Cain thought he was because of those two facts. Before, Charles used to feel scared of Cain's opinions, now it just seemed like nothing to him. The realization made Charles feel proud of himself. 

Meanwhile, Kurt didn't seem to mind the fact that Charles was gay, but Kurt didn't seem to care about Charles in general, so it didn't really matter. Still, Charles could see that there was a spark in Kurt's eyes as he looked at Charles now.

"No one?" he asked, making Charles realize what he wanted to do right away. He wanted to find something that could make Charles fall from his pedestal, even if just a little. That something was the fact that Charles was already on his 30's and still single. It shouldn't make Charles feel threatened, and yet it did. His pride was something delicate when near his family. 

"Well," Charles started, a voice in his head screaming for him to stop being stupid. But he never listened to that voice in the past anyway. "there _is_ someone."

Kurt frowned, so did Cain. Charles swallowed his own spit before sitting more properly on his chair. If they knew him enough, they would be able to see how he was lying there, how awkward he was while he planned his lies. Everyone said he was a bad liar, and they were right, but these people in front of him didn't care for Charles enough to know how to read him, which made the lie somewhat easier to be made.

"I am engaged, actually."

Even without reading anyone's mind, Charles could feel the mess of thoughts going through everyone's heads. He didn't have to say he was engaged, just saying he had a boyfriend was enough, and yet Charles had to one-up his family and their expectations of him. The voice inside his head was now screaming at him how stupid of a move that was. 

"Will we be able to meet him?" Sharon's voice was heard for the first time that night, making all eyes go to her.

She seemed more lucid than ever before, like the alcohol wasn't in her veins, like she was actually okay again. That scared Charles a bit, the weirdness of it. She had a minimum smile on her lips and her eyes now were shining just like Charles' did when he was excited for something. He always hated that resemblance, always hated to know how much he looked like his mother, and now it was more apparent than ever while Sharon Xavier seemed to be excited that her son was getting married.

"He's… He's not here." Charles said, crossing his arms and letting his eyes study everyone in that room. It only took one look to see that Cain wasn't falling for his lies.

"When will he be?" he asked, a grin appearing on his lips. "We should meet him, shouldn't we?"

"We'll be in town for the next two weeks. Business." Kurt waved his hand, the nature of said business apparently irrelevant to that conversation. "We can come back when he's here to meet him."

"Yes, that would be wonderful." Sharon's smile was still on her lips, making Charles uncomfortable. 

"I'll… I'll talk to him and ask him to come. I'll text you a date when he's available."

Cain's grin only grew at how weak Charles' words sounded, how uncertain and deprived of truth. Kurt and Sharon didn't seem to notice that, though, only nodding cordially.

* * *

Once all of them left, Charles took a moment to breathe, knowing he dug himself a hole he wouldn't be able to get himself out of. He raised his hands to his face, groaning lightly and pulling his own hair. He needed a boyfriend — no, worse, _a fiancé_ — urgently, just to keep his lie intact. It was only in moments like these he noticed how stupid he was.

"Well, _that_ was a rollercoaster."

Charles turned his head quickly to look at the room's door, seeing Raven standing there with her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised as she leaned against the door frame. Her yellow eyes were staring at him with that glint in them that made Charles certain she heard the entire conversation. Charles huffed at that, making Raven chuckle.

"You really thought that I would see your parents coming in here to talk to you and _not_ listen to the whole thing?" she walked towards him, sitting on the couch with him. She still had her uniform on, from the last training session with the new X-Men, and looked a tad bit tired. "I asked Jean to tell me every word that was being said in this room."

"Raven-"

"Hey, she said she was worried as well so she would be with her guard up, specially 'cause she got a glimpse of Cain's mind when he arrived, so I only asked her to _tell me_ what she was hearing." Raven shrugged, sighing afterwards and shaking her head. "You lied to them?"

"I was… I panicked."

"Well, clearly you did. You're very stupid, you know that? Very clever but very, _very_ stupid."

"Thank you, Raven. You're a beacon of comfort in these trying times." Charles groaned and looked away from his foster sister.

Raven smiled softly, moving her hand to take Charles' and grab his attention again. He looked at her for a moment before sighing and holding her hand as well, letting his body relax and his tiredness show. It was Raven there, he could be vulnerable. She was, in the end, his only family. 

"Jean said your mom seemed happy with the news of your engagement..." her voice was almost a whisper and her words brought back Sharon's eyes to Charles' mind, making his chest hurt all over again.

He didn't say anything else, leaning forward and resting his head on Raven's shoulder. Raven, in return, didn't say anything as well, knowing very well what he had gone through all those years ago, being forced to watch Charles suffer without being able to take action, to defend the boy who gave her a home. He never let her do anything, he would stop her whenever she was ready to stop Cain, preferring to get beat up than let Raven show herself and put herself in danger. She hated it, she hated having to wait until it was all over to get to Charles and help a barely conscious boy to tend his wounds. She hated not being able to do anything. And she remembered as well the days Charles would cry at night, his powers out of control back then and projecting the reason of his tears: he missed his mother. Even if he pretended he didn't, he did. Until he gave up, until he realized she had abandoned him. So Raven knew how much that simple gesture, that sudden happiness in her, made Charles confused and hurt. So, no, she didn't say anything, only taking her free hand to run her fingers through Charles' hair, trying to calm him down, trying to show she was there for him like all those years ago. 

"I really should've stayed quiet, shouldn't I?" Charles' voice was quiet, a small chuckle accompanied his words. "I just couldn't let them think I'm not living the perfect life… The one they thought I could never get…"

"I get it. I really do. But now you have to either find a boyfriend or let them know you were lying."

"I don't know which option is the hardest…"

Raven chuckled, shaking her head and making Charles raise his so he could look at her. "I could pretend to be some random guy if there's no other choice…"

"Oh, dear Lord, no… That would be weird."

"Yeah, I realized that after I said it." she shook her head from side to side, as if she was trying to push her own idea away from her mind before looking back at Charles. Poor stupid and tired Charles. "So what will you do?"

"I'll figure out something. Now, I think you and I should rest. I know you've been with those kids the whole afternoon, you deserve a good night's sleep."

"Hell yeah I do." she said playfully, pulling Charles into a quick hug after, making him feel lighter. He couldn't be more thankful for Raven than in that moment. "Try to rest as well, Charles. Wake me up if you need anything."

"Don't worry, sis. I'll be okay."

* * *

He wasn't okay. That night, Charles had trouble sleeping, managing twenty minutes of sleep before waking up completely as his mind felt like a mess. He kept trying to find a solution for his problems, like he always did, and yet nothing came to mind. Nothing useful at least. That only made him roll multiple times on his bed, trying different positions to help him sleep again, which only led him to fall to the ground. He considered staying there, but the hardwood floor was cold and Charles was not too eager to try to sleep on that. When he finally gave up on trying to sleep, he fixed his bedsheets quickly before leaving his room, his phone in hands and a thin jacket that protected his arms from the cold of October.

He went to the kitchen, turning on the lights and looking around, finding himself alone and walking towards the fridge, taking one of the many milk cartons in there and looking at the stove for a moment, considering if he had the patience to watch the milk boil. He needed a glass of hot milk, maybe that would help him finally sleep, but he was still very tired. His eyes moved from the stove to the microwave in the corner and the milk carton in his hand. Raven would never let him live this down if she saw it, but she wouldn't see anything and he surely wouldn't tell. So, with a defeated sigh, he took a mug from the cabinets and poured the milk, putting it inside of the microwave. He hated heating up liquid in the microwave, he always said to everyone who did it that it wasn't the same as heating it on the stove, with real fire, but he could see why it was practical. In less than two minutes, Charles had a mug of hot milk in his hands.

He sat down at the table, his mug in one hand and his phone in the other, browsing through his newspaper subscriptions and reading everything that popped up. He remembered how Raven made fun of him for only using his phone to read the news, not having any social media except for Facebook — which he rarely used as well. He didn't need social media, he already had enough of knowing people's thoughts, he wanted a break from that while using his phone.

His eyes looked at the hour in the corner of the screen while he was reading: 1:43am. A sigh left his lips, knowing that he would have to wake up early to give classes that morning, taking a sip of his milk and hoping it would help him sleep after he was finished. As he was in the middle of an article about mutant rights, a notification popped up on the top of the screen, his eyes quickly being drawn to the annoying thing — he hated notifications whenever he was reading, took away his focus completely — and felt his whole body go still once he saw the name and the text that accompanied it.

> _Erik:_
> 
> _Hey, I'm in town. Just arrived. Text me when you wake up._

Charles read that again and again a few times before the notification was gone, completely forgetting the article he was reading before and lowering the notification bar to check if the text was really there. It was. Erik had texted him. Erik was in New York. _Erik_. 

He took a moment to regain his focus before opening he text and reading it once again, biting the inside of his mouth before thinking about something to answer him with.

> _Charles:_
> 
> _Hey, I'm awake. You're in Westchester?_

It didn't take long for an answer to arrive. Charles took another sip from his milk as his brain focused only on that conversation, feeling both more relaxed and nervous than before, if that was possible.

> _Erik:_
> 
> _Well… Actually I'm in NYC. But it's just a 30 minute ride, so I don't really count that. Having trouble sleeping?_
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _Unfortunately, yes. I thought you wouldn't be back to the USA so soon._
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _Disappointed that I'm already back, Charles?_
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _Not at all. Happy to have you back._
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _It's good to be back as well, even if my mother almost killed me for coming back so soon. I guess three years living with her wasn't enough for her._
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _Haha. How's Edie? Is everything okay back in Germany?_
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _She's good. Healthy enough to tell me I should "calm down a little" every day, whatever that means. Everything is fine back home. How are things there in the school?_

Charles finished his milk when Erik sent the last text, his eyes as tired as before and his mind racing just as much. He read Erik's words for a moment, thinking how to answer him, before he stopped himself as an idea came into his mind. He considered it for a moment, trying to see if it was a good idea or not. It truly wasn't, it was just as bad as lying about being engaged to his parents, but what choice did he have. 

He closed his eyes, mad at himself, but deciding not to seal his fate at almost two in the morning. He had enough experience to know that that wasn't a good time to make decisions. He sighed, deciding to give himself more time to think that idea through, putting his mug away and holding the phone with both hands, getting ready to reply back to Erik again.

> _Charles:_
> 
> _You know what? Why don't you come here tomorrow in the afternoon so we can talk? I'm sure Raven will love to see you again as well. You said yourself it was just a 30 minute drive…_

Charles hit _'send'_ and waited, his chin on his hand as he hit his phone lightly on the table with the anxiety to know Erik's answer. The truth is that he missed Erik a whole lot, and even if he decided against his stupid idea, he would at least be able to talk to Erik again. He missed that. When the answer came, Charles smiled widely.

> _Erik:_
> 
> _Fine. I'll be there at two. Obviously just because of Raven._
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _Obviously for Raven._

After a few goodnights, Charles put his phone down, sighing and standing up to wash the mug he just used, determined to go to sleep after doing that. Maybe he would be able to sleep after all. He dried his hands, putting the mug away after drying it and turned to leave the kitchen when he noticed a pair of eyes staring at him. He stayed still for a second before realizing the person in front of him and next to the door was Kitty Pryde. He frowned at her, seeing her already small body get smaller as she shrank into herself, seemingly ashamed to be caught awake at that time. 

"I had a nightmare…" she whispered. 

Charles watched her for a second more before sighing and smiling softly, taking another clean mug and a pan this time, putting it on the stove next to him, catching the girl's attention with that. He looked at her again, smiling gently, making her instantly relax a little bit.

"What about some hot milk to help you calm down?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik arrives at the school to visit Charles, who plans on asking him for help with his lie. He however didn't expect that, with Erik, some dark memories from their past would come as well, making that proposition more difficult to make.
> 
> TW: Mentions of past toxic relationship, minor violence, jealousy, self destructive behavior, mentions of child abuse. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THIS!
> 
> Hey there, it's ya boy Blue here talking directly to you for some warnings/updates on this fic! SO, first of all I need to thank you all for the positive reactions on the first chapter, it really motivated me to keep writing the story. When I posted this chapter, I had till chapter 4 fully written (with 5 halfway already), so the updates will be happening regularly on Saturdays and Wednesdays for now because I'm not late on any chapters!
> 
> Second of all, I had to rearrange the tags on this story because, while I was writing it, more and more subjects that could be somehow triggering for some people started appearing. As much as this fic WILL have fluff (I promise I'm not a heartless bitch, my brain just works for the angst sometimes and I can't control it), there's also a lot of angst and some (many) sad parts to it. I said on the first chapter that this would probably be a 5 chapter story but I underestimated myself and my big boy brain because, as I said before, it's already 4 chapters long and I haven't even gotten everything I wanted to in there. Lot's of shenanigans will still happen. So, anyway, please check the tags to see if there's something that could potentially trigger you and also check the summaries for the chapters because I will constantly put the trigger warnings that I see there to make it safer for everyone.
> 
> Third of all, it's slow burn, so I'm sorry but our boy Erik will be missing for the next chapters because this is a Charles-centric fic, sowwy.
> 
> Fourth of all, this is ridiculously long already, enjoy the reading!

Something Charles always appreciated about Erik was his punctuality. He had said he would be at the school at 2pm, and so he did. Charles was in his office, his mind finally distracted enough from his small problem as he looked through the essays his students had handed in that morning during class, slightly amused with Scott's. He didn't even notice the door opening while his eyes read the pages in front of him, turning his body left and right on his swivel chair with his feet like he always did when he was entertained with his reading. He only noticed that Erik was there when he heard someone clearing their throat, making him look up, startled, seeing Erik grinning at him from the other side of the room.

"You're the only person I know who seems to have fun while grading papers, Charles."

Charles smiled as he watched Erik, seeing that the years away that he dedicated to spending with his family had done him good. Erik had always looked sharp and full of hard edges, his life growing up had shaped his personality that way, and it always reflected on his physique. He remembered the man he met all those years ago, remembered how his eyes had a roughness to it, how his mind was troubled and loud, practically making it easy for Charles to read it. He was built from pain, and so the pain made him harder. Now, looking at Erik, Charles saw that those sharp edges had softened with time, his eyes looked calmer and so did his mind, even if Charles wasn't trying to read it at that moment. His hair was slightly longer and a beard was growing on his face, which Charles couldn't help but think it looked really good on him. It was almost a totally different man from the one Charles met, and that made him happy. Knowing that Erik was in a much better place in his life made him feel like those three years away were worth it. 

But it also brought Charles back some memories that made a heavy weight press down on his chest. Three full years ever since they broke up and Erik went away without saying a word, only talking to Charles again once he was already in Germany. 

Charles remembered how worried he was once he didn't find Erik anywhere the next day after the breakup happened. He remembered running through the school corridors and scaring a few kids with his worried looks and his frantic search all around the old house. Raven had to calm him down that day, had to sit him down and tell him Erik went back to Germany to stay with his mom. Charles remembered how bad he felt, how much his heart was broken that Erik had to _run away_ from _him_ again after everything they went through together, only understanding the man's actions months later. He remembered the call at the end of the day from Erik, where he explained he needed to be away and that his mother needed him anyway, so it was better that he was on the other side of the globe. He said it was better for both of them. Charles almost didn't say anything on that call, afraid that, if he talked, Erik would be able to hear him crying. After a while and a lot of convincing from Raven that he did nothing wrong — after all, they ended up in good terms, even if the reasons for the end of the relationship weren't good at all —, Charles started talking to Erik again and they ended up staying as friends. 

Now Erik was in front of him with that small smile that always melted Charles on the spot once he saw it. He was back after three years. And Charles was about to ruin everything that they built together once again because of a reckless lie.

Instead of saying anything to answer Erik's words, Charles got up from his desk and walked over to the taller man, hugging him closely, noticing now how much me missed that small gesture. Erik chuckled, his smile widening and putting his arms around Charles as well, hugging him tightly. They wouldn't admit to each other how much that felt good.

"It's good to see you again." Charles said as he started to let go of the hug, looking into Erik's eyes with a big smile on his lips. "It's been too long, old friend."

"It surely has been too long. And yet everything around here seem the same."

Erik took a few steps back, breaking the contact completely. Charles took that opportunity to go back to his desk, organizing the essays and pushing some of the mess of papers to the side. He watched calmly as Erik made himself at home in one of the chairs in front of the desk, looking through the giant window on his right side, watching the kids playing on the green fields outside the house with a look of curiosity. 

"You seem to have more kids living here now than when I left." Erik's eyes fell on him again, but they were just as calm as before, only curious about the amount of students inside those walls. 

"We doubled our students ever since you left." Charles said distractedly as he was still pushing papers around, trying to make everything less of a mess there. He really needed to organize that place. Not only stacks of essays laid there on the table but also stacks of books and printed articles he read on his spare time, together with student files and newspapers. Raven called his desk _'Charles' world',_ once only him could make sense of that mess. 

Erik watched him try to organize everything as fast as he could, an amused smile appearing on his face as he observed Charles run from one side of the room to the other with his books, sometimes stopping as he looked at a cover, making a face that could only mean he was talking to himself inside his own head before shaking it and putting the book away. He always found that incredibly fun to watch.

"You really don't need to clean up because I'm here."

Charles stopped what he was doing, his eyes going to Erik's as he sighed and put the last two books in their places, looking defeated at the piles of papers still on his desk.

"I'm sorry, everything is a mess. I lost track of time and couldn't organize everything before you arrived."

"It's actually great knowing that you still have no idea of your own mess unless someone's there with you." Erik said playfully, his head tilting to the side slightly as Charles shot him a glare, walking to a cabinet where Erik remembered he had alcohol stored. 

"It's been busy around here lately. My mess is at least justified by that."

"I saw Raven on my way in. She did say everything was more chaotic around here now..."

Charles poured two glasses of whiskey from the bottle he kept hidden from the children and only took it out in special occasions, nodding at Erik's words and putting the bottle back on the cabinet and walking towards Erik, handing him a glass from the other side of the table as he sat down on his own chair, raising his glass slightly for a toast. Erik mirrored his movement, the soft _'cling'_ of the glasses echoed through the room while both took a good sip of the liquid. It burned while going down Charles' throat — he hadn't drank whiskey in a while ever since he got over his alcohol problem a few years ago —, making him wince slightly and put the glass down, his eyes examining the amber liquid on the crystal glass. 

After a few seconds, his blue eyes met Erik's own, seeing those clear eyes looking at him with a mixture of sadness and fondness. Charles found out he hated that look on Erik's face. It burned his skin just as much as the alcohol burned his throat seconds ago. It was painful and it remembered Charles of many things he tried to forget these past three years. He didn't need looks like that towards him, not the sad look of Erik, nor the happy look of his mother. The memory only made him close his fist tightly around the glass, his jaw clenching slightly. Erik noticed that, Charles knew he noticed that, because suddenly a wave of worry reached him coming from the older man's body. 

He took a deep breath, relaxing his body again and watching the kids play outside of the window, knowing that he would only find that look again in Erik's eyes if he looked. He needed to make a conversation quick, or else everything would be very awkward very soon.

"Logan decided to stay two years ago." Charles moved the corners of the bottom of his glass on the tabletop, the noise of glass on wood and the movement slowly calming him down, bringing him back to the moment. "I'm sure you remember him… He became a teacher now. Found his place."

"Good for him." he knew that tone in Erik's voice very well. It was the tone he used everytime Charles pretended that there was nothing bothering him and he had to just go with the telepath's wishes. Charles was at least thankful that Erik didn't press him to talk. "Hope he didn't hold a grudge if he sees me around. Last time I met him I… Well… His skeleton is covered in metal."

"Yeah, I remember your little fight with him." Charles shook his head. 

"I was very angry back then... Thankfully you were there to stop me, huh?" Erik raised his glass with a smile on his lips again.

That subject didn't help Charles as well. Specially because of the nature of the fight between Erik and Logan. Four years ago, when Logan first came into the school, Charles and Erik were a couple still, but Erik was unstable and — even with constant reassurance from Charles — he couldn't help himself but being jealous a few times when someone tried to get too close to Charles. Logan was a special case when he arrived, broken and with parts of his memory completely gone, no idea who he was. Charles, of course, took pity on him and offered himself to help. They grew closer, much to Erik's annoyance, but Charles nor Logan had any interest in one another, it was merely a friendship between a broken man and his helper. When Erik confronted Logan, of course, Logan didn't back down. Both were too proud to let this go without a fight.

Charles remembered running outside thanks to Raven's screams, sensing both Erik's and Logan's minds more agitated than ever from the other side of the house. A few kids watched from the door and the windows as the two men screamed at each other, threats of a fight that was about to happen. Charles pushed a few kids away gently, telling them to go back to their rooms and stop watching what was happening outside. Some of the kids obliged, a few others stayed in their places. Charles didn't really have time for that at that moment, going out of the house into the rainy night and seeing Raven on the front porch, her blonde hair from her human form sticking to her skin as well as her clothes, her eyes wide as she watched everything unfold in front of the house. Ororo was causing the rain on purpose on the outside, trying to make the fight more difficult with their vision ruined by the thick raindrops and the constant sound of thunder. It wasn't working, though, and soon both of them attacked. Erik would've hurt Logan badly if Charles didn't stop him at the last second, controlling Erik's mind and making him leave the place until Logan was being taken care of.

It felt like a lifetime ago.

Charles cleared his throat, smiling feebly at Erik and raising his glass as well, trying to push the memories of that night away. He swallowed the rest of his drink, his mind going back to the real reason that Charles had called Erik there. He couldn't do it, he couldn't ask Erik to help him, not on _that._ There was a reason why they broke up in the first place, why Erik went away, and it wasn't a nice reason, even if they did break up in good terms — the good terms being that both of them agreed that the relationship should end, a mutual agreement. They knew they were only hurting each other. Erik hurt Charles with his mistrust on his feelings, thinking Charles would leave him for someone better when in reality there was no one Charles loved more than Erik. He was self-destructive and it sometimes affected Charles. Charles hurt Erik with his stubbornness and his coldness towards him from time to time, getting angry at something Erik had said or done, or for something he _didn't_ say or do, and punishing him because of that, making Erik's already unstable mind break little by little. They were slowly consuming each other's strength, both of them immature even if they weren't kids anymore. There was a lot both of them had to figure out for themselves, and they knew that. So they broke up for the sake of both of them.

Charles just didn't imagine he would go away from his life completely after that.

"I don't need to be a telepath to know what you're thinking about, you know?" Erik's voice was quiet, a sad smile painted on his lips. Charles hated it. "I shouldn't have come-"

"No." Charles cut him quickly, his voice breaking for a moment. He took a deep breath, determined to look Erik in the eyes now. "No. You should come here whenever you feel like, Erik. I'm just… Over text was always easier."

"I know." Erik nodded, seemingly relating to Charles' words. "I suppose I still owe you an apology for running away." 

"It's in the past…"

"Is it really?"

Charles looked at him, the sad smile still there while he watched Charles, drinking the rest of his own whiskey and putting the glass on the desk.

"If I'm honest, my mom was more devastated than us."

That got a laugh out of Charles. He had met Edie before when she came to visit Erik a few years ago, when they were still going strong. The small woman had loved Charles from the moment she put her eyes on him, constantly telling Erik how amazing it was that he was dating someone as smart as Charles and as sweet and handsome as well. He missed Edie and her kind eyes. He never had to read her mind to feel the love she felt for Erik. She had given Charles more love in a span of a few days than his mother had in the fifteen years they lived under the same roof. 

"She has always been lovely, I hope she's doing well." Charles voice was soft as he said that, reminiscing his few moments with Edie.

"She is. She's tough, that one." Erik let out a small chuckle, the air in the room quickly becoming less heavy as the conversation trailed off to Edie Lehnsherr. "When I told her that we were still talking as friends over text she almost cried. I'm not even exaggerating, she had to hold herself back from crying in front of me before sprinting away to the kitchen to make us dinner."

Charles full on laughed at that, imagining that small fragile-looking woman holding back tears for the mere fact that Charles and Erik didn't stop talking altogether. It was good to know that Charles wasn't the only one who connected with Edie when they met. He suddenly had the urge to stop everything he was doing and fly over to Germany just to hug her again and show her that he was fine. Maybe sometime soon he could do that.

"Oh, before I forget…" Erik moved on his chair, making Charles come back to reality and frown with curiosity as he reached into his pocket and took out a small folded paper, putting it on the desk and pushing it to Charles' direction. "She told me to give you this once she found out I was coming to New York. She also said to put in an envelope when I had a chance but I forgot about that, so never tell my mom I gave you just the paper."

Charles smiled and took the paper, opening it quickly and frowning as he started to read what it seemed like some kind of recipe written on a pristine handwriting. His eyes went to the top of the page, looking for some kind of clarity, gasping audibly once he read the recipe's name. He was sure his eyes were sparking with happiness, making Erik only more curious to know what was in the 'gift' his mother had sent Charles. He didn't need to ask, though, once Charles was excited enough to let the information leave his mouth himself.

"It's the recipe from that cake when she came to visit all those years ago! The _Bienenstich_ one!" his eyes roamed through the page as he saw the list of ingredients, his mouth watering as he remembered the taste. 

"The one you ate half of?" Erik asked, seeing Charles nod like a child. He chuckled at that, knowing that his mother would love to know that reaction. "She was very happy that you liked it, I remember that."

"I asked for the recipe and she said she would write it down for me later. We both ended up forgetting about it before she went back to Germany." 

"Better later than never."

Charles smiled, moving his eyes to the end of the page and noticing a few lines in Edie's handwriting that didn't look like part of the recipe. He frowned again, focusing only on that part.

> _I'm sorry it took me so long to give you this, but I've kept my promise of giving you the recipe for the Bienenstich cake you loved so much. I hope you know you are missed very much and even if you and my son aren't together anymore like you were before, I still love you just as much as I did back then. If you are able, please make this old woman happy and come visit me whenever you can, I would love to talk to you again._
> 
> _Love, Edie._

Charles felt his eyes watering, putting the recipe/letter down and drying his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt as he chuckled from how emotional he got from just a few words from Edie. He had no other choice but to plan a visit to her now. Meanwhile, Erik watched Charles carefully as he tried not to cry and folded the paper neatly again, opening one of the drawers of his desk where he kept some important personal stuff and putting it there where it would be safe. 

"Are you okay?" Erik finally asked once he saw Charles clearing his throat, finally being able to get rid of his tears.

"Yeah… She just made me very emotional."

"She does that sometimes." Erik smiled gently, making Charles smile as well. "It's kind of her thing."

"Her superpower, if you may."

"More powerful than both of us, I'm sure of it."

Both of them laughed, the last of the tension from before going away completely as they let themselves enjoy each other's company. As much as their relationship didn't work in the past, they were good friends. That made Charles remember again about the reason why he had called Erik there, the _real_ reason. His smile faded and he shook his own head, taking a deep breath before talking.

"We agreed in no more lies before, didn't we?" Charles said, remembering an old promise that was never fully kept. That seemed to make the smile fade from Erik's face again as he watched the smaller man shift in his seat, putting his hands together over the desk and clearing his throat. He looked like a teacher ready to give a talk to a problematic student. "No more hiding anything from each other."

"Yes…" Erik's voice was uncertain, scared of what would come next. 

And then Charles talked about last night's meeting with his family. He didn't spare him any details, talking about Kurt's indifference, Cain's rage — which made Erik clench his jaw, knowing very well Charles' story with Cain — and everything that his mother did, from the smile to the spark of happiness in her eyes. And Erik listened closely, knowing very well that Charles' family was a delicate subject for him.

He was there when Charles got back into the Westchester house, to see the look in his eyes when they walked through the corridors together. Erik was there to see the nightmares he would have at first, to see how he tensed up while walking through certain corridors or rooms. He was there when Charles showed him all the hidden places in the house, and he knew all of the small places one could hide or escape to another part of the house easily, later finding out through Raven that Charles only knew about those because he used them to hide or escape from Kurt and Cain constantly. Erik was there when Charles had a really bad day, tired and confused about so many things at once, taking a family picture that hanged on the wall of one of the rooms, above the fireplace, and smashed it to the ground, ripping the thing apart until there was nothing but pieces of the giant picture everywhere while Charles cried on the floor, his hands bleeding because of the wood frame he broke and hurt his hands while doing so, while a much younger version of him still stared on one of the pieces of the ripped picture, the blue eyes of that child as helpless back then as the eyes of the man crying in that room. So, knowing all that, Erik knew better than to interrupt Charles while he was talking.

Once he was almost over talking, Charles took a deep breath to try and gather courage to talk about the last part of the story, the important one, biting the inside of his mouth.

"Cain tried to tease me because I was single." he ran his hand through his hair, avoiding looking at Erik. "And so I did something stupid…"

Erik stopped for a moment, the subject suddenly bringing all the tension that left the room back to it. 

"Charles, what did you do?"

"I might have… Might have said that I'm engaged." Erik widened his eyes and Charles huffed, messing with his hair again. "I panicked! I didn't… I didn't want to let them have anything to tease me with! But then my mom apparently got happy with the news and now they… Now they want to meet my fiancé. Who doesn't exist."

Charles hid his face on his hands, sighing heavily and groaning right after. Erik watched him for a moment, still surprised with what Charles had said.

"And where do I fit into all of this?"

"I was going to ask you to help me out. To be the fake fiancé. But I can't do that, not after everything-"

"I'll do it."

"Wait what?" 

Charles stared at the man in front of him, his expression completely neutral but focused as he looked back at Charles. He tried to look for some kind of discomfort or a sign that it was a joke on the surface of Erik's mind, but Erik was being serious. He wanted to help.

"Erik, no-"

"Charles, if it keeps your excuse of a family away from you and out of your business, I'm more than glad to help." Erik said sincerely, his eyes never leaving Charles'. It was still surprising to see how calm they were, even if Charles could see, just for a fraction of a second, doubt. "Besides, I know you well so it helps with the lie, doesn't it? It'll not be weird or anything, it's just make-believe. Just one night, right?"

Charles stayed silent, looking at him for a while more before chuckling and completely messing his hair now. He was sure that, if someone came into his office on that moment, he would look completely crazy. He felt crazy anyway in that situation, with his ex agreeing to be his fake fiancé in front of his family.

"Yeah, just one night." he confirmed, sighing and smiling at Erik, his voice becoming softer. "Are you sure about it?"

Erik shrugged, that small smile that Charles loved so much back on his face and his eyes still as calm as before. "This is what friends are for. Pretending to be their friend's fiancé so their family get mad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you could leave a comment I'd be 100% grateful ♥️


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rumours spread through the school that Erik and Charles are back together. Everyone is worried about the Professor due to their history together.
> 
> TW: Mentions of bullying/child abuse. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I don't have much to say this time, just thank you again for the kuddos and comments, they always make me really happy 'cause I love seeing people talk about the things I write with me! This chapter is the smallest one so far, it's more to fill in some gaps and show more of Charles' relationship with Raven (which is something I am going to do a lot through this fic 'cause I love them as siblings and fuck canon, they're both babies) and a few other characters around the school, but it's just as important as the other ones. Also, we're only seeing our boy Erik in chapter 5 now (sorry) and boy oh boy there's a lot still to happen. One thing I'd like to say though is that uni is coming back for me this Monday so maybe chapters might start getting delayed after chapter 6 is out (which is the one I am writing right now), and I hope you guys understand.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the chapter even if it's not too big, see you in Wednesday!

"Are you _fucking_ kidding me, Charles?"

Charles turned to Raven with his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised, a death glare in his eyes as he looked from her to Bobby, who was sitting by the table in the kitchen with a sandwich in hands. The boy looked at the two adults as he could see the tension between them growing because of something Charles had said to Raven.

He had just managed to mumble _'Erik accepted being my fake fiancé'_ after she asked him if he had found a solution for the problem with his parents before Raven turned to him and cursed in front of one of the students. She looked surprised at him, not caring one bit that Bobby was around them, her blue eyes staring at Charles with some kind of incredulity reflected on them. Charles swallowed, once more wondering if Raven chose that human appearance because of his mother. Her eyes were blue like Charles' — a bit less blue than his or his mother's, more pale and greyish — and her blonde hair fell on the sides of her face just like his mother's. Even the small freckles around her body reminder Charles of his own.

"I don't mind, Professor." Bobby said from the table, smiling sympathetically at the both of them. Raven _really_ didn't seem to care that the boy was there.

"Charles, are you- What the hell!?" she said, moving her hands, exasperated with the new information. "You two broke up because you were draining each other out! He fucking left to another country- Another continent even! And now you two are playing house together?" 

"Raven, I really think we should discuss this somewhere else…" Charles' eyes went to Bobby again, glaring at Raven once he looked back at her.

"Don't worry, Professor, I'll leave you guys alone."

"Sorry, Bobby…" Charles sighed as the boy gestured to him that it was fine, getting up from the table with his sandwich and leaving the kitchen as fast as he could. Once he was gone, Charles shook his head. "Great, now the whole school will be hearing about the news…"

"Charles, what were you thinking? This is only going to hurt both you and Erik again, and I can't stand the idea of you getting out of this as bruised as you were three years ago when Erik left. I don't want to see Erik hurt again _either_."

Charles sighed again, looking at the kitchen counter, knowing that Raven was right about that. It could end up breaking everything he built with Erik all over again, could push the other man away from him even more if something bad happened in their play-pretend. Even so, he wanted to believe they could go through it. Erik wanted to help Charles and Charles was more than grateful to be helped there. 

"It'll be for one night only. Just so my parents can believe it. It _won't last,_ Raven." the pain from the past and the fear for the future were reflected in his eyes, making Raven calm herself down a little to not fuel those feelings. "Neither of us expect to be back together, he just wants to help me with my family and I'm letting him do so."

Raven watched her brother's face for a moment, seeing how his eyes turned darker and harder with the feelings going through his head at that moment. She could read each and every single one of them even if telepathy wasn't her mutation. She could see the ghosts of the years he suffered in that relationship because of how much he and Erik weren't ready for it, or for each other. She could see how tired he was, how afraid he was. But there was something there that she could see and he couldn't, something he probably didn't know he was feeling, and that was the one emotion in her brother's eyes worrying her. That damned hope. 

Her hand touched his cheek lightly and he leaned against her touch, seeking comfort. That's what they did, what they've always done: they helped each other. Raven remembered that little boy in the kitchen, those blue eyes so intense and yet so pale from so many battles he had to battle daily. His powers scared her at first, even as a child, he was inside her head making her feel pain. And then those pale eyes lit up when he saw Raven's true form. He finally had found someone like him and he gave her a home, taking care of her when she had no one else. And she remembered that little boy hiding around the house, shaking so much as he hoped Cain wouldn't find him in his hiding place. Charles would never let her get involved with his suffering, he never let her stop Cain when he got his hands on Charles, but when Charles was already safely hidden, Raven broke his rules. Many times she took the face of Kurt Marko and scolded Cain or told him to go outside and don't come in until a certain time where Charles would be already safe inside his room. 

He gave her a home and a family. She protected that family as best as she could. But sometimes it wasn't enough. Sometimes Charles ended hurt and there was nothing Raven could do. It was out of her hands. She could only watch as her brother got hurt because of others or because of himself.

She closed her eyes for a moment, her hand still on Charles' face, before opening them again and moving closer to hug Charles tightly, feeling his arms hugging her back.

"Promise me you won't hurt yourself with this, Charles." she basically whispered, knowing that this was hopeless. She saw it, she saw the faint hope in the blue of his eyes. He was going to get hurt, she just hoped it wasn't like last time or that it wasn't enough to put Charles in a state from where he could never come back again. 

"I won't." he placed a small kiss to the top of her head, resting his nose there and enjoying that hug. They were in their kitchen, they were safe there. He was safe with her. "I'll be okay, I'm a tough guy."

"More like stubborn." her voice was muffled against his shoulder.

Both of them laughed, stopping the hug once they heard running coming from the corridor, watching as Ororo stormed into the kitchen, her breathing heavy and her eyes going directly to Charles' face. It only took one look for him to know that Bobby had done exactly what he thought he would and Ororo already got the news about him and Erik. She looked almost livid.

"Are you _fucking_ kidding me, Charles?"

* * *

Charles laid down to sleep, but his eyes stayed wide open as he looked at the ceiling, remembering everything that happened in the last 24 hours. He had lied to his family, had talked to Erik face to face after three years of just a few texts, had gotten Erik involved in his lie and now the whole school thought he and Erik were a thing again. Later that day, Charles was in his office to finish grading the essays of the day and clean his desk, or at least _try_ to organize it. While he did so, he opened the drawer with the recipe/letter from Edie, unfolding the paper again and smiling at the message she left him. 

While he read Edie's words again and again, someone knocked on his door, making him raise his eyes in that direction, folding the paper again and putting it on the pocket of his trousers. 

"Come in." he loudly announced, going back to the papers on his desk.

As the door opened, Charles saw Logan entering the room with uncertainty in his eyes. Charles frowned at his expression, sensing some worried thoughts coming from the man, trying his hardest not to read Logan's mind to see what was wrong. 

"I've heard the news…" 

That explained it, Charles thought. He sighed, shaking his head and massaging his temple for a moment, as if the subject was giving him a headache.

He wasn't really surprised that Logan was worried about him, they had became really good friends through the two years that Logan had been residing at the school, and Logan knew as much as Raven and Ororo about his fiasco of a relationship from years ago. Charles had gotten drunk once, not long after Logan had decided to stay and be a teacher, and almost one year after Erik had left. He carried the drunk professor up to his room, laying him on his bed and taking off his shoes. Charles laughed at that, making Logan very confused once Charles sat up on the bed, looking intensely at the man in front of him, but his eyes were cold as ice while he glared at Logan, even if his face was neutral.

"He used to be jealous of you…" the professor mumbled, frowning right after and feeling a few tears filling his eyes. "He didn't believe me when I said I loved only him…"

That led into a long conversation between the two of them, where Charles told him everything and even more. Logan had seen him vulnerable in a way only three other people in his life had. One of them being Erik. And Logan knew the story well enough to understand that Charles and Erik going back together wasn't a good idea _at all._

"Are you okay, Chuck?" Logan had asked that afternoon, stepping closer to Charles, his worried look still there. 

Charles had explained Logan the entire story then, just as he had done with Ororo earlier. He made sure to say he wasn't back with Erik. Erik was nothing more than his friend now and that no one had to worry about him. 

Now, on his bed, he started doubting his actions. What if Raven was right? What if all of them were right in being worried about him. That scared Charles more than anything, the idea he had done something wrong, something that would _hurt_ him. He didn't expect Erik to accept the offer — mostly because he _wasn't_ making the offer at all, having given up after the tragic afternoon where the darkness that surrounded him and Erik all those years ago came back to both their memories. And yet he accepted to help Charles right away, to keep his family away from him. Keep the lie he had made and help him dig himself out of that hole he had dug for himself.

But why did he feel as if the hole was now deeper than before? Why did he feel that, at any second, they — whoever they could be — would close it with Charles still inside? Bury him alive in a pit of his poor and stupid decisions. It was unsettling him a little bit, that small sense of dread, that static in the air from a lightning storm that was forming around him.

His attention shifted when he heard the notification sound from his phone, his eyes going to the device, locked on his bedside table. He somehow knew it was Erik, he had no doubt that it was Erik. When he took it, suffering for a moment from the brightness of it, he saw that he was right. Erik's name was there on the screen, two texts unread. He thought about leaving them unopened and go to sleep — he hadn't slept much the previous night after all, so every minute counted — but he knew he wouldn't sleep until he opened the texts. 

> _Erik:_
> 
> _Hey, I hope you're not sleeping._
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _When will you meet with your family again?_

Charles read those words again and again, swallowing his own spit and starting to type a response.

> _Charles:_
> 
> _I don't know yet… I said that I would see when my "fiancé", in this case you, would be available to meet them. There's not a date set or anything._
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _Well, I'm available on Friday. I'll have to be at a meeting tomorrow, but on Friday I'm free._
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _Meeting?_
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _I came to New York because of work. I've been working with a group of activists for mutant rights. There'll be a meeting with some heads of state and the members of my group in NYC tomorrow and they wanted me here to take care of stuff._
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _Oh, I didn't know. That's great, Erik._

Charles put his phone down for a moment, looking at the darkness around his room and trying to understand why he felt so bad all of the sudden. It was good news, right? Erik was fighting for mutants like he always wanted, he was so important now that his group made him fly to New York because he needed to _'take care of stuff'._ He remembered some late night talks with Erik, debating over their views on mutant rights. They had so many fights over the subject, but he remembered every word Erik said and he knew how important it was for Erik to fight for their kind, even if Charles didn't approve of many of his methods.

Then why did he feel so bad?

It took a few minutes to realize why, making his throat go dry while his phone dinged a few times as Erik's texts kept coming. He felt bad because Erik was there for another reason than _him._ He doubted Erik would even be in the USA so soon if it wasn't for that meeting. That seemed to break something in him, a small whine coming out of his lips as if he was hurt. But that was good. It was the proof he needed that him and Erik were done. There was nothing more for them romantically. When there was, it was filled with pain, fights and bad feelings that haunted Charles' mind to this day, and that he was sure that haunted Erik's as well. He wasn't going to be stuck in that hole after all. Maybe he could get himself out of it without going further down. 

He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling numb — not good, not bad, just _numb_ — as he unlocked the phone again.

> _Erik:_
> 
> _I know, right? Finally doing something that really matters to me._
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _If you're worried, they're not radical. I've calmed down a little, I guess. I don't want a fight anymore, just safety for our kind._
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _Maybe I'll be able to do something that will even protect your kids. I think that's my goal. They are safe there at the school but they need more than just a safe haven, don't you think?_
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _Charles?_
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _Did you sleep in the middle of our conversation?_
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _No, sorry. Got distracted. But that's really great to hear Erik. I'm glad you found your place._

There was a pause on the texts, making Charles frown. He could see the read sign on his last text and Erik still had the _'online'_ under his name. Was he making Charles wait because of the minutes that Charles stopped answering him?

He waited a few seconds, seeing the _'typing'_ under Erik's name. He waited a little more, seeing Erik type and stop over and over again for a little while, until the next text came.

> _Erik:_
> 
> _Sure, I am too._

Something about that answer made Charles frown. He didn't stop to think much of it, since Erik was quicker on his next text.

> _Erik:_
> 
> _So, is Friday okay?_
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _Yeah. I'll warn my family. If there's something you need to know I'll hit you up._
> 
> _Erik:_
> 
> _Good. I'm gonna sleep now, busy day tomorrow. Goodnight, Charles._
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _Goodnight Erik._

And so, he watched as the _'online'_ disappeared from under Erik's name, leaving him alone again. He was still numb, as if his body and mind were trying to shield him from some kind of threat, something that would hurt Charles in some way. He didn't even have the instinct to be scared of it. It was that static in the air again, announcing a storm coming. But there would be no storm, no rain. Maybe only clouds covering the blue skies. Or at least that's what he believed in.

With a sigh, he backed down from Erik's chat, lowering a little bit to his other texts and quickly finding his stepdad's number, typing out a quick text to let him know that Friday they could meet again before turning his phone off and putting it back on the bedside table. He closed his eyes and almost immediately falling asleep, he didn't have any dreams that night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles has problems to concentrate during the day, worried about dinner with his family and his ex. People around him help him feel better.
> 
> TW: None. (Make me aware if there are and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I have a few things I want to say before you start this chapter. I'd like to say thank you for your support so far, everyone has been really nice about this fic which makes me super happy. I know this is a Cherik fic and the fact that (from the 4 chapters now published) Erik only really shows up in one of them, but as I said before on the last chapter, this is a Charles-centric fic and I'm exploring his character (or at least my version of it) and his relationships with the other characters here, specially his mom 'cause I found writing Sharon Xavier fascinating due her canonical history with Charles in the X-Men universe. I'm just really glad you guys are enjoying all of this exploration I'm doing with this fic. But I promise the lack of Erik will be solved on the next chapter (and chapter 6 as well) and we'll get some Cherik in this bad boy *slaps fic*.
> 
> Another important thing I need to say is that my uni classes are back unfortunately so I'll have to focus on my education for a while as well as my mental health, and so my writing will probably stop being as productive as it was ever since I started writing this. For that reason, and to cut myself some slack, the chapters will now be posted ONLY on Saturdays (save for this one right here where I'll stick to the Wednesday update because I had already said it would be out today) and maybe it won't be every Saturday a new chapter because so far I have up to chapter 6 full, with 7 on the process of being written. I still don't know how long this story is going to be but it's possible that it gets to 10 chapters or more depending on my big boy brain and its big boy ideas. 
> 
> That was it, that was all I had to say. Enjoy the chapter! (This one is more fun and light then the others when it comes to angst so ♥️)

That Friday morning, Charles had his worst performance during class in all his years as a professor. The day started well and he managed to wake up early as always, going to the kitchen and making himself tea — he wasn't coffee's biggest fan, resulting on him only drinking it if he needed a burst of energy or when he was too lazy to make tea — and watching the few kids that were already awake run through the grass or just walk calmly while talking to each other. Sometimes Charles was impressed how the students took the time to exercise and yet none of the teachers, him included, did. Ororo had come into the kitchen while he was halfway through his tea, looking like she was still asleep while her body dragged her to the coffee machine. 

"Bad night's sleep?"

The annoyed mumble that came from her mouth brought a smile to Charles' face, deciding to stay with his mouth shut for now, knowing that talking would lead to Ororo glaring at him on a death threat that Charles never knew if it was real or not. He was still waiting for a lightning to hit him from the last three other glares she shot him in the past few months, so he hoped she didn't really want to kill him. Instead of talking, he took on himself to make some toast with the bread left from the kid's breakfast, handing a few to Ororo — who now sat at the kitchen table with her mug of piping hot coffee — and earning a thankful look from her.

A few kids entered the kitchen while the two of them were there, politely saying _'good morning'_ to both of them, or, in Bobby's case, a quick _'what's up'_ together with a gesture — Charles remembered it to be called a _hangloose_ — that Charles mirrored with a smile in his face, while the boy quickly took his breakfast and a bottle of water, bolting away from the kitchen. When Bobby left, Ororo glared at him, making him confused as to what he had done wrong.

"Don't do a hangloose _ever_ again while you wear a cardigan and khaki pants, old man." she said and Charles rolled his eyes. He wondered if that wasn't Raven there for a second.

When classes were about to start, Charles went to his office to get the book he needed for the lecture in English Literature together with his bottle of water and his notebook. Entering the office reminded him of the conversation with Erik two days prior, which in consequence reminded him of the dinner that night that he would have with his family and Erik. That was what it took to make Charles Xavier lose his focus completely. He took the stuff for the class, walking to the classroom and sitting down behind his desk and looking down at the dark wood as he started to think of what could happen that night, his mind working more than ever as he analysed every possibility — from the good to the bad ones. 

For a powerful telepath, Charles surely should be ashamed for staying inside of his own head so much that he didn't hear the sounds or the minds of the students entering his classroom, some saying the polite _'good morning professor'_ and looking at him worriedly when he didn't answer with that smile that made all of them wonder why he was so happy at eight in the morning for. Instead of the usual welcoming smile, the students were greeted with a furrowed brow and the intense blue eyes that seemed lost, not even looking at them.

Charles only came back to himself once he finally heard a voice calling out to him inside of his own mind. His eyes snapped up as he saw Jean Grey's green eyes staring at him, a worried look taking over her expression. _Another worried look,_ Charles thought. He was starting to hate those looks. Behind Jean, the other students seemed to carry the same look as her — even Scott, whose eyes were hidden by the red lens of his glasses, seemed to be looking at him worriedly. Charles took a deep breath, knowing that he should get a grip of himself, and smiled apologetically at them. Jean's eyes still were at him, probably knowing more than she should since she was the one who told Raven about all the conversation with his parents. 

"Sorry, I have a lot in my mind right now." he said, as honest as possible. 

"It's okay, Professor." Scott was the one who talked first, smiling awkwardly as Charles' eyes landed on him.

Much like his brother, Scott Summers seemed to be one of the 'popular kids' in class. Ever since Charles met him, he wondered how much work Scott would be to control in his classes. He had that _'problematic kid'_ look that Charles was afraid of encountering in his students, that he was sure would give him many headaches through the years that Scott would live to be his student. But, just like Alex, Scott was a good person and, overall, a good student. Yes, sometimes Scott was hard to control and did some stupid things that made Charles more disappointed than mad at him, but it didn't erase that he was a sweet person, who cared for the people around him.

That seemed to ground Charles for a while, the words he said, making sure that Charles didn't feel pressured into starting his class while his head was in another place. Sometimes he was grateful for these kids and how they always made Charles feel better about himself. His eyes moved to Jean's, sending her a small thought into her mind to make sure she wouldn't be worried about him. He eyes softened slightly as she smiled at him and went back to her seat, but Charles could still catch the faint worry coming from her mind.

"Do you want us in a circle again?" Scott asked, always trying to help whenever he could. Charles smiled openly with that, meaning to talk to Alex about how Scott was starting to become one of Charles' favorite students. 

"Please. It helps me to see your bored faces when I start talking about literature." he joked, getting a few laughs from around the classroom.

Scott was the first one to get up, starting to tell everyone where to put their desks and chairs. Charles just watched for a while, bringing his own chair to the front of his desk so he could be in the circle as well. Although that small moment helped to ground Charles for a while, it wasn't enough. He sometimes got lost in his own words as he was explaining about the specifics of Great Expectations by Charles Dickens — the book that he picked with the help of the students for this class in special —, he more than once lost his focus while one of the kids were talking, which was a shame since Charles vowed to always remember every time one of his students participated in his class. He had to finish the class earlier that morning due to his lack of concentration. Usually, the kids would be happy about one of Charles' class ending sooner than expected. Today they seemed worried about the fact he didn't abuse of his power of being the owner of the school to get a few minutes more of class for himself. 

The amount of worried eyes in Charles' direction seemed to have doubled overnight.

He went outside once his students left to their other activities, making sure to put his stuff back on his office beforehand. His eyes looked at the green gardens of the school from the front porch, still the same ever since Charles was a child. He remembered when he was small, when his dad was still alive, even if those memories were blurred by time. Even if Brian Xavier was a busy man, he always found some time to spend with Charles whenever he could, even if it meant waking up the small boy in the late hours to sit together in the kitchen and make hot chocolate together or play a game of chess where Brian would let Charles win sometimes, while trying to keep their voices down so his mother wouldn't freak out that he was awake so late. She still cared about Charles while Brian Xavier was around. 

He remembered a rainy day on those green gardens, the thin drops of rain making his hair stick to his forehead and the clothes stick to his body while his own laugh filled his ears together with his father's laugh as they played football — _football, not soccer,_ as Brian Xavier would always warn him with his thick british accent. Sharon Xavier watched the two of them with a lovely smile on her face, protected from the rain. It was one of the only happy moments with his family that Charles had a memory of, maybe the only one before the car accident that ripped his family away from him, leaving him with broken pieces of a mother and a stepfather who didn't love or care for him. And he would meet these broken pieces again that night, to prove that he himself was not broken anymore, despite of what they had done to him. And to prove that, he would take Erik, the man who he used to love and broke him into a million pieces three years ago, the same way he had broken Erik. The universe had really a weird way of molding Charles' life, constantly putting him in ironic situations, as if to remind him he wasn't in control of anything and was just a stupid mutant trying to run away from his ghosts who would never really leave him.

"Do you remember when we climbed those trees together and tried to jump from branch to branch like monkeys?" Raven's voice startled him for a moment, watching her yellow eyes observing the trees on the garden as she leaned against the parapet in front of them. "I was amazing at it and you fell to the ground and twisted your wrist really badly."

For a moment, Charles was thankful that Raven wasn't in her human form. He already had enough to remember his mother these past few moments, he didn't need to see his mother in the only family member he actually loved right now. He leaned against the parapet as well, closer enough to Raven that their arms were touching, a smile coming to his lips as the memory she brought back made its way into his mind.

"I do. You laughed at me when I fell."

"That was before you started crying from pain." Raven winced, remembering Charles on the ground with his wrist held to his chest and his face pressed to the grass as the boy cried his lungs out from the pain and his face became paler than normal. "At first I thought you had just fallen, which _was_ pretty funny."

"I think I still have the pain from that fall…" Charles said, moving the wrist he twisted all those years ago and making Raven snort. "What?"

"No you don't. You're just very dramatic."

"No, I'm not!"

"Must I remind you the day you came out to me as gay?" she raised her eyebrows and Charles clenched his jaw. She'd never let him live that down, specially when the subject was Charles' dramatic behavior. His reaction got a laugh out of her.

Raven was, of course, the first person Charles talked with about his sexuality. Once he finally figured out he wasn't into girls _at all,_ he knew he needed to tell his sister about this. When it happened, he and Raven were living a small apartment in Oxford since Charles had been accepted into the university thanks to his good grades and his _'big boy brain',_ as Raven liked to call it. It was a big turn of events when Charles was accepted when he was only fifteen, Raven being only thirteen at the time, and it was the opportunity Charles was waiting to leave that hell of a house that only brought him pain. The moment he got the news he was accepted, Charles made sure that Raven was coming with him, he would never leave her behind, not after everything they went through together ever since she started living with him. So they went to England by themselves, two kids with the goal of living their pain behind them, in New York.

Charles was already eighteen when he finally figured out his sexuality, terrified of what Raven would think about him if he told her. She was the only person in his life whose opinions of him really mattered. The night he finally decided to tell her, he made a giant speech and wrote it down by hand, managing to write two whole pages — front and back — of words to say to Raven before getting to his point. Raven, at sixteen years old, was busy with her homework that night, having to deal with school while in England as well. When she saw Charles walking into their living-room with the pages in hand and a scared face, she immediately left her homework aside to look at her brother, waiting for him to explain why he was like that. 

Charles had cleared his throat, looking at Raven's blue eyes and then back down at the pages. He read everything to her, sometimes stumbling in his own words but overall sounding like someone doing a lecture. Raven listened to every word that day, confused as to why Charles were talking about their childhood and how she was very important to him every now and then. Once he finally got to the last paragraph of the text, the one where he _actually_ told her that he was gay, Raven frowned. Charles waited expectantly, feeling his heart beating fast and hard on his chest, scared of what Raven's silence could mean. Once she finally processed everything he had said, she got up and walked across the room to him, putting her hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eyes, making Charles even more nervous.

 _"Charles, you could've just told me that you were gay straight forward."_ she simply said, raising one of her eyebrows. _"Were you trying to emotionally manipulate me into remembering our times as kids so I would not hate you just because you're gay?"_

Charles opened his mouth, surprise taking over his expression and his cheeks blushing bright red. He mumbled a few times, trying to deny her statement and failing miserably. Maybe he was. When he didn't deny it, Raven smiled fondly, pulling him into a hug and Charles immediately felt better. He should've known that he didn't have to worry about Raven hating him because he was gay, she loved him just as much as he loved her. 

_"You could've just jumped straight to the point, you old fart."_ she said jockingly, still hugging Charles tightly. _"I still love you as much as before."_

_"Thank you, Raven…"_

A few weeks after, Raven came out to him as bisexual in such a casual manner over dinner that made Charles choke on his food when she said it. So maybe Raven had a point, he tended to be dramatic a few times. 

"Jean told me you were off during class today." she said after a while, her yellow eyes staring at Charles' own, trying to understand what was going on inside Charles' mind at that moment. 

"You should stop interrogating Jean about me, Raven."

"She was the one who came to talk to me, actually." Raven raised her eyebrows. "She said your mind was restless. Is it because of the infamous dinner tonight?"

Charles sighed but nodded, letting the weight of his body rest against his arms on the parapet of the front porch of the house. He looked as tired as he felt. He heard Raven sigh, knowing that she already realized that saying that it was a bad idea going with Erik wouldn't help anymore at this point. He felt her hand on his back, her fingers slowly caressing him through the fabric of his clothes. 

"Why don't you try to relax before the night comes?" she said, sounding a lot like a mother trying to take care of her child. That brought a smile to Charles' lips. "I'm gonna ask a few people to go to the kitchen at lunchtime, we can all have lunch together there. I know you like getting everyone together and doing stuff like this."

"And who's gonna cook?" Charles looked at her, a playful expression on his face, making her slap his back slightly.

"I'll ask Ororo to do it or maybe Alex, or someone who wants to and _can_ cook. Stop making fun of me, Xavier. I still can cook better than you."

"No, you can't!" Charles laughed, feeling the weight leaving his shoulders as the sibling bickering between them started. "You managed to forget water on the stove and burned the pan!"

"It was one fucking time, Charles!"

* * *

At lunch, Charles actually felt better. Raven had done just what she said she would: called a few people over to the kitchen to have lunch together and keep Charles company. When she dragged him from his office to the kitchen he felt like that wasn't a good idea at all at first, having spent the rest of the morning lost inside his own head again. Thankfully, Raven knew what she was doing. 

When he arrived at the kitchen, still dragged by his arm, Charles found Ororo, Jean and Scott on a playful bickering as they cooked something that made a delicious smell fill the room. He frowned at them slightly. He understood Ororo's presence, once he grew closer to her over the years and since she was one of the teachers at the school, but Jean and Scott were not exactly that close to him and still students for the time being, even if Charles had already considered talking to them due to how much they had progressed over the years under his care. He looked at Raven curiously.

 _'Scott and Jean?'_ he had sent over to Raven with his mind, trying not to be rude by asking why they were there out loud. Raven only raised her eyebrows and an answer came to Charles' mind from Raven's. _'They want to help you as much as me.'_

Charles let a small smile, almost unnoticeable, appear in his lips as he looked at them again. At the kitchen table, Alex, Logan and Hank were sat down having a nice chat, stopping only when their eyes finally spotted Charles in the room. He didn't find the worried looks he grew accustomed with on the past few days, instead, finding warm and welcoming smiles that made him feel like maybe that was a good idea after all. While Jean, Scott and Ororo finished the food, Charles engaged in conversation, feeling lighter by the minute.

They talked loudly around the table, loud laughs echoing through the kitchen from everyone whenever someone made a joke. Even Logan, who usually was the serious one of the bunch, was smiling and laughing with everyone else. Charles even caught himself making jokes in a way he hadn't ever since college, making everyone but Raven impressed at how much he was loose around everyone there, his body completely relaxed in a way only few had seen before.

"Who are you and what did you do to the Professor?" Ororo asked between a laugh from something Charles' had said.

"Oh no, dear, that's not the Professor, that's plain old Charles Xavier." Raven said while trying to steal some of the food, being stopped by Jean and Scott. "He looks serious but the truth is that he's insufferable."

"Oh, come on Raven, you always loved my sense of humor, darling." Charles made sure to thicken his accent as he made an affected voice, getting a few eyebrows raised and snorts around the room. 

"No, brother of mine," Raven mimicked his accent, a few moments later changing into Charles' himself and bowing exaggeratedly. Charles gasped dramatically, putting his fingers over his lips. "I just had to live with your awful dad jokes."

Raven took upon herself to use the moment she turned into Charles to make some bad impersonations of him, getting everyone — even Charles himself — to laugh. She turned back to her human form once Ororo announced that the food was ready, sitting beside Charles and waiting for everyone to sit down to start pouring the food into her plate. Charles smiled down at the table as the conversation kept going around him, his eyes landing on his sister for a moment, seeing her relaxed expression and having a sudden urge to cry from the wave of affection that hit him when she looked back at him. He couldn't tell if the affection was his own or Raven's.

 _'Thank you. Really.'_ he pushed the thought into her mind, allowing himself to stay on her surface thoughts for a moment, finding comfort in Raven's mind that he couldn't find nowhere else. She once said that, when Charles did that, it felt like someone was embracing her, almost felt like the feeling of putting a warm and soft blanket over her shoulders. It was an welcome sensation, filled with comfort and unspoken trust to let someone so close to her and her mind like this. He saw her smile at him, confirming that she was okay with that.

 _'No problem. I told you a million times that I'd always be here whenever you needed me. I'm just doing my job as your little but cool sister.'_ Charles laughed at her thoughts, seeing that a few people around the table looked at him and Raven with frowns, stopping only when they realized what was happening. To bystanders it probably looked weird — Charles and Raven looking at each other and making faces while never saying anything —, but it felt so natural for both of them that they never really minded the reactions of everyone around them, keeping the conversation going.

"I know you guys are probably having a good ol' time," Hank was the one to talk, his voice still playful and his eyebrows raised. "but please, share with the group, kids."

"Sorry, mister." Charles said out loud, letting his voice break the way he remembered happened when he was a teenager on purpose, making Ororo laugh and almost choke on her food. 

The rest of the lunch, and even some time more after that where none of them cared about going to their classes, went by like that, making Charles feel grateful for the family he had made in that old house.

* * *

Charles was thankful for that lunch, for that moment where he could forget everything else and just focus on the amazing people around him and how much they loved him and wanted to help him feel better. It really helped that he was relaxed when the text from Erik arrived saying that he was on his way, because he suddenly went back to lose himself inside his mind again. 

Now, sitting on the front porch, his eyes were as clouded as the darkening skies of Westchester. His hands were tucked inside the overcoat he wore because of the slight cold of October, hiding his button up white shirt and his black trousers — the best clothes he had that he actually felt comfortable in to wear that night, he needed to feel at least comfortable in his own clothes for this. He debated in going with more casual clothing, but he knew that the occasion asked for something more formal. He really wished he could be wearing his 'bad days' sweater, as Raven liked to call it — an oversized sweater that was so old at this point that it had a few holes in it —, but he knew better than that.

He took his hands from his overcoat, taking his phone with them and stared at it again, seeing the last text from Erik seemingly stand out on the digital screen.

> _Erik:_
> 
> _I'm almost there. Five minutes._

Such a simple text and yet made Charles even more nervous than before, his mouth tasting bitter and his throat dry as ever before. He considered the idea of going inside and drinking water, but just as he got up to do that, Erik's car came into view, bringing Erik into view with it. He sighed loudly, starting to walk towards the car, feeling his mind being taken over with a turmoil of thoughts as he realized that there was no running away from that now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles finally has dinner with his parents and Erik. The night doesn't goes as well as he expected.
> 
> TW: Mentions of past toxic relationship, mentions of child abuse, mentions of alcoholism. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH BOY YOU GUYS ARE IN FOR A TREAT! Biggest chapter so far, a real rollercoaster of emotions for our boy Charles. That's all I have to say honestly. Also, thanks for the positive feedback ♥️ Enjoy the chapter.

Charles' eyes looked up at the sky while the car drove through the streets of Westchester, going south towards New York City. He had tried earlier to stop Erik from driving all the way to the school to get him, once he was already staying at NYC and it was very much an inconvenience for him to drive 30 minutes only to drive those 30 minutes back to his starting point when Charles could easily get an Uber from the school to the restaurant his family had chosen for the meeting. Erik had, of course, refused that offer, arguing that — if they were going to pretend to be engaged — they should arrive together at the restaurant. Charles gave up trying to convince him after a few minutes. Now, the silence of the car was only broken by the soft music playing on the radio, the volume down as if to not be in the way of a possible conversation that _wasn't_ happening inside the car.

The rental car that Erik had picked for his staying at New York — going back to Germany on Monday morning for what he had told Charles previously — was nice. The seats were comfortable and it had a sweet scent, something in the line of strawberry and bubble gum, coming from the small ornaments dangling from the rearview mirror. Charles had taken his time watching every bit of the car's panel thanks for the crushing silence between him and Erik, already being able to say where every button in the car was if he was asked. Now, already bored of analysing the car, Charles looked at the sky, impressed that the grey clouds never seemed to end. 

"Is your favorite color still blue?" Erik's voice made his head turn suddenly, his attention easily caught by the hoarseness of it thanks to the long period of time without saying anything. Charles took a few seconds to process his words before nodding.

"Yes." he added once he realized Erik was focused on the road in front of them. "Yours still red?"

"Yes." Erik smiled slightly, but his eyes still seemed cold as steel, the clouded skies above their heads seemingly reflected on them. "You're uncomfortable."

That wasn't a question, Erik wasn't asking him if he was uncomfortable, he was stating it as a fact. Charles didn't deny it, the heavy weight of being inside of a car with his ex boyfriend wasn't something he could deny when Erik seemed to feel the same weight as him. Through text, everything was easier, in person, that dread loomed above them, making them remember everything that happened for them to break up in the first place.

"I don't want to be." Charles said, because it was the most honest he could be in that situation. He wanted to be okay with Erik, to have his company and enjoy it to the max because Charles _did_ love Erik and that haven't changed in those three years. It was annoying for him that his time with the man who was once his best friend — other than his sister — was being wasted because Charles couldn't let go of his ghosts.

But then again, Erik seemed to have his own ghosts as well.

"Then let's change that." Erik said, looking at the watch on his wrist for a moment before his eyes went back to the road. "I've been away for a while now, why don't we ask each other stuff?"

This time, Erik's eyes left the road to shoot a quick glance over to Charles, who thought about the idea. Was there even another option? Besides, it could be beneficial for the night ahead of them if Erik knew about the latest news in Charles' life, same for Charles about Erik's. His parents would probably interrogate both of them after all. 

"Sounds good to me." Charles got comfortable in his seat, making it clear that Erik would be the one making the first question when he crossed his arms and lowered his head, waiting. He did it when he was about to get quizzed, as if it helped him to think better.

"Okay… Let's start simple… Funniest story that happened in the school since I was gone."

"That's not really a question." Charles shot him a glare, making Erik smile immediately.

"Sorry, Professor." the irony in his voice was latent, making Charles narrow his eyes, even if there was still a smile on his lips. "But I still want to know."

Charles took a moment to think about it, chuckling slightly about something that happened a year ago, deciding that it was good enough for what Erik was asking.

"There's this kid, Kitty Pryde, she arrived shortly after you left." Charles started, his eyes looking at his own lap so he could concentrate fully on every detail of the story. By his side, Erik was listening carefully. "Her mutation allows her to go through walls and other solid stuff. Right now she's pretty good at controlling it but when she first arrived we had to put her on one of the higher rooms because we were scared she would fall thought the bed while she slept and get trapped on solid ground with no way out. One night I was walking with Hank through the underground part of the house, where Cerebro is, and out of the sudden Kitty falls from the ceiling right on top of Hank. None of us really reacted for a moment because we really didn't know how to react to a teenage girl falling through the ceiling. Raven was the first one to laugh, she had seen it happening while leaving the training room, and Kitty was very embarrassed for the rest of the week until I convinced Hank to talk to her and tell her it was fine."

Erik was smiling widely now, shaking his head before saying something. "I can only imagine how Hank was mortified. I don't think he's accustomed to girls falling on his arms like that."

"Let alone falling on his back. The best part is that the last thing I remember him saying before the accident happening was something along the lines of _'you can't just wait for it to fall from the sky, Charles'._ The comedic timing was perfect, I'll tell you."

Erik laughed at that, the sound echoing through the car and making Charles smile as well. Erik was right, the mood was already lighter than before, making Charles sigh in relief. He wouldn't have to stay in complete silence for the next fifteen minutes that took them to reach the restaurant.

"Alright," Erik said, his smile reflected on his voice. "your turn."

"Well, now I have to ask about the funniest story that happened in Germany while you were there." Erik shrugged, as if it was a fair comeback.

"I can't believe I'm gonna put myself on the spot like this but… You remember Magda, right? Magda Maximoff?"

"Your childhood friend?" Charles asked, having a vague memory of a dark haired girl with clever eyes he had met once linked to that name. He reached for Erik's mind for a moment, knowing that he would be thinking about Magda if he was talking about her right now and confirming it was the person he was thinking about, even if her appearance seemed a few years older than what Charles remembered. "Yeah, yeah, I remember her. She threatened me once."

Erik snorted at that. "She and I got closer again after I went back to Germany. We got to hang out together a lot and she usually dragged me to places where I wasn't invited just for the sake of getting me out of the house. It got to a point where I had to ask my mother to tell Magda I was sick or something like that just so she wouldn't drag me somewhere new where _she_ knew everyone and made me socialize."

"Yeah, everyone knows that that's not your strong suit."

 _"Oi!"_ Erik reprehended him, making Charles chuckle as he noticed Erik had never lost the habit of saying _'oi'_ that Charles had put on him by accident. "I'm very friendly."

"You see, when you say that with a frown on your face that could make everyone around you run for their lives, your argument get invalidated, my friend."

"I see you're still as insufferable as before, huh?" the smile in Erik's lips showed that he meant no offense, making Charles huff dramatically, getting a chuckle from Erik. "Anyway… One night I couldn't run away from Magda anymore and she took me to a birthday party of one of her friends. I've met the guy before, but only once and I barely remembered his name. I spent the night on my table, locking Magda there so she wouldn't just leave me alone, not socializing at all-"

"No surprises there."

 _"Shut up-_ But at one moment Magda got me to get up to talk to some people by the cake table, and the birthday guy was coming in my direction at one point and I saw him open his arms and I could _swear_ he was looking at me."

"Oh God…" Charles said, a nervous laugh leaving his mouth. "Erik, please tell me you didn't…"

"Let me finish." by the face Erik made, Charles made a cringing sound as he shrank into his seat, knowing what was to come. "I thought he was going to hug me, which was weird 'cause I had only seen that guy once in my life, so I opened my arms back and went in for the hug."

"Oh, dear God, please stop. It's physically hurting me."

"When I tried to hug him, he tried to get away 'cause, again, we met once, but I still tried to get that hug." Charles let out a hysterical sound as he lowered his head to his legs, laughing nervously at the story. "When I did that, I made him fall, but we were too close to the table, so we hit it and the cake almost fell to the ground. Luckily, the tray that the cake was on was metal, so I was able to save it as the birthday guy was trying to get off of me. Needless to say, Magda stopped trying to make me socialize after that."

Charles winced at Erik, who laughed loudly at the other man's reaction. "That was one of the most _painful_ stories I've ever heard. It hurts my soul."

"I spent a good few days ashamed of myself, so I can't really argue with you." Erik chuckled. "My turn, I guess…"

They spent the remaining moments of the car drive asking each other about their lives in the last few years, laughter filling the car as they talked, and Charles felt a small seed of hope being planted in his heart that maybe, _just maybe,_ they could go back to normal after all. Maybe he didn't lose his best friend because of past mistakes. He didn't even notice when Erik parked next of the restaurant, the sky already completely dark as the engine stopped. Charles looked outside, seeing the restaurant's name and feeling his smile being stripped away from his lips as realization dawned on him that he would be in the presence of his family again. At some point, he must have projected his thoughts around him, because suddenly Erik's hand was on his shoulder, bringing his attention to his greyish eyes, still seeming to mirror the clouded sky above them.

There was something in these eyes, something that triggered Charles' memory the moment he looked at them. He knew that look. He remembered a time, years ago, where the skies were blue and the sun was going down slowly, lighting the room with its orange light. A time where there was peace and calm minds, before the storm came and swept that peace away from Charles and Erik altogether. He remembered being in bed, a book in his hands and his eyes focused on each word that it said. It was a habit that Charles never really got over, reading in bed at any given time. While his body was resting against the headboard of his bed and his pillows, Erik's body was laying by his side, his head rested on Charles' chest, the only thing separating their bodies from the cold breeze that came in through the window being a thin sheet that covered their lower bodies.

"You're gonna end up finishing this whole book today if you keep up like this." Erik had said, voice quiet and soothing while his eyes were also on the words of the book. Charles had chuckled at that, his focus still on the pages in front of him.

"It's a good book." he said simply. "Don't you appreciate Dante Alighieri?"

"Not when he's stealing my boyfriend's attention from me, no." Erik had joked, the light sound of their laughs filling the room, filling each other. Erik's head perked up, steel grey eyes focused on Charles' ocean blue ones. "But I have to say I admire him. He went through Hell and was rewarded with the person he loved when he reached Heaven."

And there was that look that, at the time, made Charles feel like there was nothing else in the world other than his and Erik's love. He didn't even try to debate with Erik about the meaning of Beatrice in the book, the divine love Dante found after going through Hell and Purgatory only to have his soul cleansed so he could reach Heaven, having the woman he loved as his guide through Paradise. The only thing he cared there was to make Erik feel as loved as he felt.

That look told Charles that Erik would go through hell and back if it meant he could reach Charles at the end. At the time, it felt right. After a while, Charles noticed how self-destructive that look was, how Erik would get himself hurt just to keep Charles by his side, even if the hurt came from Charles himself. At that point in their lives, it was hard to see, their eyes blurred by how much they loved each other, but now there wasn't a doubt in Charles' mind that he was Erik's Hell at that time; Charles was Erik's punishment, hurting him over and over again, and Erik took everything if it meant staying with Charles, thinking he deserved that hurt and that it would set him free in the end. He was built from pain, built on the deepest circles of Hell where the souls suffered more than any other, so the pain that came from staying with Charles was only natural. And yet, he thought Charles would be his salvation, the end of his pain. But Charles wasn't Beatrice. Charles wasn't what was waiting for him once he drank the waters of the River Lethe. Charles was sin and damnation, and only when Erik went away he was finally free, finally new, finally free from the pain Charles caused him.

So seeing that look on Erik's eyes again scared Charles. He was scared because the thought of hurting Erik again was _terrifying_ to him. There was nothing in his life that he regretted more than the way he made Erik feel when he would turn cold, when he would stop caring that he was hurting the man he loved oh so much. In the months that passed after Erik left, he had countless nightmares about it, about how he hurt Erik, throwing him into a pitiful state where he would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying and calling out Erik's name with his voice hoarse until someone bolted through the door and helped him to calm down. At one point, he started sleeping on the medical bay underground, away from the kids, to keep his screams to himself. The nightmares stopped once he convinced himself that it was in the past, that what was done was done, he couldn't fix it. But that wasn't the past, the look in Erik's eyes was there, at that moment, staring at Charles and making him aware that he could be hurting Erik at that exact moment. 

He took a deep breath, his eyes leaving Erik's for a moment, clenching his jaw as he tried to calm himself.

"Can you promise me something?" Charles asked, catching Erik's attention fully. "If at any moment it gets too much tonight, you'll tell me and we'll leave, okay?"

His eyes turned to the other man after he finished talking, seeing a knowing spark cross the greyish eyes in front of him. Erik knew exactly why Charles was saying that, making him promise him that, which led to the man smiling softly for a moment, nodding his head. 

"Promise." his voice was soothing, calming Charles' worries at once. "You're not hurting me."

Charles looked at him once again, to that face that resembled the man he knew, but somehow seemed different, eyes that shone like steel now looking like calm waters, sharp lines now softened with time. Charles couldn't break that again, couldn't make those eyes go hard and that man hurt again. So he wouldn't.

"Good." he finally said, his voice weak. "Let's keep it that way."

Before Erik could even answer, Charles left the car, stepping out into the sidewalk and staring at the restaurant with his eyes turning darker as he prepared himself to face his family again. He watched the inside of the fancy restaurant through the glass façade, seeing only a couple people inside — it was almost empty. At the corner of the restaurant, Charles sighted his family on a table that seemed to be almost like a private spot, away from the rest of the tables there. He pursed his lips, taking a deep breath as he got ready to get in, being stopped by Erik's hand on his chest. Charles looked up at the man, who looked back at him with his eyebrows raised

"Must I remind you that you're not alone?" 

Charles hesitated for a moment, Erik's words seemingly to reflect his own from years ago when they met, when Charles told Erik that he wasn't alone. Again, the universe seemed to like building Charles' life out of sheer ironies. The first time Charles had said those words to Erik, he was lost in his obsession to end Sebastian Shaw — the man who broke Erik when he was just a kid and turned him into the man full of rage and desire for revenge that Charles met. He had said that to Erik in a moment where he almost died in his efforts to face Shaw alone. Now, on the sidewalk of that fancy restaurant, Charles was about to face the people who broke him and he realized how, even with Erik there, he didn't think they would be doing that together. It had always been Charles against the world when it came to his family, stopping even Raven from helping for fear of making the girl suffer what he suffered, and yet Erik's eyes — and words, for that matter — were telling him they would face them together. 

It was Charles and Erik against the world that time, and he found the thought of that comforting even with his prior fear of hurting Erik again.

Charles watched as Erik slowly moved his hand from his chest to take his hand, almost hesitantly, making a blush creep into Charles' cheeks. The touch was careful, as if Erik was trying not to scare him away with it, calloused, warm and lean fingers holding Charles' soft and slightly colder ones, his pale skin looking as white as paper against Erik's. Charles didn't see, but there was a slight shade of pink in the other man's cheeks as he finally held Charles' hand properly.

"If we're pretending we're together then we better make it look real." Erik quickly said, his voice still uncertain, trying to find any kind of reluctancy in Charles' eyes. 

He took a deep breath, nodding at Erik's words and holding his hand more firmly, strangely more grounded now that they had this physical contact, even if the hand Charles was holding was his ex boyfriend's hand. He pushed back the weirdness of it and tried giving Erik a reassuring smile, seeing Erik smile as well before both of them entered the restaurant.

As soon as they entered, the classical music being played by a pianist at the center of the room filled their ears together with the soft sound of silverware against the porcelain china and small conversations here and there from the few people who were there. Charles swallowed his own spit, remembering moments where he was forced to go to dinner with his family when he was a kid, hearing Kurt complain about him not being polite enough or for being too silent or too loud while his own son was behaving as if he had never seen food in his life. He would look up at his mother a few times, in the years where he hoped she would still be by his side once she got over his dad's death, but she never cared, looking away with her drink in hand, as if Charles wasn't being mistreated right by her side. As if he wasn't there at all, like he was a ghost she was trying to get rid of by neglecting its existence. His entire body shuddered as more and more memories filled his brain, feeling as if he would break down at any moment, suddenly remembering about Erik's hand on his own and squeezing it a bit to try and ground himself. He wasn't alone there anymore, he wasn't a helpless child.

He was able to breathe again once he felt Erik's hand squeezing him back, softly, a silent _'I'm here'_ that made Charles feel better again. He almost didn't notice the concierge appeared in front of them with a bright smile on her lips, together with a man who asked for their coats.

"Do you have a reservation, gentleman?" she politely asked, making Charles frown for a second as he was still calming down, letting go of Erik's hand just enough for him to hand out his overcoat out of instinct and suddenly noticing now how his hand was sweaty when he took Erik's again. If Erik minded, he didn't say anything.

"Ah, yes." he managed to say after a few seconds, smiling to the woman and getting back his usual confidence from when he needed to be around other people. "I believe it's in the name of Sharon Xavier."

The woman widened her eyes slightly, clearly recognizing the name, but soon her face was neutral again, taking a menu from a pile next to her and gesturing for them to follow her to their table. Charles pulled his hand gently from Erik's to clean the sweat in his own pants, seeing the confused look in the other man's eyes turn to amusement as he rapidly rubbed his hand against his trousers, a snort coming from Erik.

 _'Sorry about that...'_ Charles sent over the thought to Erik, who only smiled wider and took Charles hand again once it was offered. It was weird being able to be on Erik's mind again, the familiar sensation of his mind against Charles' now so much calmer than he remembered. He could feel Erik's amusement with him, smiling at that. _'Don't worry, moist guy. I get it.'_ The thought came from Erik and Charles looked at Erik, offended with the nickname, seeing as the other man smiled at him widely. It felt strangely comfortable being with him now.

Their smiles fell slightly as the concierge showed them their table, Kurt Marko getting up from his seat to greet them as soon as they were close enough. Kurt's dark eyes stared at Erik up and down and Charles noticed how Erik lifted his nose a little bit as he looked at the man in front of him, a small grin on his lips. 

"Good evening," Kurt was the first one to speak, offering his hand to Erik, who took it reluctantly as his eyes were still hard over the man. "I believe you're Charles' boyfriend..?"

"Fiancé." Erik corrected, seemingly happy with the small flinch coming from Kurt at the word. "Erik Lehnsherr."

"Kurt Marko."

The brief presentation between them was all that Charles was expecting from the people on that table, but he didn't believe his eyes for a moment while his mother got up from the table with a giant smile on her lips and her eyes shining again with that foreign happiness that Charles had never seen ever since he was a child. Erik seemed surprised as well, especially because he knew Sharon Xavier's story, but soon enough controlled his expression to stay neutral. Charles, however, didn't try to hide his surprise.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." she said, her voice sounding lively, as if she wasn't drunk for once in her life. "Erik, right? It's great to meet my child's fiancé."

 _Her child,_ Charles thought to himself, his hand closing tightly against Erik's as he started to feel uncomfortable again, his breathing getting heavier as his mother's words settled on him. Part of him wanted to flee that place, to run away like he did when he was fifteen and got accepted into Oxford. Part of him wanted to scream, to yell at Sharon Xavier that she had no right to be happy for him, that she shouldn't call him _'her child'_ after abandoning him and letting him suffer.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, mrs. Xavier." Erik's voice took Charles out of his mind again, watching as he took his mother's hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. She looked pleased with Erik's manners. Thankfully, she didn't know that Erik hated her as much as Charles did. "Now I see where Charles' beauty came from."

It was a simple compliment, Charles had seen many people use it to flatter someone when courting one's child, but that was what took Charles completely out of his moment of rage, making his cheeks blush brightly and his brain almost malfunction. If he had to talk at that moment, he wouldn't be able to, the compliment sinking in on his brain.

"Oh, please," Sharon chuckled, the sound also foreign to Charles' ears while he noticed how her accent thickened thanks to the years she stayed away in England. "you're just being nice. Please, sit down. Both of you."

Before doing so, Erik looked worriedly at Charles for a second, his hand never leaving Charles' until he nodded that it was okay for him to do it. He felt an unusual discomfort when there was no hand holding his there, watching as Erik sat down on one of the free chairs at the table, doing the same and staying by Erik's and his mother's side. Out of curiosity, Charles spared a glance over Sharon Xavier, who caught his eyes looking at her and a small smile appeared on her lips. His eyes widened for a moment.

Everything there looked somehow wrong, out of place. Almost as if Charles had jumped timelines, and now found himself in a world where his mother still cared for him, where Erik was by his side as his fiancé, where he was willingly having a nice diner with his family. He quickly turned his face from his mom to look at the table cloth, slightly pressing his fingernails to his palms to make sure he was awake. When he felt the sting of his nails on his skin and he didn't wake up in his bed from a nightmare, he felt even more confused to know it was, indeed, reality.

"You must be Cain." Erik's voice said, making Charles look from him to his stepbrother for a moment. 

Cain's dark eyes sparkled with contained rage, a rumbling sound leaving his throat — something between an angered groan and a threatening growling, as if he was an animal being stopped from attacking someone. Instead of attacking, Cain only sank slightly more on his chair, looking rather displeased that he wasn't able to jump the table and fight Erik, who looked at him with a spark in his eyes that Charles knew well. _'Don't tease him, Erik.'_ Charles warned, bringing Erik's attention to him as he watched the serious look on Charles' eyes. _'Please…'_

Erik watched Charles for another second before smiling and getting comfortable in his chair, the spark in his eyes gone. Charles sighed in relief. 

"Why don't we order something?" Charles asked, smiling half-heartedly to everyone on the table to distract everyone from the moment that happened.

After that, Kurt and his mom started the questions. Where was Erik from? What was his work? Did he live with Charles? And, to Charles' surprise, Erik was taking everything lightly, answering everything as honestly as possible with a small smile on his face, even if Charles could pick up a few surface thoughts from him that he wasn't pleased with their presence at all — specially Cain's. Once the food arrived, Sharon started to talk about how she would come to this restaurant years ago and how it hadn't changed much and that she _loved_ their food. She was right about that, Charles remembered going there when he was little, but he frowned as he remembered that happened while his dad was still around.

"So, Erik," she asked, her glass of wine untouched — which seemed like another thing that felt very wrong there — as she looked at Erik as if she loved him like her own son. _Disturbing,_ Charles thought. "how did you and Charles meet?"

Erik chuckled lightly at that, swallowing the food that was in his mouth and raising his eyebrows for a moment. "He actually saved me."

Sharon blinked a few times as he said that, seemingly taken aback by his words while Kurt and Cain only watched curiously.

"Eight years ago I was in a bad place and had a goal that almost costed me my life. The night I met Charles, I almost drowned myself trying to do something stupid. He didn't even know me and jumped on the water to get me and stopped me before it was too late." 

Charles looked at Erik while he spoke, that night in Florida coming back to his mind. The day he first met Erik and convinced him to stop going after Shaw so he wouldn't drown, the first time Charles was in Erik's mind and got to know his pain. He fell in love then and there, he remembered that. It was fast and strong and consumed him in a way that made him think Erik was the only person in the world for him. _How did we end up here?,_ he thought, _Lying and pretending we're together when we were apart for so long..._

"We've been together ever since." Erik finished, smiling and taking another bite of his food.

That was a lie. Not just because they weren't even dating anymore, but because ever since that night in Florida both of them had ran away from each other multiple times. Charles bit his tongue to not say anything or to not look sad at the memories that came flooding back to him. Memories of him and Erik fighting — one of their first fights as a couple —, memories of screams and harsh words. Memories of Erik leaving for the first time, running away from him in his anger. Memories of being alone. It was a bad moment for Charles — probably just as bad for Erik —, where he ended up giving in to his mother's ways of coping with heartbreak and pain: alcohol. The difference was that Charles didn't become distant thanks to the alcohol, he became furious and unstable, even his powers became as unstable as him. It was on his list of moments he wanted to forget, or at least not repeat ever again. It was the first time he was without Erik — without almost anyone, thanks to his behavior back then —, and only months later Erik came back and they started over, still naive and never actually forgiving or forgetting that stupid fight that started the long list of bruises on their relationship until it was too late to heal it.

Lie or not, Sharon sighed next to Charles, her hand moving to touch his as it rested on the table. Charles pulled his hand away quickly, the touch feeling almost like a shock and his eyes widening immediately at the woman who retracted her hand as well thanks to his reaction. He felt his breathing becoming heavy again as he watched her, seeing something in her eyes that — as much as it was common — felt foreign again. _Pain._ She felt hurt when he denied her touch, when he pulled his hand so aggressively. He frowned at that, his expression changing from confusion to panic and finally to anger. He roughly got up from the table, his eyes still staring at his mother as if she was a big puzzle he couldn't understand as much as he tried, excusing himself and walking towards the bathroom to stay alone.

Charles leaned against the bathroom sink once he confirmed he was alone there, looking at his own face in the mirror and seeing his own panicked eyes staring back at him. He felt again as if the world was upside down, as if there was something going wrong around him. From all the things he expected from his life, affection from Sharon Xavier wasn't one of them. Let alone seeing her hurt because he didn't accept her affection. For once, he thought about breaking his promise and going into her mind to figure out what the _fuck_ was making her act like that. 

When the bathroom door opened, Charles straightened himself to look less crazy and panicked as he felt, stopping only when he saw Erik there, his eyes looking at him closely, that worried look that Charles learned to _hate_ those past few days painted all over them. He looked back at himself in the mirror, running from those eyes before shaking his head and opening one of the faucets to throw water on his face.

"Charles…"

"I'm fine."

"You clearly aren't." Charles grunted at that, making Erik sigh and take some paper towels, handing them over to Charles so he could dry his face. 

"Who does she think she is?" Charles finally said after a moment of silence, throwing the towels on the trash bin before looking at Erik with all his pain and confusion reflected in his eyes. "Who the _fuck_ does she think she is to feel _hurt_ because I don't want her affection? Why is she doing this? Why is she-"

Charles pulled at his own hair, biting his lip so he didn't scream and closing his eyes for a moment. He needed to calm down, but he felt more stressed than ever. Erik watched him for a moment before taking the few steps that kept them apart, taking Charles' hands from his hair and slowly lowering them, his eyes always careful to observe Charles' reactions. Charles looked back at the man as he felt his thumbs caressing the back of his hands slightly, a gesture he used to do when Charles needed to calm down. 

"You're gonna end up hurting yourself if you keep pulling your hair." his voice was soothing and careful, as if Erik was dealing with someone who could lose their mind at any given moment if he said the wrong thing or spoke a little too loud. For all Charles knew, that was a pretty accurate situation. "I don't know what's happening with her and don't like it either, but it's just tonight and then you're free, remember?"

Erik let Charles' hands go when he felt like the man wouldn't start pulling his own hair again, taking a step back to give Charles his personal space back and watching him closely as he tried to breathe more calmly. Once he calmed down from his rage, he found out his outburst wasn't over when his eyes filled with tears, making Erik's eyes widen for a little bit.

"Charles-"

"Why's she doing that?" his voice was weak, throwing Erik completely off guard. It was rare to see Charles as vulnerable as he looked at that exact moment, to the point where he didn't know exactly what to do. "Is this a joke? Does she thinks she's funny? She leaves me alone for _years_ and turns her head away as I get hurt and neglects me completely and suddenly she feels like she can just _come back_ as if my entire childhood where she wasn't there for me was _nothing?_ "

Erik didn't say anything because there was nothing to be said while tears fell from Charles' eyes. He was trying to hold the tears back, to stop crying, but they kept coming as if he was a child again, crying because of his mother _all over again._ He felt low, felt his mind going out of control as many feelings and thoughts went through his head, but he was able to see when Erik got closer to him again, pulling his smaller body into a hug. Charles didn't think about anything else, hiding his face into Erik's shoulder and sobbing quietly there as he felt the other man's hands running through his back softly. He needed that, he needed Erik's strong presence to ground him, to make him feel like the world wasn't completely wrong at that moment. The world wasn't wrong as long as Charles had Erik by his side. That realization made chills run down Charles' spine.

After a few moments, Charles was able to stop crying and pulled away from the hug gently, not wanting to make Erik endure that for longer than he needed to. Charles had already been selfish enough to let Erik comfort him, he didn't need to prolong that. Even so, his eyes went up to Erik's as he parted, a smile appearing on his lips as he thanked him silently. Erik only smiled back, still checking to see if Charles wasn't going to have a breakdown again. He poured water on his face again, taking a deep breath.

"Just one night…" his voice was still weak, but less sad than before, more tired. 

"Just one night." Erik said back as if it was a promise. 

It took them a few minutes to get back to the table once Charles had to make sure his eyes weren't red and puffy from crying. While he waited to get back to normal, he sat down on the bathroom sink, his feet dangling as his legs weren't long enough to reach the ground. Erik had made fun of him while he moved them back and forth, making Charles feel way better with the playful bickering between them. When he finally felt better, he noticed that he felt way more tired than before thanks to his crying. Once they went back, he saw that the once untouched glass of wine his mother had was now half empty as she slowly took sips of the drink, her eyes losing any and all shine they had beforehand. The world wasn't at all so wrong anymore as she looked once again like the broken woman he grew up with, not that puzzle that kept messing with Charles' head since she came back to his life these past few days. Once again he resisted the urge of going into her mind, sitting down on his chair with an apologetic smile on his lips, watching Erik sit down as well.

The rest of the dinner was almost entirely silent. Sharon wasn't talking anymore, too lost in her own drink to even care about anyone around her, and yet Charles made sure his hand wasn't resting on the table again. He didn't want to risk another touch from her, but somehow he knew that it wouldn't happen again that night. The only talking came from Kurt and Erik, who were carrying a polite discussion about Charles' family business. Erik wasn't interested in Kurt's words at all, but he seemed to be trying his best to at least seem to be. Cain and Charles almost didn't say anything, both very eager to leave that place and — for the first time in his life — he felt like he related to Cain's feelings. 

"So, when's the wedding?" Kurt asked politely, his voice almost monotone as he brought up the subject. That was the moment where Sharon's eyes rose again to observe everyone in that table, interested again in the conversation.

"There's no date yet." Erik was the one who spoke first, freeing Charles from the stutter he knew would come if he tried to lie. Erik's posture and the look in his eyes made it difficult to doubt any words that came out of his mouth. "We're still planning."

"Please do tell us when you two decide," Sharon's voice said, weaker than before, dreamy, as if she wasn't one hundred percent there at the moment, only part of her mind present at that table and at the conversation. Still, Charles could sense that happiness in her voice that made him clench his fists again. "you two look lovely together. I'm happy my Charles found someone to be with and I'd… I'd love to be there at the wedding."

"Of course you are happy for me, _mother._ " he said, putting down his silverware loudly and getting up from the table.

His expression was neutral but his eyes were furious, dark and dangerous, as if the calm seas were substituted for tidal waves in deep waters. If anyone in that table doubted that Charles was powerful, their doubts went away at that moment, when — in his anger — he suddenly was able to take grasp of everyone else's minds there, one small push and suddenly they would have no other choice than to obey Charles' mind instead of their own. Even Kurt Marko, who was indifferent towards Charles most of the time, felt scared of him at that small moment where the telepath lost his control. Such was his anger that he didn't even notice that he broke his own promise as he caught a glimpse of his mother's mind. Sharon leaned back against her chair as if she wanted to get away from him, and he saw the fear in her eyes grow for a moment before sadness took over them. He groaned at that, shaking his head and closing his eyes for a second, controlling his powers before taking a deep breath. Even so, his eyes were still full of rage.

"I'll wait for you outside." Charles directed his words to Erik before shooting a last glance towards everyone there and walking away from the table and taking his overcoat on the way out to the cold October night in the middle of New York City.

In the few hours that he was inside the restaurant, the temperature managed to drop enough to make him cross his arms around his chest, suddenly grateful for his overcoat, while the cold wind was blowing and making his cheeks freeze slightly. Not even his anger was enough to warm his body enough. He walked quietly towards Erik's rented car, leaning against it and immediately going back to the events of the night, quickly remembering the glimpse he got of Sharon Xavier's mind. He felt his chest hurt again, confusion making him antsy and the tiredness from his outburst earlier not helping his condition at all. He saw himself through her eyes at that moment, he saw his face filled with anger towards her and the fire behind the blue eyes that seemed to burn her as he glared down at the woman. And he also felt her fear for a moment, even if only faintly since it was combined with Cain's and Kurt's feelings. He felt her fear turn into hurt, helplessness, _regret._

"She has no fucking right to regret _anything_ now…" he mumbled to himself, widening his eyes just as he noticed how harsh he sounded. It sounded nothing like him for a moment. It was angry and merciless, a side of him he usually didn't see. 

He ran his hands through his hair, trying not to pull it while doing so, taking a few deep breaths and trying to think of anything else. He didn't need to try to hard once he noticed Erik walking towards him with his car keys floating and turning over his hand as he moved his fingers mindlessly, playing with the metal keys as his eyes were focused on the ground. Once Erik was near him, he finally raised his eyes to look at Charles, softening his look immediately and making Charles blush with that small moment, his mind quickly calming down and thanking the cold night. If Erik asked why he was red in the face, he could lie and say it was the cold after all. 

"I had to apologise for your _reckless_ actions," a smirk appeared in Erik's lips, making Charles smile as well. "and say that you're not normally like this, that you had been having a lot of stressful days thanks to work, _blah blah blah…"_ Erik moved his body dramatically as he talked, a big smile appearing in Charles' lips as he saw how loose Erik seemed to be. It was a rare occasion — or at least it used to be — and Charles was thankful for it, feeling already a hundred times better with the other man's presence. Such a weird contrast from earlier in the afternoon when Charles was terrified of doing something to hurt Erik and the awkwardness of being in the same place as his ex being almost unbearable. He guessed it was because between Erik and his family, Erik was still easier to deal with. Easier to understand. Even if Erik decided to be mad at him at that exact moment, he would understand him.

While Charles understood every bit of action Erik took, knowing his motivations and their past together, he couldn't understand his mother's actions or motivations. That was probably what scared him the most, not understanding something.

"Now come on, I'll take you home."

"What? No." Charles frowned, the smile leaving his face. "It's gonna be too late for you to drive all the way back here after. I can get a taxi or an Uber, there's no problem."

Erik only raised his eyebrows at Charles, a small smile on his lips as he stared at the smaller man with an amused look for the millionth time that day. Charles sighed, pursing his lips out of instinct and shaking his head.

"You won't let me leave without giving me a ride home, will you?" Erik only shook his head, his expression remaining the same, taking a huff out of Charles. He wanted to sound outraged, but the smile he gave Erik only made Erik smile wider. "Fine."

"Good choice." Erik threw the car keys in the air for a second before pushing Charles playfully to the side so he could get into the driver's seat. Charles chuckled at that, his smile turning softer as he felt the lightness of their conversation settle, walking over to the other side of the car.

He sat down at the passenger side, closing the door carefully and putting on his seatbelt, glancing at Erik for a moment while doing so. He seemed so different from the Erik he knew before, even if it was the same man. He seemed lighter, happier and overall better than before. Charles couldn't help himself from feeling a pang on his chest. _He was so much better without him._

Charles blinked a few times, pushing away that thought and clenching his jaw as he tried to ignore that feeling. He was happy for Erik, and even with all that had happened, Erik decided to help him to deal with his family — even if it didn't end that well. Erik was fine, and it didn't matter that it was because he went away from Charles, what mattered is that Erik was healing. And so was Charles. 

After a few minutes of driving and many discussions with himself in his own head, Charles' eyes started to feel heavy. He tried to fight it just like he was fighting his own thoughts but he didn't win, slowly falling asleep on the passenger side as Erik drove through the night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik ends up making a decision for both of them by accident.
> 
> TW: Mentions of past toxic relationship. Mentions of domestic violence. Mentions of child abuse. Light and quick description of birds ripping flesh [nothing too much]. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, welcome to another update! This is a special one because we're getting Erik's POV for a moment, which was fun to write cause those dumb of asses are both on the same boat here, except Charles is more dramatic. BUT I HAVE GOOD NEWS! The updates Will be happening weekly (always on Saturdays) because I'm being able to write quickly enough to have always a good amount of chapters to post ahead. So far I have up to the 9th chapter fully written and am currently working on the 10th, which I think it's great productivity for someone who has to read a million papers for college everyday lmao. I really hope you guys like this chapter, it marks the end of the first part of this story (even if I'm not really dividing it by parts, but in my head this is the end of the first part) and the next one will be a wild ride, y'all see.
> 
> Enjoy ♥️

**_⟩ Erik's Interlude._ **

Erik closed the window at Charles' side of the car when he finally noticed that the other man was deep asleep by his side, trying not to wake him up with the cold wind on his face. He'd seen the way Charles lost control back in that restaurant's bathroom, the outburst probably taking most of his energy for that night, so it wasn't at all surprising that he had fallen asleep. Erik looked at him for a second, seeing his lips half parted and the expression on his face so peaceful that made Erik smile. And then, his smile went away as he looked back at the road, sighing heavily and knowing deep down he was setting himself for ruin. 

He didn't realize in those three years he went away how much he missed Charles. It was strange to think about this, mostly because — when he ran away — he thought he would never be able to look Charles in the face again, specially in the first months. 

He had arrived in Germany unannounced, knocking on his mother's door with his few belongings he managed to gather in the hurry he was to leave the school, to leave Charles behind. When his mom saw him, her eyes widened and he regretted not giving her a call before leaving, because the worry in her eyes was almost tangible as she saw the state he was in — he had lost weight on the last weeks leading to the breakup, his eyes were painted with dark circles around them and his whole self seemed… _decaying._ After a few hours and many tears, he had managed to tell Edie what happened, about him and Charles and everything that led to that moment. His mother had looked _devastated,_ he knew how much she loved Charles ever since they met, but even so, she stood by his side and helped him to heal, little by little. But it wasn't easy.

The first week, Erik was in denial. He many times almost took the flight back to New York just to get to Charles again and apologize for running away, apologize for everything, and ask him to go back together, to try again. It took him a lot of strength not to do so — and some of Edie's advices as well. Even on that first call, when he arrived in Germany and gathered courage to tell Charles what he had done, that he had fled from him — even if he didn't use those words —, he had to control himself so he wouldn't say something stupid that would give Charles hope or even give hope for himself.

But, after those first week of denial, came the anger. Erik started to complain about Charles, how he had hurt Erik and how he was _'the worst person alive'_ — in his own harsh words. It took him a while to realize that those negative thoughts and words about Charles were his ways of trying to excuse his own actions, a way to excuse him going away and leaving Charles on his own. If he convinced himself that Charles was a bad person, it would be easier. Again, it was Edie who made him realize that with her motherly take on his situation. He had hurt Charles as much as Charles had hurt him, that was why they broke up in the first place. Edie had to calm him down after the anger finally went away, giving space for him to worry that he had done it again, that he had hurt Charles another time by running away. In the end, Edie convinced that it was better for both of them, so they could heal their wounds and grow by themselves now.

 _"Alle ist gut."_ she had whispered to him that day while he rested his head on her shoulder to cry, her hands carefully embracing him and making him feel safe. 

It took him months to feel like himself again, almost as if he was getting rid of every single bit of Charles still left on him for those months, a drug addict trying to get free from his addiction. He never really managed to get rid of everything, there was still something there, something Charles left and he just couldn't get rid of. But it was such a small thing now, like a whisper at the back of his mind, that he almost didn't mind anymore. He knew he was okay when he finally was able to spend a whole day without thinking about Charles at all. He only texted the other man again once he was sure it was safe to do so, and he felt happy about keeping up the long distance friendship. He still loved Charles after all, and — even with all the hurt they've been through — he was an important part of Erik's life. He was the only one who managed to make Erik listen to reason.

He didn't realize, however, that the moment he saw Charles again, he would feel the weight of never coming back to see him in those three years press against his shoulders, pushing him down. He didn't realize he missed the man's company until walking into his office a few days ago and seeing Charles grading papers as if he was doing the best job on earth — which for Charles it probably was. He looked the same as before, but he was also different, better maybe. _Charles was better without him._

Now, as the cold wind hit his face through the car's window, he finally realized that it would be hard to leave again, go back to Germany and leave Charles behind another time. Because even with the natural awkwardness of being around each other again after that whole mess, they were having fun — for the most part at least —, talking like old friends and making each other laugh. It felt _perfect,_ and it felt _terrifying._

When he finally reached the school, he sighed, parking near the front porch so Charles could go inside, only now realizing that Charles was still deep asleep. Erik waited for a moment, only watching the other man's chest rising and falling with his calm breathing, his eyes still closed and his lips parted. He wouldn't wake up if Erik didn't disturb him, he knew that very well, so he touched Charles' arm gently, nudging him awake. Erik smiled when the other man jumped slightly on his seat and looked around with a confused look on his face before looking back at Erik.

"We're here." he said carefully, as if he could scare Charles if he spoke too loud. 

Charles looked outside the window, seeing the school and quickly glancing at the screen of his phone for a moment. 

"It's late." Charles' voice was hoarse from his sleep. Erik smiled again. "Please, stay over. I don't like the idea of you driving back to the city at this time…"

"I can take care of myself."

Charles chuckled at that, nodding. "I'm sure you can, my friend, but I'd feel better if you waited until morning to go back."

Erik hesitated, looking at the house for a moment and then back at Charles, who was yawning and rubbing his eyes, as if he was still trying to wake up. Charles' yawn managed to make Erik yawn as well, realizing how tired he felt and sighing, knowing that he was making a stupid decision.

"Fine." he finally said, making Charles smile at him — a tired and yet happy smile that made Erik's cheeks burn slightly, making him glad that it was dark.

Erik moved the car a little more, parking on the side of the house and leaving it together with Charles to get to the house. As they entered, someone walked quickly to the front door and soon Erik recognized Raven's face as she frowned at her brother. 

"Why are you awake?" Charles asked, his voice still slightly slurred. "Don't you have training tomorrow morning?" 

"I was waiting for you, dumb-dumb." she said, but her eyes went straight to Erik's. She seemed confused as to why he was there, many emotions going through her eyes before she looked back at Charles. "Did you drink?"

"No. I'm just _very_ tired."

"Go to bed then. But I am making you tell me everything at breakfast."

"Don't you _dare_ wake me up tomorrow, it's my only free day of the week." Charles complained, making Raven smile. "Can you please show Erik a vacant room?"

Raven frowned at that again, her eyes darting over to Erik once more as she tried to understand what was happening. She seemed unsure, her pale eyes seemingly analysing everything about Erik, as if she was trying to decide if she should kick Erik out or not. Meanwhile, Charles turned to him, an apologetic smile on his lips.

"Sorry, I need to jump into bed or else I feel like I'll pass out on the floor…" Erik chuckled with his words.

"Go ahead."

"Thank you for helping me today… Seriously."

"It was my pleasure to piss off your family." Erik bowed dramatically, still ignoring Raven's death glare. Charles only giggled lightly, the sound making Erik smile again. "Goodnight, Charles."

"Goodnight, my friend." he said back, turning to Raven and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "And goodnight to you too."

"Sleep well, dummy."

Charles climbed the stairs to his room, his movements rather ungraceful as the sleepiness got the best of him. Once he was out of sight, Raven turned immediately to Erik, a killer look in her eyes. He raised his hands, showing he was innocent.

"You're staying the night?" she asked.

"He asked me to, thanks to the late hour." he explained, lowering his hands slowly. "I'll be leaving in the morning."

She watched him for a few more seconds before shaking her head and sighing heavily, her demeanor changing immediately as she put her guard down. She looked worried, still. Erik knew that Raven was very protective towards Charles, had always been, but the idea that she was trying to protect Charles from Erik was new to him, specially because — when Erik had came to the school two days ago — Raven was very happy to see him. They had talked briefly since Erik's goal was to meet with Charles, but Raven didn't look as murderous as she did now.

He suddenly realized he never asked about what happened to Charles after he left, he never tried to know what Charles had done. He just figured that the other man had gotten over Erik pretty quickly, but Raven's reaction to Erik's presence in the house told him otherwise. He was ready to ask Raven, to make her tell him Charles' side of the story, when suddenly both of them got distracted by car lights coming towards the school. 

That put a halt on both of them, a curious look in both their faces as they exchanged looks. It was too late for a visitor to come, and Raven didn't seem to be expecting someone else other than Charles. Erik saw as the girl took a more defensive stance, probably already hoping for the worst. Erik felt around the room, finding metal everywhere, the many itens around him vibrating slightly as he took in each of them — parts of a lamp in a desk next to him, a lost coin somewhere on the ground, his own car keys... — just in case he needed to attack. They both waited, not moving a muscle as the car stayed there with its lights pointing to the entrance of the house, hearing a car door open and close until there was a knock on the door, followed by the doorbell ringing once. Raven and Erik looked at each other again. If someone was trying to attack them, they wouldn't knock.

Raven was the first one to walk towards the door, opening it slightly to see who was the visitor. Erik saw the exact moment her entire body went still, tensing up completely as she looked at whoever was outside. He walked to the door as well, opening it and widening his eyes as he saw Sharon Xavier standing there, her eyes wide as she looked at him. 

"Mrs. Xavier…" he said after a few seconds, pulling Raven away once he noticed she was staring at the woman with the same look she had given him a few moments ago and letting Sharon in, seeing her taking a few steps into the house.

"Hello, Erik." she said, her voice sounding so distant as it had sounded at the end of the dinner. As if she was battling the alcohol to even be able to talk. "I'm sorry for coming in such a late hour… Is Charles there?"

"He's not." Raven's voice sounded behind Erik, making him move to look at the girl. She looked furious. 

"Do I know you?" Sharon asked, her brown furrowed as she looked genuinely curious about Raven.

"Certainly not."

"Raven," Erik spoke, his eyes warning her to not do something she would regret later — even if he thought she probably wouldn't regret attacking the woman in front of them. "you should go to sleep, you have training tomorrow."

Raven looked at him and then at Sharon a few times before nodding angrily and leaving the entrance of the house without any more words. Erik turned to Sharon, a smile on his face even if he wanted to send the woman away, noticing her eyes were lost on the details of the house around her. It was scary how much her eyes resembled Charles', to the point where he knew that look without having to think twice: she was remembering about the times where she lived in this house. He had seen that look before in Charles' face, and was surprised to see that — just like Charles' — Sharon's eyes were filled with dread as she examined the details of the walls and the ceiling. Whatever she was remembering, wasn't good.

"May I help you, mrs. Xavier?"

That caught Sharon's attention again and she hesitated for a moment before a smile appeared on her lips, her eyes still heavy from whatever memory went through her head and the previous consumption of alcohol. 

"Yes, my apologies." she said, her accent thick as she tried to get a grip of herself. "I wanted… Wanted to invite you and Charles to visit us in England whenever you both are available."

Erik tried his best, he really did, but the confusion was latent in his expression now, causing Sharon to take a few steps back as if she regretted her words. Erik stopped to watch the woman in front of him, tried to understand how she worked, but he honest to God couldn't. He had a role model for what a mother should be with Edie: caring, loving, present for their children and willing to sacrifice themselves if it meant their children are safe and happy. At least, that was the woman he grew up with. And then there was Sharon Xavier, who neglected her kid when he needed her the most, who was never there, never showed love, _never_ was a mother. And yet there she was, asking for his son and his — _fake_ — fiancé to visit her, as if she had been a good mother her whole life. Erik simply couldn't understand her.

"I know Charles didn't talk highly of me…" her voice was weak, almost pained, as if the idea that Charles had said a bad word about her when she _clearly deserved them_ was hurtful. "But I really wish… It would be wonderful to have both of you in England for a while. To get to know you better as well and see my son..."

"Sure." Erik said without thinking, clenching his own jaw as he saw her eyes light up with his answer. He had given her hope. _More resemblances with Charles._

"Oh. Oh, that's great!" she suddenly didn't look like the woman from a few seconds ago, every bit of distance dissipating, as if she was suddenly back to her body. She was smiling widely, looking at Erik as if he had just saved her whole life. "Will you talk to Charles? I think… I think he'll need some persuading to actually go."

"Sure." Erik said again, even if the answer he wanted to give was completely different. Even so, Sharon Xavier smiled again. _Charles' smile._

"Thank you." and her voice was so sincere that it took Erik out of his game, almost expressing how surprised he was. "I need to go now… Kurt doesn't know I'm here. And I don't like this place. Lost everything here."

The last phrase seemed to be a personal thought that wasn't supposed to be shared, but it didn't bother her and soon she was walking out of the front door. Erik managed a weak _'goodnight'_ before closing the door and staring at it, still trying to understand what just happened.

**_⟩ End of Erik's Interlude._ **

* * *

Charles woke up that morning with his breath heavy, his eyes shot open even if they were not ready for the sunlight around the room. He sat up, looking around as if to make sure he was in his room, seeing the familiar ambient around him and taking a deep breath as he relaxed. He ran a hand over his face, the stubble growing on his chin scratching his palm slightly, the dream that woke him up playing back on his mind. He wasn't surprised he had that dream, but it got to him anyway, the mixing of memories and dreams managing to shake him. 

He was ten years old again in the dream, a small child who had lost his father a few months prior, and his room looked just as it did when he was that age — science posters that his dad got him, a chess board that he used to play with his dad whenever he had the time, a few toys here and there and a frame with an old picture of him and his parents decorated young Charles' room. Young Charles got up from the bed, his room slightly blurred thanks to the fact that it was a dream, but he didn't seem to care, his worries were on the heavy weight on his chest from his recent loss and the pain that had woken up with him and pulsated from the cut on his lower lip that was caused by Cain the night before. 

The entire world seemed tilted when he finally left the room, the corridors dark and full of shadows that seemed to move despite it being morning in the dream. He could hear the shadows whisper something, although he didn't know what, as he passed by them. They seemed to stick to his feet as he walked, following him, their weird whispers getting louder and louder but still nothing that Charles could understand. At the end of the corridor, his mom's room seemed to be bright with day light, seeping through the open door as he walked towards it, the only part of the corridor that wasn't tilted. He wanted to see his mom, wanted her to push the shadows away and take care of him like she always did when he was little. The shadows seemed to sense that, slowing down his steps as if they didn't want him to reach his mom. Despite that, he kept going, standing in front of the bright room and smiling as he saw his mom there, sitting on her bed.

And then the smile faded. It only took him a while to notice the bright purple mark on her face — a giant bruise that marked her beautiful face. That wasn't just a dream, it was a distant memory, and just like that day, young Charles got worried about his mother. His first instinct was to understand what happened, letting his powers reach her and searching for what has caused that bruise on her face. It didn't take long for him to find his answer, images of the night before flooding into his mind where Kurt Marko, his dad's friend and now Charles' stepdad, hit her after she tried to disagree with him in something, just the way Cain had done to him. He only managed to hear her mother saying his name in her memory before she felt him inside her head, her blue eyes turning to Charles immediately, widened, making Charles take a step back and leave his mom's mind, the pain being too much for him to handle.

Her eyes and Charles had the same look, almost the same eyes as both of them didn't know what to do. Charles took a good look at them, watched every emotion that came across the oceans in her eyes, seeing fear, pain and, at the very end, worry. Worry towards the kid standing on the door, worry about her son who she loved as much as he loved her. There was hesitancy, as if she didn't know what to do next, his eyes filling up with tears as he thought about the pain that his mom was going through, physical and emotional — not only she had lost her husband, but her new husband, who swore to protect her and her child, now was being violent against her and Charles. He wanted to help her, to go in there and hug her and use his powers to ease her mind, to help his mother. Why would he have these powers if not to help his mother after all?

He took a step forward and her lips moved quickly, mouthing a _'no',_ as if she was screaming the word, but the whispers of shadows behind him were now screams, stopping him to hear his own mother. But then again, that was a memory, and even without hearing her, he remembered her words clearly.

 _"Don't come over, Charles."_ her lips moved, but then again there was no sound from her, only the screams of the shadows. 

_"But mom…"_ his voice was muffled by the screams as well, his chest hurting more and more as his tears fell down his face. He needed to help her. He needed his mom just as much as she needed him.

Charles could see the slight hesitation on her eyes again, as if she wanted to call him into the room and hold him tightly, her eyes falling to his cut lip and her own lip quivering for a moment. She looked hurt and regretful, as if she was the one who hurt Charles, not Cain. Even without reading her mind, he felt her pain, her guilt, even if faint from across the room. Charles watched as she took a deep breath, her eyes full of tears that she seemed to be stopping from falling, before standing up and walking to the door. Charles waited, thinking he would finally get the hug from his mother, to feel her comfort, but all she did was grab the door handle and give him a last look — guilt filling up her irises — before slamming the door in front of him with a loud noise, blocking him from her both physically and mentally. 

The screams from the shadows stopped and everything was dead silent for a second, his surroundings becoming darker and darker as the only things remaining were him and the door in front of him that was slowly tilting to the side just like the corridor was at first. He waited, his breathing heavy and his tears still trailing down his cheeks. The silence was finally broken when the door quickly dismantled into a horde of crows, their noises being louder than the screams from before as they flew directly into Charles, many of them cutting and taking pieces of flesh from the kid with them as Charles screamed in agony, trying to protect his face from the birds and screaming for Sharon Xavier from the top of his lungs. No one came.

That was the moment when he woke up.

Charles got up from his bed, his feet touching the cold ground underneath him and making a shiver run up his spine. He walked slowly towards a board in one of the walls of his room, right up his desk, seeing a couple reminders and important documents he needed to take a look another time, but focusing on the part of the board filled with pictures. There was a big picture that was taken in front of the house with all the children from the school and the staff, with Charles standing in the middle and a giant smile on his face. Next to it, an old picture of him and Erik playing chess that Raven had took made Charles' heart hurt a little bit, but he looked away quickly from it, watching a picture of him and Raven back in Oxford when Charles was eighteen and Raven sixteen. They both had big smiles on their lips as they looked at the camera, both of their cheeks flushed from the cold weather while snow fell around them. Behind that picture, Charles could see his father's smile while the rest of his family photo was covered by him and Raven. He carefully lifted the picture of him and his sister, watching the old family photo with an saddened look. Charles — about seven years old when the picture was taken — had a giant smile on his lips while he stood in the middle of Brian and Sharon Xavier. His dad smiled calmly while his mother had an smile that lit up her whole face just like Charles'. When he felt his chest hurting again, he lowered the photo that covered this one, taking a few steps back and shaking his head.

It was just a nightmare. He had stayed the whole night with his mother, it was only natural that he would dream about her.

With that in mind, he got ready for the day as quickly as possible, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep again even if it was still early in the morning — he couldn't believe he was awake at 7am on a Saturday —, leaving his room as soon as he was presentable, stopping for a moment to look at the end of the corridor. He waited for a second, as if he was waiting for the shadows to appear or the whole world to tilt like it did in his dream, but nothing happened. He sighed loudly, shaking his head and walking downstairs, greeting a few kids who passed by him and making his way to the kitchen. He only stopped when he saw Erik was there, sat at the table with a mug of coffee on his hands, talking to Raven.

Erik noticed Charles' presence immediately, turning his eyes to the man standing at the doorway and ending the conversation with Raven immediately, making the girl turn to see Charles there.

"I thought you would be waking up late today." Raven said, getting up from her chair and taking a mug from the cabinets to pour Charles the fresh coffee that someone had made — Raven couldn't make any kind of food or drink even if it was a life or death situation, so probably Ororo had made that coffee earlier.

"Had a nightmare." he said as he took the coffee, seeing his sister's eyes widen. He gave her a small smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead before shaking his head. "It's okay, don't worry. I promise."

He took a sip of his coffee, humming pleased with the taste and knowing that this was one of the mornings he would need the caffeine to keep going through the day. His eyes then fell towards Erik, whose eyes were on the coffee in front of him. He could feel Erik's mind buzzing from there, agitated. Something was bothering him.

"I thought you wouldn't be here anymore when I woke up." Charles sat down in front of the other man, catching his attention easily as he tried to understand what was bothering him so much. He thought that maybe it was him who was making Erik's mind so noisy, but he quickly pushed that possibility away when he found no signs of annoyance or hesitancy in Erik's eyes.

"Couldn't leave without saying goodbye." Erik's smile was vague, as if he was hiding something — which, by the state his thoughts seemed to scream for Charles to read them, he probably was. "I also wanted to talk to you about something…"

"Okay…"

Erik opened his mouth to talk, but stopped right away, closing it and sighing. That only made Charles more confused. He thought about reading his thoughts, sparing him the trouble of finding his words, but at the same time he wanted Erik to say what it was. The fact that he seemed hesitant in say what it was, was making Charles nervous. After a few seconds, Erik ran his hand through his face, defeated, taking a sip of his coffee before looking at Charles with his eyebrows raised.

"Why don't we talk over chess?"

* * *

As Charles moved his bishop, his eyes raised to stare at Erik for a moment, watching carefully his concentrated face as Erik looked at the pieces left on the board, planning his next move carefully. They were on one of the rooms of the house where the kids didn't go through too much so they wouldn't be disturbed, the silence and privacy not only helping their game but also the fact that Erik seemed to want to talk to Charles in private.

Erik had not said anything yet, and Charles could swear he wasn't only planning his next move on the game, but also his next move with Charles. That only made Charles more and more tense, his concentration damaged by that curiosity and fear over what Erik would be so afraid of telling him directly, making him make careless moves on the board. He would probably lose the game soon, as well as his sanity. Everything seemed to be working to bring Charles into the brink of a breakdown those past few days, and he didn't like that a bit. It took so much of him not to just take a look at Erik's surfaces thoughts — he was pretty sure that, whatever the man needed to say, it was in his thoughts at that exact moment. Erik moved one of his remaining paws, making Charles quickly realize he was sacrificing that piece in order for a greater play yet to come. 

"Your mom came by shortly after you went to sleep."

That took away any remaining focus that Charles seemed to have, his eyes going back up to Erik's face, who was still looking at the board as if he was already planning his next moves. Charles swallowed his own spit, the mention of his mom after last night's bad dinner and the nightmare shaking him more than it should. So that was why Erik was so reluctant on saying something. 

"What did she want?" Charles asked, moving the piece he was sure that Erik wanted him to move, his voice quiet and careful, fearing Erik's answer.

Finally, greyish eyes looked up at him, studying him like the chess board in front of them, planning carefully his next words.

"She wanted us to visit her back in England." Charles scoffed at that, shaking his head. "And I might have had agreed."

_"What?"_

"She seemed… real about wanting us to go there. To visit her."

"She _doesn't want_ me around, Erik." Charles' voice got sharper, anger starting to build up inside of him. "She made that clear twenty three years ago."

Erik blinked a few times, still watching Charles closely before sighing and moving the piece on the board Charles had predicted he would, making it easier for Erik to win this way.

"Besides," Charles kept going, his voice now much softer. "I'm not dragging you into this again. You already helped a lot, my friend."

Erik once more looked like he was looking for the right words to say, making Charles frown at him and wait for him to spill out whatever he had in his mind. Charles was just grateful he had learned how to be a patient man over the years.

"Her eyes yesterday," he finally said, making Charles' clench his jaw. "she looked lost, vacant, distant… That is, until I told her I would talk to you and try to convince you to go."

"And why in _hell_ would you even say that?"

"Her eyes looked like yours when you're helpless…"

Charles' mouth opened immediately out of his control and his cheeks blushed, a bright color pink taking hold of his pale face. He moved his eyes away from Erik, managing to catch a glimpse of pink in Erik's cheeks as he stared at the checkerboard, completely forgetting any and all strategies to the game, that one move from Erik seemingly breaking down all his defenses at once. He suddenly felt twenty five again, when he first met Erik, when he couldn't help himself from being absolutely smitten by the smooth and leveled words that came from Erik, falling in love so easily that it scared him at first. At the time, Erik _was_ trying to flirt with Charles, to get with him. But here, Erik wasn't, and those simple words were enough to make Charles' heart beat faster.

"We could just not go." Erik finally said, his voice slightly altered. Charles didn't look, but he knew the man was flushed. 

"Yeah. Good idea." Charles finally moved a piece, not caring about the game anymore but wanting to let the subject die. 

Somehow, Charles knew he would be seeing his mother again sooner than he wanted. And somehow, he knew Erik would be by his side. He didn't know what scared him the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥️


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles travels with Raven to Germany to meet with Erik again two months after the dinner with Charles' family. 
> 
> TW: Mentions of alcoholism. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my friends who are also quarantined because of the Corona virus going around the world! I said before I would post once a week on Saturdays only BUT due to this quarantine I am WAY ahead with chapters and I feel like if you like this story and is looking for something to do, I'd give you guys this gift of a mid-week update. Truly hope you enjoy this ♥️  
> (Btw, expect some long ass chapters now because inspiration has hit me these past few days and they're just becoming longer as I go)

Charles stared at the plane tickets for a moment, his and Raven's luggage next to him as he took a deep breath for the millionth time that day. He couldn't believe he was actually doing this. There was something strange in going to Germany to visit Erik, to spend time with him and Edie again, specially after the events of two months ago where Erik pretended to be Charles' fiancé. At least he wasn't going alone — not exactly by his choice —, since Raven had insisted in going with Charles, mostly because of the second part of the trip: they would be heading to England after a few days in Germany to spend a few days in London with his family again. The idea still made Charles' stomach roll inside of him. 

Him and Erik had decided after a few texts from Kurt telling him that his mother wanted to know if he would be coming soon to England, to visit them as Erik said they would on the night that Charles wasn't present to deny the invitation. Erik wasn't in the USA anymore by this point, had gone back to Germany only two days after the dinner and Charles' mother's invitation, but the two of them managed to make a plan ahead through texts and late night calls. Charles was ashamed to say that, after texting Erik for a month straight to plan what they would do on that trip — where Erik suggested they went to Germany first because Edie was thrilled with the idea of seeing Charles again —, he grew accustomed to saying  _ 'good morning' _ and  _ 'goodnight' _ to Erik everyday, as well as reading them himself. Erik became his routine: Wake up, text Erik, teach his classes, text Erik during lunch, teach his classes again or text Erik if he had the afternoon off, saying goodnight to Erik before going to sleep before doing that all over again, day after day. They didn't seem awkward anymore, both of them slowly learning each other's limits all over again ever since the breakup and becoming close again.

It felt comfortable and familiar, except very different from their old relationship. Charles liked to think it was because the three years away gave time for them to grow, to learn, so they wouldn't repeat the same mistakes. What he didn't like to think was how close they grew in only a few days, and how he sometimes found himself thinking that maybe,  _ just maybe, _ they could make it work this time. Whenever these thoughts came, Charles quickly blocked them out, having an argument with himself about how he should stop it before he got hurt again. He and Erik were over, there was nothing more for them other than the friendship they managed to save thanks to a lie Charles told his family. The only relationship now between them was the fake one that they would be presenting to Kurt Marko and Sharon Xavier in order to show them he had the best life someone who grew up in such a bad household could ask for.

_ What a joke, _ he thought to himself everytime he realized what he was doing,  _ that the man I present as my fiancé is the one I managed to push away from me. _

When he told Raven that him and Erik were planning the trip to England, to see his family again, she quickly stated that she would be going as well. Charles tried to deny her presence there, but he knew that the look on his sister's face meant she wouldn't back down, no matter what he said to her.

"England is our place, remember?" she had said after a bit of arguing, her voice soft as she looked at Charles. "Just like this kitchen. I was there with you when you left for University, I'll be there with you now. You and me against the world, like old times."

After her reasoning, Charles had no way of blocking her from going. She was right on that, England was their safe haven back then, where they were safe and could be themselves. Where they found themselves.  _ Together. _ If Charles could choose someone to be there with him again, it would be Raven. Now he had his and Raven's plane tickets in front of him while he waited for her to be ready to leave, starting to get nervous about this whole idea.  _ What the hell was he doing? _

"Hey, I'm ready dumb-dumb." Raven's voice called to him from the door and he sighed, taking the tickets and the luggage, turning to her and shooting her a vague smile. "Are you okay?"

"Well, I'm going to Germany to visit the mother of my ex, spend time with said ex, and then spend more time with my ex pretending he's my fiancé in front of my family." Charles shrugged. "Not really at my best, no."

"You say that as if you didn't put  _ yourself _ into all of this."

"No one was there to stop me."

"I tried to stop you!"

"Clearly you didn't try enough." he raised his eyebrows at her, his tone making it clear that was joking around. It was easy to do that when Raven was the one around him.

"You're thirty three years old, Charles." she kept going, putting her hands on her waist, as if she was a mother scolding her child.

"And your point is..?"

Raven snorted at that, taking the plane tickets from his hands and putting them on her small backpack where they would be safe. Her eyes turned soft towards him and he knew she was worried about him. She had been from day one, trying constantly to warn Charles about the dangers of keeping so much contact with Erik and with keeping his lie going to his family. He, as a good big brother, didn't listen, and he started to think maybe he should've. Raven had been with him through enough trouble to know how Charles would react to certain situations when he himself couldn't foresee. She tried her best to protect Charles, and maybe that was the reason why she was going with him as well, and he was thankful for her doing so. 

He smiled at her after a few seconds and bumped his head on hers lightly, affectionately, making her chuckle and gesture for him to leave the room with the luggage at once. They walked towards the staircase, seeing the entire staff and few students waiting for them at the bottom of it. Charles let go of the luggage again and took a deep breath before looking at everyone there, Raven standing by his side and waiting for him to announce what he needed to.

"I'll be away for a while, so will Raven, which means Ororo, Alex and Hank will be in charge while we're gone." 

"As if Storm wasn't already in charge all this time." Scott's voice came from the back of the room, taking a few chuckles from the people present there and making Ororo smirk.

"She will just keep her place while your brother and Hank take over the vacant spots." Raven shrugged, a playful look in her eyes. "I want Alex to be in my place and you can have Hank, Charles."

_ "Hell yeah!" _ Alex screamed beside Scott, making everyone laugh again.

Charles rolled his eyes, shaking his head but not being able to control his smile. Those playful moments with his friends — even of at this point Charles already took to considering them  _ family _ — were the moments that he lived for. It started with just him and Raven and then other people came into Charles' life and gave him a reason to smile more often, and he couldn't control the thankfulness and the affection that hit him while looking at then at the top of those stairs.

"That's not how it works, Raven…" he said after the laughs stopped, a grin on his lips. "Ororo will be in my place, Hank will replace Ororo."

"I can take both  _ my _ place and yours, Charles."

"I'm starting to think no one really wants me here." Hank crossed his arms, his smirk showing that he wasn't really offended by anything being said. 

After a few laughs from everyone around the room, including Charles' own, he raised his hands to ask for silence and looked at everyone more seriously, making everyone pay attention to him again. As much as he loved playing around with them — and even seeing some of the children smile at their conversation —, there were things to be said.

"If something happens, call me and I'll be over as fast as possible. But I'm sure it won't be necessary, I know all of you will make a great job without me."

Charles gave a small speech to anybody there that was listening, making sure to say multiple times that, if he was needed, he would be back in an instant. Once he was over, a few of the kids hugged him goodbye as he and Raven walked to the car parked in front of the house, the cold December wind freezing his cheeks. Before he could enter the car, he saw Hank and Ororo coming towards them, and Charles waited, seeing the look on Hank's eyes burn him.  _ Another worried look.  _

He didn't blame Hank for one second for looking at him like this. He was the only one who stayed with Charles after that first fight with Erik, after the man went away for the first time. It was hard for Charles back then, he felt broken not only by Erik's words before he left but also by Erik's absence, and finally he took the next step to consolidate his similarly with his mother: he dealt with the many bad emotions he was having with alcohol. But, unlike his mother, Charles wasn't always distant or lost, he was angry and on edge at every moment of the day. Thankfully, when it happened, the school wasn't fully working, the only people there being the other X-Men, which meant that the children didn't have to go through that phase of Charles' life. Once he became a danger to himself and others, he was the one to push everyone away, and suddenly he was alone in that big house again. Except he wasn't. Hank stayed. 

Raven had thanked Hank over and over again through the years for staying with Charles and taking care of him. She wasn't there when it all happened, traveling the world like she always dreamed to, and Charles didn't bother to ruin her happiness by telling her what was happening to him — which led to a fight once she found out he hid that from her — and Charles forbid Hank of telling as well. It was just him and Hank for a few months, and Hank dealt with Charles' rage day after day, dealt with Charles' unstable powers that sometimes hurt him whenever Charles truly lost control, making Charles feel even worse for hurting his friend like that. But Hank always stayed, his face always leveled while Charles would scream and shout and break bottles, his demeanor always careful when Charles finally let go of the rage to cry about a million things at once. He stayed to take care of him and to make sure he would recover, which happened after months of drinking non-stop. He had already gotten better when Erik came back, and Charles was well aware that Hank didn't approve of them going back together.

"He's back, don't you see?" Charles had said with a bright smile on his lips, happiness filling his entire body, hope pouring out of each word as he looked at Hank. Hank, on the other hand, looked livid, even if he didn't really let it show. Charles had stared into the other man's eyes for months at that point, being the only other person around for a long time, to know when Hank was mad at something —  _ at him. _ "It'll be better now."

"Charles, I don't think-"

"It'll be fine!" Charles cut him, Hank's eyes hardening while watching Charles, disappointment and even some kind of betrayal hidden behind the bright blue eyes of his friend.

It wasn't completely fine after that, and Charles knew very well that Hank didn't approve of them together after everything that happened the first time. But even after the many fights, Charles made sure he would never be a nuisance for Hank again, he never turned to alcohol again whenever he was having hard times — still drinking, but never enough to bring him back to  _ that _ state —, his own memories of the months where alcohol was his best friend being too much for him to handle. When the breakup happened, Charles couldn't look at Hank's eyes for a long while, thinking he would see judgement.

When he finally did look at Hank again, he didn't find judgement, only a friend who wanted to help him to heal again and a comforting smile. Charles remembered being angry at that, at the fact that Hank  _ wasn't angry at him. _ His guilt from everything he caused to Erik extended itself to everything he made Hank go through thanks to him. He remembered not feeling like he deserved the non-judgemental look, and even trying to get Hank mad at him just so he could get  _ 'what he deserved'. _ Hank never did more than raise his eyebrows at Charles through the weeks that it went on, and soon he gave up on trying to make Hank mad.

"You think you don't deserve support right now. At least not from me." Hank had said one day at the medical bay, his eyes fixed on some articles he had as a daily reading.

Charles was sitting on one of the stretchers from the medical bay, having slept there for a few days now thanks to ongoing nightmares that made him wake up screaming. His eyes, painted with dark circles around them, turned to the young doctor as Hank's eyes never left his reading. Charles was tired and mad, mostly for the lack of sleep, and at this point he was considering picking a fight with Hank just so the young doctor would have a reaction — or at least the reaction  _ he _ wanted Hank to have. But, before he could consider what around him would cause the least amount of damage to Hank but anger him enough to fight Charles — maybe an IV bag that was resting on a table next to Charles or the ice bags stored in the small refrigerator at the corner of the room —, blue eyes rose up to watch Charles' expressions.

"I'm not mad at you for what happened, Charles. And I won't be. The only thing I'm mad about is how you refuse to accept that I don't care about the past anymore. It's over and you're hurt, that's the only thing that matters." he said, making Charles swallow his own spit and realize how dry his throat was. Hank's words sounded like a doctor giving his patient a throughout analysis of their condition, every word was cold and measured. Professional. "I may have not been…  _ keen _ on your relationship with Erik after what happened that first time, but that doesn't mean I'll throw it at your face or get mad at you for not listening to me. All I want from you is for you to heal."

After that, they finally talked —  _ really talked  _ — and Charles gave up on throwing the IV bag on Hank. The young doctor had convinced Charles that he wouldn't be mad at him doesn't matter what stunt Charles tried to pull, and that he didn't deserve any blame at that moment. And, once again, Hank had helped Charles to heal. 

Now, as Hank stopped in front of Charles with that worried look, he felt like he needed to apologise to the man for doing that, for still insisting on keeping Erik close. Hank just looked at him for a moment before sighing and placing a hand on Charles' shoulder, his eyes softening slightly. Charles was still very impressed with Hank's patience towards him.  _ His most stubborn patient. _

"Take care." he said simply, but those two simple words were enough to convey much more. They carried the weight of all those months where it was just him and Hank, where he was lost and Hank was there to help him find himself again. They carried the months after the breakup where Hank was there to talk to him whenever he saw Charles getting shitfaced because he couldn't deal with his own pain again, the weight of the worry that seemed to flow from Hank's to Charles' mind. The worry that Charles would go through all of that again, and that he wouldn't be able to take another blow.  _ The worry of a friend. _

Charles nodded, incapable of answering because something told him that he couldn't truthfully fullfil Hank's request. Hank's eyes also gave him the idea that the man already knew that Charles' wouldn't really be able to  _ 'take care'.  _ That didn't make it any easier, but Charles promised himself that he wouldn't do it again, he wouldn't let Hank have to see him so low yet another time because Charles couldn't let go, right before entering the car and driving away with that new promise in mind.

One that he felt he wouldn't be able to keep.

* * *

When the plane landed, both Charles and Raven were exhausted from the hours of flight where there was nothing much they could do to pass the time. They watched a movie together, some  _ romcom _ that Raven insisted on watching even if Charles wasn't really interested on these kinds of movies. In fact, once Charles pointed that out, Raven had turned to him and looked directly into Charles' eyes with a deadpan stare and accusing him of watching the same five  _ 'boring' _ movies over and over again. She wasn't wrong, but Charles only crossed his arms and gave up into watching the movie. He kept denying that he liked it, afterwards just to go against his sister, even if now he suspected that movie would become the sixth movie from Charles' list that he actually enjoyed and would watch over and over again.

After the movie, they tried to play some word games — that Raven insisted on saying that Charles cheated on —, and a game that Raven invented during flight, that Charles ended up giving in to playing it because he was truly bored, called  _ 'guess the thought' _ . The game consisted of Charles going through someone's surface thoughts, taking a thought from the person and giving two more fake options for Raven to choose from so she could try to guess what was the real one. At first, it was not really fun, until Charles got creative with the options after catching up on a man whose mind was focused on the idea that, since the icecaps are melting, it's time for the mermaids to rise. That was enough to get them both invested in Raven's and Charles' new favorite game.

Now, on solid ground, both of them looked completely tired from the trip while Charles' eyes and mind wandered around the airport, trying to find Erik in the middle of the crowd. It didn't take long for their eyes finally meet once Charles felt Erik's mind a few meters away from them, feeling butterflies in his stomach as he looked at the man again after two months. Three years away felt like nothing compared to those two months. Just that thought alone was  _ terrifying, _ but he pushed away to some dark part of his mind where he was now used to store every single thought that he knew he shouldn't have. He swallowed his own spit as he saw that small honest smile in Erik's lips as he watched Charles and Raven approach him. At this point he was already mad at the butterflies in his stomach. 

_ Annoying little things, _ he thought about the fake butterflies.

"Erik!" Raven said loudly, her lips curving into a smile as well as she walked quickly to be the first one to meet Erik, hugging him once she did. Erik chuckled, hugging her back and looking down softly at her. Charles couldn't help but notice how relaxed he seemed. 

"It's good to see you again too, short-stuff." Raven hit his stomach lightly thanks to the nickname, earning another chuckle from Erik. His eyes then moved to Charles' again, the soft smile coming back to his lips. "Same goes for you."

"What? That it's good to see me again or that I'm  _ 'short stuff'?" _ Charles said jockingly, trying to sound normal when he felt like he was going to combust from happiness from seeing the other man again. 

_ Calm down, Charles, _ he thought to himself, smiling at Erik as he moved closer, hugging Charles and making those fucking butterflies go berserk inside of his stomach and chest.  _ It's just Erik. He's your ex for goodness sake! _

"Both, honestly." it took Charles a few seconds to react to the other man's words, letting out a chuckle as Erik broke the hug. By Erik's side, Raven watched both of them with a stern look, her eyes showing that she had an idea of what was going on Charles' mind at that moment. As much as she had warmed to the idea of Erik back in their lives — specially because she also always loved Erik from the get-go —, she still seemed to be focused on protecting Charles from him. "Come on, let's go to the car."

They followed Erik through the airport as Raven started a small chat about the flight and other stuff that Charles wasn't paying attention. His body was moving as if it was on autopilot, its normal functions being executed perfectly even if his mind was focusing on his panic inside. As though Charles looked just like another passerby as he walked by Raven's and Erik's side — even looking slightly bored —, his mind was a  _ mess. _ Part of his brain had sounded the alarms at the exact moment that Charles looked at Erik again and felt those butterflies. It was confusing, really, because he didn't even know the extent of his longing to see Erik again before he actually stepped out on that airport in Germany and saw those grey eyes staring back at him minutes ago. 

It was true that Erik had became Charles' routine and that it was now almost unacceptable not to talk to the other man everyday, almost as if he was breaking some untold rule if he didn't text Erik. But still, sometimes Charles or Erik were too tired or too busy to keep their newfound routine, breaking it a couple times, but Charles was able to deal with it even if it was annoying — he wanted to keep the routine he settled for himself, where  _ 'text Erik' _ quickly sneaked itself into his to-do list, and taking part of it away from him was upsetting. He was capable to spend a few days without talking to Erik, even if he didn't really want to do that. And yet, seeing the man there by his side made him think that spending one day away from him now would be torture. Texting was always easier. Face to face was a challenge, because he was actually able to see Erik's face — his soft look towards him, his small smile that melted Charles on the spot, the soft lines on the side of his eyes that Charles decided he found charming. He couldn't allow himself to fall all over again like this. Was he that weak after all? That he couldn't even stop himself from liking his fucking ex? 

_ Did I ever fell out of love with Erik in the first place? _

He only stopped thinking —  _ panicking _ — about it when he hit a wall, quite literally. Once he hit that dreadful conclusion to his thoughts, Charles Xavier's face hit a wall, making him let out a grunt from the pain and take a few steps back as he pressed his hand that wasn't carrying his luggage to his nose, feeling a slight pain coming from it. His body could only do so much without his mind's full attention to his surroundings. 

"Charles, are you okay?" Raven's hands touched his shoulders carefully, her eyes shining with worry as she looked at him. Behind her, Erik had his eyebrows up and Charles could see he was trying his best not to laugh.

"Yeah, I didn't see the wall…"

"...You didn't see the wall?"

"Shut up, Raven." 

This time, Raven snorted, the worry leaving her and finally allowing her to laugh at Charles' little mishap. The smile on Erik's face was now wide and Charles blushed, not from embarrassment. After he made sure his nose was alright, he started pushing Raven towards the exit that took them to the parking lot. Erik took the lead while Raven kept making fun of him, but suddenly Charles felt a thought that wasn't his nudging his mind.

_ 'What was that?' _ Raven's voice was clear in his head as she used their old trick to communicate, knowing that Charles' mind would always be open for hers. He clenched his jaw, knowing he didn't want to tell Raven what had caused him to be so inattentive that he went face first into a wall.  _ 'Charles?' _ she called again after his silence.

_ 'Don't worry about it.' _ he sent back to her together with a wave of reassurance so she wouldn't worry.

He just couldn't tell her now what was making his insides twist. Not yet. But he knew the time would come when he would tell her everything. He always ended up telling if Raven didn't pick up on it first. If she believed his answer or not, she didn't say, staying silent as they reached Erik's car. 

"Shotgun!" she said quickly, walking past Charles and going to the passenger side of the car. 

Charles wanted to protest on going on the backseat, but it only took one quick glance from Raven to know she already knew what was happening in Charles' mind. Maybe not everything,  _ most likely not everything, _ but enough for her to go by Erik's side on the ride to his house. Charles could hug her at that moment. 

He sat on the backseat as Erik and Raven started their chat again, looking outside the window as they left the airport, trying his best to ignore his previous thoughts, afraid of what he would find out about himself if he kept that line of thought going. On his quest to distract himself, his eyes started analysing the inside of Erik's car. By his side there were a few newspapers with news about mutants and their fight for rights — at least it was what Charles' broken german knowledge managed to find out. After a while, he noticed a few of these newspapers had Erik's name written on them through the news they were reporting, one even having a picture of Erik and other people together at a table, apparently having a meeting.

He watched the picture carefully, seeing a few people on Erik's side of the table that could only be part of the group Erik was part of that fought for mutant rights, but his eyes always went back to Erik and the relaxed way he was sitting on the chair, as if he owned the place, his eyes serious as he looked at a man — supposedly a human — talking in front of him. He knew that look from their endless debates while Erik still lived with him in New York. He was studying the man's words and deciding the best way to disagree with it and keep his point clear and make sure he was heard. Charles had enough experience with that look to know that.

"I keep the newspapers to remind myself of what I'm fighting for." Erik's voice made him raise his head, seeing the man staring at him through the rearview mirror, his eyes still soft on Charles' and making the damned butterflies wake up again. "Can you understand what's in them?"

"Barely." Charles answered honestly, trying his best to keep his voice normal and looking back at the pages. "I can see  _ 'mutantenrechte' _ and  _ 'konferenzraum' _ written here, together with the picture, which already gives me a clear idea that it was a meeting about mutant rights. Other than that, only your name makes sense and a few loose words. I'm sorry my friend, my german is not that sharp."

He watched as Erik smiled in amusement, looking behind him to see which newspaper Charles was holding.

"This one is about one of the conferences in Berlin about mutant rights in the country, yes. But it also tackles the subject with a lot of prejudice against our kind. I keep the good ones, that shine a good light on our fights, as well as the ones like this one that you're holding, that keeps holding on the old views and the idea of human superiority." Erik explained calmly, his eyes still focused on the road but looking at Charles through the mirror a few times. "The good ones remind me that there's still hope, I guess you taught me that. But the bad ones are there to remind me that there's still work to be done."

Charles smiled at that, the butterflies still there but giving space for pride. Charles was proud of Erik for how much he had changed his ways of tackling the subject, taking action still but in a way that would only benefit their kind. Three years ago, if someone told Charles that he would be seeing Erik so calm and relaxed while dealing with those subjects, Charles would've laughed on the person's face. 

"I'm proud of you, old friend." he outed his thoughts, a bright smile on his lips. He didn't see the pink blush that stained Erik's face from that angle. "I really am."

"I couldn't just sit still and wait for someone to take action, could I?" Erik smiled, still feeling his face burning. "Besides, the mutants I work with are nice and we share almost the same views. It's easy working with them."

"Have you guys accomplished something?" Raven asked, her eyebrows raised at Erik, genuinely curious.

"Violence against mutants is now considered a hate crime and leads to prison." Erik said, nodding to himself as if he was proud of his own accomplishments. "There are also a few schools around the country that are exclusive for mutant children, which I have to confess that were inspired by your school, Charles. But there's also a law that says that a mutant child  _ can _ be enrolled in any school of the parent's choosing. So, even with the special schools, mutant children are allowed and encouraged to study amongst humans."

"Don't those children feel excluded in an all human school?" Raven inquired again.

"Some do, unfortunately. Some are being able to make a real difference and making the human children grow accustomed with mutants around them though." Erik shrugged, a sigh escaping his lips. "I'm still not fond of the whole _ 'living among them as part of their society' _ kind of deal, but it's what we can do for now. Better than putting those kids through a war they're not meant to fight yet. I  _ do  _ still believe we're better than them."

"I'm just glad you're not out there trying to end them anymore." Charles said, folding the newspaper and hearing Erik huff out a laugh. "And besides, those are really good changes. Small steps. You're doing a really good work, Erik."

"It's not enough. Probably never will be enough. But I'm really trying. I went to New York two months ago because of that. Their group contacted us since we've been so successful in getting our ideas across here in Germany. Soon enough the kids from your school will have the same rights, hopefully."

Charles' smiled again, watching the man on the driver's seat and feeling his chest warm with how much Erik had changed. His smile faded real quick after he noticed the wave of affection hitting him, terrifying him again.

_ Ok, what you're not going to do is to get head over heels for the fact that he's not using violence anymore and that maybe you had something to do with it, _ Charles quickly though, his eyes focused on his own lap as he scolded himself.  _ You're stronger than that, Xavier. _

But was he?

"Changing the subject completely, I have to say, I loved the cat keychain on your car keys." Raven's voice distracted Charles for enough time to move those thoughts away, his eyes darting over to the car keys and seeing the metal cat dangling from them.

Even before Erik said something, Charles already knew that the piece was made by Erik, realizing just now that the change of subject didn't help  _ at all. _ Charles knew it was made by Erik because Charles had been gifted a few pieces of jewelry made of metal that Erik had crafted with his powers for him in the past, some of which were still somewhere carefully stored on one of the cabinets from Charles' room back in Westchester since he didn't have the heart to throw them away after Erik left. 

"I made it for my mom." Erik confirmed Charles' thoughts while Charles' eyes still looked at the small metallic cat moving with the slight movements of the car. "She gave it to me when I started traveling again so I had a token to take with me and remember her."

"Ain't that just sweet." Raven joked, turning herself to look at Charles and gabbing his attention fully. A small spark passed through her eyes, as if she knew Charles was going down some rabbit hole again, apparently dismissing it quickly. "You never made me a token when I went traveling all those years ago."

"Liar!" her words managed to take his mind away from Erik for a moment, a smile appearing on his lips. "I gave you a necklace. You're wearing it right now!"

Raven grinned, showing that she was, in fact, wearing the necklace he had gifted her years ago — a small chain with a picture of them back in their years of living in Oxford. "Still, you didn't  _ make _ it."

"You're asking too much of me, dear sister."

"We're here." Erik announced, making both of them pay attention to him as he pointed at the house he parked in front of. "Welcome to my house. Well… My mom's house."

Erik's house wasn't big, but it was definitely charming. It was small, with a front yard filled with a few bushes and other plants that probably had flowers during spring that only added to the charm of it. Charles smiled at the small white fence after leaving the car and as Erik opened the gate for them to pass, his smile only growing once the wooden door opened to reveal a small fragile-looking woman that looked at Charles with her eyes lighting up with happiness. At that moment, Charles forgot everything that was bothering him, forgot about the fact that Erik was right there and that his feelings were completely confused thanks to the other man's presence, because all he could concentrate at that moment was pushing everyone to the side to take Edie Lehnsherr into a tight hug. She met him halfway, letting out a happy sound out of her mouth as her arms wrapped around Charles' shoulders, making Charles laugh happily. Edie was slightly smaller than him, which led to Charles lifting her up from the ground for a moment with the hug, both of them laughing at that.

Even now, even if they haven't seen each other in years, Edie Lehnsherr made him feel at home and loved in a motherly way that he hadn't felt for decades. 

"Oh, my dear, it's so good to see you again." she said, her accent thick and her voice overflowing with delight as she pulled back to hold Charles' face in her hands. Charles laughed like a child at that, feeling like a child as she looked at him with fondness filling her eyes.

"It's great to see you again, Edie." his words were honest, his joy in finally seeing her again after so many years clear in his eyes.

"I don't think we've met." Raven's voice came from behind Charles, making both him and Edie look at the smiling girl as she looked at them as well. Charles caught a glimpse of Raven's surface thoughts and couldn't help but smile with her. She seemed happy for him, for his happiness around Edie at that moment, for the way he was behaving in a way he only did when he was around Raven. She could tell  _ just by that _ that Edie Lehnsherr was family, and she was slightly embarrassed that she wanted to be a part of it. "I'm Raven. Charles' sister."

"Hello, Raven. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." the smile in the woman's face never left her lips as she moved to take Raven's hand between hers. The gesture made Raven smile wider. "I'm so glad both of you came!"

"You practically threatened Charles to come, Mama." Erik closed the gate behind them, a sly smirk filling his lips as he watched his mother shoot him a glare. 

"Don't listen to him, he's trying to get on my nerves. He does that whenever he doesn't have work to do." Edie pulled both Charles and Raven with her by their arms as she started guiding them to enter the house while Erik laughed behind them. She looked back at her son, trying to look threatening but ending up smiling at him, never really being able to be mad at Erik, the same way that Erik could never do something to really bother his mom. Charles always found their relationship incredible, and he still did.

Once they went inside, Charles confirmed that the inside of the house was as charming as the outside. There were stairs leading to a first floor where you could see a few doors lined around. On the ground floor, a few pieces of furniture composed the living room, a dinner table pushed to the back of the room — near the small kitchen — had already a few plates and silverware on top of it and a few dishes that were covered by cloths to protect the food inside of them. By the front window, Charles spotted a few candles lit up and quickly realized it was a menorah with only one flame left to light up, he didn't even notice they arrived at the last day of Chanukah. Some of the walls were covered in pictures, most of them of Erik, and the entire thing looked cozy and it felt like a home.

Suddenly, Charles got lost on the idea of what would it have been like to grow up in a house like that, where everything felt personal, where there wasn't many empty rooms and didn't felt cold and distant. Where a child could feel like home. 

"I'm almost finished with the food." Edie spoke again, bringing Charles' attention back to real life. "Erik,  _ liebe, _ can you please help me out with the rest of it?"

"Sure, I'll be there." Erik's eyes went to Charles and Raven once his mother disappeared into the kitchen, smiling apologetically. "The guest room is right there." he pointed at a door on the ground floor next to them, sighing right after. "I'll bring another mattress down once I help my mother out. Sorry for the  _ 'only one bed' _ thing…"

"Hey, it's okay. I'll be the one sleeping on the bed anyway." Raven said, taking her luggage again and starting to walk towards the room.

"We didn't agree on that!" Charles complained as she opened the door and gave him a smirk.

"Sorry, I got to the room first."

Charles chuckled as the girl closed the door behind her, seeing Erik chuckle as well before looking at him. Maybe he was imagining things, but Erik looked uncertain, the grey-blue eyes more clouded than they were before. They stared at each other for a minute, no words said as both of them felt slightly uncomfortable at that moment, as if there were a million words to be said but all that was around them was soul crushing silence.

"I'm gonna… I'm gonna take this to the guest room before Raven claims the entire space for herself."

Erik chuckled at that, still seemingly uncomfortable. "Yeah, sure. I'm gonna help my mother. I'll call both of you once lunch is ready."

Charles only nodded, walking past Erik to his shared room with Raven, still feeling those butterflies flying around his stomach, making Charles terrified of the next few days he would spend in Erik's presence. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Erik have a hard time dealing with their own feelings.
> 
> TW: None. (Make me aware if there are any and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

Charles looked again at the clouded winter skies outside the kitchen window before his attention and smile turned to Edie Lehnsherr again, chuckling at something she said. Charles was alone with her in the house now, Erik away to buy some groceries that Edie had asked him to get and Raven with him after offering herself to help. The girl seemed to still be trying to keep them from being alone together for long periods of time. He hadn't talked to her about his thoughts on the airport, but she was too smart to not realize what they were about. Now, as he and Edie washed and dried dishes, he felt completely light again, as if there was no care in the world as long as the woman was by his side telling him old stories about various things that made Charles smile wholeheartedly.

"Oh! Did you bake that recipe I sent you? The _Bienenstich_ one?"

"I did!" Charles said happily. He was well aware that, around Edie, he was acting much like a child, constantly giggling and eager to listen to every word the woman said. But, even aware of that, he couldn't really control himself. He was happy there. "Me and Raven, actually. Which almost ended in disaster."

Charles proceeded to tell the story as he dried another plate that Edie handed him, smiling through his whole speech. He told her how, almost a month ago, he was dreaming about that cake when he saw the recipe again in his belongings and how his sister volunteered to help him bake it. Which was a pretty bad idea, but Charles had ignored it that day, his daydreaming about the cake he hadn't eaten in years being enough to forget how he and Raven were hazards waiting to happen in the kitchen.

Both of them were disasters in the kitchen when it came to baking. In their time in England, Charles had to learn how to fend for himself at fifteen, but cooking was never his best trait. He learned back then how to make tea — the most simple task in the history of cooking — coffee, noodles, toast, eggs and bacon, which was still a problem for him because he rarely would get it right, either burning the bacon or keeping it raw by accident. But, other than that, he had no ability to cook anything else, only learning those things so they wouldn't survive only on fast food for the years they lived in England, being able to _at least_ cook breakfast and sometimes lunch at home. Raven, on the other hand, couldn't cook if her life depended on it, having countless times burned both the food and the pans she was using whenever she tried to cook something. He had forgotten how many times the fire alarm had been activated whenever Raven tried to venture on their kitchen back in Oxford.

When they decided to bake the cake, they really tried their best, following the recipe as best as they could and making a mess of the kitchen — there was butter and flour all over the counters and even some on the ground as well as egg whites over the table that Charles was still confused as to how they ended over the wooden surface. Some kids that went there while they were trying to cook saw them making that mess and bickering constantly about the ingredients, never being able to agree on anything, and soon there was a crowd that Charles only noticed later watching them from outside of the kitchen. Charles, who ended up in charge of mixing everything together, asked Raven to turn on the oven to preheat it. Their luck was that Ororo had arrived on the kitchen before Raven could explode the whole room with them inside after forgetting to actually light the fire in order to laugh at Charles for something he'd done and leaving the gas running. After that, Ororo scolded them for solid two minutes before taking everything from Charles' hand and finishing the cake herself. At the end of the story, Edie was a mixture of laughter and worry, clearly impressed at Charles' and Raven's incompetence in the kitchen.

"The cake was good in the end." Charles finished, putting away the last dish as Edie dried her hands. "Ororo did a great job. But it wasn't the same as yours, I have to admit."

"Sounds like there was a lot more _action_ in you guys making it than when I make it." she chuckled, shaking her head. "I can teach you how to cook somethings while you're here, _liebe,_ if you want to. As long as you don't set my house on fire, of course."

"Can't promise you that."

They laughed again, cleaning the sink and enjoying each other's company until Charles saw the look on Edie's eyes, masked by the smile on her face. She seemed to hesitate on saying something, and, as much as he wasn't looking into her mind, Charles could feel the hesitation around her together with the feeling that she shouldn't say anything at all. Charles frowned at that, waiting, seeing the small woman sigh deeply as her dark brown eyes looked at him with warmth radiating from them even if that hesitation never left her. He took a moment to stare into them, into her dark irises, and couldn't help but to compare to his own mother's eyes.

Sharon Xavier had eyes like Charles': intense blues that reminded him of an ocean; Edie Lehnsherr had dark brown eyes that reminded him of the color of dirt, earth, _ground,_ and maybe that was one of the biggest differences between those two women. Sharon's blue eyes were raging oceans that drowned Charles and made him feel unstable, never being able to know what would happen next. Never being able to know if the waters would be calm and let him float or if they would be agitated and pull him to the deep until he couldn't breath or reach the surface anymore. Edie's brown eyes were solid ground, constantly there to keep him stable, constantly there to break his fall, somewhere where he could stand and feel safe while doing so.

Sharon was instability and uncertainty. Edie was stability and support. 

Charles would have given everything to have had someone like Edie while growing up, to have a mother like Edie that would give him assurance to be himself and to _live._ In the end, he had to become that person himself in order to support not only him but the other people around him, but often leaning into his mother's behaviors as a bad habit he couldn't get away from, always letting himself become unpredictable and dangerous as his mom once was. 

Charles saw Edie hesitate again and his eyes softened towards her, sending to her mind a wave of reassurance that, whatever it was, she could say it. Edie was taken aback by Charles' powers for a moment, widening her eyes and making him feel insecure about using his powers like that. When her expression softened again, however, he relaxed. He wouldn't find harsh judgements in her eyes, or at least he hoped so.

"Erik told me what happened in New York with your family. And what will happen once you both fly to England in a few days. He told me you two are pretending to be together." 

Charles froze on the spot, feeling that now the small kitchen was _too small,_ his eyes moving away from Edie as he was suddenly scared to see judgement inside the woman's eyes. He didn't even consider that, didn't consider the idea of Erik telling his mother about what happened and what would happen. About Charles' little lie that made him bring Erik into his mess, and now the concept of Edie judging him for bringing her son along with him to that hole Charles dug for himself made his eyes burn and his heart beat fast. It was even more scary to think what Erik had talked about, or _how_ he had talked about it.

Part of him knew he was jumping to conclusions, his already confused brain making him overthink everything, but now he could only imagine Erik arriving back in Germany again, coming back to his mother and just saying how much of a mess he got himself into because of Charles. Had the man said harsh words about him? About those two days they spent together? How could Charles even consider wanting Erik back now if he could be hurting the man right now just by allowing him to help Charles? _When did he consider wanting Erik back in the first place?_

"I'm sorry." his voice was weak, his eyes still not able to look at Edie again. He felt himself take a few steps back, suddenly feeling like he wasn't welcome there. He crossed his arms instinctively as he felt his hands shaking.

He wanted to run, to go out into the cold german winter and wander around just to stop his head from spinning so much over the many feelings that washed over him. It was overwhelming and impossible to control. When it was other people's thoughts, Charles could just block them from getting to him, but those thoughts were his own and he couldn't run away from his own mind. He got startled when he felt a warm hand touch his cheek, making his wide eyes look back at the small woman in front of him. He didn't find judgement or anger there, only that same comfort that seemed to always surround Edie at any given moment. It grounded him for a moment, but it was still overwhelming.

"Whatever it is that you're thinking, you're probably wrong." she said, chuckling lightly as her eyes remained soft on the panicked man. 

"I pulled Erik into my mess." he said honestly, letting out part of his thoughts so she could judge if he was wrong or not, looking at her and waiting for an answer. Edie only sighed softly, her hand moving from his face to take one of his shaking hands in both of hers.

"He told me he was the one who offered to help." Edie said simply. "So you didn't pull him into anything he didn't agree with on doing first. He's doing it because he wants to, not because you're forcing him to. He wants to help you."

It made sense. Charles knew it made sense, and yet his mind still wanted to take the blame for whatever Erik was going through at that moment. He didn't even know if Erik _was_ going through something, all of it being just wild guesses of his own anxious brain and his own uncontrollable feelings, having only the pain he caused Erik in the past just by staying around the man as a reference. The truth was that Charles couldn't stand the idea that he could be a nuisance on Erik's life again, and he already thought he was one just by staying in Erik's presence. And yet there was the other part of his brain that wanted to stay in Erik's presence as much as possible, that were now telling him that he _needed_ that presence. It was a battle in Charles' mind that only served to confuse him more and make him feel bad about himself. Edie seemed to pick up on that battle as she watched Charles' eyes carefully, smiling softly for a moment and holding his hand tighter, almost of forcing him to focus on the press of her hands against his own.

"You know, when Erik came back here three years ago, I was shocked to know that you guys had ended your relationship. Specially shocked to know how much pain you two had to endure while you were together." she started, making Charles swallow his spit nervously, listening carefully to the woman's words. "It was strange to think Erik wouldn't go back to you again, that I wouldn't see his smile whenever he talked about you or when he was _around_ you. You already know Erik's story, you know how much that man, Sebastian Shaw, broke my son after he tore him apart from me. Once I got Erik back, it was hard to see how he behaved as if there was danger at any corner, to see the constant rage in his eyes and that fire in them that felt like it would consume him and burn him alive. But then you came and that changed _so_ _much."_

Charles frowned, listening to each word with renewed curiosity, even if his heart was still beating fast inside his chest, as if it could break his ribs at any moment and jump out of his body. Edie's eyes never left his, the look on them always soft and careful. _Grounding._

"The fire died down a little bit whenever he was around you or when he was talking about you, and he smiled so brightly that it made me only love you more for giving my son a reason to smile like that. I couldn't even imagine the pain that was also behind those smiles, but looking back now I can see it more clearly, I can remember it in his eyes, behind that bright smile."

Charles felt a tug in his chest with her words, wanting to run away again. He clenched his jaw, feeling his eyes burn again and fill up with tears that ran down his cheeks without permission. 

_I made Erik feel pain,_ he thought to himself harshly, _I made him suffer and I'm here again and I'll probably do it all over again._

The thought alone was enough to make Charles look away again, not knowing how he wasn't able to see or feel anger coming from Edie for hurting her son like that. It was like Hank all over again, that need of being judged and called out resurfacing as he thought that he didn't deserve any support at that moment. Edie loved Erik more than anything in that world, Charles knew she would die for Erik if it was needed because he was her most precious possession. And yet, she looked at the man who hurt and broke her son for _years_ with such fondness that only made Charles more and more confused.

"I thought I would never see that smile on Erik's face again," she kept going, her hands never letting go of Charles'. Despite his anger with himself for everything he had done and the confusion that seemed to become a constant state for him, he listened. "until two months ago when he came back from that trip to New York."

Charles' eyes darted back to the woman in front of him, seeing her smile again, a bit of sadness in her eyes as she watched the tears still falling down Charles' face. 

_"What?"_ he said in a whisper, almost like he didn't believe her last words.

"He told me everything that happened there. Told me about your reaction to the recipe and message I sent you and about your meeting with your family, as well as your mutual agreement in pretending to be engaged in front of your parents. He told me about the dinner and your mother, and told me about her invitation to have you and Erik visiting her in England. But he also told me about the fun parts as well, where neither of you seemed to be distant from each other anymore, and the smile was there again. The same bright smile that he had three years ago, but _so much_ different from before. There wasn't pain behind it anymore, and I don't even know if he realizes how much he smiles while he's talking about you, _liebling,_ but he does." 

She took a deep breath before moving one of her hands to wipe a few tears from Charles' face. His entire body was shaking slightly now as her words hit him, making him even more confused than before. Erik smiled while talking about Charles. Erik had fun with him even with that lie between them. _He didn't hurt Erik thanks to his stupid lie._

"Sometimes we meet the right person at the wrong moment." Edie said, her voice now soft and soothing, much like Erik's whenever he tried to calm Charles down. "You two needed to grow on your own, and you did. Erik is not the same man that he was, and neither are you, it's easy to see that. I'm just worried about how both of you will behave now with the ghosts that haunt you. I fear that those ghosts will be too much..."

 _'I just don't want to hurt him again',_ Charles sent over thought, unable to say anything at that moment, still fighting his tears. Edie seemed taken aback again for a moment as Charles' voice rang inside her head, but it didn't last long as soon enough she was smiling at him and nodding.

"I know. And neither does Erik want to hurt you again. Remember that, my dear." she moved closer, taking Charles into a hug and he quickly embraced the woman as well, seeking her comfort. "Just be careful to not hurt yourselves in the process..."

* * *

**_⟩ Erik's Interlude._ **

The afternoon that day had been incredibly nice. Erik got back from the store with the groceries and had found his mother alone in the living room watching something on the TV. She had warned him and Raven that Charles had gone to his room to take a nap, making Erik and Raven spend the entire afternoon together helping Edie around the house to prepare the foods for the last night of Chanukah. The girl didn't seem to be interested in killing Erik anymore like she did that night at the school, but Erik could see in her eyes that there was something she was hiding, some kind of dread inside of her eyes as she looked at Erik. Other than that, they had a great time together.

Once Charles finally woke up that afternoon, his hair was a complete mess and his eyes were still red from his slumber, making Raven crack a few jokes with her brother's appearance, but Erik wasn't really paying attention, trying his best to push back the warm feeling of seeing Charles still tired after sleeping, the vision oddly familiar and sweet. They talked for a while — Charles half asleep for at least thirty more minutes and answering everything with a slurred voice — until Edie announced that the night was falling and it was time for the celebrations. Erik and Edie tried to convince both Charles and Raven to stay there with then through it, but both argued against it, saying that it wasn't fair for them to be present for a celebration like this when they were far from being Jewish, or even having a religion at all. In the end, Erik spent the start of the last night of Chanukah with his mother like the previous ones, smiling at the woman's happiness in having him around to practice the tradition. He loved that in his mother, how those small things — like having Erik over to celebrate Chanukah — made her completely joyful. She was the type of person who would say the day was good just because the sky was blue and the temperature wasn't too hot or too cold, and he admired her for that, not being able to see the good in those small things too often. 

They all had dinner together, making Edie feel even happier as Charles and Raven absolutely loved her potato _latkes,_ having never eaten those before. That earned Erik a lecture about the fact that he lived for _years_ in the USA and around Charles and Raven and never baked them some traditional Chanukah foods when he was there. Both Charles and Raven laughed at that, and Erik couldn't help himself but to watch closely as Charles laughed, taking in another familiar sight and sound that made his body warm all over again. He played it off by annoying his mother playfully for a while, earning him a small slap to the back of the head that wasn't strong or meant to be serious in anyway, making him laugh. 

"You're getting old and becoming a pain to deal with, _Schatz."_ she said, placing a kiss on top of his head and making him smile lovingly.

"Just for you, Mama."

They stayed up for a while after that, only talking and laughing together, right before everyone took their leave so they could rest. Now, at 2am, Erik was still awake with his eyes fixed in the ceiling as he thought about both times that he felt his body warming up just with the vision of Charles doing normal things. 

He knew that there was something there, something that rekindled when he saw Charles again those two months ago inside his office at the school grading papers and that only grew after spending a whole night with Charles again. That last month that they spent planning Charles' trip made Erik even more aware of that, of the uninvited feelings that seemed to creep back into his heart as he spent a whole day talking to Charles over the phone. He smiled more now, he had noticed that ever since he met Charles again his mood improved a lot, even getting comments from Magda of how he seemed happier for some reason.

He remembered the girl sitting across him on a small pastry shop in town that Erik actually liked. She had invited him for coffee that morning, arguing that it had been _months_ since they both hung out together and that she was feeling neglected. She was, of course, being dramatic, but Erik found it hard to say no to Magda anyway, so he agreed right away. It was still autumn when they met, but the weather was changing fast into the merciless winter and that morning was clouded and cold, which made that cup of coffee all the better. Usually, Erik would be upset for having to deal with a clouded and cold day, but Magda soon noticed the small smile that didn't seem to leave Erik's lips the entire time.

"Will you tell me what happened in New York or will I have to interrogate Edie to find out?" she had said, her eyebrows up and her clever eyes staring intensely into Erik's. "You're all smiles today."

"Nothing happened." Erik looked away, taking a sip of his drink and bringing back his normal neutral expression, making Magda snort slightly.

"Of course it didn't." she took a sip of her own coffee, her electric blue eyes still on Erik's face, making him clear his throat and avoid her looks. "How is Charles?"

After that, Erik couldn't run from Magda's questions anymore, specially because he choked on his coffee, which was enough to make the girl know she had been right on her guess as to why Erik was smiling so much. They talked through the whole morning after that about his trip to New York, from the business meeting to the times he spent with Charles and their arrangement. He was glad Magda was his friend, that she had stuck around Erik through all those years, because — even if talking to his mom was enlightening — Magda's critical thinking had taken him out of bad places before and stopped him from making stupid decisions in the past. He trusted Magda's opinion more than he trusted himself sometimes.

Erik thought that she would tell him to cut all connections with Charles again, or even to just don't fool himself into thinking there could be more now after three years of them apart. He was sure she would say something within those lines, so her words only made him more confused. She had taken a moment to think after Erik explained everything that happened and everything he was feeling, even the most confused thoughts. She usually had a way of turning those seemingly confused thoughts of his into coherent thinking. Her blue eyes stared at the rest of the coffee left in her cup, and he knew she was trying to think of the best way to say whatever she wanted to say, he could almost see the gears working behind her eyes as she planned her next words. Once she felt like she had the best approach, her eyes turned to Erik's again, her face serious to make sure he knew she wasn't joking. 

"You never stopped loving Charles." she said matter-of-factly, making Erik frown. "I don't think it is a bad thing trying again now that both of you had time to grow. You're completely different from three years ago when you came back, less insufferable I have to say, and you said it yourself that he's different as well. The fact that _both of you_ broke up because you realized it was a toxic relationship was already a big step into growing up. It actually made me respect Charles more, knowing he was able to own up to his mistakes as well and take the decision to part ways. It's not an easy thing to do. If you feel like you could try again, I would say you should. It could finally be something healthy and that would be good for both of you."

Erik didn't say anything after Magda stopped talking, just watching the calm and yet assertive look on his best friend's eyes staring back at him. Her words stayed with him through the rest of the days that he and Charles had texted, letting himself ease into the idea that maybe he never really stopped loving Charles, even with everything that happened, just numb in some part of his mind, and now that they were communicating regularly that love came back. But, as much as he felt good by having Charles back in his life, he also felt terrified of what it could happen. They weren't the same people as before, he knew that, but could it really be that different from before? Could they be together without hurting each other all over again?

Looking at his bedroom ceiling, the fear seemed to make his stomach roll around inside of him. They had almost drained each other completely the last time, making each other feel miserable to a point wher, even loving each other, the concept of staying together was scary. That was why they broke up, why he and Charles sat in bed one night in the dark with tears rolling down both of their faces while holding hands. He never really forgotten that night, never forgotten Charles' sobs in the dark and the feeling of his pale cheeks covered in salty tears as he said why that was the best and healthier thing to do for both of their sakes, or the way he felt empty as he let go of Charles' hand and said the words that ended almost five years of relationship. He never forgotten leaving in the middle of the night while Charles slept peacefully in their bed after passing out from exhaustion, or the way his heart clenched as he realized he would probably never see that again. It was a memory that would stay with Erik for the rest of his life, and now he wanted to bring all of that back with only the _hope_ of it being different this time.

It was a ridiculously scary thought, trusting only on hope that it would be better.

He felt himself freeze once more as he remembered the small box hidden inside of the drawer of his bedside table. He had an idea a few weeks before, one that he didn't want to discuss about with Charles through text. That ideas was now sitting inside a drawer, waiting for the best moment to be presented to Charles. _What he would even say when he saw it..._

Erik sighed loudly, pushing the sheets that covered him away and getting up, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep while his mind was so hectic, deciding to go to the kitchen to get a hot drink to help and relax his body. He left the room, forgetting about the small box for the sake of his own mind and shivering as his bare feet touched the cold floors of the hallway, going down the stairs to bolt into the kitchen, only stopping as he saw a figure standing in front of one of the living room windows. He got his guard up, ready to attack if it was an intruder, until the person turned his face towards Erik and he was able to see the blue eyes illuminated by the flames of the menorah next to him and the dim light coming from outside. 

"I thought it was someone who entered the house." Erik's voice was low from tiredness, almost hoarse, as it echoed through the dark. He could catch a smile appearing in Charles' lips at that.

"I felt your mind once you decided you were ready to attack." his voice was soft, as tired as Erik's. "Sorry for the scare."

"It's alright." Erik hesitated for a moment, looking at the man by the window for a while more as he wondered if he should get closer. He took a careful step, as if Charles' presence would burn him if he got too close. When nothing happened, Erik took the few steps that were needed to stand by Charles' side on the window. "Couldn't sleep?"

Charles shook his head, no words leaving his mouth, his eyes focused on watching the street outside, making Erik realize that it had started snowing. They watched quietly as the few snowflakes fell quietly to the ground, slowly covering everything in white. It felt oddly comforting to be by Charles' side like that, watching the snow falling and just staying side by side, taking in each other's presence. It brought back an old memory of a long gone December of warm sheets around his shoulders and a warm body pressed against his as snow fell outside the window of the Westchester house, the silence around them comforting and the presence of Charles' mind on his own making Erik feel safe. They were together in many ways inside that frozen memory, keeping each other safe, _happy._ Erik's heart started beating faster as he realized he wished to pull Charles closer, to feel the warmth of the smaller man's body against his as the cold snow fell outside. He wanted to bring back that feeling again, the warm feeling that the memory had given him, albeit faint. _He wanted to feel Charles again._

There was no denying now for Erik. There was no doubt now that he missed Charles' company, Charles' warmth, _Charles._ He hoped with all his heart that the man couldn't feel the longing that was going on inside his head but, if Charles did catch the turmoil that was going on inside of Erik, he didn't react, his blue eyes staring intensely at the snowflakes, looking as tired as Erik had ever seen him. That was the only thing that stopped Erik from just pulling Charles closer, the worry that washed over him as he allowed himself to watch the other man's expression. Charles' blue eyes, always so intense and bright, looked pale with the dim light coming from the street reflecting on them, his eyes circled by shadows as if he hadn't slept in ages when it was far from true. It took a moment for Erik to finally realize how puffy Charles' eyes were and that the tip of his nose was pink, making Erik wide his eyes a little.

_Charles had cried._

"Is everything okay?" Erik finally asked, seeing those blue eyes that used — and sometimes still did — to take his breath away turn to him.

He stopped breathing for a moment with the look inside of them, feeling his heart beating even faster than before. He knew that look very well, archived in some part of his memory that he was never able to completely get rid of, and the idea of what that look meant was both _terrifying_ and _perfect._ He had seen that look many times before in those eyes, he had seen the love behind them many times in the past, the adoration and curiosity that they seemed to reflect always being able to melt Erik completely. But there was something different there as well, inside those eyes. There was doubt and fear, and Erik realized just how much he wanted to take those away from Charles' eyes, that he wanted to take the doubt and fear from himself. He wanted reassurance, both to give it to Charles and to receive it as well. 

He wanted to try again.

Maybe Magda was right, maybe this time it could work and it could be good for both of them. They were different now, they knew what they had done to each other and Erik didn't want to do it again, he didn't want to hurt Charles or give him pain, and Erik knew Charles thought the same way. All Erik wanted was to love the man in front of him right, make up for all the times he didn't treat Charles the way he deserved, for the times he hurt the man standing in front of him in a way that no one should, adding to Charles' already countless scars. He wanted Charles, and his heart was ready to burst with the idea that maybe, _just maybe,_ Charles thought the same.

Erik caught his breath again as he moved his hand to cup Charles' face gently, holding it and running his thumb through his pale cheek, his fingers brushing against the barely visible freckles there, the darkness not allowing him to see them perfectly, but Erik knew they were there, he had kissed them before and memorized every pattern they made a long time ago, never really forgetting them even after all this time. His heart jumped in his chest as he saw Charles close his eyes, his expression so peaceful as he leaned against Erik's touch, seeking the warmth of Erik's hand. 

_Maybe this is right after all,_ Erik thought to himself, feeling his entire body lighter with the idea that maybe he could have Charles again and that it would be alright this time.

And then his entire body felt as heavy as never before once he saw Charles' eyes open again with some kind of surprise and _disgust._ Charles pushed Erik's hand away quickly and took a few steps back, looking at Erik as if he had just killed someone. That seemed to break Erik's heart once and for all, all the hope he had shattering on the ground as he watched Charles' wary and disgusted look burning him alive. Without a word said, Charles shook his head, his eyes falling to the ground as he ran back to his room, leaving Erik alone in the living room with only silence around him.

**_⟩ End of Erik's Interlude._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh-oh, what happens next? who knows!!!! :-)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles finally goes to England to visit his family, but him and Erik aren't exactly in good terms anymore.
> 
> TW: Implied domestic violence. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

Charles felt miserable, even if he did his best to hide that. After that night where Erik had looked at him with so much  _ hope _ and  _ love _ and he had ran away from that, disgusted at himself for even thinking he could try again, he and Erik had officially only talked when necessary, and that  _ hurt. _

The events of that day still played back in his head from time to time as he went through his days. Once they retreated to their rooms after dinner, Charles had sat heavily on the mattress on the ground, his eyes lost as he stared at a wall, Edie's words still ringing inside his head ever since that afternoon. It was amazing how tired he was even if he had taken a nap in the afternoon after crying in Edie's arms, his emotions taking a toll on him that he didn't expect them to have. On the single bed that was in the room, Raven didn't fail to notice her brother's vague expression as he didn't even move to take his shoes off, his legs resting on the ground while he was sitting on the mattress.

"Okay, I think this is the moment where you tell me what's going on, Charles." her voice was soft, as if she was trying not to startle him. 

Her words at least pulled him back into reality again and soon he was looking over his shoulder to Raven's yellow eyes, noticing that she got finally comfortable enough to show her real form. He pursed his lips for a moment, taking a deep breath before taking off his shoes and turning to her, crossing his legs over the mattress as he let his body relax and show her just how tired he felt. She didn't react just yet, only observing Charles and letting him talk when he felt comfortable to do so.

"I don't know..." his voice was weak but full of emotion as those words left his lips, shrugging and turning his eyes away from Raven. "I feel lost."

"Because of Erik?" she asked carefully, getting off of her bed and sitting in front of Charles on his mattress, her eyes never leaving him as she tried to keep his brother's eyes on her. "Charles…"

"Am I that much of a masochist? That much of a sadist?" his eyes darted back to her, a frown on his face as he seemed truly puzzled with himself. "I must be, to love Erik again…"

He expected her to react wildly with his confession of his feelings towards Erik, of the fact that he still loved the man despite  _ everything. _ But that reaction never came. Instead, Raven only huffed quietly, her eyes softening towards him as she took one of his hands on her own. Edie had done the same earlier after their talk, had held Charles hand while she talked to him about how much Charles made Erik happier without him even noticing, keeping Charles grounded as he heard everything. With Raven, the feeling was slightly different. She held Charles hand open-handed, letting Charles' rest against hers — blue under pale white skin, her lithe fingers against Charles' broader ones — and she seemed to study it for a moment before she actually held it, rubbing her thumb over the back of Charles' skin. The gesture together with a glimpse of Raven's feelings gave him the answers he needed to understand what it was:  _ worry and pity. _ The touch of her hand almost burned now.

"You can't choose who you fall for..." she said, voice still careful and full of worry now that Charles had picked on it. "But you can choose what you're going to do about it."

Her eyes stared into Charles' and he didn't need to read her mind to know she didn't think it was a good idea for Charles and Erik be together. She had been there with him when Erik left, she saw how broken Charles had become, and she seemed to share Charles' own fear of everything going wrong again. But in her surface thoughts he could see that she knew maybe it  _ would _ happen, that maybe Charles and Erik would be together once more, and there was resignation there and a strong urge to protect Charles from all that pain. Her eyes had a silent plea for him to be careful, for him to analyze his own feelings before doing something.

He sighed, knowing that his own thoughts were much like Raven's, that he wanted to go back but was too afraid to try something. It was frustrating and even more confusing now, once Edie seemed to want Charles and Erik to be together and Raven had an opposite opinion to that. Two opinions that seemed to battle inside of him now:  _ fear and hope. _ Dangerous feelings to be felt at once.

He squeezed Raven's hand after a moment, smiling weakly before letting go of it, his eyes going down to the mattress as he decided he couldn't look at her eyes any longer.

"Let's sleep. I'm too tired to even think right now…"

Raven hesitated, watching Charles closely before nodding and climbing back on her bed and leaving Charles alone again. He watched the agitation in her mind slowly disappear as she fell asleep, it the only thing distracting him from his own thoughts and worries. That night, Charles had cried after Raven fell asleep. Cried because Edie's words still rang on his head about how Erik seemed happier now that he and Charles were talking regularly again, how maybe Charles and Erik met on the wrong moment of their lives and that was what brought them apart. He wanted to believe all that, he wanted to believe that maybe now was finally the right time to start over, to be together the way they should've been, but there was so much fear inside of Charles that it made him scared of even thinking of starting again and breaking Erik again. He couldn't do that, he couldn't be the source of so much pain  _ ever _ again. They were friends now, they still talked and it was  _ perfect.  _ Why couldn't it just stay like that? Why did his heart long for  _ more _ even after everything he had done in the past? After all the pain he had caused?

When he finally stopped crying, he decided to leave the room, noticing Raven getting antsy on the bed thanks to him projecting his worries by accident. He didn't bother in getting a coat after leaving the comfort of the soft mattress, the cold air from the winter and the cold ground against his feet making a constant shiver run through his body, the physical sensation seeming to distract himself enough from his mind. He watched the house dark and quiet as he tried to decide what to do, seeing the menorah still lit next to one of the front windows, the flames dancing quietly in the dark, reacting to the wind that came from the small gaps of the window. He walked next to it, the small heat coming from the fire making a small sigh leave his lips and deciding to stay there, watching the snow fall quietly on the outside, cold and unforgiving. 

He didn't expect Erik to wake up as well and stand by his side, and he didn't expect Erik to touch his face on that fateful night, the warm rough skin of his palm making Charles feel comfortable there, like it was right. It was a careful and loving touch, and Erik's mind was agitated but filled with good feelings that seemed to take over Charles for a while, connecting with him for just a second and letting himself forget where his feelings ended and Erik's began. That small touch, that small moment, seemed like everything he needed, and his fears vanished for a moment as he closed his eyes and enjoyed that touch, enjoyed Erik and his warm hand on his skin. For just a moment, Charles truly believed that they could try again, that they could begin again and make things right, do things right, and he would never have to live without that touch — that comforting touch — ever again, he would have Erik's love again.

But the moment didn't last much. The fears came back again, and that touch turned from warm to unbearably hot, burning his skin and making him open his eyes again and feel surprised and disgusted with himself for even allowing himself to think that. Erik was better without him. It didn't matter what Charles felt or what Erik thought he felt at that moment, they were wrong. Charles would only break Erik again, and he couldn't do it another time, he couldn't stand there and be selfish when his selfishness would end up leading to Erik broken again when he finally managed to heal. He couldn't start believing that they could happen once again, not when Charles and Erik together meant pain for so many years, and so he opened his eyes to look at Erik again, the disgust for himself and his weakness visible behind his ocean blue eyes, even in the pale light of a street lamp coming from outside.

And so he ran, without saying anything, without explaining himself. He just ran back to his room and didn't think of the consequences of him doing that. Now, with Erik so distant again, he regretted it, regretted not saying anything and just running away — their little bad habit that only served to hurt each other more in the end —, because he knew he hurt Erik. The irony of it seemed to sting like a knife through his heart. He ran not to hurt Erik again, and that was exactly what happened in the end. Charles was beginning to hate the universe's way of showing him how his decisions were bad.

Raven was the first one to notice that something was wrong, even if both Charles and Erik seemed to be playing pretend for the following two days to not worry anyone else about the events that happened that night. Edie and Erik had suggested that they should take a walk through the snow, as long as Charles and Raven had the appropriate clothes to do so. After Edie made sure no one would freeze to death — bless her heart — the four of them left the house. It was cold but Edie swore that she'd seen colder and it was the perfect day to enjoy the german winter, knowing the next few days probably wouldn't be as kind as this one. As they walked, Raven started pulling Charles to stay away from Edie and Erik, just enough so they wouldn't be looking, and soon Charles' felt a nudge in his mind. 

_ 'What happened?'  _

Charles swallowed his own spit, his eyes looking down at the snow under his feet and pulling the scarf Edie had lend him up more to cover his lips, the warmth of the clothes being welcome when he himself felt cold. He knew he couldn't run away from Raven for much longer and she would find out one way or another about that night. He already had hidden from her for two days, which was a record if he was being honest, but she seemed decided to find out why he and Erik were acting so weird — more than normal.

Instead of saying anything, Charles chose the easier way: showing it. He pushed into her mind the moment in the airport, the butterflies in his stomach when he saw Erik, his doubts and fears and his own guilt for even wanting Erik back. He showed him his conversation with Edie and how he felt hopeful there, and yet how the fear never went away. And then he showed that fateful night's fiasco, not holding back on every sensation he felt and letting her see and feel everything he did. He noticed that, for a moment, Raven was overwhelmed, almost regretting letting the girl see and feel all of that when it was all very intense, but soon she looked okay again. He was still in her mind, so he saw the moment where she was able to separate what were Charles' feelings and what were her own, managing to get herself back together easily, making a smile appear on his lips under the scarf. Her control over her own feelings always impressed Charles immensely.

_ 'And now you guys are not talking.' _ Raven stated more than questioned it, receiving a nod from Charles, whose eyes looked up again to watch Erik's back, feeling a sting in his chest at how much he wished he hadn't ran from him. Soon he heard Raven's voice in his mind again.  _ 'Have you tried to talk to him?' _

Charles once again pushed some memories to Raven of early in the morning of the day after what happened, where he felt helpless after realizing that Erik was ignoring him. He showed when he tried to talk to Erik to get things right, to explain why he ran and try to at least keep their friendship intact, and how Erik had moved away from him all the times he tried to do it on the past days, excusing himself and saying he had to do something else. Those were the only words Erik had truly exchanged with Charles the entire day. By his side, Raven sighed out of sheer frustration, making Charles' eyes go to her and watch her expression. Again, Charles was in her mind still, being able to feel whatever Raven was feeling. He sensed the frustration first, then anger and a hint of annoyance. For a moment, he was worried that he was annoying her by telling his sad tale with Erik, but it didn't take long for him to realize the annoyance was with  _ both of them _ and for something completely different.

_ 'The day you two talk like adults to solve your problems will be the day I finally learn how to cook.' _ Charles looked down again, knowing that she had a point. Communication wasn't exactly his and Erik's stong suit when it came to their mutual feelings. The lack of it broke them apart once and now it was breaking them once again.  _ 'Erik probably thinks you were mad at him for that night and won't let you talk to him, while  _ you _ can't use words to express yourself when you're around him, when you talk a whole fucking lot whenever the situation is different.' _

The noise of a bell ringing brought him back into reality for a second, noticing that he had followed Edie and Erik to a small pastry shop without even realizing it, the smell of the baked pastries making his mood lift a little. They all walked in and sat down at a table while Edie excused herself to talk to the woman at the counter. Raven thought about letting Charles and Erik at the table — Charles still hadn't left her thoughts and basically screamed a  _ 'no' _ into her mind when the idea popped up, making her flinch slightly and stay still for a moment — but Erik was quicker and soon he was by his mom's side, leaving Charles and Raven alone.

_ 'Don't ever scream into my mind again.' _ Raven complained, her fingers massaging her forehead lightly.

_ 'Sorry, I'm really sorry, but I couldn't let you get up and leave me alone with Erik. He doesn't want my company right now.' _

_ 'You two need to talk about this because, if you don't remember, we're going to England tomorrow and your lie was only working because you and Erik were still friends. Besides, it's the right fucking thing to do, Charles.' _

Charles felt a chill run down his spine, the fact that he would have to pretend to be Erik's fiancé in front of his family hadn't even crossed his mind before Raven mentioned it. He was too busy drowning in his melancholy for not being able to talk to Erik for the past days — a big break on his routine. He must have projected that worry into Raven's mind because the look in her eyes softened considerably as she looked at him. Even her voice inside his mind was calmer and more soothing.

_ 'You may be right, he doesn't want to talk right now. He's probably is dealing with the events of that night in his own way. I'm sorry. But you'll have to talk to him soon, Charles. You showed me how much you don't want to hurt him again, and for that to happen you two will need to talk. It's what could've saved you a lot of trouble back when you two were together and what could save you two a lot of trouble right now.' _

Charles smiled at his sister, sending a wave of affection over to her and watching as she smiled as well. He was glad that she insisted on coming with him to Germany because she was able to give him insight in things he usually couldn't get a grip of. She didn't measure her words most of the times, she always told Charles everything as truthful as possible, even when she had to be careful to not sound so aggressive sometimes. She liked to say that she was Charles' conscience, specially when they talked like this, using Charles' powers. And he knew she was right, he knew that sooner or later Charles would have to address the issue with Erik and was hoping he would be able to do it soon, that Erik didn't ressent him for his actions that night and that he was able to fix things. 

"Is everything okay?" Edie's voice called to them as she stood next to the table with two steaming cups in hand. Erik was right behind her, looking at Charles and Raven with curious eyes. "Is that a stare contest or something?"

Raven was the first one to laugh, shaking her head lightly and smiling at the woman. "No, no… Me and Charles just have this bad habit of having conversations in our minds. It's the advantage of having a telepath as a brother."

Edie smiled at that, genuinely interested on the idea of telepathic conversations, and placing one of the cups she was carrying in front of Raven, who checked the liquid for a moment before a bright smile filled her lips and her eyes brightened up in a way that made even Charles smile with her. Apparently, Edie had brought her hot chocolate and she was more than grateful for that. Charles more than anyone knew how much she liked hot chocolate, and he wondered how Edie got that information. It didn't take long for him to get his answer, a cup being pushed gently towards him from the other side of the table. He didn't even notice Erik sitting down and the fact that he had two cups in his hands as well. The smell of Charles' favorite tea to take when the weather was cold sent a nice feeling through his body, his lips curling into a smile as his hands held the tea as if it was the most precious thing in the world.

Soon, his eyes rose up to look at Erik, uncertain of what he would find in those grey eyes once he looked. To his surprise, Erik didn't lower his gaze or tried to look somewhere else, staring back at Charles' as if both of them were expecting something, a word to be said. Charles didn't find in himself the courage to say anything, specially with Raven and Edie there, but he send something into Erik's mind. It wasn't words, as much as he should have just said it, but instead it was a mixture of feelings that he hoped Erik would be able to understand, a silent apology from his actions that night. Erik seemed to understand, his eyes turning softer but still a hint of warryness inside of those irises remained, maybe even fear. Charles didn't dare to read his mind to understand what that look meant.

"I hope I remembered the tea correctly." Erik's voice said, directed at Charles, making Charles widen his eyes. Erik's voice still sounded uncertain and both Raven and Edie watched the scene unfold in front of them, making Charles think that maybe Edie knew more than he thought about Charles' and Erik's weird behavior for the past days by the look she carried in her eyes. "I think this is the one you liked to take when the weather was colder back in New York…"

"Yes. Yes, you remembered correctly. Thank you." Charles smiled at that, quickly blowing on his tea to take a sip and taste the familiar taste, smiling as it hit his tongue.

Maybe they could work things out again.

* * *

After lunch, Charles and Erik were put on cleaning duty, Erik washing the dishes as Charles dried them and put them away. He tried to silently ask for help from Raven, who quickly offered herself to take Charles' place, but Edie was quicker than the girl that time.

"No, dear. I'd like you to help me with the clothes at the back."

Raven didn't try to complain, smiling at Edie and giving Charles an apologetic look before disappearing in the house with Edie and leaving him and Erik alone at the small kitchen. Charles felt like he could cut the tension inside that room with a knife if he tried hard enough, the only sound in that kitchen being the sound of the warm water running from the faucet and the small clinking of the dishes as Charles put them away. Uncomfortable, to say the least. As much as Erik had talked to him that morning, it was clear that there was still hesitation there, and Charles was trying really hard not to take a peek into Erik's thoughts, trying his best to respect Erik's feelings and privacy at that moment. 

Once all the dishes were washed, Erik started drying his hands as Charles put the last plate away with a sigh, expecting that no words would actually be exchanged between them that night anymore, until he noticed that Erik was looking at him. Charles looked back, watching Erik purse his lips as he hesitated once again, his mind reaching for Charles without him even wanting it to as he got more and more nervous. Charles kept his mind closed for him, waiting for him to say whatever he wanted to. He watched carefully as Erik reached into the pocket of his jeans, his hand closed as he held onto something and hesitated once again.

Charles didn't understand what he was seeing for a second when Erik finally opened his hand and offered the small object for him to take, his eyes widening once he finally understood what it was. In Erik's open — and shaky — hand, a small silver ring rested, reflecting the light from the kitchen. The small metal band had some small details on it, curved lines that made a beautiful pattern, but Charles couldn't really appreciate the beauty of it because his mind was racing as he tried to understand why Erik was handing him that ring.

"I thought-" Erik tried to say, his words getting caught in his throat. He took a deep breath, a determined look filling his eyes as he looked at Charles. "I thought that since we're going to see your family tomorrow, and they still think we're engaged, you should have a ring."

Silence fell upon them again as Charles looked from Erik to the ring a few times before he raised his hand to carefully take it. It was very light, Charles noticed, and it would probably feel as if it wasn't even there once he put it on thanks for the lightness of it. He turned the small piece in his hand, watching the pattern that was carved into the metal very carefully and letting his finger run through it for a few moments, feeling the lines with the tip of his finger before feeling the smoothness of the interior. 

"You made this?" Charles asked, even if he already knew the answer. "It's beautiful."

"Thank you…" 

Charles didn't dare looking up at Erik's face as he put the ring on his right hand, slipping it on his ring finger and chuckling slightly when he noticed the ring was too big. He felt his body still for a moment, his eyes still on the ring as Erik's hand took Charles' gently and raised his other hand to bend the metal carefully, shrinking the band around Charles' fingers until the size was perfect. Their hands stayed together for a second too long before Erik stepped away again, Charles' eyes finally raising to see how uncertain Erik looked at that moment.

He seemed like he wanted to say something, but, whatever it was, Erik kept it to himself, only giving Charles a small nod before leaving him alone in the kitchen, the ring heavier than he thought it would feel on his hand.

* * *

When the plane landed in English soil, Charles looked out of the window, seeing the grey skies of London on the horizon, feeling his entire body tense up slightly. He was close to seeing his family again after just two months, and the idea seemed ridiculous in his head. Maybe he would wake up anytime soon and find out that it was just a very elaborated dream of his, but the touch of Raven's hand on his own made him sigh as his brain came to terms that it was his reality.

His eyes turned to look at his sister, finding comfort in her blue eyes for a moment and smiling slightly. That scene seemed way too familiar, making Charles remember Raven when she was only thirteen years old, her young face filled with hope for a new and better life with her brother there in England, where they could start again and be themselves. He remembered her eyes shining, just as they were at that exact moment, while her hand on his made sure to remind him that he wasn't alone and giving him the confidence that everything would be okay. They would be okay. Neither of them were kids anymore now, but the feeling was the same as many years ago. He leaned his head to put his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes with a happy smile, seeing her smile back.

"Together. Like last time." she said, never breaking the eye contact as Charles' smile grew slightly more.

Once the plane fully landed and it was okay to leave, Charles finally looked at the seats across from his and Raven's, watching Erik smile at Edie before standing up with her to leave, his eyes meeting Charles' for a moment before he got distracted with his mom's words. Edie had insisted on going, saying that she rarely left the country and, even if England wasn't that far away, she had never visited the place. Besides, she wanted to meet Charles' family as well, mostly Charles' mother. They had talked the day before, both again on duty to wash and dry the dishes after dinner, and Charles couldn't find a hint of annoyance in her words or her surface thoughts, even if he  _ knew _ she already knew that he and Erik had a disagreement. She didn't touch the subject either, instead asking Charles about his mother and, in a few minutes, he was already opening up completely about his feelings on the woman. 

She had listened everything he said, even when his words turned harsh or when they turned sad, even when his words sounded distant or way too personal as he basically let go of every bit of thought he had on his life with his mother and what she had done to him. Edie had that power over him — almost like Raven had — of making him feel comfortable enough to share his darkest thoughts, and that's what he had done. She seemed to be horrified of how Sharon had just pushed Charles away like that, how a mother would let her  _ fifteen year old kid _ go to another country to go to college without even batting an eye. Charles knew that it was a touchy subject for Edie, specially because she had lost Erik when he was almost that age and had only seen him again almost a decade later, changed and broken. So, for Edie, the idea that Sharon Xavier had just let Charles go like that was  _ absurd.  _

After that, Edie had insisted on going with them, and Charles knew she was doing that because she wanted to see his mother with her own eyes, almost as if she didn't believe that such a woman existed, and also to keep Charles and Erik company. He could almost laugh at how he had now Edie and Raven trying to protect him from Sharon, his small support group. Erik was there too, but — even if they were talking now — it wasn't the same. Something was still keeping them apart, more distant than before, even if Erik wasn't ignoring Charles anymore. Even with the ring...

After the group left the airplane and retrieved their luggage, Raven quickly grabbed Charles' arm with a jumpy attitude, making him raise his eyebrows. "Do you think we can go to Oxford for a day? I really want to go to that bar we used to go. I just got  _ really _ nostalgic."

Charles laughed, seeing Erik and Edie observing the conversation with interest. Charles was hit by the nostalgia Raven was feeling as well — not knowing if it was his own feelings or Raven's reflected on him —, nodding at the girl and pulling her close.

"We sure can." he smiled as Raven's lips turned into a bright smile. "And I can order you a soda while I drown in alcohol for old times sake."

"We should reverse the roles this time. I get shitfaced and you sit there and be underaged and quiet."

"You mean  _ 'sit there and complain the whole night because you can't drink'?" _ he felt a pinch in his arm, trying to get away but laughing anyway.

"I didn't complain."

"We surely remember this differently."

They laughed some more as they left the airport, deciding to get a cab to get to the address Kurt had sent Charles' earlier. Thanks to Raven, Charles felt a lot lighter than before, but the cab drive to the Marko's residence was silent for Charles, who watched London's streets pass him by until they were driving through an area full of big properties that almost reminded him of the Westchester house back in New York. His eyes sometimes looked at the rearview mirror, watching Erik sitting behind him silently, his face constantly observing everything outside of the window as his eyes seemed distant. 

He sometimes wished he didn't run away that night, wished he'd stayed and talked to Erik about everything he was feeling at that moment, from the longing to the fear, and that they could have come to a decision in Erik's dark living room, but the reality was different from that, and now Erik felt distant again — close enough to touch but too far to feel him. They hadn't talked about that night either, both silently deciding to forget it and, at the same time, both never truly forgetting.  _ Oddly familiar. _ Like all those times before they broke up.

Charles sighed, unconsciously messing with the ring on his finger, knowing that he couldn't let it just be like this, he would only be doing what he  _ didn't _ want to do to Erik ever again, deciding to talk to Erik about everything whenever he got that chance. He needed to put things right again. 

As he decided that, the cab stopped in front of giant dark metal gates that kept a big house — almost as big as Charles' school — secured. He paid the driver, getting help from Erik to take their luggage, and soon he was standing in front of his family's house in London, his eyes turning darker as he heard the gates opening for them, someone probably saw them arriving through the camera that looked at them at that exact same moment. It took a moment for him to step into the limits of the gate, feeling almost as if he was stepping inside of hell.

Differently from the Westchester estate, the walk from gate to house wasn't too long — they didn't need a car to walk all the way to the house in less than 5 minutes like it happened with the school —, and soon they were arriving at the front porch where dark eyes stared down at them. Kurt Marko was there, his expression as hard as ever, and Charles dared taking a look inside the man's mind out of curiosity, seeing that he wasn't  _ at all _ happy with Charles' presence there. With any of their presences. He found a trace of anger that made his body shiver and his hand reached for Raven's immediately out of instinct. The girl looked at him curiously but didn't say a thing, already knowing it had to do with Kurt's presence there. And then, Charles felt the anger in Kurt's mind spike up as Sharon Xavier stepped out to the front porch, her face turning into a smile as soon as she saw the group approaching. 

Kurt wasn't happy with Sharon either. That made another shiver run up his spine as he watched his mother there, by the side of the man who seemed to look at her with no actual emotion in his face but with such anger in his mind, and he couldn't help but wonder if — when Charles left — Sharon wasn't the one who had to deal with Kurt in his place. He realized he didn't want to think about that possibility. 

Sharon climbed down the few steps of the front porch and walked graciously towards them, her smile never leaving. She almost looked like the woman Charles knew before his father died. Her blue eyes went straight to Edie's, visible confusion taking over them as she clearly wasn't expecting the woman there. Charles just watched carefully as Edie's smile filled her face and she offered her hand to Sharon to shake. 

"I'm Erik's mother. Edie Lehnsherr." she said simply, making Sharon raise her eyebrows and let out a simple  _ 'oh' _ as she took Edie's hand.

"Sharon Xavier."

That was a weird sight for Charles, the drastic contrast between the two woman now more clear than ever as they stood face to face. Two completely different worlds meeting as they shook hands, the mother that left Charles alone and the woman who had opened her arms to Charles as if she was his mother. It almost made him want to move Edie away from Sharon, as if that simple touch of hands could make Edie do exactly what Sharon did all those years ago and leave Charles alone as well. It was an irrational thought, he knew that, but he also knew that — ever since his mother came back into his life — he wasn't really being able to think rationally in the first place. 

"Please, let's get inside." 

As Charles took the first step to follow Sharon, a hand held his arm firmly and he looked back to see what was happening. Erik's eyes were on his and there was some kind of doubt inside of them as well as determination. He felt Erik's hand hold his right hand weakly, uncertain, but his message was clear. The play-pretend had started again, and more than ever Charles wished he had solved his problems earlier, because now Erik's touch seemed to burn and the ring on his finger weight a thousand pounds. Still, he held Erik's hand as well, walking in with everyone else and hoping he would be able to keep this up without that burning touch turning him into ashes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles finds out why his mother was acting so weird all this time. He and Erik finally talk about the night at Erik's house (took them long enough, this is fucking chapter 10).
> 
> TW: Mentions of domestic abuse. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to quickly thank everyone for the nice feedback to this fic, really makes me happy! Also, it'll probably be 15/16 chapters long, so the ending is closer than expected! (Doesn't mean there won't be a lot yet to come, next chapter will be a big and important one) Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Here are some translations for some expressions in german that show up in this chapter so you guys don't have to look for it:  
> Schatz - Sweetheart  
> Sohn - Son  
> Mein Junge - My boy.

There weren't many situations where Charles would completely lose his ability to speak. He was usually quick with his tongue — which has led him into bad situations before since his mouth seemed to work faster than his brain — and was able to answer back anything that was put before him. And yet, in a few rare occasions, Charles just couldn't talk altogether. One of those occasions, for example, was when Charles was giving a lecture to his older students and he started talking about different solutions for different problems. He used a silly example just to get his message through, saying something along the lines of  _ 'If you have soup in front of you, you'll have to use a spoon. Would you try to use a fork to drink soup?' _ and Scott Summers promptly said  _ 'Yes'. _ That was enough to break Charles for a few moments, making the professor choke on his words and look at Scott as if his brain was still processing his answer to his rhetorical question, making the entire class burst into laughter as Scott blushed.

Another of those occasions was after lunch with his mom and Kurt, where he was accompanied by Edie, Raven and — of course — Erik. It was going actually pretty well, which made Charles relax slightly. Kurt and Edie had engaged in conversation the moment that lunch was served thanks to the woman's curious looks to the servants putting the food on the table in front of them. Of course she would be curious about it — even a little incredulous, Charles noticed — since in her house everyone helped to put the table or she did it herself. Servants and food that was cooked by other people in your own house seemed to be a foreign concept for her, almost unacceptable.

"Is there a problem, Mrs. Lehnsherr?" Kurt's voice sounded almost like thunder as he spoke in the echoing room, one of his eyebrows raised at Edie. 

Charles had to quickly put his hand on Erik's chest as he felt how aggressive Erik's mind turned with Kurt's tone towards his mother, not even caring that they were awkward only minutes before, in a way to warn him to not do anything  _ just yet. _ If he was being honest, if Kurt tried anything against Edie, Charles would be the one to make the man pay. He wasn't one for revenge, but there was a few people who he cared too much not to try to protect them in any way he could, and Edie was one of those people. Erik reluctantly tried to calm himself down — Charles felt his ring burning in his finger for a moment, as if all of Erik's focus was being put into the metal piece on Charles' hand —, seeing his mother's eyes rise from the table to face Kurt, something shining behind the fragile-looking woman's dark irises that made even Charles raise his eyebrows.

"No, not at all, Mr. Marko." her accent was thick as she spoke, as if she was trying her best not to switch to German at that exact same moment. She started to put food in her plate, a gentle smile on her lips and a spark of cleverness in her eyes. "I'm just wondering… Have you and your family ever tried to cook for yourselves?"

"Sharon doesn't know how to cook." Kurt said matter-of-factly. By his side, Sharon seemed to shrink on her seat, moving slightly away from Kurt as if that was a reprimand and she was scared of the consequences of it.

The movement made Charles frown slightly, the fact that Sharon Xavier seemed to react to those words like  _ something else _ was coming bringing a bad feeling to Charles' chest, old memories of his mother with marks all over her body seemingly clawing their way through his mind. He didn't like those memories, so he pushed them back, focusing on Edie.

"And you haven't taught her?" Edie widened her eyes dramatically as she said it and suddenly the energy in the room changed. 

Everyone that wasn't Kurt or Cain — who Charles' wasn't sure was capable of catching whenever someone sounded sarcastic — was able to pick up that the woman was playing with Kurt, making the man back away for a moment as he wasn't eager to say that he wasn't able to cook as well, in case it diminished his value in some way. Charles held back a smile, noticing Erik scratching the tip of his nose to hide the fact that he wanted to laugh, a giant amused smile filling his lips as he watched his mother by his side. Raven, on the other hand, choked on her drink. Even Sharon Xavier, who moments ago seemed like her life was being threatened, got a minimal smile on her lips and her whole demeanor got more lively. 

Everyone seemed more than thankful for Edie Lehnsherr's presence there. 

"You should try it sometime. It's a really nice activity to do with your family." Edie shrugged as she took a bite of the food, seemingly rather pleased with the taste. The spark in her eyes never left, and Charles watched everything unfolding in front of him with child-like interest. "Of course I was the most skilled at home, but my late husband taught me a lot of things. Erik here learned from both of us in the end." her hand moved to mess with Erik's hair, making him smile softly as he chewed his food, the burn on Charles' ring disappeared slowly. "Really brings a family together."

Kurt smiled half-heartedly, clearly annoyed with Edie, whose smile never left her lips. Charles was now more than glad that she was there, that she insisted on going, because only Edie Lehnsherr was capable of making a fool out of Kurt Marko and get away with it. By Kurt's side, Cain was still trying to understand what just happened, knowing by Charles' looks of amusement that there  _ was _ something happening. His mother seemed weirdly relaxed now, and Charles saw the moment that Edie looked at her with a curious look before smiling softly at Sharon, who was taken aback by that for a moment. Charles once again found himself frowning.

How long had been since someone looked at Sharon Xavier like that? Like she mattered? The thought brought a shiver to run up his spine.  _ How much had her been through ever since Charles left?  _

"I could teach you a few things if you want, my dear." Edie said, her voice soothing like she was talking to a child. Sharon seemed to appreciate the way she talked as much as everyone else did, the calming and reassuring aura of that fragile-looking woman reaching for Sharon. "I know a few dishes that Charles adores, I could teach you how to make them if you'd like."

The mention of Charles' name seemed to make a wave of confusion go through Sharon's eyes. She looked at Charles from across the table for a moment, apparently analysing his expression and Charles frowned at that, not understanding what that expression meant, clouded blue eyes staring at him before moving away just as suddenly.

"I've… I've never cooked before. I haven't been near of a stove in… decades." her voice sounded weak and Kurt's gaze fell over her, almost like he was waiting for the woman to say or do something stupid.  _ What had he done to her? _

"Oh, it's alright. Charles had barely any knowledge of anything once I taught him a few tricks." Edie was playing at something, Charles could now see it once he saw the expression in Sharon's eyes change again. Edie was using his name for a reason, he just didn't know why yet. "Are you alright my dear?"

That brought Charles to pay more attention to Sharon, noticing that her eyes had filled with a few tears for a moment. Sharon herself didn't even seem to notice that until Edie asked, running her finger carefully through one of her eyes and watching as it got wet from the tear that didn't even get to fall. Charles watched as she swallowed her own spit, putting on a fake smile on her face and looking back at Edie as if nothing had happened.  _ How hurt was she? _

"If you'll excuse me…" she said, prim and proper, thick british accent making her words seem even more formal, getting up gracefully from her chair and walking away from the dinning room.

"Please, excuse my wife." Kurt spoke, bringing all the attention to him. His face seemed impartial as ever, but somehow Charles knew that Sharon's departure somehow managed to make anger boil under the man's skin. "She sometimes doesn't react well to social situations."

_ How much had Kurt destroyed that woman? _

After lunch was over, the group was escorted to a living room where they could stay as the maids got their rooms ready and Charles looked quizzically towards Edie, his mind still buzzing with his mother's departure earlier. She didn't need any explanation to know what Charles was curious about.

"She's a complicated woman, your mother." she said, her voice serious as she looked directly into Charles' eyes. "But since Erik told me about her I had an idea of what was happening here. I got the confirmation today."

"What?" Charles asked, blinking a few times and watching Edie smile almost sadly at him.

"She wants to reconnect with you,  _ Schatz." _ Edie said carefully. "She is probably aware that she missed a lot of your life and she's trying to be close again. When I told her those things about your favorite dishes and teaching you how to cook, she got tears in her eyes because she wasn't the one who taught you those things or the one who knew what your favorite food was. I don't need your powers to know that, because I know I would feel hurt if an unknown woman had came into my house and told me she knew those simple things about my son while I didn't. She seems broken and is trying to bring back a piece of her life she pushed away long ago."

Charles got up abruptly, the idea of his mother regretting not being with him all this time being too much to handle all over again, his eyes frozen wide and his body still as he looked at Edie in disbelief. Said disbelief mixed with burning anger and with the long forgotten feeling of worry for that woman that he finally was able to recognize after those words, after watching his mother look so threatened by Kurt's presence. It was like he was ten again, trying to protect his mother from Kurt and his abuse, feeling like he was the only one capable to help her. And he  _ hated _ that it had resurfaced, because it shouldn't. Not after she pushed him away from her and completely blocked herself from Charles. Not after closing a door in his face and locking herself inside, leaving Charles outside to deal with everything himself as she fell more and more inside of her own mind to a point where Charles couldn't even reach for her mind without feeling so much pain and fear that it debilitated him. 

He hated that feeling, hated to think that his mother regretted the years she neglected him and made him fight for himself when he was just a kid. He hated it because it was easier to hate Sharon Xavier if she didn't have any emotions, if she was just a bad memory from his childhood, if she was only a spectrum from the Asphodel Meadows that had nothing behind her eyes and was worth taking pity on for not being able to never let go of that place, forgetting her name, her life,  _ her son, _ for all eternity being doomed to walk those meadows and never changing. He had started thinking of her like that to protect himself from the hurt he felt of being pushed away by his own mother. Sharon Xavier was the monster that lived under his bed together with Kurt and Cain, she became one of them in his mind, one of the people who only caused him pain and who he would never be able to forget. But while Kurt and Cain had claws and could cut Charles' skin, Sharon became a ghost. Silent, dead eyes, watching as the monsters got him without moving a muscle, only standing there and making everything colder, harder to deal with. She was always scarier than the monsters, because as they hurt him and caused him physical pain, those dead eyes haunted him and caused pain to his soul.

It was harder to hate her if he thought about her as a living person going through hell like him, and not a spectrum. 

"Mama, you can't be serious." this time it was Erik's turn to talk as he saw the state Charles was in. "That woman is not a  _ mother, _ she left Charles alone ever since he was ten."

"You said it yourself that she looked happy with the idea of having Charles back,  _ Sohn."  _ Edie explained carefully as Charles' hands closed into fists.

He wasn't mad at Edie, far from it, he was mad at Sharon Xavier and her wicked idea that she could just come back into Charles' life and be accepted back as if she had never left. It was enfuriating. Raven was the first one to get up and place her hands on Charles shoulders, his eyes turning to her and making her almost back down. It wasn't easy to make Charles' eyes burn with so much rage and hatred — Raven would say it was an almost impossible thing to happen —, and yet the fire burning behind his eyes was terrifying because it looked like it was able to burn someone easily if he wanted to. If Sharon Xavier happened to walk through the door at that exact moment, Charles would completely lose control and everyone in that room could see that. Thankfully, she wasn't near to suffer from Charles' anger. 

"I'm not saying you have to accept that, Charles." Edie said carefully, looking at the man in front of her with her eyes turning sad.  _ More pity towards him.  _ "I'm just saying what's happening so you know it because you said it yourself that you didn't,  _ mein Junge. _ These are your mom's attempts to get close to you again."

He tried to answer, all the words leaving his mind at once and leaving him to only stay quiet because, really, what could he even say. Edie was right about that, Charles didn't know what his mother wanted from him and that was driving him mad and making him feel lost. Now that he knew, he only felt angry at how bold Sharon Xavier's idea was and said boldness left him speechless. He looked away from everyone for a moment, opening and closing his hands as he tried to relax, tried to gather back his ability to speak. Next to Edie, Erik seemed worried. 

He was sure his face was burning red from rage, his body completely tensed up and stiff as he tried his best to breathe calmly again. It didn't work once his anger extended itself to his own thoughts. He caught himself hoping Edie was right. Hoping Sharon actually regretted all those years ago and that she didn't really meant to hurt Charles like she did. But then again, it didn't erase the suffering, the fear, the hurt that her distance had caused him. Even if she regretted her actions, wasn't it too late for that? Too late for apologies? It shouldn't mean a thing that she wanted reconciliation now, and yet Charles found himself hopeful again, that ten year old kid who thought that the only reason why he had powers were to protect himself and his mother from the cruel world seemed to resurface, to crawl his way back into Charles. But he couldn't deal with that hurt again,  _ never again.  _ And he told himself that, remembering that ten year old kid about what happened the last time he tried to fight for Sharon. How he only got hurt and alone.

But he knew that wasn't enough, deep inside. He knew that child had managed to settle himself in Charles' mind again.  _ What a mess. _

Before any of them could say something, a maid appeared on the living room, calling them so she could guide them to their rooms. Raven tried to talk to Charles, but he turned away, his head full of thoughts that were swirling around and making him lose himself in his own mind. He was vaguely aware he was projecting, out of control, even if lightly, because suddenly some thoughts that weren't his would invade his mind and he would get worried looks from the people around him while it happened, which meant his own thoughts were invading the other's minds. Unfortunately, he was too lost to even care about that at that moment.

Once they finally reached the rooms, Edie made a snarky remark about how her entire house would fit inside the way-to-big of a room that she was offered, trying to lighten up the mood, but, even so, Charles' jaw was clenched through the whole way as his eyes still were dark and dangerous, as if he could attack someone at any given moment. She and Raven stayed at the first rooms of a long corridor staying in their respective rooms to put their stuff there while Charles and Erik still followed the maid until the end of the corridor. Charles' jaw only unclenched from his anger once the maid showed them  _ their _ room.

He didn't even think about the possibility that he and Erik would have to share a room thanks to their  _ fake engaged _ status while his mind was working overtime with thoughts of his mother. Now, as the maid walked away from them, both of their eyes now watched the giant room with the previous awkwardness coming back to them.

The room was nice, at least. White walls with golden and purple decorations and a king-sized bed, a few flower vases with white lilies and lavenders inside of them and a few other pieces of furniture taking up space in the big space there. The flowers gave the entire room a calming and nice smell, the drawn back curtains letting the daylight light coming from outside make the room brighter even if the day was clouded and cold. It was completely different from his room in Westchester — which was big but still not as big compared to that one —, but it was nice and  _ fancy,  _ which was to be expected.

"I can sleep on that couch over there." Erik suggested, pointing to a miniscule couch on the other side of the room that would barely fit his frame tall frame. That seemed to fully bring Charles into reality.

"What? No. No way. You can keep the bed." Charles got into the room with his luggage in hand, feeling suddenly  _ very awkward _ again.

"If you sleep on that couch you'll be complaining my ears off about your back the next morning." Erik said, a small playful tone in his voice. 

"Oh, and you won't?"

"I'm tougher."

"And I'm more stubborn."

"I can't disagree with you on that."

Both of them smiled as their playful bickering happened, that comforting familiar feeling taking away some of the tension that filled Charles' body. His eyes found Erik's and he knew he would have to talk to him sooner or later, and considering that both of them seemed to be in good enough terms at that moment, he decided that it was the best time to do so, even if he really didn't want to.

"I'm sorry for that night at your house." his voice sounded weak and apologetic, his eyes turning from dark and dangerous to pale and exhausted as Erik and only Erik took a hold of his mind, the ring feeling heavy on his finger again, making him twist the band on his finger.

Erik immediately tensed up again, making Charles wonder if he had made the right choice in talking to Erik about that at that moment. It was clear that the man was trying to use their usual method of dealing with those things: never talk about it again and pretend to forget until it's insignificant. But it hadn't worked before and it wouldn't work now, the  _ 'insignificant' _ thing would just be placed in a ball of other insignificant things until all of then formed a giant problem. Charles wasn't going to let that happen again, not when he finally had the conscience of how much it hurt not only Erik but also himself. Erik turned his head, almost embarrassed and only nodded, not saying anything for a good moment, their smiles now completely gone.

"I shouldn't have done that. It was my fault. I don't blame you for being mad at me."

"Mad at you?" 

That seemed to bring Erik's eyes to Charles again, frowning slightly as he saw the confused look in the smaller man.

"Yeah, I mean… You looked mad at me that night. Disgusted, even."

"I was mad at myself, Erik. Not at you. I thought you were mad at me for running away!"

"What? No!"

Both of them looked at each other for a moment, their eyes both searching for some kind of hint that the other was lying or being insincere. None of them found anything. After a few seconds of staring, they started laughing, the ridiculousness of it hitting them both. Charles ran his hands across his face, relief taking hold of him as he realized Erik wasn't mad at him for running, it was just a misunderstanding from both ends. Raven was right at that pastry shop, he should've talked before, explained to Erik what happened. 

As they stopped laughing, they already felt way less awkward in each other's presence once that small problem was fixed. Charles took a deep breath, sitting down on the bed and watching Erik follow him, sitting by his side with a curious expression again.

"You were mad at yourself?" he asked carefully, looking Charles straight in the eyes.

Charles swallowed his own spit. As much as his prior worry that Erik could be mad at him vanished, now he had to explain to Erik  _ why _ he ran in the first place. He looked away, to his own lap as Erik's gaze stayed on him for a while longer, trying to find out how he would explain to Erik his reasoning.

_ I still love you and I want you back. And it's driving me crazy. 'Cause no matter what I do, I feel like I'm gonna end up hurting you again, and you look so well, so much better and calmer… Like you finally found your serenity. I can't let my selfishness hurt you again. I can't let you fall for me again. Not after everything.  _

The words stayed in his mind, and only on his own, as he still couldn't look at Erik, afraid that — the moment his eyes met those greyish eyes — his mouth would work on his own accord and say everything he was thinking about. He felt completely tired from all the stress that being in that house had caused him in those few minutes. He had now learn how to deal with his feelings towards his mother as well as his feelings towards Erik, and he truly wished that both problems weren't so difficult to deal with, specially when he had to deal with them together. 

He felt a warm hand against his on the bed and his eyes quickly went there, watching Erik's hand hesitantly pull Charles' into his, holding his hand the same way he had done two months ago while they were ready to enter the restaurant, where Erik told Charles that he wasn't alone in this. That time, he felt like Erik's words were true, but this time — with his knowledge of his feelings towards Erik and the fear they caused Charles — he felt alone again. It was Charles against the world all over again. Charles against his own mind. Still, he watched his hand together with Erik's, Erik's thumb rubbing gently against the ring and Charles' skin, his eyes turning clouded as he felt both the urge to hold that hand tighter and to let it go and keep Erik free from him and his problems. 

"Master Xavier?" a voice called from the door and both Charles' and Erik's eyes turned to see a man — likely one of Kurt's employees — standing there with a formal look on his face. "Kurt is requiring your presence at his office. I'm here to guide you, sir."

Charles' couldn't help but frown for a moment before nodding at the man, turning his face to Erik again and watching their hands for a moment, taking a deep breath. He could pull his hand away, break the contact completely and let Erik know Charles didn't want that. But he did want that, and he already saw what his dramatic reactions caused Erik — he didn't think he could handle to stay the remaining days that they would be there without talking to Erik all over again, specially now that they would have to share a bedroom. Instead, he raised his hand while still holding Erik's, taking his knuckles to his lips and placing a kiss there, keeping his lips on Erik's skin for a while, enjoying the familiar feeling that it brought to his mind and the slight pain it brought with it. His blue eyes raised to watch Erik's reaction, seeing that his breathing had quickened and there was  _ so much _ hope inside those eyes.

_ Oh Erik… _

"Do you trust me?" Charles asked, his voice barely loud enough for someone to hear him. He didn't want the man at the door to listen, and he didn't want to use his powers as well, afraid that — once he got to Erik's mind —, he would go back in his decision. 

He watched as Erik frowned for a second, Charles' fingers caressing Erik's hand as if to try to calm him down and stay in the moment. After a few seconds, Erik nodded. He seemed certain of his decision. Charles mirrored his nod, swallowing his own spit as he put Erik's hand down on the bed gently again, his eyes always intense on the other man's eyes, watching every emotion that went through them. Oh, how Charles loved those eyes. They made it even harder for him to say what he needed to say.

"Then trust me on this... Be my friend. That's all we need right now." he said, feeling his chest hurting with his own words.

He watched as Erik understood his words, knowing that the same pain that he had felt was piercing Erik's chest that exact moment. He didn't want Erik to be just a friend, he  _ wanted _ Erik. But he knew he was right on that one, in not delving into something more — at least not just yet, his mind told him as that selfish part of himself made itself known —, because both of them had a lot to talk about still, a lot of old problems they needed to deal and none of them had the strength to do it at that moment. Specially Charles, who seemed to be around many of his old problems while staying in that house and whose feelings towards Erik were linked to that irrational fear that he could end up bringing Erik down again. But he still needed Erik there, needed that reassuring hand and soothing voice calming his mind, and staying as friends would give him that and would give them time to make sure they weren't jumping to conclusions with their feelings, even if Charles was pretty sure of what he felt while looking at Erik.

Again, Erik just nodded after a moment of hesitation, and a soft smile appeared in Charles' lips as he got up, giving Erik one last look before leaving his room with the man that would guide him to Kurt Marko. As he walked through the corridors again, his eyes down and staring at the wooden floor, he felt his body a little lighter. He had finally talked with Erik, maybe one of the first times they actually solved their misunderstandings quickly ever since they met, and that felt good. Unfortunately, he couldn't help but wonder if they could've been fine if they did that in the past, if they talked. 

What a mess of a life Charles was living in.

As he followed the man, he failed to notice someone coming in his direction, leading Charles and the person to bump into each other. Desperately, Charles moved to grab the person to stop them from falling to the ground, holding them by their shoulders once he managed to steady them and himself, widening his eyes once he noticed a detail about them. The woman he was holding up at that very moment, who he bumped rather violently on, was blind. 

_ What a mess of a life. _

She looked completely confused for a moment, her white eyes moving around hopelessly as she was probably trying to understand what had happened, until those eyes stopped and Charles felt a chill running down his spine. He didn't know why, but he felt as if she was able to see him in some way even if she couldn't physically see.

"I'm so sorry." he said quickly, letting go of the woman's body as he felt uncomfortable holding her for so long. "I wasn't looking. I'm truly sorry."

"It's quite alright." her voice was calm and collected as she fixed her clothes a little bit, her dress shirt now slightly untucked from her pants in one side thanks to the commotion. Again, Charles felt a shiver run down his spine, the sensation that the woman could see him coming to his mind again. 

He nodded, feeling stupid for doing that for a blind person and saying a small  _ 'right' _ to her before looking at the man guiding him to keep going. Before he could leave that woman's presence, her hand held on to his arm, making him stop on his tracks again. She wasn't looking at him, or at least her face wasn't turned to Charles as she held onto his arm, and Charles couldn't help but to take a look into the woman's mind, quickly finding an answer as to why he had that strange feeling around her. She was a mutant like him, he just didn't look enough to find out what was her power, but now certain it was the reason why she seemed to be able to see him. 

"Once you see your brother again, don't leave the room." she said, her voice dead serious and directed at Charles even if she was still facing the ground. He frowned at her words. "It's gonna hurt a lot, but you'll be able to get one of your problems solved in time. Trust me."

With that, she let go of his arm, walking calmly away as if she hadn't said anything that she did. Charles watched her for a moment, her words now adding to the swirling thoughts inside his head before the man who was guiding him cleared his throat to catch Charles' attention again, clearly annoyed at the inconvenient stop. Charles shot another glance as the woman disappeared at the end of a corridor and turned to go his way once more. 

It only took a few more steps to arrive at Kurt's office, the double doors of the room completely open as the man stood by one of the giant windows, watching the clouded sky and the garden of the house with an intense and hard gaze. As soon as Charles entered the room, Kurt's employee closed the doors behind him and Kurt's face turned to look at him. It felt oddly familiar — which Charles was getting used to, considering the last months of his life and the amount of oddly familiar things he had seen and felt again —, Kurt's dark eyes staring into Charles' blue ones with the look of someone who was about to give him a warning.

Charles remembered comparing those eyes to black holes at a young age. Black eyes that sucked the light of anyone they looked at, leaving them empty. He had done that to Charles' mother a long time ago, had taken away the light that shone behind the blue eyes of that woman and left her empty and broken, and Charles knew the same would happen to him if he hadn't left New York when he was a teenager. It would have happened if Raven wasn't there to keep Charles' light intact and safe. Something inside of him got defensive, as if Kurt was going to try to steal Charles' light again in some way, but he didn't dare move, standing next to the doors as he waited for Kurt to say something. 

"I'll go straight to the point, boy," he started, his impartial voice showing a small hint of annoyance again, as if he didn't want to be having this conversation. "tomorrow there'll be a party here for the members of my company.  _ Important people _ will be here. You being here with that…  _ fiancé _ of yours… was your mom's idea. She wouldn't shut up about it."

Charles felt his body burning slightly as he heard the way Kurt talked about Sharon, the tone in his voice showing nothing but anger towards the woman and her idea of having Charles and Erik over. The ten year old child came back once again, those words being the confirmation he needed to show that Kurt had been nothing but an asshole to Sharon ever since he left — and even before he left —, and he wanted to confront Kurt, to tell him to  _ fuck off, _ but he didn't. Instead, he listened.

"I couldn't care less about you and your sexuality or your mutation. It doesn't affect me in the slightest now because you aren't  _ here _ to affect me. But tomorrow, your mother will want you and your fiancé in the party, and of course that weird friend of yours and Erik's mother will be there as well as a consequence, so I'm warning you to not do anything stupid during the party, boy."

Charles watched the man in front of him for a moment, his eyes widening in disbelief for a second before a laugh left his lips, making Kurt's expression harden even more. It was weird to laugh in Kurt's face and not seeing the man jumping to punish him, but Charles guessed he wasn't a kid anymore for Kurt to do it. That, and Charles could easily control Kurt if he tried something. 

"So what you're saying is  _ 'don't be gay and a mutant'? _ The two things I  _ can't help _ being?"

"Oh, look at that. Maybe you're as smart as some people think you are, Xavier." Charles shook his head at Kurt's voice turned emotionless again. "I'm asking you to behave like a normal person for one night and we can both go on our ways happily and your mother will shut up about you for a second. It's becoming quite annoying how much she's talking lately."

Charles clenched his jaw again, not knowing what he was angry about anymore. Kurt's words about him having to 'act normal'? His harsh words about his mother? Maybe everything combined, even if the concept of being angry for his mother was something entirely new. Maybe it was the fact that both Charles and Sharon had a common enemy there and he was now able to empathize with her over his hatred for Kurt. 

"You understand me?" Kurt asked once Charles gave no clear answer to his proposition. He took a deep breath before finally giving his answer.

"I will not hide who I am because of your ideals, Kurt. I've hid for too long now. I'm not gonna start hiding again because of you. So I  _ really _ hope your guests tomorrow don't mind your gay and mutant stepson because if they do, just know I won't mind  _ them."  _

Charles knew that Erik would be proud of him if he had heard Charles talking, the thought alone giving Charles a boost in confidence. He watched Kurt smile at those words, not a happy smile, but an angry one, his eyes sparking with the fire that once used to burn Charles when he was a kid, realizing that now it did nothing. Charles' expression only grew more determined at that, never once backing down and facing the monster under his bed, realizing he wasn't so scary anymore. 

"If that was all you had to say, I'll take my leave." Charles said, smiling at Kurt even if his eyes were still hard over the man. "Have a good afternoon, Kurt."

_ "Sure." _

He slammed the double doors behind him as he left, feeling like he had the energy to burn the entire world down if he wanted to. Walking mindlessly through the corridors of the mansion and smiling to himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just wanted to say that the story at the beginning (the "drinking soup with a fork" one) is actually 100% real. It happened in 2018, on my first year of college, when my professor was talking about something I can't even recall and he asked if we would drink soup with a fork and a girl from my class just straight up went "yes" and my professor (who i must say is very quick witted and would destroy you with his words if you're not careful enough) just stuttered and didn't say a word for a whole minute because he wasn't expecting that while the whole class just exploded with laughter. I tend to bring some stuff from real life into my stories to make them more personal and unique to me, so this was just fun to incorporate there with Charles just being thrown out of his loop.
> 
> Hope you guys liked the chapter! See you on the next one!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Erik finally talk about their past together and Charles confronts Cain and Sharon. 
> 
> TW: Violence. Mentions of domestic abuse. Mentions of child abuse. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

At nighttime, the subject of  _ 'who's sleeping on the bed' _ came back again, making Erik and Charles discuss the pros and cons of one or the other sleeping on the king-sized bed they've been given. In the end, both of them were sitting on the small couch and still trying to decide what to do. Charles was upside-down on the couch, his legs up in the air as he moved them mindlessly and talked back to Erik, who was sitting in a normal enough position, only with one of his legs up on the couch. Their discussion many times turned into something else, conversation flowing between them as easily as water through a river, and suddenly it was already two in the morning and none of them saw the time passing, or even cared for checking for the matter.

"Obviously  _ I _ would be more attractive with no hair." Charles said in the middle of one of their nonsense talking. Erik looked almost offended by that, making Charles grin. "I'm sorry, my friend, but it's the truth."

"How did we even get to this conversation?"

"I have no idea." Charles chuckled, moving to sit properly on the couch, stopping for a moment as he felt his head spinning and looking at Erik with a sigh. "And we still haven't decided who gets the bed."

"I mean…" Erik hesitated for a moment, nervous to say whatever he wanted to, making Charles frown and wait for him to gather the courage. "We could share…"

Charles froze, his cheeks blushing just as much as Erik's were at that exact same moment, both of them looking into each other's eyes.  _ Sharing a bed with Erik, _ he thought to himself, his brain quickly screaming at him how bad of an idea that was. They had finally agreed on staying as friends that afternoon and were already talking about sharing a bed. It shouldn't be that bad, it was just something they needed to do so the other wouldn't be uncomfortable sleeping on the tiny couch that would give any of them back pain. But then again, they had dated for five years in the past —  _ shared a bed for five years _ — and Charles knew that would make both of them uncomfortable to some degree at first, that kind of closeness. But, as Charles saw the panic rise in Erik's eyes as he thought that he had said something wrong again, his mouth did what it did best: spoke before truly thinking.

"Sure. We could do that."

Erik's eyes widened ever so slightly with the surprise from Charles' answer while all the alarms sounded inside Charles' head. Inside his mind, it was if there was a room on fire, and there were people running and screaming around, also on fire, and even the fire extinguisher was on fire for that matter. Basically, Charles was panicking internally. Externally, he looked quite calm, which later he would be proud of, and Erik only watched the smaller man's face in search for any reluctancy, not finding any and smiling lightly as his panic started to go down. That smile was the only thing that started to calm Charles down, but everything was still a mess inside his head.

Soon, both of them were laying in bed in their sleeping clothes with their backs to each other in complete silence, sharing not only a bed but also the sheets — there was only one available, which was another good point to sharing the bed in the first place. But Charles didn't close his eyes, watching the side of the room he was facing and memorizing where everything was even in the almost complete darkness, doing that to distract himself from the fact that he could almost feel the heat from Erik's body on his back, even if they were apart from each other.

He took this moment to go through everything that had happened in his life in the past years and how he ended up there, with Erik Lehnsherr — his  _ ex-boyfriend _ — laying by his side on a bed that was owned by Kurt Marko and about to have a  _ 'lovely time' _ with his family while faking that Erik was his fiancé. Seemed almost surreal if you asked Charles, almost as if it was just a very elaborated dream and he would wake up in his room back in Westchester and have to get ready for another day of classes. He couldn't believe that everything that happened  _ only _ happened because Charles couldn't help himself and had to lie to pretend he had a perfect life — or at least what his family would consider a perfect life. One simple lie turned into a giant mess real quick. 

"Charles?" he was ripped from his thoughts once he heard Erik's voice call his name behind him, a whisper in the dark. "Are you awake?"

"Yes." he answered, his voice mirroring Erik's whisper, as if they had to try not to wake some invisible person that was in the room with them with their conversation. 

There was no words after that for a while, making Charles frown and think that maybe he had imagined Erik's voice, turning his body slightly on the bed to look at the other man's back over his shoulder, to see of he was truly awake. He watched carefully as Erik turned himself, now facing Charles fully. Even in the dark, Charles could see Erik's eyes staring at him, and soon he turned completely as well, now laying face to face to each other, even if there was a small space between them. Charles almost chuckled at that once he realized how perfect to their situation it seemed. They were so close to each other, staring eye to eye, and yet there was that space between them that none of them dared to cross. And when one did dare, it made the space between them bigger. They stayed like that for a while, staring at each other as if there was a line or an aspect of each other's faces that they hadn't memorized yet, until Erik's voice broke the silence once more.

"What did you do once I left three years ago?" he sounded hesitant in asking that question, as if it was one of the things that could make the space between them grow even more once again.

Charles felt his mouth go dry as he remembered everything, his hand grabbing the sheets under him slightly, the movement not going unnoticed by Erik's eyes as Charles saw that he was trying his best not to back away. Charles let himself into Erik's surface thoughts, letting the other man know he was there and sending a wave of reassurance that everything was okay, that Charles wouldn't run again. That seemed to calm Erik down to a certain degree.

"I felt…  _ lost." _ Charles' said honestly, his voice even weaker than before, deciding that Erik should know what happened. His mind was  _ aching _ to know, Charles noticed as he took another look into Erik's mind.

And so he explained, his voice ever so quiet in the darkness as his eyes were still facing Erik, his mind still resting on Erik's and catching every change of emotion from him. He told Erik about the morning after, about Charles screaming desperately after Erik around the school and how Raven had to calm him down and explain that Erik had left. He told him about how he started having nightmares every single night after the first days without Erik where he was still hurting the other man and how he would wake up screaming and crying until someone came into his room to calm him down and that, thanks to that, he started sleeping at the medical bay so the children wouldn't be scared of the screams and the times he projected said nightmares by accident. He explained how he almost succumbed to alcohol again, drinking in secret so Hank wouldn't see him doing so, but gave up after a while because there was many bad memories that came with drinking again and he was already filled with enough bad memories to deal with newer ones. 

All the while, Erik just listened carefully, his mind going through many emotions at once as Charles told his story, from guilt to fear to sadness. Once Charles was over, telling Erik how he finally managed to move on after a while and go back to normal, they laid there in silence again, the darkness almost swallowing them. Charles felt like Erik was still blaming himself for everything he was just told, so he quickly sent another wave of reassurance towards the other man's mind, making sure he knew Charles didn't blame him one bit for those moments. That seemed to make Erik's breath hitch, and soon Charles noticed that the other man was crying. 

He widened his eyes for a moment, the dark room making it difficult to see the tears running down Erik's face towards the pillow. He hesitated, not knowing exactly what to do for a moment before gently moving his hand to hold the other man's hand that was resting on the bed — a gesture that seemed to be growing between them as reassurance, as a form to say that they weren't alone — and finally breaking the space between them while doing that. Erik moved his hand to hold Charles' back, the firm grip seemingly calming Erik down a lot more now that they were connected mentally, through Charles' powers, and physically, through the touch of their hands. 

"I'm sorry." Erik's voice said, so weak that Charles almost didn't hear it. "I ended up hurting you one last time by running, didn't I?"

Those words were accompanied with a weak chuckle, but Charles didn't smile, his eyes watching the man in front of him as Erik's thumb rubbed the skin of Charles' hand mindlessly as if he was making sure Charles was there. For a moment, Charles let go of any alarms that his mind sounded, moving closer to Erik and feeling the heat of his body reaching him, even if they weren't touching in anyway still except for their hands intertwined between them. Even so, it seemed intimate, as close as they've been in three years, and as much as it scared Charles to be like this, to be so close to Erik again, he suddenly relaxed as he saw how much Erik appreciated the closeness, his face, body and mind relaxing altogether as he stared at the smaller man with grateful expression. 

"If you had stayed, we would end up together again." Charles whispered, knowing that he was right about this. He had thought about that before, about what would've happened if Erik didn't go to Germany right after their breakup. It kept him awake at night, fear and longing taking hold of him at the same time. "We would tell ourselves that it would be okay that time. And we would end up hurting each other again, and again, and again… You leaving gave us both the chance to grow, and yes,  _ it hurt like hell when you left without saying goodbye, _ but you were right in doing so, because now you look and feel different,  _ better…" _ Erik's eyes never left Charles', the hold on his hand making sure he wouldn't let go so soon, and Charles didn't want to let go of the other man's hand anyway. "And that's why I'm doing this, why I'm asking for us to be just friends… Because I can't break you again."

"You wouldn't."

"You don't know that." Charles finally smiled again, a smile filled with fear and sadness. "I need you here with me, I can't deny that I need that, you're keeping me grounded in this mad moment, but I can't ask you for more than you being my friend. You chose to go away all those years ago because it would be better for both of us, and you were right. Now I need you to trust me on this one."

Erik stayed quiet for a moment, just staring into Charles' eyes as his mind buzzed with emotions again. Doubt, longing, anger — not really directed at Charles — and, after a while, acceptance, even if the doubt never really left Erik's mind. He watched as the other man nodded in the dark, smiling sadly once again and sighing, thankful that Erik had understood his words and yet still longing for something more than just the touch of their hands. 

"Can we stay like this?" Erik asked, moving his hand and, in consequence, Charles' for a moment, making sure that he would understand what he meant. Charles found a hint of embarrassment in the other's mind, but only smiled at that.  _ Charming. _ "It's actually calming me down."

"Yeah, we can." Charles chuckled lightly. "It's a friend thing."

"Friends hold hands." Erik noted, a smile appearing in his lips again, making Charles' chest warm.

"They do." he nodded. "Good friends do."

"And we are good friends." Erik finally closed his eyes, the smile never leaving his face, mocking tone in his voice. Charles allowed himself to watch that expression for a moment, saving it in his mind as if it was a precious treasure.

"I'm a better friend than you." Charles teased, seeing the smile in Erik's lips grow.

"You wish."

They chuckled in the dark, both of them feeling lighter as their companies calmed each other, their hands held tight together as both of them drifted slowly into sleep, feeling safe with that connection, closing the space that once seemed so big between them.

* * *

  
  


The morning was great. Raven had woken up everyone earlier with screaming and loud knocks on the doors — giving a few curious glances over to Charles once she found out him and Erik were sharing a room  _ and _ a bed — and had insisted on finding the kitchen of the house to make their own breakfast. Edie had quickly complied with the idea, happy with making her own food, and soon the four of them were walking around the house to find where the kitchen was. A few maids got confused as to why they were wandering around, but Raven quickly took care of that by taking the face of a young man that worked there and saying he was showing them the entire place. That was also the first time Edie had seen Raven's mutation, leading the small woman to compliment the girl over and over again for her talent and leaving Raven with a blush on her face. 

When they finally found it, the cooks looked at them with confusion plastered over their eyes, but soon Charles told them they wouldn't disturb their work. Being the son of one of the owners of the house, Charles' words had some power over the workers, and it didn't take long for them to start baking pancakes, together. Edie managed to teach Raven how to make the batter and not burn the pancakes either, which was celebrated by everyone there.

"I can't believe my eyes. You actually made  _ edible food." _ Charles joked, pretending to wipe away a tear while Erik snorted behind him, helping his mother with the orange juice they were making after finding the fruits in the kitchen and getting permission to use them.

"You  _ do _ know I am stronger than you and could kick your ass at any time, right?" as much as it was meant to sound threatening, Raven was too proud of herself to truly care about Charles' comment, a smile brightening her face.

Once the food was ready, they started eating inside the kitchen, some of the cooks even joining their conversation as they noticed the group wasn't at all like the family they worked for, and soon the kitchen was filled with laughter and pleasant smiles that Charles enjoyed to see. One of the people working at the kitchen even confessed to be a mutant as well once Charles talked about his school, and Charles very much enjoyed the spark in the young woman's eyes as not only him, Erik and Raven complimented her and showed her support, but also her entire group of friends from the kitchen gave her a reason to not hide anymore while she was with them. 

Charles didn't think he would have such a pleasant time inside Kurt Marko's house, and yet he found himself smiling brightly, almost as much as he did back in the school, sitting on one of the counters and eating his pancakes as his legs dangled around like he was a child again.  _ Always the kitchen, _ Charles thought at one point, eyes darting over to Raven.  _ I'm always happier in the kitchen... _

"I can't even believe you're really Mrs. Xavier's son." a young man had said after a while, looking at Charles with a smile. "I mean, physically you're very much like her, but you're not distant like her."

"Don't talk about Mrs. Xavier like that, Harry." an older woman reprehended him, making Charles' frown. "You know exactly why she's like that."

"I'm sorry?" Charles asked, his eyes fixed on the woman as she looked at him again, afraid she had said something wrong. Charles quickly softened his gaze to assure the woman that it was okay and that he was only merely curious about his mother.

"Your mother has been through a lot. I used to work as one of the maids before I came to the kitchen and… I've seen some things."

"What kinds of things?" she hesitated for a moment, as if she wasn't sure if she should tell him that, and Charles clenched his jaw.  _ What had her seen? _

"One time I was asked to clean Mrs. Xavier's room. It was years ago, I had just been hired... I thought she had already left her room that morning, since she likes to walk around the garden before she starts her daily routine of drinking, but she was still there. She had only her underwear on when I entered and her body was covered with bruises, both old and new for the looks of it." the woman looked away from Charles once his gaze became too intense, that worry from the day before coming back to him, the confusion of what to feel about his mother consuming his thoughts once again. "She didn't see me enter so I pretended nothing had happened and waited for her to leave. After that I've experienced many of Mr. Marko's attacks towards her. I don't think I've ever heard her talking so much as she's been when there was a chance of you coming to visit her, Mr. Xavier. She hadn't even asked for her usual drink since yesterday."

Charles finally looked away from the woman, crossing his arms and looking at the ground for a moment, Kurt's words from the day before coming back into his mind.  _ It's becoming quite annoying how much she's talking lately, _ he had said. Charles took a deep breath, knowing that sooner or later he would have to talk to his mother about this, about what she wanted and about how Charles felt about it. He was already tired just from thinking about it. His past seemed to have decided to come back all at once to bother him into facing it and deciding what was the better solution to deal with it in the form of his mother and Erik. At least with Erik he already knew how to feel, already knew the best course of action, even if part of his mind still wanted more than just being friends. His mother was still a mystery. One he was afraid of unraveling if he was being truly honest.

After a few more minutes where the room became all laughter and smiles again, the group decided to leave, promising the workers they would be back the next morning for breakfast again. As they walked through the corridors, Charles got lost inside his mind again, his eyes turning clouded as his thoughts swirled around his head, the conversation around him becoming distant as his mother filled his mind. It didn't take many steps for someone to notice, and soon Raven's hand was on his shoulder, her eyes watching him carefully, but Charles could see she knew what he was thinking about. He gave his little sister a small reassuring smile, ruffling her hair to make her chuckle before sighing.

"Why don't you all go without me? I'm gonna take a walk."

There were protests in leaving Charles alone from everyone there except Edie, who looked at Charles with an understanding look, her soft eyes encouraging Charles to go on and reflect on what he had on his mind, and in the end, Charles had won by saying that — if anything happened — he could call them using his powers easily. Now, Charles walked the corridors of the unknown house alone, watching the white walls around him and letting his mind wander off many times, specially towards his mother. 

He didn't even know what to feel about the whole thing anymore. If someone asked Charles Xavier what he would do if his mother wanted reconciliation two months ago, he would laugh in their faces and tell them he would never accept that, poison in his tongue and bitterness behind his eyes thanks to the years he spent demonizing his mother. Now, two months after that fateful night at the Westchester house where he sat down in front of her and watched her broken eyes look at him with life behind them when Charles lied to her saying he was engaged, he wasn't sure that the answer was the same. He couldn't see himself with poison behind his words while talking to her anymore, not after confirming that she still suffered in the hands of Kurt Marko the way he himself used to so many years ago. Charles was way too empathetic for that, even with a ghost that used to haunt him, he couldn't break a broken person even more, put more cracks on their skin that would lead to them shattering at some point. At least not anymore.

But, even without the poison, the bitterness remained. Charles was empathetic, but not dumb enough to forget. Nothing would erase the fact that she left him alone, a child who was scared of the world and his own powers for  _ so long. _ Nothing would make him forget the years he lived only to leave that place full of monsters and ghosts. Nothing could erase the past and her decisions back then. It made him who he was, it made him grow too early — only having a bit of childhood given back to him once Raven arrived. He could never forget, but could he ever forgive? That was the biggest doubt in his mind and he was sure that it was on his mother's mind as well. The idea of forgiving her and her actions made him feel numb. He didn't have the answer for that. The bitter version of him told him no, that it was already too late for forgiveness, two decades too late. But that child,  _ that stupid child, _ whose voice seemed to start becoming more and more annoyingly loud inside of Charles' head was screaming to give it a try, to forgive her and have the mother that the child never had. Both voices dueled loudly inside his head and he wasn't sure which one to listen to.

Without even noticing, Charles entered a room that was already occupied — a long living room with windows that went from the high ceiling to the ground with fine furniture scattered all over it. His eyes moved up once he felt a mind that wasn't his own there and his body tensed up for a moment as he saw the big form of Cain next to the window, his dark eyes like his father's staring at Charles with bad contained anger. Charles thought about leaving the room, staying away from Cain while he was alone, but something stopped him, a shiver running down his spine as he remembered the blind woman from the last day.

_ "Once you see your brother again, don't leave the room." _

Charles eyes moved up to look at Cain again, that simple gesture making the anger in Cain's eyes only grow without no clear reason. That woman had apparently warned him about this moment, he was  _ sure _ it was that exact moment, and soon Charles regretted not getting her name and her actual mutation, but he had an idea of what it was just by the fact that she had been able to see this moment and warned Charles about it.  _ Don't leave the room,  _ she said. And so, Charles stood there, his hands on his pockets as he watched Cain stare at him.

"I don't know if you're now braver or stupider for standing there in front of me,  _ Charlie." _ the nickname tasted bitter on Charles' tongue, memories of the time Cain would hurt him while calling him by that name coming back immediately. "Leave, or else…"

"You'll punch me?" Charles asked, surprising even himself with the calm in his voice, his head tilting to the side slightly as his eyes never left Cain. He was able to notice his stepbrother's eyes widening ever so slightly. "You'll hurt me? Please, Cain, we're both adults."

"And I'm still stronger than you."

"Physically, yes." Charles didn't move a muscle as Cain started walking slowly towards him. 

_ Don't leave the room,  _ the woman's voice said inside his mind, the memory playing over and over again.

_ I'm going to die if I stay, _ Charles' own mind warned him, the memory of all the times Cain had hurt him before making his body shiver for a moment.

_ Don't leave the room, _ the woman's voice sounded urgent inside his mind, just like it sounded the day before. 

"I still could end you with just a thought now, dear brother." Charles finished his thought, surprising even himself at how harsh his words sounded.

_ I'm digging my own grave, _ he thought.

_ Don't leave the room,  _ his mind warned.

"Leave the room, Charlie." Cain's voice was threatening and Charles felt the shiver that ran across his whole body almost making him falter, standing still as Cain came closer and closer until he was in front of Charles, taller and way stronger than him, contradicting the woman's voice inside Charles' head. "Do what you always did and run away like the coward you are and maybe I won't end you right here and now."

Charles wanted to do just that, to turn away and leave before more memories of the past were relived there — the painful ones —, but he didn't. Instead, he watched Cain carefully, allowing himself to go through his surface thoughts now that he knew how to do that without being noticed, remembering that the last time he tried to go into Cain's mind, he regretted that, clenching his jaw as he saw what Cain was feeling. He wasn't doing that for a reason in particular, he didn't hurt Charles because he thought Charles had done something to him or because he resented Charles in some way. He hurt Charles because he  _ could. _ Because Charles was  _ weak _ and he was  _ strong. _ Because he wasn't a good person. It was almost sad to see how one person could just be that shallow and, for the lack of a better word, evil. Maybe Kurt had installed this way of thinking on him, but Charles had the sad realization that what Cain did wasn't Kurt's fault. Cain  _ wanted _ to hurt people, hurt those weaker and different than him, and not even Charles would be able to change his mind.

"I used to be so scared of you." Charles said, making Cain frown slightly as he half expected his intimidation to work. "I used to see you as some kind of monster who would follow me forever no matter where I went. I made you so big inside my head that it made me feel  _ small. _ But now I see you're just a person… You're just a human like everyone else around me. I'm not scared of you anymore, Cain."

And Charles realized he wasn't. He had gone through so much already, faced so many other people that made him scared through the years, that Cain seemed like a childish fear at this point. His own mind shifted, the warnings for him to leave the room stopping as he realized Cain was just another one of his childhood fears that he had to face one way or another. His words seemed to stop Cain from doing anything for a moment, surprising him so much that Charles thought that the man would step away and leave Charles alone for the first time.

It wasn't what happened at all.

Charles didn't have the time to think as he felt the pain of Cain's fist hitting him on his cheek and making him fall to the ground with a loud _'thud'_ as he stumbled against a coffee table while falling. The place where Cain had punched him started immediately to pulsate and the strength put into the hit was so much that he felt disoriented for a few seconds, coming back to his own senses once Cain's hands gripped the front of his shirt. Charles had only the time to grunt as he was thrown into a piece of furniture around the room — a couch? a chair? a table? he didn't know, all he knew was that it _fucking_ _hurt_ —, his body going to the ground again as he trying to regain his breathing.

"Not brave then." Cain's voice sounded almost like Kurt's now, thunder in a closed room. "Just stupid."

Charles took the few moments he got out of Cain's talking to take his fingers to his temple and sending out a scream for help for whoever was near him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to control Cain that easily with the short time he was gifted by the need of his stepbrother to talk. His cheek was still pulsating with pain as he was grabbed again, by the neck this time, being choked for a moment before Cain decided he wanted to throw him across the room again, Charles' body sliding on the shiny wooden floor beneath him. He looked up, his body hurting in many places now, and saw Cain ready to come near him again and strike another blow or throw him around. But, before Cain could give the first step, someone stepped in front of him, between him and Charles. 

At first, Charles thought that it was Raven there, standing to protect him from Cain, but there was something wrong. The woman in front of Charles had shorter hair, the locks were slightly darker than Raven's, golden like the sunset sky, with some whites that broke the color but didn't make it any less beautiful. Her figure was also slightly shorter than Raven's, leaner in a way that made her look very weak and fragile. The voice also didn't add up, and soon his eyes widened as he realized who was standing between him and Cain. 

"Cain, stop it  _ at once. _ Leave Charles alone." his mother's voice sounded as strong and  _ present _ as he hadn't seen in years as he reprehended her stepson. She sounded angry as her small frame blocked Charles' body from being beat up again.

His mom was there. His mom had heard his cry for help. His mom was standing up for him for the first time in decades. Both him and Cain seemed surprised at that, at the fact that Sharon Xavier wasn't standing in the sidelines anymore and was there, trying to protect Charles.  _ Don't leave the room, _ the blind woman had said. Did she see that happening? 

"Get out of my way." Cain mumbled, finally letting go of his surprise and starting to walk in Charles' direction again.

Sharon's body stiffened, Charles felt the wave of fear coming from her at the same moment. She was anticipating being hurt for standing for Charles. But even so, she didn't move, determined on being a barrier that Cain would have to cross before he could get to Charles. After that, everything happened quickly. She turned her head to the side, her eyes closed shut as Cain raised his hand to hit her and take her out of the way, her body completely tensed up and still as she just accepted her fate. Before Cain's hand was even close to touching her, Charles fingers moved to his temple again, using every bit of concentration he had to freeze Cain in his place and stop him at once. Sharon kept her eyes closed for a while more, still waiting for the blow she was  _ sure _ was coming, a pained expression in her face as her body trembled slightly. When nothing happened, her eyes slowly opened and she looked at Cain with a frown on her face, trying to understand what was happening, why he wasn't moving, until realization hit her. She turned to Charles, who was starting to get up again, his fingers still locked into his temple as he fought against Cain's mind for control. 

He walked to stand by his mother's side, his eyes fixed on Cain as she looked at him with a mix of surprise and gratitude. He had protected his mother like his younger self wanted to do all those years ago, and she had protected him as well, standing for him when she was about to get hurt as well. It felt…  _ strange. _ A foreign feeling he never felt before.

He moved his free hand to Cain's temple, taking the memory of what had just happened in that room and discarding of it, making Cain forget ever hitting Charles and Sharon's interruption. It would be safer this way, if he didn't remember, both for Charles and for Sharon. 

"Sleep." Charles said calmly and immediately Cain's eyes rolled up and and closed as he fell down to the floor, deep asleep.

He watched his stepbrother for a moment, making sure he wouldn't get up any time soon, before his eyes turned to Sharon. She was still looking at him with that mixture of surprise and thankfulness inside her eyes, a small smile appearing in her lips that weren't mirrored by Charles, until her eyes fell to Charles' cheek where Cain had punched him first, worry filling up her blue eyes as she took Charles' arm and started pulling him away from the room, leaving Cain behind. 

They walked through a few corridors until they reached a big room in which Sharon shoved Charles inside and quickly closed the door, locking it and making him sit down on the giant bed there, walking to the other side of the room. The entire place smelled like Sharon's perfume — mildly floral and sweet —, which made him realize he was inside her room now. He watched carefully as she opened the large closet and went to one shelf in particular where a small fridge was hidden, opening it and taking a small bag of ice from it. The story that the woman in the kitchen had told him that morning came back into Charles' mind when he saw the ice. Of course she had ice in her room, to heal some of the bruises. Charles held to his own pants tightly as the thought seemed to hurt him. 

He kept watching the woman, realizing that — even if her eyes were still slightly clouded —, she looked like the woman Charles knew from before his father died, like the mother he had before. Even her movements seemed the same, even if her body was still slightly stiff. That wasn't the ghost that haunted Charles when he was a kid, that was Sharon Xavier, present there and taking care of Charles. Broken, but still her. It seemed surreal, like a dream he would have when he was little and still waiting for his mother let him in again. Let him help her and have her help him. All those years ago, she had closed a door in Charles' face, both literally and metaphorically, keeping him outside of her room and of her life after that. Now, Charles was brought inside the room and Sharon seemed to be willing to let him in metaphorically again, and Charles didn't know exactly how to feel about that.

He didn't say anything, seeing the woman approaching him with the ice and holding the side of his face that wasn't bruised to keep his head still before gently pressing the ice to the bruise that formed on his cheek. Charles winced, trying to move away from the pain that first hit him once the bag touched his face, but Sharon held him more tightly, still careful, and shushed him gently, like a mother would do to her child to calm them down. After a few seconds, the cold from the ice became a blessing, numbing the pulsating pain that came from the bruise, allowing Charles to sigh in relief, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Cain won't find us here." she said, voice hushed as if she was telling him a secret as Charles opened his eyes again. "But… But he'll be angry later."

"I erased his memory." his voice was careful, although uncertain, the calm conversation seeming foreign to him. "He won't hurt us. At least not for that."

Her eyes raised to his for a while, surprise filling them before a ghost of a smile showed in her lips and she sighed in relief, her eyes going to Charles' bruised cheek again. He observed Sharon with renewed interest there. Charles knew what his mother looked like, but he never stopped to truly  _ look _ at her after all those years.

There were lines on her face that came with age, but she still looked very young. He tried to look for signs that it was due to any surgeries, only to realize that it was just her natural looks, much like Charles himself still looked younger than he was. Her lips were as red as Charles', that natural color of their lips that other people would kill to have, her skin had a few freckles that weren't as apparent as Charles', almost invisible in the pale skin. The golden locks fell on the sides of her face, white strands of hair mixing into the beautiful color and making an oddly beautiful mixture on her hair. The only thing that looked odd in the midst of that beauty that the woman carried were her eyes. Yes, the blue in them were as intense as Charles' and whoever looked at them would lose their breath at how beautiful they were. But, if you looked at them long enough, you could see how clouded they truly were, how filled with dread that woman's eyes seemed to be. 

As he looked into them, he saw those oceans again, wild waters seemingly out of control even if she was trying to control them, and for the first time he didn't feel like he was going to drown in those waters, that they wouldn't take all his breath and leave him to die at the bottom of those oceans. He also knew that his eyes weren't much different as he stared at hers, the meeting of wild waters, of two oceans that had to fight for their control as to not drown anyone or themselves in. 

"You have your father's nose." her voice said quietly as she took away the ice from Charles' skin so it wouldn't burn, watching the bruise carefully, avoiding Charles' eyes for a moment.

Charles didn't answer, just the simple mention of his father bringing yet more surprise into his mind. She never talked about Brian Xavier, not after he died, and that simple mention of how Charles' nose looked like his father's was already more than he ever expected from her. 

"And his hair as well." she kept going, a sad smile appearing in her lips as she pressed the ice against Charles' skin again. He suddenly noticed how her hands were shaking, almost unnoticeable, but the shaking was there. "But I think that's about it… You're too much like me, aren't you? Almost like a mirror…"

"Why now?" Charles asked suddenly, his mother's eyes finally stopping on his as her expression turned into one of something close to fear even if Charles' voice was barely a whisper. "After everything and all those years, why are you trying to make up for it now?"

She didn't say anything for a moment and Charles dreaded that, by talking, he had scared her enough to push her back into her distant state. But he needed to ask, needed to hear from her why she was doing that, why did she think now was a good moment for her to try to get back into Charles' life when there were so many other opportunities years ago when Charles still believed in her. Edie had said that it was because she regretted pushing Charles away, but why did that regret only came  _ now? _

"Because you seem finally happy. And safe." her voice was broken, tears filling her eyes without her even noticing as a few of them went down her cheeks, her eyes focusing on the ice bag so she wouldn't have to look into Charles' curious eyes. He wondered how many times the woman had cried like this, without even noticing that she was crying, and the thought was disturbing. "I needed to push you away, Charles. I didn't expect you to understand back then and I hated myself for doing so, but I needed to stay away from you."

"No you didn't." Charles' voice suddenly turned angry, making the woman shrink into herself slightly, flinching, almost dropping the ice but keeping her hand steady, forcing herself to stay there and listen. "You didn't have to _stay away from me._ I was a _child!_ I was _so_ _scared!_ And you turned away from me and left me alone. Because suddenly I had lost my father and mother altogether. You didn't have to stay away, you did it because you preferred to drink yourself to the bottom and isolate yourself while your son was crying for help."

Somehow, saying those words made something inside of him lighter as a tear rolled down his own cheek. Confronting Sharon seemed to open all the wounds he had covered over the years that had never truly healed, letting them breathe and burn all over again. But it didn't hurt as bad as he thought it would, it was almost comforting, as if those wounds needed to be open wide again. Through the years, Charles learned to cover those wounds, creating an illusion of a skin formed of a bunch of connected patches that formed that distorted version of himself. Some of those patches fell after talking to Erik, some were still there even after that. Now, the true skin was being revealed as the patches were removed by his words, by confronting his mother, covered in red wounds that still bled once in a while, staining the old patches over and over again but never healing, always hidden and burning under the fake skin that kept always scratching those wounds. Taking those patches allowed those wounds to breathe, to bleed freely and let the blood coagulate.  _ Heal. _ He needed that, needed to talk to Sharon Xavier about how he felt about everything she allowed him to go through. It was the only way he could finally close these wounds truly and only have the scars. With scars he could deal.

"I didn't…" her voice was even weaker as her lips quivered thanks to her crying, now much more intense, making her hand shake over the ice and almost drop it again. Charles took a deep breath, moving his hand to stay over his mother's on the bag of ice, touching the cold skin and trying to steady her hand. That seemed to bring her back into the moment. "I didn't want to do that. I wanted to protect you and I hated seeing you hurt, but the only way I could protect you from Kurt was by staying away from you…"

Charles frowned, watching as she tried to collect herself, taking a few deep breaths until her eyes seemed darker with some wicked self-control that seemed to take all the strength she had to keep it. He just waited, feeling her hand stop shaking under his and slowly moving his hand away, the ice now steady on his face for a few moments before she moved it away again so his face wouldn't burn.

"I wasn't stupid. It didn't take long to understand that all Kurt wanted was our family's money. But I had just lost your father and I… I guess I didn't want to know what it felt like to be alone with my grief, so I didn't stay away from him." a sad smile appeared in her lips again as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I was there. You wouldn't have been alone…"

"It's not the same, my darling." she said, voice as soft and soothing as it used to be when Charles was a wee boy. "I wanted someone to protect you, to be your father figure since your father wasn't around anymore… I didn't know he would be hurting you  _ so much, _ when all I wanted was for him to take care of you." she took a deep breath, wiping her tears away and moving Charles' face to look at the bruise closely, pursing her lips and placing the ice on it again as gently as the last two times. "He was drunk one night, the night before I cut you off my life entirely, and he said what he wanted from me with all the letters. That all I was for him was easy money so he could keep the company going without Brian, and that if I kept going against his will, I would be useless for him and he knew how to kill someone and make it look like an accident, and disposing of me and you would be an easy task… He said you were too much of a rebel for a ten year old because of  _ me, _ because you kept fighting for  _ me. _ You were the only precious thing I still had, Charles… I couldn't let him take you away from me, so I had to do it myself."

Charles' listened closely, the tears never stopping to flow as her words hit him. Kurt wanted to kill him and his mother to keep the money to himself. Kurt blamed Sharon for Charles' rebellious attitudes. He dared taking a look on her thoughts, a whine leaving his lips once he felt all the pain, anguish, guilt and  _ truth _ that came from his mother's mind, his tears falling even more now. 

"I know I should've fought more or left Kurt that same night and taken you with me. But I was so scared that he could kill you, leave me alone with just the memories of you and your father, that I promised him I wouldn't ever give you a reason to fight for me again and that the money would be his without protest from me if he left you alone." she stopped for a moment, a sob leaving her throat as she finally didn't have the strength to keep holding the ice, letting the bag now half-melted fall to the ground.

Charles swallowed through his tears, getting up from the bed and gently placing his hands on Sharon's arms as she cried, painful sounds leaving her throat, guiding her to turn around and sit on the bed so she wouldn't fall if her legs gave out as well. She sat down, her eyes closed shut as her hands went to her own face, trying to hide herself as she cried the oceans in her eyes out. She wouldn't say anything for a while, Charles knew that, and he was kinda thankful for that because everything she had said was already too much for him to process. He slowly moved down to take the ice, deciding that his cheek was already numb enough and quietly walking to the closet where the small fridge was, putting the ice back away and watching as he noticed that, by its side, there was a small shelf filled with different bottles and boxes of medications. He recognized a few, most of them pain medications, a few sleeping pills and antidepressants filling the small shelf, making a shiver run down Charles' spine.

He noticed then, at the back of the shelf, an old picture that seemed to be losing its integrity due the time on top of a pile of old letters. It had folding marks, as if it was folded and unfolded many times before, and it was resting precariously at the back of the shelf against the wall, no frame protecting it. He felt his throat closing as he recognized it, taking the old photo in his hand and running his thumb through the folding marks. There, in the worn out picture, Sharon sat on the grass of the Westchester house garden, her face young and beautiful in a way that Charles knew would make any person who saw her fall in love instantly, specially with the smile that painted her lips — it wasn't even a big smile, but it was radiant and happy. By her side, Brian Xavier had a giant smile as he looked at the camera, almost as if he was laughing, his pale blue eyes almost closed with how big the smile was. His dark hair was a mess and he was wearing a lab coat, but looked relaxed nevertheless. And there, in Sharon's arms, a baby was being held carefully with his arms raised as he reached for Sharon's face with a big smile with only a few teeth in his mouth, not caring for the camera at all and trying to get his mother's attention. Charles was only months old in that picture, he could tell, and yet his eyes were bright blue just like his mother's and he seemed to reach for the woman that held him with happiness in those eyes. 

A perfect family, one that anyone would say was also a beautiful one, lucky. And yet, looking at that picture, Charles' couldn't help but feel his chest hurting as he realized how broken it had become as time went by. Brian wasn't there anymore, dead and cold under the earth. Sharon had died in some way as well, the eyes of the woman in the picture and the woman who was sat crying on her bed were so different now that it was scary. That smile she carried was now nowhere to be seen. And that baby, who seemed so happy to see his mother's face, had learned to fear seeing it, growing up to lose the love he clearly felt there, on that frozen moment in time where everything was okay.

Charles swallowed the lump on his throat, turning the picture to see the back of it in search for a date, frowning as he noticed the writing behind the picture was longer than just a small date and location for the pictures, slowly recognizing the handwriting and widening his eyes.

_ I hadn't known  _

_ How happy one could be _

_ Until you came to my life _

_ And gave me everything. _

_ Westchester, New York. (Charles, 8 months). _

As much as he hadn't seen his father's handwriting in ages, Charles knew this was Brian's words in the back of that photograph. His chest hurt slightly as he read the small message over and over again, knowing he had written this to Sharon. He was eight months old when that picture was taken, when everything was fine, and there was a longing in his heart to go back to that exact moment, where everything was perfect. With a sigh, he realized that was why Sharon kept the old picture, to remember when everything was fine and she wasn't broken. A quick glance to the small pile of letters confirmed that they were from Brian to her. That shelf seemed to be Sharon's little safe corner.

After a while, he put the picture away, trying his best not to hold on to it like he wanted to, and walked back towards the woman, who seemed to try her best to stop crying while her eyes were facing the ground. With a grunt from pain — his body still hurting from being thrown around by Cain —, Charles kneeled in front of her, placing his hands on her knees gently and runnin his thumbs there, a small gesture to say that it was okay, that she should take her time. They were finally talking about it, about that time in their lives that broke them apart decades ago, and they had enough time to talk about it. She didn't have to hurry anymore because Charles would wait to listen. He's been waiting to hear that explanation from her all his life, so he was able to wait a few more minutes to hear the rest of it. That small gesture, however, managed to get Sharon back from her outburst, her eyes once again turning dark with self-control as she looked into Charles'.

"I've always been a coward, Charles." the tone of her voice caught him by surprise. She said it so matter-of-factly, as if there was no bigger truth in the world than those few words. "But I knew you weren't. You were always so much more than I could ever be, even as a child. I knew you would be able to make it without me. Doesn't mean I don't regret never making sure you knew I still loved you, that I was rooting for you everyday so you could leave that hell of a house and find somewhere you would be safe and happy again. And you did, didn't you?" she let out a chuckle in the midst of her tears, her eyes looking at Charles with so much admiration and  _ pride _ that it made Charles widen his eyes once more. "You left for college so early… Never came back, like I wanted to happen so you'd be safe. And look at you now… You're so big, Charles. You grew so much… I lost  _ so much… _ I'm so sorry..."

He watched as she tried her best not to cry again as he let his mind think about each word she said. All the hurt, the pain of thinking she didn't love Charles anymore when he was a child, all because Kurt Marko had made her believe he would hurt them if she didn't stay away from her own son. He remembered Kurt's looks towards him before and after his mom pushed him away. Before that, there was more rage behind Kurt's eyes, a fire that scared Charles a lot but that was enough to make the small boy want to fight him for even looking at him like that. There were more punishments as well, more hits and bruises in Charles' body that weren't all caused by Cain. After that morning where Sharon closed that door and left him alone, the fire died down in those eyes. He'd hit him less, usually not caring at all about what Charles did and didn't do — even if sometimes harsh words were still said to him. Now he knew why. Because his mother made a deal with the devil to keep Charles as safe as possible while he fought to leave that place. 

Knowing that seemed to hurt even more. She should've let Charles help her. He could've eased the pain. And even knowing her reasons, she wasn't right in the slightest in what she'd done, and she knew that as much as Charles. He held back a sob, clenching his jaw for a while before opening his mouth again to talk.

"You're wrong." he said, making her frown. "I wasn't any less of a coward than you. The only reason why I kept going was because there was _someone_ there to soothe the pain. The girl who's with me here, Raven, she's my sister. At least I consider her that. She lived in the house ever since I was twelve. I took her in because she had no home or family, and I gave her both, and she gave me the feeling that I had a family again. I only managed to stay on my feet because she was there to make it easier and to help me when I needed. You were right about one thing, though: I _am_ like your mirror, and I spent so much of my life hating myself for being so much like you and trying to prove myself that I _wasn't_ when I _am._ You think you know what's best for the people you love, _we_ think we know everything and that we know what to do to keep them safe, but we _fucking_ _don't!"_ his voice raised, sobbing while the words left his mouth. He was angry, but at who or what, he didn't really know. Sharon only listened, her eyes wide as she watched him lose control, tears still falling from her eyes silently. "And we keep making stupid mistakes because we _think_ we know, and we hurt everyone around us in the process so badly that the wound cuts deep in us as well, but we're too _proud_ or too _scared_ to back down, to realize what we did wrong, and we hurt, and hurt, and _hurt,_ until we feel like we're not even human anymore… Until we feel like everything we do will only hurt the others around us over and over again."

Charles stopped to breathe, his hands turning into fists on her lap as he tried to control the burst of anger he was feeling. Sharon just waited, silent tears falling from her eyes before raising one of her hands hesitantly to run her fingers through his hair. He felt his body shiver with the foreign touch of his mother, so careful and hesitant but still there as she kept the caress going. He found himself relaxing at the touch, his eyes closing and his head leaning forward as he rested it on her collarbone, faintly feeling the beating of her heart under her warm skin.  _ Familiar.  _

"But even so, I had people around me to show where I went wrong, to help me grow." his voice was calmer now, softer, a whisper as he felt her other hand hold him close while her fingers still moved around his dark hair, moving his own arms to hold her body, looking for every bit of contact he missed all those years ago. "You were alone and desperate. I won't ever be able to forget those years and what I've been through, but at least now I know why they happened. I can't promise I'll never be angry at that again, and can't say I forgive you fully, but I don't want you to stay alone anymore. Let me help you, mom…"

He heard the sob above him as he called her  _ 'mom' _ without any anger or irony behind it. Her hug became more tight and he felt as she nodded, placing a kiss to the top of his head. The moment he felt her agreement, he broke his promise and went into his mother's mind. There was  _ so much pain in there _ that almost made Charles back away, but he held on and suddenly all of the pain became calm and peace. He was finally doing what he wanted to do all those years ago when he was a child, he was giving his mother's mind the peace she needed, and he felt good about it, like he finally did something he was meaning to do for a while now. At that moment, he felt safe in his mother's arms again, closing his eyes and just enjoying her warmth and the sudden wave of love that hit him once the pain was gone. He could see her mind clearly now, how much she missed Charles all these years, all the pride she felt and the happiness of having him back, of being able to hug him once again after more than twenty years without doing so for fear that it could hurt Charles in any way. 

"But you did it, didn't you?" her soft voice spoke above him, a smile in her lips as she talked. "You are happy, right?"

Charles smiled, huffing out an amused laugh against her skin before nodding calmly. "Took me a while, but yes. I guess I am."

"Then it was worth it for me…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was a big boy but I truly hope you guys enjoyed. I've seen many fics where Sharon was a cold-hearted bitch or that she was just distant and I wanted to make something different because her character is also interesting for me in the comicverse (at least what I know of her) and I wanted Charles and his mother to talk about their past and have a resolve. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, again. It warms my heart to know people are enjoying the story so far ♥️


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PART 1: Charles has to deal with more confused feelings towards Erik and attends Kurt Marko's party.
> 
> TW: Mentions of domestic abuse. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't manage to update this on Saturday as I always do because I had a personal problem, but here we go! This is "part 1" because I had to divide the chapter because it was 13K words long and I really didn't want to edit something that long again so soon (rip me in the last chapter), so I cut it to make it easier for me and to leave you guys on a cliffhanger because I like those, I'm sorry but you'll have to deal with it lmao. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

The rest of the day after talking to his mother was  _ weird. _

After a few more words being shared, Sharon walked Charles to the corridor where his room was and they were met by a wide eyed Erik once the man saw the bruise in Charles' face and who he was accompanied by. His eyes went from Charles to Sharon, his mind buzzing with confusion and a sudden protectiveness washing over the man, making Charles chuckle.

"Cain." Charles said simply while pointing to the bruise, his eyes on Erik, watching as the man understood what he was saying and more anger filling his eyes. 

Sharon watched the two of them, Charles realizing that, even with their little talk that led to a truce that could lead to them having some kind of relationship again, he hadn't told Sharon about his lie and about Erik. She still thought Charles was in a happy romantic relationship with Erik and that they would get married soon, and Charles knew that it wasn't the best moment to reveal to his hopeful mother that he wasn't actually engaged, but he dreaded the moment he would have to tell her if they actually became close. But, at that moment, there was warmth inside her eyes as she looked at the two of them, and Charles — who was still using his powers to keep Sharon's mind calm for as long as he was in her company — felt when the woman thought about how happy she was for Charles and how proud she was that he found someone good for him.

_ If only she knew our past, _ Charles thought. 

"What the hell did Cain do?" Erik got closer to Charles, still uncertain about Sharon's presence, visibly confused with the smaller man's calm behavior around her. 

"Punched me, threw me around… The usual." Erik didn't like the way Charles' words sounded so casual while talking about this, his eyes lighting up with that flame of anger and disbelief that Charles knew well. He raised a hand to touch Erik's shoulder, looking at him with a small smile on his lips and a calm expression. "It's okay. I'm alright."

Erik seemed to hesitate, considering Charles' words for a moment, before nodding and taking a step back, his eyes still moving curiously towards Sharon. The woman didn't seem to notice his looks and soon turned to Charles with a minimal smile in her lips.

"Keep putting ice there. There are a few bags hidden through the house, I think there's one in one of these rooms." pain coursed through her mind with the memory of hiding all that ice that she had to inevitably use around that giant house when she needed to hide to avoid getting more hurt. Charles made sure it went away quickly, keeping that memory away from her. "I'll see you at lunch."

She smiled politely at Erik, looking at Charles for a long moment as if she didn't want to leave his side after finally being able to talk to him, right before walking down the corridor and disappearing, Charles slowly losing hold of her mind and leaving her alone to deal with her demons. He stared at the path that his mother just took, taking a deep breath as he felt Erik's hand on his shoulder.

"What happened?" he asked, making Charles smile, Erik's voice as confused as his mind.

"So fucking much..."

* * *

Charles and Erik spent the rest of the morning in their room, talking about what happened, about the blind mutant woman Charles met the last afternoon, about Cain's attack and Sharon's intervention, about her and Charles' words and the truce between them. Erik was laying on the bed by Charles' side as he talked, both with shoes on — which Charles only complained much later about, his own mind too busy to other matters to care about the dirty shoes on the mattress — as Charles told everything while looking at the high ornated ceiling above them, as if he was lost in his own words and thoughts while the entire story left his lips.

And he was. He wasn't even aware of Erik's eyes watching him through everything he said, his head turned to him and watching every expression, every movement of his lips, as he spoke about the whole ordeal. Once Charles finally ended, he rested his restless hands on top of his stomach, pinching the skin of his knuckles lightly in a nervous act while he thought about his own words and the events that played out that morning, at times messing with the ring that rested lightly on his finger as well. After a long sigh, Charles turned his head to look back at Erik, blinking a few times to stop his eyes from widening as he watched the man so close to him —  _ too close _ —, his face rested just a few inches away. He held onto his own hands harder, ignoring the urge to touch Erik's cheeks and feel the hard lines of his face, now turned softer, under his fingertips like he used to do. Would Erik close his eyes like he did back then to enjoy Charles' touch? Would Erik take his hand to place a kiss on his palm like he did countless times? 

_ Control yourself, _ Charles basically screamed at himself inside his own head,  _ remember your own decision, stupid man. _

"Why am I not surprised that you forgave her so easily?" that got a huff out of Charles' mouth, crossing his arms in front of his own chest and looking up again — an excuse to not look at Erik — with an annoyed expression.

"I didn't  _ forgive _ her. Not completely, at least..." he said in his defense, knowing that Erik had an opinion about Charles' too empathetic ways of thinking.

He couldn't deny that, yes, sometimes he was too forgiving due to the fact that it was hard for him to hold a grudge. For someone to have Charles Xavier's anger towards them it would take them having done something truly bad, truly stupid, or that in any way harmed the people that Charles cared about. And even so, not always the anger stayed. It wasn't forgiveness most of the time, but Charles just couldn't help putting himself in everyone else's shoes — specially for the fact that he could feel other people's emotions whenever he used his powers — and he would let go of his anger and just be indifferent. That was one of his biggest differences with Erik. Where Charles couldn't find it in himself the will to keep his anger towards something or someone, Erik couldn't let go of it. Or at least it was how it used to be. 

By his side, Erik chuckled with Charles' defensive tone and moved to lay on his side, using one of his arms to lift his torso slightly from the bed, head leaned against his own shoulder, and make Charles look at him and his grin. Charles couldn't help but smile back, that playful and teasing smile on Erik's lips always managing to get him to a good mood, unaware again of how close they were to each other, his brain apparently deciding to ignore that for a moment. 

"Are you sure? I think you did." he said, his eyebrows rising and making Charles narrow his eyes. "I think you can't stay mad at anyone."

"I can stay mad at you." Charles raised his own eyebrows, arms still crossed over his chest.

"Sure. I'd like to see you try." 

"Do you want to bet?"

"I'd win anyway."

Both of them chuckled, the moment taking away some tension from Charles' shoulders as he shook his head lightly looking up at Erik's smile. They were so distracted by their conversation and the familiarity of that kind of bickering between them that none of them cared once Erik leaned down, lips still curled into a smile, and placed a gentle kiss on Charles' lips, who kissed back without batting an eye. It didn't last, it was a chaste kiss, a quick touch of lips that came to them naturally. But, once both of them realized what had happened, their eyes widened and Charles' body went cold.  _ They had kissed. _

Charles' breathing stopped as he looked up into Erik's eyes, his face still close to his as neither of them dared to move, too surprised by their own oblivious act. He couldn't deny that he had liked it, even if it was quick, and still felt the small pressure of Erik's lips on his, the ghost of that kiss lingering more than he wanted it to. He was sure his cheeks were red, considering the fact that they were burning at that moment, and he could see Erik's face turning red as well while he still stared down at Charles. The only thing that made them move was that fact that Erik's eyes left Charles' to watch Charles' lips for a moment, his eyes and mind sparkling with the idea of kissing Charles again, and soon the alarms on the shorter man's mind started sounding loud and clear. He jumped to get away from the bed, managing to headbutt Erik by accident strong enough to make both of them grunt with the impact, Charles falling from the bed directly to the ground as Erik cursed under his breath. He thought about staying there, on the ground, his face still burning from embarrassment — now added the shame from the way his little try for an escape turned out — but decided against it pretty soon, getting up from the bed and seeing Erik with his hand on his forehead as he looked at Charles with confusion and embarrassment plastered on his face. 

"Uh…" Charles intelligently said.

Before they could even say anything properly, there was a knock on the door and Charles bolted towards it, ignoring Erik's still wide eyes and looking to see who was outside, massaging his forehead a little bit as he still felt the impact of his head with Erik's. At least it helped him forget the feeling of the kiss. When his brain finally focused on looking to the person outside the door, he saw one of the maids standing there with a smile on her face — he remembered her from breakfast that morning —, and he smiled back. Her smile faltered for a moment when she saw his cheek, purple with the bruise Cain left, but soon the smile came back, even if with a bit of pity for him this time.

"They asked me to tell you that lunch is ready and will be served shortly."

"Thank you, my dear. We'll be there soon."

The woman smiled once again and left, making Charles notice Raven approaching his door with Edie, stopping on her tracks as her eyes fell over the bruise on his cheek. The girl opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something before giving up and shoving the door open to see Charles clearly and grabbed his chin to look closely at the bruise. 

_ "Raven- _ Oh dear lord." Charles voice was muffled by his cheeks being held by the girl. "Raven,  _ let go of my face." _

"What happened?" she finally let him go, looking at Erik — who was now sitting on the edge of the bed — and frowning at him for a moment before Charles brought her attention back to him.

"Cain. We ended up fighting. But it's okay. I'll explain to you later."

She hesitated, looking up at him with her eyes full of that same feeling that they used to be filled when they were kids and Charles appeared with bruises on his body. There was protection there, and anger towards whomever hurt Charles, making him smile softly at the girl. After her hesitation, she nodded, knowing that Charles  _ would _ explain it one way or another later. Behind her, Edie seemed worried as well, but her worry was a lot more silent and less grabby than Raven's.

At this point, Erik got up from the bed and was standing next to Charles, both of them very awkward thanks to the kiss, but trying to ignore the tension. Before they all could leave for lunch, the sound of heels against the floor caught their attentions and soon everyone was staring at Sharon Xavier as she looked very uncertain at the group. Charles frowned, not expecting to see his mother there again, noticing that she had a small box in her hands and that her eyes were now on his. She seemed to hesitate, probably intimidated by some of the looks that she was getting from the group — Raven's specially, who seemed to want to scare her away just with the murderous look in her eyes —, but soon she straightened her pose, raising her nose and looking determined towards Charles, even if he could see the fear inside those eyes, scared of being told off by someone there.

"It's… It's make up." she raised the box in her hands slightly. "You erased Cain's memory, it's better if we cover the bruise."

After a long discussion with Raven mentally, which made all of the other people around look at both of them with curious looks as the siblings made wild expressions while silent words were shared between them — some of them being lewd cursing that made Charles widen his eyes more than not at Raven —, Sharon managed to get Charles into his room again and was moving products around inside her box as Charles only waited and sat on the bed. Raven was still wary of the woman's presence, even after she got a big summary of what Sharon and Charles had talked before. He didn't show her everything, didn't share the memory, because there were things he wanted to keep to himself. Even when talking to Erik there were parts he omitted.

"Thankfully you're as pale as I am." Sharon said quietly as she took a creamy product that looked like the color of their skin and put it on her own hand. "I'll be able to cover it up easily."

"Even if it looks like  _ this?" _ Edie asked, her eyes still looking at the bruise and shining with worry for Charles. He couldn't see it, but he knew that it probably looked awful. He was just glad he didn't have a black eye or a cut lip. That would be harder to hide.

He saw his mom smile sadly, feeling her mind agitated and quickly getting himself inside her head, trying to calm her thoughts. "I've covered worse…"

Everyone in the room went silent with her words, the weight that they carried suddenly heavy against everyone's shoulders. She cleared her own throat, her mind slowly becoming more peaceful naturally, without much of Charles' intervention, before she took a small round sponge and wet it with the product, slowly putting it on Charles' bruised skin. He winced slightly a few times, but Sharon seemed to be trying her best to not hurt Charles more than he already was. His eyes stayed up to look at her the whole time, watching the concentration inside her blue eyes and clenching his jaw at how much they looked like his own again. 

_ A mirror, _ Sharon had said, and Charles now agreed. Sharon Xavier was a mirror of Charles, a broken one, but a mirror nevertheless, showing him what he would have become if he didn't have Raven, if he stayed with Kurt and Cain instead of leaving to Oxford. A terrifying and sad image to see. 

After just a few minutes, she was backing down slightly to look at Charles' face and nodding at herself, a small proud smile appearing in her lips. He turned his face to look at the other people, seeking approval, and noticed that even Raven seemed surprised with Sharon's work.

"It looks normal." Erik said, his eyebrows raised as he looked at Charles' cheek. Charles tried his best to push away the kiss to the back of his mind. 

"That way Kurt or Cain won't ask questions." Sharon spoke again, her voice slightly distant as Charles noticed her mind getting agitated again. "It's better if they don't ask questions…"

"Thank you." Charles said as he got up, smiling gently at his mother and seeing her smile back. 

She hesitated for a moment as she raised one of her hands got up to touch his face where he wasn't bruised. Charles didn't move away, letting her do that and feeling her thumb lightly rubbing against his cheekbone in an affectionate way. It was still weird feeling that, feeling love coming from his mother, but he couldn't deny that — as much as it brought confusion to his head — it brought a good feeling to his chest, a feeling he had been missing for decades. When she moved her hand away, he almost asked her to not do that, but held himself back, watching her closing the make up box carefully and take it into her arms again.

"I'll probably have to do that again tonight for the party…" she sighed. 

"I'll find you." he nodded. "But we better be going now. I don't think Kurt will appreciate  _ all of us _ getting late for lunch."

"Oh, to hell with Kurt." Sharon said out of nowhere, her expression seemingly angry at the mention of her husband's name right before going pale and looking at everyone with panic in her eyes. "I didn't... I mean-"

"It's okay, my dear." Edie's lips were curled into an amused smile as she looked at Sharon's alarmed expression. "I'm just surprised you didn't say anything worse."

* * *

Charles would really like to say that the kiss didn't interfere on his day with Erik in any way, that they talked it out and kept going with their friendship as it should be. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

Through the rest of the day, Charles could feel Erik's mind get fussy and awkward whenever they were together and the memory popped into the man's mind. The same happened to Charles, having to push back the memory and the feeling of Erik's lips on his constantly. Thankfully, they weren't alone for the rest of the day, with Raven and Edie constantly around them as well as Charles' family, making it easier on both of them, up until the night came and they had to get ready for the party that was going to happen. 

They went into their room, trying to pick clothes that would be presentable for an occasion like this. For Charles it was easier, his obsession with formal clothes paying off in the end as he put the dress pants he had brought as well as a white button up shirt and his black waistcoat. Meanwhile, he helped Erik out with his own clothes by going through the ones that the man had brought with him to England, pleased that at least he had put a button up shirt like Charles' in his bag, except Erik's was black, and looked at his dark jeans before sighing. It was the best he could do with what he was given.

He was so concentrated on the clothes that he didn't notice Erik leaving the bathroom of their room with the towel over his shoulders and only his underwear on, having no clothes to wear yet since Charles was the one sorting that out, and, once he noticed, Charles' face went completely red, quickly looking away. Erik seemed not to notice, looking at the clothes Charles had put aside for him and huffing softly.

"Is that good enough?" he asked, taking the pants first and starting to put them on.

"It'll have to do."

"Let me be clear here and now that I hate this." Erik said, a tinge of truth in his words, making Charles smile at him apologetically but quickly look away from his still naked torso.

"Just one night."

"Wasn't that what I told you at dinner with your family?" Erik's eyes were now on Charles as he started putting his shirt on, a grin on his lips as Charles groaned. "Long night, I guess."

"The longest  _ fucking _ night of my life."

That made Erik laugh, truly laugh, the sound making Charles smile and forget about the awkwardness from before. Once he was properly dressed, Erik looked at Charles for approval, who got closer to him and started fixing the collar of his shirt automatically, until he realized how close he was to Erik  _ again, _ their eyes meeting as both of them remembered about the kiss at the same time. Erik's brow was furrowed as he looked at Charles, eyes clouded with confusion as Charles made his hands let go of Erik's shirt, never breaking the eye contact.

"Will we talk about the kiss?" Erik's voice was almost a whisper, as if he was sharing a secret and no one else should hear it.

Before Charles could answer, however, there was a knock on the door. Erik sighed at that, pursing his lips and looking sadly at Charles who smiled apologetically at him again.

"Not now, I guess." he finally answered, stepping away from Erik before going to the door.

He felt his mother's mind before even seeing her, the now familiar wavering of her thoughts reaching him, opening the door and watching the woman smile at him once she saw his clothes, widening his own eyes as he noticed how different the woman looked. She was wearing a long blue dress that made her eyes look even bluer than they already were, a necklace hanging from her neck with stones as blue as her eyes — Charles couldn't tell if they were truly sapphires, but he was almost certain they were —, her golden hair up with only a few strands loose. The heels she was wearing made her a few inches taller than Charles, and the make up was subtle, but still there. She reminded Charles of the picture he found in Sharon's room that morning, of that radiant woman whose beauty could take one's breath away. She looked more like her now, even if her eyes still seemed distant, even if her mind still showed how truly broken she was — going from present at the moment to completely distant from reality in mere seconds, as if she had to fight her own mind to keep focused on what was happening around her — the radiant woman was there, in that small smile that she carried as she looked at Charles.

"I brought the make up." Sharon said calmly, showing the small box from that morning again, and looking past Charles to smile at Erik minimally. "May I come in?"

"Sure."

Charles made way for Sharon to enter the room, going towards the bed again and sighing as she waited for Charles to sit down so she could cover the bruise once again. He didn't bother closing the door, sitting at the edge of the bed and watching his mother start her work, eyes focusing on Charles as if she was painting a picture. 

"What should we expect from this party?" Charles asked once he decided the silence was killing him, specially with the loud way Sharon's and Erik's mind seemed to sound around him.

"It's a company party." the woman started, her voice sounding as focused as her eyes, the job of applying make up on Charles seemingly helping her mind to forget about her own demons and stay focused on the moment. "Kurt's friend's from work will be here to celebrate another year of success. Happens every year. It's purely work related, even if some people from the company manage to turn it into a ball every year. Watching them dance is always the best part of it."

"You don't dance yourself?"

Sharon huffed out an amused laugh, making Charles smile slightly at how she seemed loose there at that moment. "Your stepfather isn't one for dancing. Your stepbrother would rather die than try dancing with me."

"Never tried dancing with anyone else?" this time it was Erik who spoke, and Charles moved his eyes to glance at him for a moment, watching the man's expression calm as well as his mind, apparently already accepting Sharon's presence there. 

"Kurt won't let me." her expression was pained for a second, making Charles frown. "Some people tried to ask me to dance before but he denies them for me, saying that I'm tired and excuses like that… I think he's afraid that I'll tell anyone what he does to me."

"If you excuse my words, that's bullshit." Erik said, making Sharon laugh, the sound taking both Charles and Erik by surprise for a second.

"Oh, I know darling." her smile turned sad again as she finished turning the bruise in Charles' cheek into a normal patch of skin again. "Still, there isn't much I can do… But watching people dance is good enough. I can at least pretend I'm there as well."

"You used to dance." Charles said all of the sudden, his brow furrowed as he looked at his mother, watching her look at him as well with a questioning look. "In Westchester. You used to dance with-"

He cut himself, afraid of talk about his father in front of her and trigger another crying fit or make her get lost in her own mind and pain all over again, but she understood what Charles was talking about, her eyes turning as sad as her smile before nodding.

"I did."

Charles remembered one night, decades ago, when he was very small and couldn't sleep. He remembered going down the stairs of the big house with his blanket in hands while following the sound of a melody that was playing somewhere in the house, knowing that his parents would be there. He stopped once he reached one of the biggest rooms in the house, the song now loud and clear, a calming melody that spoke of love, that Charles didn't quite understand yet thanks to his young age, and his eyes stopped at the middle of the room where Brian and Sharon Xavier were dancing together. Charles was young, couldn't been older than six years old, but he remembered how his parents looked at each other with something shining in their eyes that Charles years later would understand was love, the feeling seeping into his mind as his powers were starting to make themselves known.

They had noticed Charles standing there after a few seconds, Sharon's eyes shining with worry over the small child, wondering why he was still awake at such a late hour, and he remembered sleeping on her lap that night as they sat on the ground of that room, the wood from the fireplace cracking softly as the warmth of the fire and his blanket, as well as his mother's, made Charles relax enough to be able to sleep, Brian's and Sharon's calming minds also helping with the task. It was an old memory, one that Charles didn't even know he still had, but that made his heart clench slightly either way. 

"We can dance tonight." Charles said, making his mother look at him curiously. 

"I wouldn't want to take you away from your fiancé."

Next to them, Erik chuckled, something flashing quickly through his mind as Charles blushed. She still didn't know about them.

"The fiancé says it's okay." Erik said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Sharon smiled at that, eyes shining with the idea of being able to actually dance again, and Charles couldn't help but smile back at her. He felt a nudge against his mind, looking at Erik for a moment as he recognized it was him.

_ 'You didn't forgive, huh?' _ Erik's voice said in Charles' mind, making him huff out a laugh, the previous awkwardness from before seeming to disappear for a moment.

_ 'Fuck off, Erik.' _

* * *

They met with Raven and Edie at the end of the corridor where the rooms were, Raven glancing at Sharon for a moment before her eyes moved to Charles and his cheek, carefully covered with a layer of make-up. Something in her mind gave away that she was still wary of Sharon, but Charles' calm behavior around the woman kept her at bay. He walked towards his sister, a smile on his lips as he looked at her long green sleeveless dress and the way her hair was longer than normal.

"Someone's fancy." he said, a teasing tone in his voice. Raven showed him his tongue in a childish manner, making him laugh.

"I see you still find use for your waistcoat, old man."

Charles chuckled, putting his arm around Raven's shoulders and pulling her with him as they set foot to the ballroom where the party would be happening according to Sharon. The woman walked in front of the group, confident stance wavering from time to time as her mind wavered just as much, and Charles couldn't help but look at the woman with a sad look in his eyes, seeing her walk through those corridors while bad memories filled her mind with each step. And yet, it was impressive that she was still standing. Maybe that was another thing Charles had took after her, the ability to endure pain and live through it, even if sometimes they broke. Charles had to deal with other people's pain, while Sharon had to deal with her own, far bigger than what Charles could imagine.

By Charles' side, Erik walked arm in arm with Edie, bothering his mother in that playful way that always ended in Edie slapping the back of Erik's head gently and a giant smile in the man's lips. Sharon seemed to notice that after a few steps, her eyes looking back at mother and son curiously a few times before her head turned again and she kept looking forward. Charles took a peak in her mind, seeing some kind of bitterness with the way Edie and Erik seemed close, but not malicious, only more sadness and regret over the years she spent neglecting her only son. He saw the moment she made peace with the idea, the sadness not leaving but kept at bay as she lifted her chin slightly with each step, getting more and more close to the ballroom, where more people seemed to show up. She had to look strong there, and she seemed to be doing a great job.

Once they finally reached the ballroom, he felt Raven's arm tighten around his as they looked at the place. Fancy was one way of describing it, but it could also be called marvelous. The white walls were filled with rows of windows that went from floor to ceiling, chandeliers that looked like they were made of crystals made the room bright, the light catching on the white of the walls, and the floor was dark wood like most of the house, shiny and with a few patterns decorating it. Thanks to the party that was happening, the room was completely decorated with blue and black cloths — the colors of Kurt's company —, hanging from the chandeliers to the windows, tables scattered around with a few people sitting down at them, drinking and chatting between them, and a big empty space in the middle, supposedly for the dance that Sharon said always happened at these. Music played softly around the room, bouncing on the walls and filling the entire place and making Charles remember the old parties on the Westchester house when he was just a boy.

Once Sharon entered the room, a few eyes turned to her, some curious, some happy to see the woman there, and then there was Kurt's eyes at the other side of the room, staring at Sharon with those stony eyes that made Charles want to hide his mother from that gaze. Sharon turned to them, ignoring Kurt's eyes and glancing at the group quickly, her eyes dark with that self control that the woman had shown that morning with him when she was trying not to break in front of Charles. He took that moment to calm her mind a little, to give her a bit of peace, gaining a thankful look from her as she noticed his presence in her mind. 

"I have to go, I need to be with Kurt." she moved closer to Charles, fixing a crease on his waistcoat and sighing right after, a small smile appearing on her lips. "Try not to cause trouble, darling."

Charles smiled at that, noticing how her voice seemed lively in that one phrase. He suddenly was glad he talked to her that morning. Glad that he had let her explain herself and had listened to her words, because the woman in front of him already felt ten times like the woman he knew before Kurt had entered their lives. Charles had helped her, the only person he was never able to reach out to, to  _ try _ to help, and he finally had done it. And the results of that were already visible. 

"Can't promise you anything, mother." he said, mimicking the proper way Sharon talked, but with no poison behind his voice. "We all know I've always been attracted to trouble."

"Tell me about it." Raven mumbled by his side.

Sharon left after saying a quick goodbye, leaving the group on their own in the middle of that ocean of unknown people. Charles sighed loudly, raising his eyebrows and looking at Raven when she untangled their arms and put her hands on her waist.

"I've been running from your family parties for  _ ages. _ I can't believe I was dragged to this one."

"Welcome to hell, dear sister." Charles bowed dramatically, taking a snort out of Raven.

"It can't be that bad…" 

Charles looked at Edie, the hopeful expression in her eyes that her words were true made Charles smile.

"You know, you'll have to compensate me for bringing me here." Raven said, a smirk in her lips as she put an arm over his shoulder, making Charles raise his eyebrows. "That visit to Oxford. Tomorrow morning. Just you and I?"

Charles held her waist, pressing his sister closer to him and threw his head back as he pretended to think. Raven, in return, put her arm around his neck and squeezed slightly, making him choke for air before pinching her skin and making her stop what she was doing.

"Fine. Oxford tomorrow then. But let me breathe."

"I knew you would agree, dear brother." her voice had a mocking british accent as she spoke, letting go of Charles to put her hands on her waist again. "Let's get a table for us, shall we?"

* * *

After more than half an hour in the party, the four of them hadn't left their table for anything except getting more alcohol — and juice in Edie's case. A few people looked at them curiously as time went by, constantly asking themselves who the group was and widening their eyes whenever they saw Charles and realized who  _ he _ was. Charles managed to take a look into the minds of everyone who looked their way, some of them only recognizing him as Sharon's son for the way he and his mother were alike, but some of them recognizing him as Charles Xavier, a powerful and influential mutant from New York. Charles didn't pay attention to them, only curious to know which of the two options they were thinking about, amused at how a few of them tried to decide if they should talk to him or not, to which Charles secretly helped them decide not to talk to him, nudging their minds to make that choice.

By his side, Erik finished his second glass of champagne, looking at the glass for a moment before getting up from his chair with the goal of finding another full glass of the drink. Raven, who had just finished hers as well, got up with him, desperate to move than just sit there for the whole night.

"Do you want another one?" Erik asked as he saw Charles' almost empty glass. 

"Please. I've been denied being drunk in those parties when I was younger because of my age and I'm not gonna miss this chance now." 

Erik smiled at his words, nodding at him before turning to his mother to ask her the same question before leaving with Raven in search for a waiter with drinks. Charles took the last sip of his champagne and put the glass away, sighing audibly before scanning the room and seeing his mom and Kurt standing and talking to another couple, Kurt's hand possessively holding Sharon's waist as the woman only smiled and listened as everyone talked around her. He reached for her mind, finding the discomfort of being held by Kurt easily and pursing his lips, wishing he could do something that could take her of that situation. Before he could think of something, Edie's voice caught his attention by his side.

"So you talked to her?"

Charles' eyes turned from his mother to Edie, who looked at him with an expectant look in her eyes, understanding quickly that she was talking about Sharon. There was a hint of something hopeful in Edie's mind that Charles was able to feel right away, as well as a hint of worry.

"I did. This morning." he nodded, pursing his lips as he remembered the conversation. "It was all very intense."

"You two seem to have come to an understatement. Or am I wrong about that?"

"We did." Charles chuckled, nodding again. "There was a lot that was said but I guess we did manage to get to an understanding."

"And how do you feel about it?"

Charles looked at Edie again, brow furrowed and a puzzled look on his face as her question settled in his mind. Although that question had been in his mind through the day, dying down after the kiss he shared with Erik, Edie was the only one who asked it, voicing his own mind. He pursed his lips again, thinking about it and realizing the amount of feelings he felt as he remembered the conversations, an ocean of different emotions that mixed themselves with his feelings towards Erik, making him not able to tell which was which for a moment, two of his biggest questions mingled inside his mind. He focused on the emotions connected to his mother, knowing that thinking of Erik and their kiss would not be beneficial at the moment and it was not the point, even if his mind tried its best to keep reminding him, the ring on his finger seeming to burn slightly against his skin, as if the metal was being heated by fire.

"I'm… relieved that I got to hear her side of the story and that she heard mine." Charles' eyes were on the table cloth, trying to find the words that could describe what he was feeling. "I'm happy for having her back. I'm hurt from the lost time and the way she pushed me away. I'm sad for not pushing harder to try and help her when I was a child like I wanted to. I'm angry at my stepfather for what he did. I'm… I'm trying to figure out what to do now."

By his side, Edie smiled softly, reaching for Charles' hand and squeezing it lightly. "That's already a big step considering the anger I saw in you whenever you talked about her."

"I can't be angry with her. Not now." Charles squeezed Edie's hand back before letting go, taking his glass to his mouth before remembering it was empty and placing it on the table with a grunt, wishing for the taste of alcohol to help him deal with his confusion. "Not after everything she told me and what I've found out. Call it weakness, but I tend to stick around for the broken people, even when they hurt me."

"Oh,  _ Schatz, _ that's not weakness. Just shows you want to help. I think that's admirable. And besides, she seems like she appreciates that as well and I don't think she'll hurt you anymore."

"But what now?" Charles asked, his eyes looking straight into Edie's as if he could find answers there, in that fragile-looking woman who always seemed to know exactly what to say. "I made peace with her, with everything she put me through, but what happens now? She'll stay in England, with Kurt, where she'll keep suffering, and I'll go back to New York. I can't help her from there, what happens then?"

Edie looked at him for a moment, dark eyes staring at his clear ones, before she gave him a small smile, almost a sad one, shrugging. "I don't know,  _ Schatz. _ But enjoy the now and let's see what the future holds."

Charles raised his empty glass on a cheers motion, his eyes moving around the room once more and only stopping once he saw a figure entering, a few eyes turning to the entrance as well. His breathing stopped as he recognized the blind woman from the day before there, this time in more elegant clothing, being able to catch everyone's minds in the room as they stared at the woman. Some of them stared because she was blind, wondering how she was there without company and pitying her, others just admired her for her looks. She looked almost ethereal in an white loose dress, like a goddess straight from the greek pantheon, eyes just as ivory as the ancient statues, her sleeves falling on her arms and tied to her wrist by a golden string, making every movement move the cloth in a way that made she look like she was floating. Her brown hair was up, a few locks falling over her face, not bothered by the one that was in front of her eye. She stood there with such ease and grace that even Charles had to admire the beauty of that woman, but his mind was more occupied to find out who she was and what she was doing there.

Erik and Raven were finally coming back to the table, their lips curled on easy smiles, and Charles only had the time to grab his glass of champagne from Erik's hand before moving away from the table. Raven called after him, but his entire focus was on getting closer to that woman. Once one of the guests left her alone, Charles moved to push another man to the side before standing in front of her. She didn't look up, couldn't see him with her eyes, but the smirk that appeared in her lips showed that she knew he was there, almost looking confident that everything was going the way she wanted it to go, a shiver running up Charles' spine with that prospect.

"Mr. Xavier," she said, her voice calm and proper, as if she hadn't grabbed his arm just the other day and told him to endure Cain so he could talk to his mother. "what a pleasure to meet you again."

"Something tells me you already knew you'd meet me again, ma'am." his voice sounded as proper as hers, people staring at both of them, clearly wanting Charles to leave so they could talk to the woman. He heard the woman chuckle, a quiet sound in the middle of the song and chattering happening around them.

"Guilty as charged." she confirmed, her smirk growing wider. "My name's Irene Adler. I work with your stepfather, if you're wondering why I'm here."

"And you're also a mutant." Charles stated more than asked, receiving a nod from Irene either way. "You can see the future?"

"I can see  _ possibilities." _ she corrected, her face finally rising, her white eyes looking straight at Charles' face, as if she could properly see him. "You're a smart man, Mr. Xavier, and surely you know that the future isn't a constant. It changes based on someone's choices, endless possibilities stretching in front of them. I only seek out to see the ones with more chances of happening. But, in a simpler way, you  _ could _ say I can see the  _ futures." _

"That's fascinating." Charles mumbled, looking at the woman with more interest now, watching her smile wider before he cleared his throat. "And why did you help me there? Telling me about staying in the room with Cain?"

Her expression turned darker for a moment, her mind flashing with something just as dark, and Charles tried to read it, realizing he couldn't. He didn't know how, but Irene had blocked him from his mind, stopping him from seeing anything other than her surface thoughts that didn't seem to be more than blurred emotions. He'd be suspicious of her if he wasn't surprised at the woman's ability of blocking his telepathy, considering Charles was one of the most powerful telepaths that existed.

"When we bumped against each other on that corridor I saw your future, or at least the most likely one to happen, Mr. Xavier. It was a future where you'd be able to find out things that had been hidden from you for too long and that would bring you peace of mind. Unfortunately, the only way for you to reach the outcome I saw was for you to be hurt by your brother, and for that to happen I'd have to tell you to stay in that room." her words were serious, almost like a doctor explaining her patient about their situation, and Charles listened to everything carefully. "You're on the path to a future that will hurt again, but that will be good for you and for your mother as well. You've been oblivious for too long. This will change soon, I promise you that."

Charles looked at her, considering her words and trying to get into her mind again, only to be blocked once more. She wouldn't show him his future, telling him only that there was something to come, a prophesy of sorts, an Oracle right in front of Charles. He took a sip of his champagne at that, frustrated. After a few seconds, she smiled again, making him blink a few times.

"Now, would you help a  _ poor blind woman _ to a table?" there was a hint of sarcasm in her words as she called herself 'poor blind woman', making Charles huff out a laugh. "If possible, the table you're sitting on with your friends. Our conversation is not over, Mr. Xavier. There are still things I need to tell you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PART 2: Charles talks with Irene a bit more about Kurt's company, letting him know some things he never knew about his family. The night ends in an unexpected way.
> 
> TW: Needle (blood taking is mentioned quickly); Alcohol; Sexual content. (Make me aware if there are more and I'm not putting them, please. Let's keep this safe for everyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! Welcome back to another update. I just wanted to ONCE AGAIN thank everyone who's reading this and is leaving comments and kuddos, it really warms my heart. This is the continuation of the last chapter because I had to divide it in two and we FINALLY reached the smut part of this (but that's not the last of the smut in this story, there'll be MORE lmao), so if you don't like it, I'm sorry. You'll be able to see when the smut starts if you want to ignore it. But anyway, as you guys can see, now the story has already 13/17 chapters posted, and No, I haven't finished writing it quite yet but 17 is the number I'm expecting. I have 15 chapters ready so I just need to write two more and it'll be over. I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Charles took Irene's arm gently, feeling her wrap it around his before starting to walk, being guided by Charles through the room. A few of the people who were around them, waiting for their chance to talk to Irene but not really paying attention to Charles' conversation with her, grunted as they saw her leaving without giving them a chance to talk to her. Whoever she was, apparently she was a big name. Once they reached Charles' table, the eyes of his friends rose to look at the blind woman with confusion in each of them, and Charles noticed a faint blush creep into Raven's cheeks as she looked at Irene, making him raise an eyebrow, catching a glimpse of his sister's thoughts and snorting as he realized she thought Irene was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen.

 _'No time for gay panic, Raven',_ he sent over to her mind, making her glare at him and blush even more as she screamed for him to leave her thoughts alone in a way that forced him to leave as not to get a headache.

"This is Irene Adler." Charles introduced her and he saw the woman bow her head respectfully at the group. "I believe I told you about her, Erik."

Erik's eyes seemed puzzled for a moment before he understood who she was, a glint of interest going through his grey eyes. By his side, Irene chuckled.

"Hopefully no harsh words."

Charles helped Irene down to a chair, watching the woman sit carefully and smile at nowhere in particular once she was comfortable, polite as every single person inside that party.

"I'm Erik Lehnsherr." Charles watched with his eyebrows raised as Erik raised his hand across the table for Irene to shake, seconds later realizing his mistake when the woman didn't move to do it. Raven snorted at the man, a blush creeping into Erik's cheeks while Edie pushed back a chuckle. "Nice to meet you. And I can assure you no harsh words were said about you."

"Very nice to meet you too, Mr. Lehnsherr." Irene said, smiling in the direction Erik's voice was coming.

"I'm Raven, and the other person at the table is Edie Lehnsherr, Erik's mom." Edie said a small and friendly 'hi' at the blind woman, but everyone frowned as they saw the expression in Irene's face.

"Raven? Raven Darkhölme?" she asked, making Charles blink a few times, the same way Raven did as she heard her own last name.

As much as Darkhölme was Raven's real name, there was still a weirdness to it. He hadn't heard that name in years, not ever since they met each other for the first time. Raven was never really adopted by Charles' family, her title as his sister always been out of affection and out of growing up together as siblings, but Charles always considered her a Xavier and the reminder that she wasn't legally a Xavier made him lose his ground for a moment. 

"That's me, yes." Raven said after a moment, seemingly taken aback by Irene's knowledge of her last name and by hearing it after so long just like Charles. "Do you know me?"

Something flashed across Irene's face, a blush rising on her cheeks, and Charles tried again to read her mind to see what was happening, but to no avail again. The woman cleared her throat, smiling meekly and shrugging, as if she was dismissing the strange behavior. But there was something more in that smile, something Charles was trying to decipher, almost like the woman had just found _something._

"I know you as much as I know Mr. Xavier. I have heard of your work in his Institute." Irene explained, but her surface thoughts told him that it wasn't the whole truth. "I also heard about your mutation. A wonderful thing, I'd say. Too bad I can't see it."

Raven stopped for a moment, looking at Irene curiously, considering something before smirking and talking again.

"But you can hear it." 

Her voice was a perfect mimic of Irene's, making the blind woman actually widen her eyes and open her mouth in wonder, the smirk in Raven's lips turning into a smile at her reaction and her cheeks blushing again. 

Charles finally sat down, taking his place by Erik's side as his eyes watched Irene carefully, taking another sip of his champagne and wishing there was something stronger for him to drink at that moment. 

"Well, it's a pleasure meeting all of you. I'm glad I won't be alone this year at this party."

"I doubt you'd be alone. There were many people trying to talk to you before I stole you from them, Mrs. Adler." 

"I'm sure you know well what's like be around so many people and yet feel alone, Mr. Xavier." Irene raised her eyebrows, making Charles frown. "This party is only for the people with a certain kind of status in Marko's company, like myself and all the others standing here tonight. I'm head of a whole sector of the company _and_ I'm wealthy enough to be invited. The people I'm friends with at work aren't, which leaves me in the middle of a bunch of rich people who think they're better than everyone else." she stopped for a moment, leaning closer to the table and carefully placing her lean fingers over the black tablecloth, her voice getting more quiet. "Besides, I'm the only mutant here other than you and your friends, and you are the only ones who know about that."

Charles blinked a few times, frowning even more as he watched Irene with curiosity. "No one knows you're a mutant?"

"That would be dangerous to be out there. Would give Kurt a reason to fire me and all the staff I hired over the years I've been working with your stepfather. I'm only still there because I'm still the best head of staff he has, even with my… disability."

"He would fire you because you're a mutant?" Erik's voice sounded angry at the idea. 

"He would fire me for what I did as a mutant inside his precious company." Irene's voice sounded serious, her lips now pursed into a fine line. "Tell me, Mr. Xavier… Do you know what this company does? It was your father's before being Marko's, after all."

"It's a drug company." Charles said, although his voice sounded uncertain now at the way Irene asked that question, as if no matter what he answered, it would be the wrong answer. "Produces medicine and does research on illnesses that don't yet have a cure."

Irene's smile as he finished his words made sure to let Charles know he was wrong. "This is what the media says it does and what the company's propaganda advertises. But there's more than that. The medicinal façade hides something your own father started: research on genetics. To be more specific, research on the X-Gene."

Charles felt a shiver run up his spine as she said that, the hairs on his neck raising with goosebumps, taking a moment to swallow a lump that had formed inside his throat.

"Why would Kurt want to study mutation?"

"It wasn't Kurt's idea. This sector started with your father when you were a child. There's… parts of the story that I'm unsure of because they're just rumours inside the company, passed for years from mouth to mouth, so there's probably some missing information or wrong details... But from what I gathered over the years I've worked there, the story is that Brian Xavier found out about your mutation when you were a small child, because apparently your powers started to show early. He was fascinated by your abilities and when he found out you weren't the only one in the world, your father decided he wanted to know more about mutation and how it worked, how it happened. He pitched the idea to Kurt, who was his friend _and_ associate at the time, and revealed him that you were a mutant. Kurt though Brian wanted to do this research to _cure_ you, for a lack of a better word, and turn you into a human, but he couldn't be far off. Brian Xavier wanted to understand you and your mutation so he could raise you properly, raise you as a mutant and give you what you needed to properly grow up as yourself. He even started his research with your DNA... Unfortunately, he died a few years later, and he was never able to finish his research."

Charles listened in disbelief to each word, all the noise around him dying down as Irene talked about his father and his project. It made sense, now that Charles thought about it, remembering the old library from the Westchester house and the books he used to read from his father. Genetics books, full of notes from Brian himself that Charles used to read over and over again as a teenager. The same books that made him fall in love with the subject and head to Oxford to course genetics, some of the same books that Charles had taken with him to England and then back with him to New York when he moved back into the house, the old library empty by then. He remembered the old copy he still had of Charles Darwin's book, _The Origin of Species,_ and all the footnotes Brian Xavier had made in a hurry while reading it, in a handwriting that Charles still had some difficulty to understand.

He knew his father was fascinated with genetics and knew that Brian was aware of Charles' mutation, but he had no idea of the scale that Brian Xavier's passion project had. He didn't know about the other side of his father's company, didn't know that all the research he was doing was _for Charles._ Irene had said he had used his DNA even, and Charles remembered a day, memory foggy with the time, when he was no more than five years old and he was sitting on his mother's lap, eyes watery as Brian took a blood sample from him, the needle hurting his arm a little. His mother held him tightly as Brian finished his work, making sure to keep Charles as comfortable as possible, her own eyes filling up with tears as she saw the pout in her son's face, as if he could break into a crying fit at any moment.

"Is that really necessary, darling?" his mother had asked when Charles hid his face on her chest, trying not to see the blood coming out of his arm.

"It'll be quick, I promise- _There._ See? It's over now, champ." Brian smiled at Charles once he finally looked back, blue eyes staring sadly at the small band-aid his father had put on his arm. Charles threatened to cry, more from the tension and stress that accumulated in his little body thanks to the sting of the needle than from pain, since there was none anymore, and Brian quickly widened his eyes, stuttering before being able to say something coherent. "What do you say we go outside and play some football before dinner? I'll let you eat twice the amount of dessert for being a brave boy."

Charles' interest peaked and he no longer was pouting, projecting his happiness with his father's words into everyone's mind there by accident, his powers still new to him and an unknown territory. Brian smiled at that, at the demonstration of his son's powers, ignoring Sharon's glare for promising Charles so much sugar before sleeping. Now it made sense why his father was taking his blood and the wonder in his eyes whenever Charles displayed his mutation, either by accident or on purpose.

In the end, he had followed his father's footsteps, and the idea of it made Charles' heart clench. Brian would be proud of him, now he was sure of it, but it still hurt that the man wasn't there to see what Charles had done, what he had accomplished.

"As you know," Irene kept going, bringing Charles back to the moment. "the company now is owned by Kurt alone, but he never closed the sector that did research on the X-Gene. He saw it as profitable if he was able to get somewhere with it, his idea of _'curing'_ mutants still not dying, specially after knowing you. You had a fame in the labs for being _reckless and childish,_ Mr. Xavier, but I guess that was Kurt's hate talking. And that's where I come in into all of this. I've studied enough and was brilliant enough to be hired by Kurt to supervise the whole sector, and once I found out about Kurt's attempts to find a way to block mutation, I started hiring mutants to help me stop his research. I've been altering results and putting random mistakes into the formulas that are innocent enough to go without being noticed as purposeful for years now. Kurt is not a geneticist and has no knowledge in the area like your father had, so he never suspected it, but I can't say he wasn't close to find something to stop mutation once and for all a few times… If it wasn't for me and my team, he would've been able to find what he wants a long time ago."

There was a heavy cloud over the heads of everyone in that table, and even with the party going on around them, it seemed like every color was drained from the world. Charles was able to feel the minds of everyone there, Raven's and Erik's were the louder ones, the information of Kurt's work making their minds fill with dread. His own mind wasn't much different, but as terrified as he felt, there was also confusion. 

"If he failed so many times, why didn't he close the sector?" the smile that appeared in Irene's lips after his words didn't make him feel better.

"Because of you." she answered simply. "Because of all _you_ represent and how mutants, the very things that Kurt secretly despises, are gaining rights and ground all over the world. The news of your school in New York arrived in the lab quickly, Mr. Xavier… Kurt wasn't happy with that, wasn't happy with how you were getting powerful, so to speak. He still sees you as a threat, as someone who could take his power away from him, and he doesn't like that one _bit."_

* * *

After the conversation with Irene, Charles had raised to his feet and excused himself, making his way to the kitchen as he tried to keep his breathing still. He was so distracted by his own thoughts that he didn't notice Erik following him the whole way, entering with him on the kitchen as the people working there looked at them with surprised looks, right before Charles found where the alcohol was stored and finding a bottle of some expensive wine that he didn't mind checking the year of and making a mental note to open it as quickly as possible. He was too sober for that night.

When he turned to try and find a corkscrew, he jumped slightly as he saw Erik standing there, eyebrows raised and questioning eyes looking at Charles and the bottle of wine he almost dropped to the ground after being scared by accident. 

_"Fuck!"_ Charles said. Erik snorted.

"What exactly are you doing?"

"I can't get drunk on champagne. At least not fast enough"

He walked past Erik with the bottle, asking one of the people working there who Charles recognized from breakfast for the corkscrew. When he finally got the bottle open, he was quick to find two unused glasses and pour the wine into them, handing one for Erik, who approached him again, looking at the glass in Charles' hand with a raised eyebrow.

"So you'll get drunk?"

"If you take the glass, _we'll_ get drunk." Charles shook the wine in his hand slightly, watching as Erik took it. "I can't deal with… all of this sober. It's too much at the same time. My head feels like it's going to explode, and that's a lot coming from a telepath."

Erik smiled, albeit quite a sad smile, and held his glass for a toast as a few workers walked around them and looked at both of them curiously. Charles joined his glass to Erik's before taking a big gulp, the taste of the alcohol more enhanced than in the champagne already making him concentrate on that and not on the new information he had just gotten. Everything seemed to happen at the same time that day, giving Charles no chance to process everything properly. First it was Cain, then the talk with his mother, then the kiss with Erik — which they hadn't talked about yet — and now this woman came to him talking about his future and his past, and how Kurt was trying to find a way to stop mutation because he didn't like the idea of mutants getting a place in society. Because he didn't like Charles and what he represented.

He just wanted to come to England, pretend he was engaged to Erik, and leave to never come back and leave those skeletons in his closet for the rest of his life. Instead he felt like he was caught in a mess bigger than he anticipated, the skeletons starting to leave the closet without his consent and corner him so he would _have_ to deal with them, one way or another. _You're on the path to a future that will hurt again,_ Irene's voice rang on his head, and Charles felt like she was right. There was a sense of dread in his mind with the new information about Kurt's company. There was the feeling of a storm that was forming slowly, but, when it did, it would destroy everything in its way, but Charles couldn't tell yet if it would be a good or a bad thing, he just knew there was _something_ coming.

His fingers started to play with the ring on his finger unconsciously, turning the metal round and round against his skin, the smooth surface of the inside of the ring feeling nice as he did so, trying to keep his mind away from all of that. The movement brought Erik's attention to that without Charles even noticing, grey eyes staring at the metal intensely as he took another sip of wine.

They stayed there in silence for a while, and after two glasses of wine, Charles already felt his head lighter thanks to the alcohol, his thoughts starting to be too random to focus on only one problem and allowing him to not focus on anything properly to disturb him. He looked at Erik, noticing in the man's eyes that he felt the same way after Charles had refilled his glass when it ended without waiting for Erik to ask or deny it. 

"We should go back." Erik downed the last of his wine and put the glass down on a counter, looking at Charles. "The girls must be worried by now."

Charles chuckled inside his glass and shrugged, accepting the offer and taking Erik's empty glass once he emptied his, as well as the bottle of wine. Erik frowned at him as Charles started to walk out of the kitchen with the wine, not questioning him any further and walking to him towards the party. Charles knew he couldn't just walk in with the bottle in hands like that, as much as he didn't really care about anyone there, he felt the urge to have some manners as he usually did when he was a child. He chuckled to himself, knowing he was on the level of alcohol that made him act like his mother — Raven hated that stage of Charles' drinking, saying that he would not stop slapping her back so she could straighten it whenever he was like this. He gave a quick glance over to Erik and took advantage of the fact that people there had an idea now that Erik and him were together, scotching closer to him and putting Erik's arms around his waist and resting the arm with the bottle on Erik's back, hiding the bottle at least from anyone that looked at their front.

He felt as Erik tensed up by his side, shushing the taller man when he looked down at Charles quizzically. Charles just raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

"We're engaged." he said simply, pressing the bottle a little more to his back to make sure Erik understood what he was trying to do.

"Why did I accept you as my fiancé?" Erik joked, but the tension never left his body as his lips curved into a smirk, his grey eyes harder than normal.

"Because I am incredible. You said that yourself."

"I am pretty sure I didn't say that."

"You did! You went _oh Charles you're so incredible, the best man to ever live, please marry me and also your ass is great."_

That managed to make Erik laugh, the sound causing Charles to smile. "Is that the story of our proposal?"

"It is, don't you remember? You said all that while under the moonlight on Central Park and was crying the whole time 'cause you're very emotional." Erik snorted again, shaking his head, some of the tension going away from his body as he pressed Charles closer to him, the feeling too good for Charles to give a damn about what was happening.

"If I recall that night well, my _beloved fiancé,_ you were crying too. There was snot running from your nose."

"Sure. And you said you'd marry me and my snotty nose. You have some weird kinks, let me tell you."

Erik laughed again, and this time they were closer to their table, making both Raven and Edie look at them. Raven's brow furrowed, looking at Charles and Erik holding each other with suspicion before Charles escaped Erik's embrace and almost ran back to his seat with the bottle in his hands to hide it at the foot of his chair once he was properly sitting down. Raven shot him a glare, which he only responded by moving his hand behind her and slapping her back, making her straighten her posture. 

"You keep complaining about your back pain but don't sit straight."

"Oh, for fucks sake, you're drunk."

"Not quite, but will be dear sister."

Edie looked at Erik after that, looking for an explanation, and Erik only raised his hands to say he wasn't to blame for that, sitting back at his seat between Charles and Edie. Irene was still at the table, a glass of champagne half drank now in front of her as she smiled lightly with the discussion going on around her. Once Raven gave up on Charles, he saw both women talking between themselves and couldn't help but peak at Raven's surface thoughts, although his politeness made him feel really guilty after. Raven seemed genuinely interested in Irene, and Charles huffed once he noticed he couldn't read her thoughts still.

After a few seconds, he filled his empty glass with wine again, doing the same for Erik and keeping his glass hidden under the table as he sometimes took a sip. Everyone else was drinking champagne, and Charles didn't want to show everyone, specially Kurt, that he had basically stolen a bottle of wine from his kitchen. An expensive one even. As much as Charles was a _special guest,_ Kurt wouldn't be happy if he saw that.

Kurt. His stepfather. The same man who hated him and all that he was. The same man that was searching for a cure for something that wasn't an illness-

He shook his head, regretting the gesture once he felt dizzy, taking another big sip of his wine. He wasn't going to think about it at that moment. He was drinking to forget, and he would if it depended on him.

After two other glasses, he felt his whole body warm thanks to the wine, considering opening his waistcoat, but decided against it once he remembered it wouldn't be polite at a gathering like that. Before he could even pour himself his fifth glass, Charles heard the music playing change and a few people cheer in the crowd as someone announced that it was time for everyone to take someone to dance. It took a few seconds for Charles to remember he had promised his mother a dance, scanning around the room and finding her standing by Kurt's side like she had done the entire night, her eyes locked in him to see if he would stand by his offer of taking her to dance.

Charles excused himself from the table, taking a deep breath as he used the last of his sober mind to focus on his task, walking over to his mother and Kurt, seeing the conversation that was going on between Kurt and someone who clearly worked with him stop so they could look at Charles. He couldn't hold himself, throwing his morals through the window as he entered the other guy's mind finding hatred inside of him towards Kurt, and Charles quickly chuckled at that, almost saying _'me too, man'_ without thinking. Instead, Charles gave them one of his smiles that was guaranteed to charm anyone, seeing the the man who was talking to Kurt before relax once he saw it, and soon his eyes were on his mother.

"Pardon my interruption," Charles said, using everything he learned of etiquette and manners as a child as if he wasn't halfway drunk at this point. "but, mother, I believe I promised you a dance."

Sharon smiled brightly, making Charles' chest warm, but Kurt seemed to hesitate before letting go of the woman, who quickly walked to grab Charles' arm, a few inches taller than him with her big heels. Before he could leave, the unknown man called after him, making Charles stop on his tracks. 

"You're Charles Xavier, right?" the man asked, his voice raspy against his posh accent, as if he had smoked too much through his life, eyes lighting up as he looked at Charles.

"I guess so." Charles gave him another smile, wanting to leave as soon as he noticed Kurt's look towards him.

"I've read a lot about you, Mr. Xavier. It's a really impressive work you're doing in New York with the young mutants as well as all your research in genetics. Your father would be proud."

"Thank you, sir." but Charles voice didn't sound that grateful for the compliment, the mention of his father again bringing back all the problems he was trying so hard to forget.

Charles took another peak into the man's mind, noticing why he was so amazed by Charles' presence, besides having known Brian Xavier in the past. The man in front of him had a young daughter who was also a mutant, and Charles could feel the love that man felt for his daughter and how he was fascinated about her powers. Looking further, Charles saw that he worked with Irene — not friends with her, but the same sector — and had helped the woman before when she had altered the documents of the mutants research in order to protect his daughter and the others like her from Kurt's ideals. He could see the admiration for Charles that the man had, helping young mutants to control their mutations and give them a normal life. His drunk brain processed each information slowly, but he was suddenly grateful for that man and what he had done to stop Charles' stepfather from finding a 'cure' for mutation. The same stepfather who was looking as if he would scold Charles if he didn't left.

"I'm truly sorry but I've promised my mother I would dance with her…" he gave the man a sympathetic smile, who was quickly retributed.

"Oh, it's no problem. Go ahead. It was nice meeting you."

Charles only nodded, taking a last glance towards Kurt before pulling his mother away with him, seeing the anger burning inside those dark eyes in a way Charles had never seen before. He allowed the alcohol take over for a while, helping him calm down, and soon he was holding his mother's waist and hand and guiding her through the floor of the party room as they danced. The fact that she was slightly taller than him was kind of weird, but he got used to it soon, seeing his mother smile at him and dance as if she was made for that, her eyes shining like never before and a giant smile plastered on her face. He couldn't hold back his own smile, seeing that the happiness that her face showed was mirrored in her mind. 

"Thank you." she said in the middle of the dance, a few people observing them as they went, all of them impressed to see Sharon Xavier dancing. "I know you didn't need to do this, that we just today got to talk, but I really appreciate it, Charles."

"In the end, you're still my mother." his voice was sincere, a tinge of sadness staining them. "Seeing you well is good. I haven't seen you smile that much, _genuinely smile,_ in decades."

"Not much to smile about." she confessed, eyes looking down at the ground as they moved around the dance floor, orchestral music playing as they moved their feet, dancing slowly together. 

"I'm gonna find a way to change that." he sounded determined, eyes intense as he made that promise silently to himself. "I think you've already went through enough. Through more than you should've had."

Her eyes turned sad as she looked at him, some kind of gratitude for his words there, mixed with the idea that Charles was powerless against her state.

"There's nothing you can do, my child."

"There's always something." he said through gritted teeth. "Always."

They stopped dancing for a moment as Sharon looked at Charles' face with all the affection he had missed all those years ago, broken eyes against drunk ones, and she hugged him tightly in the middle of the room. Charles hugged her back, holding her by her waist tightly against him, feeling that foreign feeling again, the feeling of having his mother with him, the alcohol enhancing the emotion that went behind it and making him feel like he could cry at any second. He missed her.

"Why do you smell of wine?" she asked suddenly, making Charles chuckle.

"Oops."

Sharon moved back a bit to look at Charles with a curious look, her mind filling with some kind of worry about his state, and he only smiled but with no humor behind it.

"A mirror, mother." he said quietly, making her eyes widen slightly. "I _am_ too much like you, remember? But don't worry about me, I'm fine. Let me just be a man dancing with his mother tonight."

They went back to dancing seconds after, Sharon's eyes turning happy again as they moved together, even if her worry never really left, eyes still looking at him with a million questions behind them. Her eyebrows raised at one point, a smile coming to her lips as she looked at somewhere, looking back at Charles again for a second before turning her head away once more and beckoning to someone to come closer. Charles frowned, dizzy brain failing to understand what was happening until he saw Erik walking up to them with uncertainty.

"Go dance with your fiancé, darling. You've given me enough of you for today."

Charles and Erik stared at each other for a moment, Erik's uncertainty seeping over to Charles as the woman started to walk away. Charles grabbed her arm before she could go back to Kurt, making her flinch for a moment, an immediate reaction to the grasp on her arm, before going back to normal.

"Go sit at my table. With Erik's mom and Raven. Stay away from him for once…"

She hesitated, looking over to the table before swallowing her own spit and nodding. He watched her go, as if he was watching a child that could hurt themselves at any moment and he should be looking so he could rescue them if it was needed, but she sat down at the table anyway, giving Edie half a smile while the woman gave her a full one. Raven pursed her lips, and Charles quickly sent her a message to be nice to Sharon, watching Raven's pale blue eyes look at him for a moment before nodding, letting out a long sigh. He almost forgot Erik's presence by his side, the alcohol really starting to take its toll on him.

"We should dance. People are starting to look."

Erik's wasn't as nearly as affected by the wine as Charles, but he could see the clouds that the alcohol caused him inside his grey irises. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if that was a good idea, but soon enough he got closer to Erik and placed one of his hands on his shoulder, his other hand grabbing one of Erik's and pulling him closer so they could dance. He felt as Erik's hand held his waist, his touch still uncertain but soon becoming firm as they started moving, swaying side to side as the song played on. Their eyes were on each other's, as both of them started to get confused at what was happening and their own feelings. Charles realized how long it had been since they danced together — longer than the three years that Erik was away —, and how nice it felt to have Erik guiding his movements as everyone else in the room disappeared and it became just them there. He could feel the confusion in Erik's mind as he held Charles, as he felt the same kind of pleasure in holding Charles as Charles felt in being held by him.

Something in the shorter man's brain screamed him to stop, to say it was enough, but he couldn't bother to listen to it. Instead they danced together, some people around them looking curiously at the couple as they moved, the ring on Charles' finger feeling heavier now, hotter than it had ever been. Soon, Charles was smiling, a drunk smile that made Erik huff out a laugh, and that voice in Charles' brain screamed at him again, but he pushed it back, resting his head on Erik's shoulder and letting the man truly guide all of his movements, enjoying the warmth of Erik's body as if they were alone at the Westchester house again, in the middle of the night in a dark room with the radio on as they danced the night away. It felt right, although that voice, that annoying voice, was screaming that it wasn't.

"I don't understand you." Erik whispered, his face buried in Charles' hair.

Charles just hummed at that, too comfortable to answer, noticing Erik shaking his head again and sighing as he pushed Charles away from him with a gentle touch, an equally gentle smile on his lips. Charles pouted slightly, making the man huff out another laugh as he looked fondly at the man in his arms.

"I think we should go back to our room. I'm too drunk to deal with this right now."

* * *

As they stumbled to their room, Erik's arm firmly around Charles' waist in case the drunken man had some problems walking, both of them laughed at everything and nothing at the same time, the alcohol making their heads lighter and their inhibitions go away. Charles was fairly certain that — had he been sober — he wouldn't have let Erik hold him so close, the same way that he knew that Erik wouldn't hold him like this as well in order to keep their _friendship_ intact. But, with the alcohol making him do what he _wanted_ and not what he was _supposed_ to do, Erik's grip on his body was the best thing he could ask for. It was strong and kept Charles' smaller form against the warmth that radiated from Erik's body, which — in the cold winter's night — was more than welcome. 

They had said goodnight to their group before leaving, and Charles saw the worried look in Raven's eyes as she saw his state. He only answered that look with a wave of his hand, trying to prove he was alright, but the look didn't go away. In his drunken state, he walked over to his mother to place a kiss to her cheek before saying goodnight, seeing the surprised look in his mother's eyes before he left the table with Erik following him before he was too far away to reach.

They entered their room, Charles whining under his breath as Erik finally let him go in order to close the door behind them, and the need for contact seemed to be the only thing in Charles' mind. There was also a small voice, his conscience trying to battle against the alcohol, that told him to stop and take a cold shower to clear his mind, but Charles really didn't want to hear that voice that usually conducted his everyday life at the moment. He deserved a break from his conscience, he heard it a lot everyday and that night wasn't one of the nights that Charles wanted to hear it, which led him to launch himself forward into Erik's arms and wrap his arms around the taller man's neck, resting his head on Erik's shoulder crease. Immediately, Erik's arms held him by the waist, holding him close and chuckling slightly.

"What _'re_ you doing?" Erik's tired — _and sexy,_ Charles' thought — voice asked, his nose quickly being buried on Charles' dark locks as if it was the normal thing to do.

"You're warm." his voice was muffled against Erik's skin, making the man shiver slightly as he pressed Charles tightly against him. "Hold me."

"I am." Erik stated, getting a pleased hum from Charles before sucking in a sharp breath as he felt Charles' lips on his neck.

He wasn't thinking. Or better yet, he was thinking the wrong things. That voice inside his head was trying to scream for him to stop that, but Charles _really_ wanted to kiss Erik's neck, to feel his body shiver against his to see if it was as pleasant as he remembered it. There was not an ounce of his body that didn't ache to feel Erik's skin under his at that moment, even if they had agreed just one day ago that they should just be friends.

"Friends do that…" Charles mumbled to himself, his words lost between the kisses he kept placing over Erik's exposed skin.

"What?" Erik's voice — _oh that voice_ — sounded hoarse as his hands now grabbed Charles with a bit more of strength.

Charles, enticed by the way Erik's skin felt hot under his lips, only grunted annoyingly for him to shut up before placing his mouth on a spot that he recalled from years ago being very sensitive for Erik, just at the junction of his neck and his shoulder, and biting down on it. He was sure that the alcohol got him to lose a few seconds of memory there — what an irony for a telepath — and soon all he felt was his body being pushed against the wall right beside the door roughly, his eyes moving up to look at Erik's and whining under his breath once more at the look inside the other man's eyes. _Desire._ Pure and undeniable, burning behind those greyish eyes that made Charles melt under his touch, only able to still stand up because of Erik's hands firmly pressed against his hips and pressing him against the wall. There would be definitely bruises there.

He watched with interest the way Erik's eyes looked down at him as he pressed their bodies flushed against each other, a shudder breaking through Charles' body once he felt the bulge pressed against his lower stomach. He felt Erik's lips brush next to his ear, the warm breath against his skin making Charles bite his lip to cover any other sounds that could leave his mouth. It didn't take long for Erik move his lips to the spot right behind Charles' ear, making him shiver right before Erik sucked the sensitive skin. The moan that left Charles' mouth made Erik shiver, slowly grinding against the smaller man's body once, testing the friction, and feeling Charles do the same, both of them already lost with desire when Erik's lips moved to suck and bite Charles' neck just like the other man had done before. Charles smiled, drunk and turned on and moving his hands through Erik's shoulders, feeling every muscle under the fabric, glad for the party that was still going on rooms away from them, which meant Charles wouldn't have to control his volume there.

He waited for something, for Erik to move some more and give Charles what he so desperately wanted at that moment. He missed it, missed Erik's body against his, missed the way Erik looked at him like he was the most beautiful thing in the entire world, missed the feeling of being connected to the man in front of him in any way possible, physically and mentally, until Charles couldn't tell anymore where one's body began and where one's ended, until he couldn't tell if the love and the desire and the _pleasure_ he was feeling was his or Erik's. He missed Erik in a way that almost ached, almost made him cry out for Erik to move his hands from his hips to the rest of his body, longing desperately for that touch. It didn't help that Charles hadn't really had sex in the three years he been single, either not having the time or not finding someone who interested him enough — it _also_ didn't help that wine made Charles horny and that he had _four glasses_ of the drink that night. Now Erik was there again. Erik, who made Charles feel good with every single touch and knew exactly where to touch to get Charles riled up. _If only he moved..._

But Erik didn't move, and it took a few seconds for Charles' drunk mind realize he had stilled against him, almost not breathing. He frowned, pulling Erik's face gently so he could look at him, and tried to understand the expression in Erik's face. The desire was still there — contained, but still there —, but it was mixed with something else, a dread that Charles couldn't quite understand given his desperate state. They stared at each other for a moment, trying to understand without saying any words what was happening there until Erik finally spoke.

"Tell me you want me." his voice was low, a hint of fear in them, and his eyes seemed to plea silently for Charles to answer. "Tell me you want me and I'll be yours."

Charles huffed out a laugh at how stupid that question seemed due to their situation. There was nothing Charles wanted more than that moment, than for Erik to take him in that room and stop that ache that kept growing inside of his chest that he knew that only Erik could cure. He wanted Erik to make him forget everything else about that night, make him only think about that moment and that moment only. He wanted Erik more than anything in that goddamn world at that moment, so why wasn't Erik giving him what he wanted when he clearly wanted the same thing?

And then it hit him. Erik was stopping because Charles had refused him before and because of their agreement on being _'just friends'._ Erik was asking that because he wanted more than that, but Charles was reluctant before, and he didn't want to do anything that could make Charles go away from him again. But then again, Charles had alcohol inside of him — wine, of all things —, just like Erik, and he was letting it talk louder than that small voice inside his head telling him to stop. 

Instead of saying anything, Charles pulled Erik towards him again, roughly kissing Erik and feeling his entire body shuddering as he realized that it was the first time they kissed — _properly kissed_ — in three years. Erik seemed to lose his breath, kissing back just a roughly as Charles. It was a messy kiss, full of desire and that longing from one another that they couldn't even hide anymore, all teeth and tongues. When Erik pulled back suddenly, both of them were completely out of breath, Erik's eyes seeming to battle against himself as he looked intensely to Charles' lips — more red than usual and swollen from the kiss. Charles noticed those looks, of course, and decided that he wanted to be kissed again, biting his lower lip and making Erik let out a grunt as his face got closer again, that battle still going on behind those greyish eyes. 

"No." he pulled his face back again quickly, moving his eyes to look at Charles'. "Say it. I want you to say it, Charles."

That voice inside Charles' head got louder, but not loud enough, so he blocked it. He needed Erik, his body was aching for Erik and so was his mind — or at least a good part of it. So, with a small smirk in his lips, Charles rested his head on the wall behind him, his hips moving against Erik's and making the other man's breath hitch. He focused on what he wanted, on the pure desire that was running through his veins, and made it into thoughts — Erik kissing him roughly again, Erik pressing him down against the mattress of their shared bed, Erik moving against him… Everything he could think of —, sending said thoughts to Erik's mind and watching as the other man's body shuddered with the images, making Charles' grin get wider.

"I want you." he finally said, his voice almost like a purr as he pulled Erik's face closer again, finding no resistance there anymore. 

They kissed again, even more desperate than before, and this time Charles felt Erik moving against him, taking out a moan out of him from the friction. Again, Charles felt as if the alcohol was stopping him from remembering certain moments, because in one moment he was against the wall and in another moment he was being thrown on the bed as Erik stood next to it, a lack of memory of when Erik managed to get him from the wall to the bed so quickly. He smiled up as he saw Erik's eyes looking at his body sprawled on the mattress, moving his hands to take the waistcoat he was wearing slowly to keep Erik's eyes on him for longer. Once the piece of clothing was off, Charles quickly got rid of his shoes and socks, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking up as his hands pulled Erik closer by the waist of his pants. 

Charles' fingers quickly untucked Erik's shirt from his pants, his eyes mostly on Erik's as he unbuttoned it slowly, purposefully letting his fingers brush against exposed skin from time to time, feeling the warmth of Erik's body under his fingertips. He bit his bottom lip at the thought that he was about to have Erik again after so many years, his own body shuddering with the idea once he finished with the last button, watching Erik dispose of his own shirt before moving closer and pressing a kiss under Erik's navel, hearing the small gasp for air coming from the other man's mouth.

Charles missed that, he missed the effect he had on Erik whenever they had sex. As much as Erik was way bolder than Charles in many aspects, he usually found himself surprised once they were in a bedroom together like that, just the two of them, and Charles loved to surprise Erik and to hear whatever noise he managed to take out of the other man. With that in mind, he didn't wait before unclasping the belt around Erik's waist, taking it away quickly and unbuttoning his trousers even faster, getting up from the bed and pressing his body against Erik's as one of his hands pushed inside his pants and underwear to grab his cock, causing Erik to gasp again, closing his eyes as his hands held Charles' hips tightly, trying to ground himself. Charles looked at his face, a grin on his lips as he watched Erik trying to have some kind of control while Charles' hand moved on him.

"For fucks sake…" Erik breathed out, grunting as Charles' fingers got tighter around him. _"Fuck."_

"Already lost the ability to remember words?" the teasing tone in his voice made Erik open his eyes again, fire burning behind his irises. Maybe desire, maybe annoyance from the fact that Charles always got talkative in those moments, maybe both.

Erik's hand grabbed Charles' wrist, stopping his movements and turning him around, pressing Charles' back to his chest. He quickly started unbuttoning Charles' shirt just like he had done before and soon enough the piece of clothing was already on the floor. Charles' pants unbuttoned itself thanks to the metal button and fly, making Erik's powers very useful at that moment, and soon enough his pants were thrown away to lay next to his shirt. Erik's hands started to move through Charles' body, making Charles whine and lean into the touches as he pressed himself back on Erik's still clothed crotch. He felt the warm breath next to his ear again like before, entire body shuddering right before Erik said something.

"You haven't changed, have you?" Erik whispered, his hands venturing down Charles' stomach and playing with the waistband of his underwear. "Always needy…" 

That got a laugh out of Charles as he leaned his head back on Erik's shoulder, looking intensely at him, his pupils blown wide as he felt Erik's fingers still playing with that patch of skin just over the waistband of the underwear. _"Specially_ needy now since I haven't had anyone in three years."

Erik stopped at that, brow furrowing and his gaze focused on Charles' eyes, who audibly complained at the sudden stop.

"No one?" Erik asked, voice curious.

"Never found anyone." he said, suddenly feeling very self conscious and turning his head slightly so he could stop looking at Erik. "No one was you."

Erik kept still for a few more moments before one of his hands grabbed Charles' face and pulled to turn it to Erik again, kissing him hungrily, some other feeling showing in that kiss that Charles didn't care to find out what was once he felt Erik's hand finally move inside his underwear, stroking him slowly and making Charles moan into the kiss. It didn't last long, Erik's mind getting more and more agitated as he felt Charles pushing back against him, turning Charles over again and making him lay down on the bed once more. Charles just watched in awe as Erik pulled his underwear off of him, leaving Charles completely naked before taking off his own clothes.

Charles blacked out for a moment again, it seemed, cause soon his body was next to the headboard already and Erik was on top of him, kissing him as one of his hands explored Charles' body again, squeezing Charles' thigh tightly as Charles gasped. He started thrusting up against Erik, seeking friction again, hearing the man grunt above him and thrust back. The kiss only stopped when both of them were too out of air to keep going, rutting against each other as small sounds left their mouths, eyes locked on each other as if there was nothing else they wished to be looking at in that moment.

Charles watched Erik closely, grey eyes now barely visible with the way his pupils were blown wide, lips slightly parted as he grunted quietly with each thrust of hips. His brow was furrowed as if he was focused on admiring Charles' face just as much as Charles was admiring his. _Gorgeous,_ Charles thought, and the grin that showed in Erik's lips told him that he was projecting, cheeks turning pink from arousal and embarrassment. 

Charles thought it would end like this, both of them orgasming thanks to their constant and desperate thrusts against each other since they had no kind of protection or anything that could be used as lube with them, so he wasn't able to control his loud moan as he felt Erik's hand move between them and grab both their cocks on a tight grip, thrusting up against it in a desperate moment. Erik leaned down for a moment, placing another kiss to Charles' lips before moving his hand around them, losing his own air as he did it. That was the moment Charles broke, moaning out loud without caring if there was a possibility someone could hear and raising his hands to grab Erik's shoulders.

Erik lowered his head, resting it against Charles' shoulder, starting to grunt loudly as Charles' noises made his body shudder even more, mumbling incoherent things next to Charles' ear that he really didn't care about at the moment, seeking his own pleasure as he thrust up into Erik's hand.

He would only realize what those mumbles were after. After he came with a scream that made a shudder break through Erik's whole body, leading the man to his own orgasm. After they laid there with Erik on top of him, both breathless, for a few moments as both of them caught their breaths and enjoyed the bliss after the sex. After Erik moved from him and laid by his side of the bed, pulling Charles to fit his body against his, chest still moving up and down quickly as both of them tried to calm down, tiredness taking over their bodies. After Charles felt himself start to doze off, just like Erik was doing, the other man's mind getting slowly more blurred, those words coming back to Charles' mind as he drifted off.

_Ich liebe dich._

_I love you._

"I love you too." Charles' voice was quiet in the dark room, not sure if Erik was still awake, drunk mind starting to ask for rest, drifting off to sleep in Erik's arms without caring about the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me at [hellfre](http://hellfre.tumblr.com) on Tumblr! I post a lot of Cherik there and there's some fics that I post there and didn't post here like my Anastasia AU!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.
> 
> TW: None.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! If you follow me on tumblr [(hellfre)](http://hellfre.tumblr.com) you already know that for the next few days I'll be posting everyday because I've finished the story and I want to post the chapters so I can properly grieve for finishing this (I get emotional everytime I finish something, so ahdjsjskdj ✌️😗).  
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! See you tomorrow with another one ♥️
> 
> German translations:  
> Frühstück - Breakfast  
> Ja - Yes

When the morning came, Charles woke up slowly, trying to get a grip on his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was how warm he felt, a comfortable warmth spreading through his body, from thighs to his torso and the cheek that was resting against the bed. The second thing that Charles noticed was that his cheek _wasn't_ against the mattress or a pillow, the feeling of skin against his own making him frown as his brain still tried to grasp what was happening before he opened his eyes. It took a few moments for Charles remember last night, for him to remember kissing Erik and the fact that he had sex with him. His eyes shot open, face turning up to look at a sleeping Erik close to him, expression peaceful as his chest rose and fell slowly with his breathing. 

He felt his entire body go cold even against the other man's warmth, fear taking over each cell of his body and suddenly the comfort of being held by Erik turned into pure panic, his conscience finally taking over again after the effect of the wine wore off during the night. It only got worse after remembering how Erik had said he loved him, and Charles, in his drunken and tired haze, had said it back. And he meant it, meant each word. He knew he meant it as he watched the man sleeping again by his side, Erik's arm holding him close, hand resting on Charles' waist to keep him there, as if Charles could run away at any moment, as if he needed to hold him like this to keep Charles from running, even if Erik's expression was peaceful, calm as it ever been, a few strands of hair falling on his forehead. Charles wouldn't be able to deny the way his heart was beating faster as he looked at Erik's face, wouldn't be able to deny that he meant it yesterday when he said it in the dark, and yet the love shared Charles' heart with the fear.

He looked at his hand that rested on Erik's chest, seeing the ring there, metal reflecting the low light of a clouded day coming from the window against the pale skin of his finger. Something inside of him hurt as he saw it, saw the image of his hand with a ring that should signify that they would soon commit to spend their lives together when the only reason Charles and Erik had that moment last night was because Charles was drunk enough to not care about anything except his own needs. Erik tried to stop him at some point, his memory was slightly blurred at the edges thanks to the wine, but he tried to give a chance for Charles to stop, to refuse Erik and keep going as they had agreed before, and Charles had ignored it, lust and alcohol speaking louder, the need of having Erik next to him after that troubled night putting him into this mess. In the end, it was his own fault, and he knew that very well.

Charles wanted to run, wanted to get away from Erik's hold and run as fast as he could, the parts of his skin touching Erik's seeming to burn. And yet, that embrace felt right, comfortable, _dangerous._ He wanted to run, and he wanted to stay, and so he did. The clench that had become more and more tight on his heart only turned more painful as he made his decision to stay, to stop running from Erik and from the fact that he loved him, wanted to stay with him, bringing tears to his eyes. He pressed himself more into Erik's body, feeling like a walking contradiction as he let the burning in his skin take over him, searching for comfort in the middle of the flames. His forehead rested on Erik's shoulder lightly as he sobbed quietly, teeth pressed together as he felt his entire body trembling, tears falling over Erik's skin.

He wasn't really surprised when, a few seconds later, Erik woke up, mind dizzily trying to understand what was happening like Charles' own had done moments ago, noticing the sobbing mess clinging to him by his side. Charles heard Erik calling his name worriedly before moving to hold him properly, surrounding Charles with the flames that burned his skin once and for all, and Charles allowed it, the feeling of Erik's arms around him both a curse and a blessing. He felt Erik bury his face on his hair, pressing a soft and hesitant kiss over his head before Erik's arms pressed Charles' body tighter against his. They stayed like that for a while as Charles tried to control his tears, hearing the mess inside Erik's own head as he remembered the night before, dread filling his thoughts as he wondered if he was the cause of Charles' tears. 

Once Charles was capable of stop his crying, head rested against Erik's neck, he finally looked up, eyes red and puffy as he watched Erik's face look at him with worry and fear of what would come next. Charles only looked at him, eyes traveling over Erik's face for a moment, raising one hand and placing it on Erik's cheek, thumb brushing against Erik's skin lightly. Erik didn't pull away, closing his eyes for a moment to enjoy Charles' touch, his own hand still running soothingly over the other man's back to try and calm him down, tracing idle patterns on the skin. When Erik opened his eyes again, there was a clear question in them of _'what's next?'_ and Charles dreaded that question.

"You didn't run." Erik whispered, voice still hoarse with sleep.

"I wanted to."

There was no reason to lie there, not after everything that had happened in these last two months between them, and not when Charles wanted to get everything out of his chest once and for all to see if the clench around his heart would go away. He saw as his words made Erik's jaw clench, sadness flashing through his mind for a moment before he told himself that Charles didn't run even if he wanted to, he had stayed this time.

"How can I love you again when all I did was hurt you…"

Saying those words out loud to Erik's face seemed to help, to unclench his heart even if a little bit, a shuddering breath leaving his lips as he shook his head, forehead brushing against Erik's. The other man pursed his lips, huffing out a breath and looking away from Charles' eyes again.

"We can't pretend it never happened, Erik." he said, moving to catch Erik's eyes once again, hands now holding firmly his cheeks to make sure Erik would keep looking at him. His palms burned over Erik's skin. "We can't pretend I didn't hurt you and you didn't hurt me. We can't pretend we brought each other hell back then."

"I don't want to pretend it didn't happen, Charles." Erik's voice now sounded hurt, grey eyes now focusing solely on Charles' blue ones. "I will never forget what happened, and neither will you, but doesn't mean that it'll happen again."

"How can you know that? How can you be sure we won't go back to our old ways?"

"Because of _this."_ Erik moved away suddenly, making the hands that held his cheeks fall to the mattress as the man raised his torso to look properly at Charles, who observed him with confusion in his eyes, flames finally backing away from Charles' skin and leaving him cold. He wasn't sure if he enjoyed the cold anymore. "When was the last time we talked about what was troubling us, Charles? In all the five years we spent together, when did we stop to talk like this? To put the cards on the table?"

The truth was that Charles couldn't remember. Other than the night that they broke up, Charles didn't remember another time where they opened up like that to talk about them, about their relationship. They talked, of course, but usually about themselves and their own problems to find comfort on each other or about other things, but never about them as a couple. Five years of miscommunication was meant to have a breaking point, and it did when Erik ran and left Charles behind after the first time they _actually_ talked about them. Still, Charles didn't understand what Erik wanted to reach with that, so he just waited, hoping that his silence would be enough of an answer. He watched as the man took a deep breath, trying to think about his next words.

"We never talked. Every time something happened we would keep quiet, keep everything to ourselves, or _'solve it'_ with sex." he shook his head, running his hand through his messy hair as Charles only listened. "You didn't run away today, even if you wanted to. You stayed. You told me what's on your mind. This is _already different_ from before, Charles."

Erik was right, even that part of Charles' brain who kept him alert agreed with Erik's words, that it was different, and it _felt_ different. That clench on his heart wasn't new, he had felt it before for various different reasons while with Erik in the past, but back then he would've ran or would've pretended that it wasn't there until it was numb enough for Charles to live with it. It was the first time after their breakup that Charles had addressed the reasons for that clench to be there in the first place, feeling the grasp on his chest loosening into that faint pain of a healing bruise, still annoying but satisfying, because he knew it would stop soon. It would heal.

"I can't lose you again." Erik finally said, voice weak and his mind full of fear of having to stay away from Charles again. "Not after I finally got you back."

Charles looked at the man for a moment, having an internal argument with himself while he did that. Erik was now sat on the bed, looking down at him with eyes desperate from a word from Charles, for anything. He tried to find that part of his mind that told him not to do that, to not give in to his own feelings and don't believe Erik's words, but at that moment he couldn't find it, and he didn't trust himself to make a decision like that at that moment, laying comfortably in bed with Erik looking at him like that, like there was nothing else in the world that Erik longed more for other than Charles. _It would be so easy to just give in..._

He sighed, moving his body to sit on the bed as well and pulling Erik closer, pressing a soft kiss to the other man's lips, who quickly kissed back, hand moving to hold Charles' cheek carefully, as if Charles could break at any moment. And he truly felt like he could. When Charles parted the kiss, his eyes were sad in Erik's direction.

"I need time alone. To think."

"Charles-"

 _"Please."_ Charles' voice was weak, pleading, eyes closing as if he was scared Erik would be angry at him. "I promise I won't run, but I can't think with you here, with the temptation to take the easy path right in front of me..."

Erik hesitated, but nodded lightly soon enough, and Charles released a breath he didn't know he was holding. His eyes opened again to give Erik a last look and press a soothing kiss to his temple before getting up from the bed, naked body trembling as he finally got out of the warm bed. Erik stayed where he was as Charles got clean clothes and walked to the shared bathroom to take a proper shower and clean himself of the reminiscents of the last night. His eyes stopped on the mirror for a while, watching his own face there. He looked tired, eyes red from the crying and the make-up from the night before fading away and revealing the bruise Cain left, now nothing more than a numbed pain. His eyes roamed down a bit, seeing some darker marks on his hips that made his entire body shiver as he remembered Erik holding him there, his fingerprints marking Charles' ivory skin lightly, bruises already disappearing.

He sighed, turning his face away from the mirror and going to stand under the shower, muscles tensing with the cold water that hit his body before it got warmer, relaxing him again. He kept his eyes open, staring at the bathroom tiles as he washed himself, trying to ignore the memories from the night before and the sensitive skin of his hips. The whole time, Charles blocked Erik's mind from him in an attempt to lessen the tension that seemed to loom over him. Erik's thoughts seemed to be reaching him from the bed by accident, and he really didn't need that at the moment, he needed to be alone in his own head, and he couldn't hate being a telepath more than in that moment, never being able to be truly alone with his own thoughts.

Once he was clean and fully dressed, bruises from last night carefully covered, he left the bathroom and Erik was finally up, putting his pants on as he looked at Charles with uncertainty, eyes stopping for a moment on Charles' cheek where the bruise left by Cain was now visible without the layer of make-up hiding it. Charles offered a smile, weak but a smile nevertheless, and Erik's lips curved minimally into one before he looked away. Without saying a word, Charles left the room, letting his head rest on the wooden door for a moment before sighing and stepping away to take a walk through the gardens, somewhere he could be alone and think.

He wasn't even able to take a first step before hands grabbed his shoulders and a smiling Raven dragged him with her to leave the corridor, not even allowing him time to process what was happening. He stopped abruptly, not understanding where his sister was taking him, and watched Raven roll her eyes at him impatiently.

"We're going to Oxford! I want to get there early so we can have breakfast together at the old café we used to go." she explained, clearly wanting to get the talk over with. "I was about to go knock at your door for you to get dressed but thankfully you seemed to remember. I'd ask you if you wanted me to find your mother to cover the bruise but there's no time to waste since we're going back to New York tomorrow."

He took a moment to understand everything, the moment before with Erik had taken his energy completely even if he had just woken up, and it took a while for him to remember last night's promise to Raven of going to Oxford together that day. In return, Raven seemed to finally notice Charles' state, seeing his eyes red and puffy from crying and stopping on her tracks immediately.

"Wait, are you okay?"

He opened his mouth to reply, but the sound of a door opening distracted both siblings, the two of them looking at a now surprised Erik as he saw them standing there in the middle of the corridor. Charles swallowed the lump in his throat as he saw Erik's face again after saying he needed time alone, and he could feel the tension filling the air. Raven looked at both of them for a moment, eyes narrowing as she suspected there was something there, and Charles felt the nudge in his mind from his sister, asking if Erik had done something. The protectiveness of her almost made Charles smile, but he didn't, sending back to her that Erik hadn't done anything to him.

"Raven just reminded me that I promised her to take her to Oxford last night." Charles said out loud, an explanation of sorts so Erik wouldn't think Charles had ran when he noticed that the man wasn't around the house. "I don't know when we'll be back."

Erik watched him for a moment before nodding and mumbling a weak _'alright',_ barely audible. They both stood there, staring at each other as if they were trying to see the best course of action now, and Charles was thankful for having Raven in his life when she grabbed his arm and yanked him like she had done before to make him walk again.

"Bye, Erik! We'll have to run before someone tells Kurt that one of his car keys are missing!" she said, throwing a peace sign towards Erik and pulling Charles a bit more.

"You _stole his keys?"_ Charles' eyes widened as Raven smirked at him.

"Borrowed it."

They walked outside while Charles complained about Raven stealing Kurt's keys while the girl only looked at him with a deadpan stare. When he gave up on trying to tell her it was wrong, they were already on the front porch, climbing down the few steps that led them to the front yard, the cold from the winter making Charles shiver for a moment, thankful that he decided to put on his coat before leaving the room, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking to the black car parked in front of the house with Raven holding his arm and staying close to him, the cold apparently affecting her as well. Charles didn't complain about who would drive, allowing Raven to take the driver's seat and huffing out a relieved breath once the car started to get warmer, taking his phone from his pocket and looking at the screen for a moment as he decided to text Erik. He was scared the man would think he was running away again.

> _Charles:_
> 
> _Sorry. I couldn't stop Raven and I had promised it before. I promise we'll talk when I'm back._
> 
> _Charles:_
> 
> _I'll have an answer by then._

He stared at the screen a few moments more, clenching his jaw and knowing that maybe that trip to Oxford would help. He needed to stay away from Erik for a while to think, Oxford was far enough. Before locking the phone, he felt it vibrating in his hand as a text from Erik came.

> _Erik:_
> 
> _It's alright. Have fun._

Charles sometimes hated texting, hated not knowing of those texts meant Erik was angry at him or if he was genuinely saying that and Charles was just thinking the worst of it. He sighed loudly, making Raven turn to watch him as he put the phone back in his pocket, eyes still on the road as he hoped that his sister wouldn't talk if he didn't acknowledge her looks. It didn't work.

"Will you tell me what happened?" she asked, voice calm and worried, eyes looking from the road to Charles' face constantly.

 _Not yet,_ he thought to himself, knowing that he would break if he tried to explain to her everything that had happened in the past twenty four hours — he wasn't sure he understood everything himself. Instead of talking, he leaned to the car radio, turning the volume up to the song that was playing, making sure she understood that no, he wouldn't tell it just yet. He noticed as she pursed her lips into a line, a huff of air leaving her nose noisily, but she didn't push, allowing the sad song that was playing on the radio to be the only voice breaking the silence in the car as Charles turned to see the world passing by on his window, hoping that he would have some clarity on what to do after that trip.

* * *

**_⟩ Erik's Interlude._ **

After Charles had walked away with Raven, Erik knocked on his mom's door, hoping to have some company that morning that could make him feel a little better. She had asked him to wait until she was ready to leave the room, making him go to his own to wait for her, and regret that immensely. 

Erik hadn't fixed the bed sheets yet, the mess on top of the mattress and around the room making every memory from the last night flood his brain again. He had held Charles on that bed the night before, had kissed him again and had his body for him after so many years, and it felt both as if they had never been apart and as if they've been away from each other for centuries. He had laid there and told Charles he loved him in the heat of the moment, when all he could think about was those three words, and he had heard Charles say it back when he was barely conscious, his mind blanketed by a layer of tiredness, making him think he may had dreamed it. But Charles confirmed that he hadn't, that those words came from Charles' lips and not from Erik's tired and desperate mind. And he had woken up with the sight of Charles pressing against him as he cried his eyes out, oceans leaving his eyes and staining Erik's skin with the salty waters.

It shouldn't be this complicated. Not when he was so sure that he should be with Charles now. But he knew better than to be angry at Charles for being confused, for needing to think and not giving in so easily. He wondered himself why he had given in without a second thought, why he was so certain that everything would be alright now between them, but he didn't have an answer, he just felt it should be like that. Maybe it was Erik's impulsive behavior again, the one thing he seemed to never get rid of from when he was a child and a teen. His actions always had been guided by his emotions, even if people believed Erik didn't have them from the way he always carried that stern expression of his. He always felt too much, always felt the extremes of every emotion, from rage to love, from happiness to sadness, it was always intense. Charles used to say he was the kind of man who went _all or nothing._ Either Erik felt of he didn't, but when he did, it was always strong and intense.

Meanwhile, as contradictory it felt with the expressiveness that Charles had naturally, Charles had always been more rational minded. Acting on impulse was rare for him, it would take him to be under a lot of stress to let his emotions win over his mind, didn't matter how much it hurt him, and Erik always thought it was fascinating and sad at the same time. He knew that the only reason why Charles was so rational in everything he did was because of how he grew up. For two years he was alone as a child after his father's death, only getting to have someone else around him when Raven showed up. And even so, Charles took as his responsibility to take care of Raven. He couldn't afford acting on impulse, he had to plan everything ahead before making a move, and Erik thought that maybe it was the reason why Charles liked chess so much and why he was so good at it. A game of strategy, where you plan both yours and your adversary's movements to reach an end where you can win. The only times Charles lost to Erik was when his mind wasn't focused enough, when impulse took over, and soon it would be a stressful situation to get himself out of the trap Erik made for him. Last time Charles gave in to his impulses instead of rationality, he had told his family that he was engaged and put himself in a situation he now was too deep in to leave. It was almost always a problem when he didn't think about it first, and so it was understandable that Charles was trying to be rational before jumping to a conclusion, even if the stress he seemed to be under made him _want_ to ignore his own mind again. It never worked whenever he acted by impulse, it always caused him trouble, and so he was probably trying to avoid trouble by taking his time before giving Erik an answer about _them._

He knew well that Charles wasn't wrong about doing that, about analysing the situation, but he wasn't less scared of the answer in any way. He would respect whatever decision Charles took, but it didn't mean it wouldn't hurt if it wasn't the one Erik was expecting.

As he sat on the bed, hand resting on the blanket that he and Charles shared, his mind wandered as he tried to understand how he had ended up there, in Charles' family's house in England as they pretended they were engaged while they didn't even know what they were to each other anymore. He remembered for a moment the first time he and Charles got together, their first kiss, heart clenching at the memory of how they weren't ready for each other at that time. Erik was hurt after his last fight with Shaw where Charles convinced him not to kill the man who ruined his life. It took all the strength inside of Erik to listen to Charles, to let go of his impulsive behavior and listen to Charles' reason, but he did it in the end, even if he wasn't happy with it at first. Charles had refused to use his powers on Erik, had talked to him while Erik held that damned coin near Shaw's forehead, so close to pushing it and ending that man's life for good. Charles had talked and made Erik choose, hadn't forced him to do anything, and, in the end, Erik had chosen Charles.

After punching Shaw unconscious, Erik had fallen to the floor, blood staining his face and clothes as he finally felt tired and the pain made itself present, adrenaline starting get low as he finally calmed down, the coin hitting the ground next to Shaw with a sickening noise as he looked at the unconscious man ok the ground. He only really accepted his choice when he saw Charles again, blue eyes shining with worry and pride at Erik. Charles had managed to take him away from there with help from Raven, and soon enough they were at the Westchester house again, locked inside a room while Charles tended carefully to Erik's wounds. He didn't take his eyes off Charles as the man worked, feeling his heart beating faster and a certain comfort take over him as the telepath took care of him with such worry in his eyes.

The kiss had happened while Charles cleaned a small cut on Erik's lips, careful fingers pressing the cotton over the open lip as Erik felt it burning. Erik had held Charles' cheek carefully, letting his thumb run through pale skin that slowly turned pink under his touch, feeling the urge to kiss those lips he had been dreaming about for the past months and that he was too embarrassed by that to do it before. Charles had looked at him with some kind of surprise, as if he didn't expect Erik to hold his face like this, projecting his surprise towards Erik and making him smile at that.

The kiss was chaste, Erik's lip hurting too much thanks to the cut, but at the same time it was intense, as if it was meant to happen. He felt the softness of Charles' lips against his own, the small hitched breath Charles had taken once their lips finally met, and he was sure he wouldn't be able to think about anything else other than that kiss for a while, and he didn't want to think about anything else if he was honest. That night, that kiss, started it all, eight years ago. And now there they were, broken, confused, desperate and afraid. 

Erik's mind only came back to reality once he heard a couple of soft knocks on the door, turning his head to see his mother standing under the door frame, eyes looking at him with the knowledge that something was wrong just by looking at Erik's expression. Sometimes he wondered if his mother wasn't a mutant as well, a telepath like Charles maybe, that knew exactly what Erik was thinking and feeling all the time just by looking at him. That, or she just really was an incredible human who Erik couldn't help but admire.

He gave her a weak smile, grabbing the blanket under him slightly, as if he was holding Charles by doing that since the man was just now under those covers with him, getting up and starting to fix the bed, eyes leaving his mother's.

"He's going to Oxford with Raven." Erik said, knowing that his mother would want to know where Charles was. "Will be back later."

He fixed the sheets neatly in silence, fluffing the pillows of the bed and making sure there was nothing out of place. He was sure that there would be people coming in the room to get it cleaned and who could've done that easily, but Erik didn't feel right letting other people fix his mess. He could feel that his mother wanted to say something, but she kept quiet as Erik started to go around the room and pick the scattered clothes from the night before — Charles' included —, his cheeks burning for a second as he knew that his mother would be able to tell what happened last night from the clothes on the floor, embarrassed. There were things his mother didn't need to know about, and that Erik had sex with his ex was one of them.

Once everything was in its place, even Charles clothes and underwear neatly folded over the mattress, he looked at his mother again, seeing that look once more in her eyes, as if she was trying to think of what to say. He waited, jaw clenched as he didn't know what he would hear from the woman, before she sighed and gave him an easy smile.

 _"Frühstück?"_ she asked, making Erik smile again as she didn't even try to speak english at the moment.

 _"Ja."_ Erik answered simply, walking over to his mother to accompany her to the kitchen.

* * *

They had gone down to the kitchen again, this time a little more carefully since they didn't have Raven to save their skins if someone asked where they were going and why weren't they having breakfast with the Marko's. Once they arrived at the kitchen, the workers greeted them with big smiles, asking for Charles and Raven, to which Edie explained where they were for Erik. They made breakfast together, not much different from their routine at home in Germany, except there were considerably more people around than just Erik and Edie there. They sat at a corner of the room, distant from the workers so they could be left alone, eating their breakfast quietly before his mom's voice caught his attention, still sticking to german to talk to Erik.

 _"What happened between you and Charles?"_ her eyes watched him carefully, noticing a few people sparing glances as they heard the difference language.

_"We should just eat our breakfast-"_

_"Erik Magnus Lehnsherr,"_ she called his whole name like she used to do when Erik was a child and was being stubborn. _"you're looking as lost as you looked three years ago when you arrived at my door. I need to know what's happening so I know how I can help."_

Erik looked at her for a moment, seeing nothing but worry inside her eyes and sighed, putting his bread down on his plate and looking away from her, almost ashamed.

_"You can't help me on this…"_

The story poured out of his mouth like water, as if it only took one word to tumble out of his lips for the others to do the same, and soon Erik explained to her everything that happened ever since Erik realized he still loved Charles, pouring out his confusion and frustration with each word. Edie simply listened carefully to everything, eyes focused on Erik's expressions and the furrow of his brow, ears focused on each inflection of his words when his voice turned softer or harder, truly listening. He of course left out the description of the past night, keeping that to himself, only telling that he and Charles had an _'intimate moment'_ and that they told each other that they loved each other thanks to the alcohol and tiredness. Once he was finally finished, he just kept his eyes on the plate in front of him and swallowed the lump in his throat, being able to talk to someone about it making him feel lighter in some way, but not less nervous.

He was grateful that Edie had insisted on coming to England all of the sudden, her support there seemingly needed. 

_"So I guess it's up to Charles to make that decision."_ Edie more affirmed than questioned, but Erik still nodded. _"Whatever happens, you'll still have me. You know that, right?"_

Erik smiled, looking at his mother as she held his hand over the table. _"I know, Mama."_

 _"Then all I have to say is to wait. Charles has to decide for himself and maybe being at Oxford with Raven will be good for him. He's having a hard time here, you know that."_ Erik nodded, suddenly feeling bad about the pressure he put on Charles in the middle of everything that was happening. He was just giving Charles more problems to deal with in the end, which made Erik sigh and run his hand over his face. His mother seemed to notice what he was thinking about. _"No blaming yourself, Erik. Life has a hard way of writing our stories, and even if you and him weren't having those problems, his mother and stepfather were already difficult subjects for him to deal with."_

 _"And yet I'm not making it any easier for him, am I?"_ he shook his head, eyes low again. _"I should just tell him to forget it for now."_

_"After what happened last night and this moment? I don't think backing down will help, it'll just make him more confused, sweetheart. Just let him think and give you his answer once you two talk again."_

"Excuse me." a voice called from behind Erik, posh accent making him turn his head to look at Sharon Xavier standing there, hands together on the front of her body as her eyes looked at him with curiosity. "I hope I'm not bothering."

"Of course not, my dear." Edie answered, going back to English as she looked at Sharon. "Are you looking for Charles?"

"For all of you, really." her smile was weak, blue eyes seeming distant again. He couldn't stop himself from remembering how last night her eyes looked even more like Charles', blue irises shining intensely the whole time she was with her son. "I was wondering why you didn't show for breakfast yesterday and today as well, and was told you two were in the kitchen."

"Oh, I'm sorry we didn't have breakfast together Mrs. Xavier. I'm used to baking my own food in the morning, so I guess we felt more comfortable keeping this routine." Edie explained calmly as Erik started noticing how the kitchen went silence, a few looks being shot at Sharon, curious ones for the most part, and that Sharon was noticing those looks as well, her pose getting uncomfortable as she started running her hands through her arms in a form of self comfort. "And unfortunately Charles isn't here today. He and his sister left for Oxford this morning according to my son."

"His sis-" she cut herself, closing her eyes and nodding her head as she seemed to realize Edie was talking about Raven. It was still weird to remember Raven wasn't officially Charles' sister, their bond being only affectionate, but at this point it didn't even matter anymore. "Right. Of course. Well, I'm sorry to interrupt anyway."

She turned to leave after giving them another weak smile, and Erik didn't even notice when he opened his mouth to talk. "Why don't you stay and have breakfast with us?"

Sharon turned again looking at him with surprise all over her eyes and Erik tried his best to hide his own surprise at his words. There was something about Sharon that made Erik do this, first with the night at the school where he agreed in talking to Charles so he could come here and visit her, and now asking for her to stay and have breakfast with him and his mother, even if his feelings over the woman were still bitter from all the stories Charles once told him. He suspected it was her similarities with Charles, but her look was a lot more broken, and he didn't like that and didn't like to think about Charles looking like that. In any case, he wouldn't back down on his offer now, and he waited for the woman to give an answer.

There was a moment where Sharon seemed to lose control over herself, fingers pinching on the skin of her knuckles in a way that Erik had seen Charles do many times when he was nervous with something, and her eyes looked clouded as they've ever been, as if she had retreated to some deep part of her mind and her body was acting automatically. It made a shiver run down Erik's spine, the way that woman looked for those few seconds making her look as broken as he knew she was. But just as quick as it came, that look went away as she regained some self control, blinking a few times to push the clouds away and smiling weakly at Erik and his mother, approaching the small table and sitting down in a proper manner that seemed rehearsed, far too formal.

"Sure." she said. "That'd be lovely."

**_⟩ End of Erik's Interlude._ **

* * *

Raven told Charles to _'sit his ass'_ on a table while she ordered their breakfast at the little café that they used to go when they were teenagers. It looked almost the same as it did when Charles was fifteen, brick walls painted with the a dark green color and a few dark wood tables around the small space they had, always smelling of fresh coffee and recently baked cakes and other pastries that made Charles' mouth water. He watched as the guy at the counter recognized Raven, a bright smile on his lips before he looked around and found Charles sitting at the table they've picked, waving at him. Charles waved back, cheeks flushing as he suddenly remembered that the guy once had a crush on him while he was living in Oxford, which made Charles stop going there for a while out of embarrassment. The guy never made a move, but as a telepath, Charles _knew._

As he waited for Raven to come back, he took out his phone, half expecting to see a message from Erik there, even though there was no motive for Erik to text Charles, and getting frustrated when the only notifications were about the news and about the weather on Oxford, which he discarded immediately because his flushed nose was enough proof for him that it was cold there. Thankfully, the café was heated and the coffee would do the rest of the work of keeping him warm enough in that cold December day.

He looked at the date on his phone, curious for a second after seeing the Christmas decorations around the town, only to see that they were only a few days away from Christmas. The Marko's house wasn't decorated for the holidays yet, which meant they didn't decorate the house at all at that time of year. There was a time, he remembered, where Kurt didn't put the decorations when Charles was a teenager, maybe one year before Charles left. _It's useless,_ he had said back then. He couldn't stop himself from remembering that his mother liked to put Christmas lights around the house when Charles was little, sometimes even letting him help her out with them, and even that Kurt had taken away from her. Sometimes Sharon allowed a few on Charles' room, and she would say they had tiny fairies trapped inside those blinking yellow lights that she'd hang. It was, again, an old memory, and he seemed to be remembering many of them these past few days, but it was one that brought warmth to Charles' chest now that he and Sharon were in good terms.

"The fairies are there to keep the room lit." Sharon once said to a small Charles, who looked at the lights curiously, not understanding the concept of a lamp properly to call his mother out. "The winter is darker, so they crawl inside these lights to keep boys like you safe from the dark and cold nights."

"But aren't they sad to be trapped?" he had asked, innocent eyes looking over at the lights and wondering if the fairies were okay. That made Sharon smile brightly and run her hand through Charles' hair, taking a few strands away from his forehead. 

"They're happy to be there to protect the kids. My mother told me that when I was one." her voice was very serious as she looked at Charles with a smile on her lips, trying to keep some magic inside the boy's mind while she could. Charles was too much of a smart kid to keep believing these stories for too long. In fact, the next year he already told his mother he knew that electricity was what kept the fairy lights lit, not real fairies, making his mother smile at him and tell him he was very smart and that he was right, she had been mistaken and it was silly of her. But, that year, Charles still believed. "Besides, inside those lamps they can also stay safe from the cold and the darkness from outside."

Charles remembered the next day after that story, when one of the lamps went out, and remembered crying for hours in his mother's lap thinking one of the fairies had died. She had held him and told him that the fairy didn't die, she simply crawled out of the lamp to go protect another child who needed more, hand running softly over Charles' dark hair as he slowly stopped crying. _Easier times,_ Charles though, _where my only worry was a lamp that stopped working._

What a weird moment of his life it was, where a memory of his mother would bring him comfort while a memory of Erik made him uneasy. He still didn't know what to do about their situation, and now that he was away from Erik the voices inside of his head started fighting again about the best way to handle it. One screamed to go back to Erik, to keep him close and never let go again, while the other screamed for him to let Erik go so he can find something, someone, better.

At this point, Charles already knew that he wouldn't be able to move on from Erik, to find someone else who he could love half as much as he loved the other man. He had stayed single for three years after breaking up, never finding anyone to be near as interesting as Erik, and he had given up on it a while ago. But at this point this wasn't about him anymore, it was about Erik now, about his well-being. Erik had already made clear that he wanted Charles back, but he was _wrong_ about it — or at least it was what part of his mind told him. Erik didn't know what he wanted, and Charles needed to do what was best for Erik, because what Charles wanted didn't matter.

Something sharp seemed to cut over his heart, his own words coming back to his mind from his talk with Sharon the morning before.

_"You think you know what's best for the people you love, we think we know everything and that we know what to do to keep them safe, but we fucking don't!"_

He was doing it again, he knew it. He was trying to be the one to take everyone's life and tell them what was right and what was wrong as if he had any control over them, and he hated himself for that. He didn't know what would be better for Erik, he only thought he did based on past experiences, but Erik wasn't a child, he could decide for himself what he thought would be better or not, and in the end the choice was what Charles thought would be better for _himself._ He ran his hands through his hair, closing his eyes for a moment and pulling on the locks slightly, trying to ground himself.

"Okay, you're pulling your hair," he didn't even notice Raven getting close to him with their breakfast in hands in the middle of the turmoil that was going through his mind, looking up at the girl as soon as her voice hit him. "There's something clearly wrong and the fact that you don't want to talk makes me believe something really intense, for a lack of a better word, happened between you and Erik."

Charles sighed while he watched Raven sitting down, pushing his plate with a few scones with jam and cream and the cup of fresh tea — the one he loved to have in the mornings when they were teenagers — towards him. He didn't talk again, except there was no radio for him to turn up at the store, so instead he took a bite of one of the scones, the familiar taste making him feel a little better as it reminded him of simpler times, where it was just him and Raven in that little cozy café, with his only worry being the deadlines to hand the books he took from the college library and his research. He could almost see the two teenagers at that café, smiling and talking about the future happily between them, lives finally falling into place after leaving Westchester behind. 

Unfortunately, it was just a memory, and the two of them now sat at that table while Charles feared what the future would bring. From the other side of the table, Raven looked at Charles worriedly, seemingly trying to understand what was bothering him so much without him saying, her only clue being that it had something to do with Erik. Charles paid attention to her surface thoughts, listening to her tries to figure out what happened, looking up at her with eyes widened as he heard her mind think that Erik had hurt Charles in some way, worry growing. She knew he was in her mind at that point, raising her eyebrows to ask for a confirmation or denial of her reasoning. Charles grunted, taking a sip of his tea before finally talking.

"We had sex." he mumbled low enough for only Raven to hear, quickly regretting his decision when Raven choked on her drink. 

The guy working at the counter looked at them as well as the client placing an order as Raven coughed to try and get the coffee out of her breathing channels and Charles raised his hands in worry as he tried to decide what to do. Before he could get up to pat Raven's back, the girl stopped coughing, running her hands through her face and closing her eyes for a moment before she looked back at Charles, eyes wet with tears from the coughing fit and face flushed.

"That was _not_ what I expected to hear." she cleared her throat once more, taking a sip of her coffee again to help with it right before taking a deep breath. Charles could feel her mind getting ready for the conversation that would follow, and Charles did the same, not being able to run from Raven anymore. "So I guess it didn't go well this morning."

Charles huffed out a laugh, eyes moving to watch the window by his side, quietly observing the few people walking around the street and the cars passing by. "Not exactly, no…"

"I think I'll need more explanation than just that." her voice was soft, bringing Charles' attention back to her. Pale blue eyes stared carefully into his deep blue ones, making Charles wonder what he would be without his little sister there to support him.

He sighed again, getting more comfortable in his chair before telling her the whole story — minus some details that she _didn't_ need to know about the night before. He told her everything, from his feelings to what happened, making sure she understood how conflicted he felt with that was happening without using his powers once. He wanted to talk, to make sense of the confusion inside his mind with his words, hoping that it would help him understand what he wanted and what he was supposed to do. Once he finished, his tea was already running cold, but he took a sip anyway and shook his head, eyes down to the table.

"And now I'm here." he chuckled, pressing his fingers to his temple as if he had a headache, which wasn't far from the reality.

Once he returned his eyes to Raven again, he blocked her mind from his, sure he would see only disapproval if he looked into her thoughts and wanting to hear her _say_ what her opinion on the matter was. He was expecting a negative answer, expecting that Raven would give him the slight push he needed for him to give up Erik completely again. She wasn't fond of the idea of Charles and Erik getting back together, Charles knew that very well, and he was too tired to make a decision, too confused with his own feelings, and he decided Raven's words would guide his choice now. She had always been there for him, she would know what to say, and whatever her words were, Charles would take them to his heart, even if he already expected that Raven would tell him to stop, to not go back to Erik. And even if that idea made Charles' chest hurt.

"You should get back together."

Charles froze, eyes widening as he watched his sister look back at him with a calm expression. Those were _not_ the words he was expecting. He waited a few moments, trying to see if she was joking, but when she sighed and rolled her eyes, he knew she wasn't.

"Charles, I've been watching you two through the entire trip." she continued, eyes serious over Charles' surprised ones. "I can't explain but it feels… different. I saw the way you two interacted the last few days. I saw the way you danced together last night at your stepfather's party. You said it yourself that you loved him. As much as I worry, I know you _want_ this. And I also know that you and Erik aren't the same people from three years ago. So you should try… Maybe it'll end well this time. Either way, I'll support you through whatever happens."

Charles kept looking at Raven for a while more, this time taking a peek at the girl's mind and seeing she was being honest. There was worry there, worry that something bad could happen again, but — different from before — there was some part of her mind that believed that Charles and Erik could finally work after hearing the story about their conversation that morning. Her mind felt like a mirror of his own, just less desperate, and he smiled. He still felt some kind of dread, a small part of himself now warning him about this, but he couldn't ignore how his chest fluttered and his whole body felt lighter as he made his decision. He smiled at Raven, a thankful smile, that was quickly mirrored by her as she raised her cup of coffee for a toast. Charles chuckled at that, raising his now cold tea.

"To this mess of a life." she joked before taking a sip of her coffee.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles makes a decision.
> 
> TW: Sexual content (LISTEN, if you don't like Rimming don't read the end. Charles WILL get his ass eaten I am SORRY).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, I truly hope you enjoy this chapter, it was nothing but pleasant to write, and trust me when I say this is the calm before the storm. This is a treat for all the shit that will come on the next chapter so buckle up and enjoy Charles Xavier having good time for once. I'll see you guys tomorrow with the last chapter and the epilogue ♥️

The cold winter in Oxford made Charles keep Raven as close as possible to enjoy the warmth of another body next to his. Raven herself didn't complain about it, the cold making her cheeks turn slightly pink as well as the tip of her nose. They walked through the Oxford campus — Charles wanted to visit his old University — arm in arm, watching the few people around them as well as the old buildings while sharing a few red licorice sticks that they had picked up at a small candy store on their way there. It was another old thing they used to do when they lived there, buying candy with the money that was left and sharing as they walked around Oxford. They usually did that when Raven would insist she was bored of staying at their small apartment and watching Charles study as if it was the only thing he knew how to do. Charles would make her put on a coat and take her out for walks to allow the girl to freshen up a bit, and allow himself some exercise as well. The first time they had done it, Raven was still fourteen years old, childish behavior still alive on her even after everything she went through, and she had beamed at Charles when they passed through a candy store.

At that point, Charles was still getting money from Kurt so he could keep living in Oxford, which he realized now that it was probably part of his mother's deal with Kurt — to keep supporting Charles financially until he was old enough to be independent. But even so, it wasn't much money. Charles had to be very responsible to be able to pay the rent on the small apartment they lived in and keep the kitchen full so he and Raven wouldn't starve to death, as well as the meals they had outside because both of them were awful in the kitchen and Raven's money for lunch at school. Not to mention water and electric bills, clothes and other necessities. All of that considering that the money was meant to cover only  _ his _ expenses, and that Kurt only sent him the necessary amount for that, never more, never less. He was technically raising Raven as well, which meant the money was actually short for the first time in his life. Thankfully, he did a good job at keeping them alive, managing to always leave a few pounds as emergency money in case something happened, even if it meant he sometimes skipped a meal in order to keep that money and to keep Raven well fed and cared for. His priority back then was always her, the younger sister, who Charles promised to himself he would take care of. It got better when both of them got their first jobs, even better when Charles became a professor at Oxford, finally being able to provide more for him and his sister, both finally able to be independent with their money. But before that, money was a complicated subject.

That day when they passed through the candy store, Charles had some money on his wallet that he was saving to buy something nice for him, a gift for himself since his sixteenth birthday was getting closer, but the look in Raven's eyes as she saw the candies inside made Charles sigh and decide that it was good enough to have Raven happy as a birthday gift. He had grabbed the girl's arm and dragged her inside the store, watching her make a happy noise and hug him close as she quickly grabbed a bag to put red licorice candies inside of it, waiting for Charles to chose something for himself. They had stopped after at a bench on the University Park to share the candies between them, and suddenly it became a tradition to do that whenever they had the money to do so.

Charles had enjoyed the day and the candy, even if he was sad when he wasn't able to buy himself a gift when his birthday came. To his surprise, he wasn't the only one saving money. Raven had not eaten at school a few days, or had sneaked lunch from their kitchen to save the small amounts of money she was given by Charles for that purpose in order to buy him something nice, and Charles had cried his eyes out when she jumped on top of him in the morning as he slept on their couch, with a wrapped gift in hands, eyes shining as she screamed  _ happy birthday _ at him. She had gone through his stuff then, finding out a book that he had to buy to start his research, and had gone through a bunch of libraries to find it and discover the price to save the money for it. Together with the book, she had wrapped a piece of candy as well.

"I won't ask for a piece." the girl had said, sitting on her legs on the couch next to Charles as he smiled at her with his eyes still wet with tears, holding the book tightly to his chest. "This one is yours, for your birthday, since we won't have cake."

Charles had shared the candy anyway, a piece of candy as a piece of cake. Red licorice, like the ones they were eating as they walked through the Oxford grounds together, seventeen years later, not worrying about saving money anymore, that phase of their lives long gone. They chuckled at each other as they stole the sticks from each other's hands, the trip now way lighter once Charles was able to tell Raven about Erik and him and having a decision in mind. He was finally able to relax enough to enjoy the memories that the place gave him. 

They stopped in an archway when a few drops of rain started to fall, protecting themselves from the cold rain and watching it fall on the green grass and old buildings with smiles on their faces as they kept fighting over the candy. After stealing a piece that Charles was about to stuff into his mouth, Raven's mind sparked with something that made him curious, waiting to see if she would speak up about it or not.

"Remember the woman from last night?" she asked, mouth still chewing the licorice as her eyes turned from Charles to the rain, as if she was shy about something. Not like Raven at all.

"Irene Adler?" the girl nodded, confirming his words as he took a bite of the last candy they had. "I do. She left  _ quite _ an impression, believe me."

"Hopefully a good one, 'cause I asked her on a date."

Charles choked on the licorice for a moment, looking at Raven with his eyes wide open, and the girl crossed her arms under her chest. "Don't act so surprised!"

"You met her yesterday."

"Oh, don't try to talk to me about  _ that, _ sir! You had your fair share of instant crushes,  _ specially _ in this college." she raised her eyebrows, making Charles roll his eyes and blush, knowing she was right. But, in his defense, he  _ was _ a teenager. "I'm just investing on this one because she's beautiful,  _ and _ a mutant, and we had a really nice talk yesterday at the party while you were getting shitfaced."

"I didn't get shitfaced, thank you very much."

"Oh really? I beg to differ." 

The rain got harder, a few drops starting to hit them as they were standing by the edge of the archway. Charles pulled Raven with him to keep her away from the rain, the concrete over their heads keeping them dry and not as cold as they could be, and Charles suddenly realized they would be trapped there until the rain went away.

"In any case," he kept going, eyes watching the rain for a moment before going back to look at Raven. "when will you go out with her?"

"I don't know yet. I got her number and she told me to text her today so we can plan it properly."

"Text?" the frown on Charles' face was deep. "But isn't she…"

Raven rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head before flicking her finger lightly on Charles' forehead.

"Honestly, you're so dumb sometimes. The phone has settings for that, you dumb-dumb." Charles only replied with a small  _ 'ah' _ and Raven snorted. "I just thought you should know…"

Charles watched his sister for a moment, smiling softly at the nervous look on her face as if she was scared of Charles' opinion. Ironic, since the one constantly making bad decisions lately was Charles. He pulled her close into a hug, making her chuckle and steal once again the candy from his hands to take a bite, the warmth of the hug making both of them comfortable as the rain still poured next to them, blurring the world.

"I'm happy for you, short stuff."

"We're literally the same height-"

"And hopefully this Irene Adler will be someone nice." he looked at her face, watching as she looked back with happiness inside of her eyes with his approval. It was hard remembering he was the older brother, even if for just a few years. Raven had spent so much time taking care of him in the past years that he forgot to take care of her as well, like it used to be when they were children. "I might not be able to get into her mind, but I certainly won't be afraid of throwing hands if she tries something."

"Wait, you can't read her?"

Charles shook his head, eyes turning slightly darker with the memories of trying to get into Irene's mind, blocked by the woman so he wouldn't see the future she had seen of him.

"She can block me, somehow. She doesn't want me prying into her head and finding out my future apparently." he sighed, making Raven frown. "Did she tell you about our encounter two days ago?"

At that, Charles pointed at the healing bruise on his cheek. Raven didn't answer, but Charles caught the conversation she had with Irene the night before and the mention of her bumping into Charles and seeing his future, of warning him about something related to Cain, and Charles nodded. He let go of the hug, taking the candy once again and dividing it into two pieces, handing one over to Raven before placing his piece in his mouth, chewing on the licorice to distract himself from the nervous feeling Irene's words still had on him now that he remembered everything that happened last night that wasn't linked to Erik. 

"She warned me to be vigilant." Raven said, voice dark as if she was telling Charles a secret, making him look at her curiously. "Said you'd need me and Erik to take you out of a bad place soon. She didn't explain further, only said that."

"Her last warning earned me a bruise…" Charles shook his head, sighing heavily. "Let's just hope she knows what she's doing."

"She certainly  _ sounds _ like she knows what she's doing." with that, Charles caught a stray thought coming from his sister about Irene's voice that made Charles fake-gag. Raven looked at him curiously.

"I really don't need to hear what you think of her  _ sexy voice, _ dear sister." 

Raven slapped his shoulder, cheeks blushing dark red as he let out a laugh, trying to run from the girl's insistent slaps.

"Out of my head, you twat. Besides, you can't judge me! You  _ just _ told me you had sex with Erik!"

"Yes, but I didn't think about his  _ sexy and powerful voice, _ though." he voiced her thoughts out loud, making her go slack jawed.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, now trying to hit Charles again as he ran from her, laughing as a child.

She wasn't truly angry, just embarrassed, and soon enough it turned into a play as both of them ran after each other, ending up under the cold rain. It felt like they were kids again, on the grounds of the Westchester house under the rain and running and laughing through the trees while Cain, Kurt and Sharon were trapped inside the house. It felt like one particular day in Oxford when they were teenagers and they ran through the rain together, playing again as they felt free to do so without having to hide from Charles' family, ignoring everyone else around them. 

It was just the two siblings again, laughing and running under the rain.

* * *

They went into a restaurant hours later, dripping wet thanks to the rain and with cheeks and noses red from the running and the cold. The idea was to have lunch there on the small establishment where they could be warm and dry, coats completely soaked and not doing much to keep them warmed up. Unfortunately, Charles caught how uncomfortable the owner of the restaurant was to have two soaking wet people inside, making the ground slippery and who probably would ruin the cushions of the chairs for next customers, which made Charles decide only to order to go, standing still on a place where the rest of the restaurant would be safe from their wet clothes and they could still enjoy the heat for a while. Raven complained, wanting to sit down and enjoy the meal there, but it only took a quick mental explanation for her to change her mind. The owner seemed pleased with their decision to not stay and made sure their food was hot enough to stay hot when they ate it and to even warm them as they walked out into the rain once more.

They found a small gazebo on a small park while walking back to the car, both looking at each other and smiling in agreement as they ran to the safe place from the heavy rain, still out on the cold but knowing the spicy food would be a delight to eat and would warm their bodies nicely. They didn't even care if they looked weird sitting down at a gazebo with boxed food and eating there as if it was a normal thing to do, they were hungry and cold and that was the only thing that mattered. As Raven opened their food, Charles took his coat off, feeling it heavy on his hands with the amount of water caught on it, squeezing the water out as best as he could and feeling the hairs of his arms rising with the cold under his wet shirtsleeves. He offered to do the same for Raven's coat, putting it over her shoulders once it was less soaked and receiving a thankful smile as well as his own food from her hands.

The hot food and the spices in it did their job, warming both of them up from inside and making them more giggly now that they realized how weird they must look to passers-by. 

"We're both on our thirties, we shouldn't be doing this." Charles commented, lips curled into a smile as he took another bite of his food. "If I don't get sick after this I'll be surprised."

"You delicate little flower." Raven teased, making Charles kick her lightly with the tip of his shoe. "I think we deserve to act carelessly for once. We run a school! Let us live, Professor!"

"You mean  _ I _ run a school."

"You would be nothing without me, you old fart. I'm the children's favorite teacher."

"I could debate with you on that."

"Please don't, at the moment my brain is set to only care about my food, my warmth, and trying to steal your food once I'm done with mine." Charles pulled his own food closer to his body, making Raven snort. "That doesn't do shit. I could still take it."

Charles chuckled, shaking his head and soon they started eating in silence once again, the heavy rain being the only noise around. Once they were done, Charles quickly spotted a trashcan nearby and took the trash in his own hands, holding Raven's arm before venturing into the rain again. It was now a light pour, but their already wet bodies didn't take long to get soaked again. They reached the car, and this time Charles was allowed to drive, both of them sighing in relief when the heater was turned on and they took off the wet coats, throwing them on the backseat. Charles thanked any deity that would listen for Kurt Marko's car having leather seats. Easier to dry. 

The drive back was nicer than the drive to Oxford, both of them talking excitedly about the morning they shared together and how the city had barely changed, even if the food seemed to taste better now. Charles drove by their old apartment on the way back, both of them looking at the windows of the place where they once lived together and grew up together, warm smiles on their faces. He noticed the fondness in Raven's mind as memories flooded her brain, his smile only widening at it, and soon he felt her hand hold his. It was everything so different now, so much had changed ever since they shared that apartment, but the knowledge that they were still together made both of them warm.

"Eighteen years ago we were moving in here." she said, voice full of nostalgia as her brow furrowed, a smile still on her lips. "God, we're old..."

"You're old."

"Shut up, cardigan-wearing man."

Charles chuckled at that, sparing a last glance at the old apartment before going back to his sister. "Let's go."

On the way back to Westchester, Charles turned on the radio again, this time not to stop Raven from questioning about what had happened to him, but just to keep the car with some noise all the time, prompting Raven to start singing out of tune and him laughing out loud whenever she cracked her voice on purpose in the middle of a song, sometimes singing along with her. He didn't even notice the time passing by on the drive back, soon enough already entering the gates of the Marko's house and parking the car where it was before they left, running to go inside the house as the rain apparently had reached London as well and was making their still wet clothes get damp and cold again. 

Once in, they laughed at each other, trying their best not to wet the whole floor as one of the maids gave them a few worried looks — both for being so wet on that cold weather and for making puddles of water on the ground. There, on the grand living room, two other pair of eyes looked at them with surprised looks, making Charles and Raven stop for a moment. Sharon raised her eyebrows at the pair, her mind suddenly worried about them catching a cold for being inside their damp clothes, and Charles couldn't help but chuckle at that. Next to Sharon, Edie sat calmly, as if they were having a conversation before, the idea of that happening still weird inside his head. Polar opposites meeting.

"I see you two were caught by the rain." Edie commented, a sweet smile on her lips.

"This idiot ran into the rain back in Oxford and I had no option but to follow." Raven slapped the back of Charles' head playfully and Charles reacted by grabbing the girl and locking her in place as he shook his head to make the water caught in his own hair hit her face, making her laugh and push away. "Stop that!"

"You two should change. It's a cold day and you could catch a cold." Sharon's voice was uncertain, as if she didn't know if she had the right to say that. To say what a mother would say. Charles smiled at her, reassuring, nodding to confirm he would do it, making a smile appear on her lips.

"Maybe your son will." Raven answered, strangely relaxed even if she was talking to Sharon, making the woman look at her curiously. "I am  _ way _ more resistant than him."

"No, you're not." Charles laughed, shaking his head. "When we were kids and we played in the rain you always got sick and I had to take care of you."

"Lies!" she said back dramatically. "We would get sick  _ together _ and you'd take the job to take care of both of us because you were the only one who could get the medicine we needed to keep us from dying from fever or something like that."

A sting of pain reached Charles' mind after those words, and it didn't take much to know who the pain was from. Sharon's mind spiraled into worry and guilt from knowing that Charles would get sick as a child and she wasn't there, she didn't took care of him like she should've. He tried comforting her mind, making sure she knew that it was alright, that at least he wasn't alone when it happened because Raven was there, and Raven had — even with her young age — taken care of Charles when Sharon didn't. The woman's eyes then went to Raven, looking at the girl with renewed interest, and the girl didn't fail to notice that, body tensing up slightly.

"Raven, right?" Sharon asked carefully, as if she was afraid of Raven's reaction for her saying her name like that. Raven only nodded, mind agitated at the curiosity of what Sharon could want. "I… I think I should thank you. For taking care of him."

Charles caught the moment when Raven's mind turned cold, eyes narrowing slightly, and mouth turning into a line, the previous smile disappearing. He could see that there was a lot that Raven wanted to say at that moment, to blame Sharon for leaving Charles alone, because she, more than anyone, knew what Charles went through on those years that Sharon first distanced herself. He almost told her to stop, to not do it, but it wasn't needed. He saw as well the exact moment when Raven remembered Charles' explanation of his talk with his mother, of the way Sharon was broken and had done it all with the best intentions, even if it wasn't good at all, and her mind calmed down a little, expression turning neutral. She offered Sharon a shrug.

"We took care of each other." she said, voice as neutral as her expression. She didn't like Sharon, but harsher feelings were slowly melting away as well, understanding the woman's reasons for what she did but not really forgiving. "That's why I call him my brother."

"I wish I had known about you back then." Sharon confessed, her mind proving Charles that she was being sincere. "Maybe I could've found a way to turn you officially into part of the family earlier."

"No offense, ma'am, but I'd rather die than have Marko as my surname." the harsh way Raven's words left her mind made Charles widen his eyes, searching around for the presence of any of the Marko's and only relaxing once he saw they were clear.

"Well, I guess we have that in common." Sharon mumbled, taking everyone by surprise.

It wasn't a lie, and it was proven by the fact that no one called her  _ 'Mrs. Marko' _ or  _ 'Sharon Marko'. _ More than twenty years after the death of her husband, she still carried the Xavier name, making Charles wonder why, quickly getting his answer from the woman's mind: an act of rebellion against Kurt. She wouldn't carry his name, the same way that her son didn't carry it. They were not Marko's property, and keeping the Xavier name was the only way she found to keep that in mind, both on hers and Kurt's. It was a small act, the safest way of rebelling she could find, but that grounded her mind on who she was, keeping her from fully losing her mind. Being Sharon Xavier was the only thing she had left of her old life, and the only thing that Kurt wouldn't take from her. Charles smiled minimally at that, sending all that new information to Raven, who seemed as surprised as Charles with the woman's thoughts. A spark of newfound respect appeared in Raven's mind, and he watched as she smiled slightly and let her expression soften even if only a little.

"Come on, Charles. We need to change those clothes or else I'll have to steal Kurt's medicine like I did with his car keys."

"Stop stealing stuff, Raven." Charles complained, watching her take the car keys from Charles and put then on a small key holder next to the door, a deadpan expression on her face.

"I know I shouldn't, but he deserves it." Raven said simply, shrugging. "It's my way to cope."

"By stealing car keys?"

"Only from Kurt Marko."

After a few more words, they excused themselves to walk to their rooms, Sharon's mind seemingly pleased with Raven's way of acting, amused at the girl's boldness, which made him think that maybe, under different conditions, Sharon would've adopted Raven back then. Would've made her part of the family and given her the Xavier name, even if Raven wasn't exactly the perfect picture of grace and manners. The idea was comforting. They said goodbye to each other with a tight hug, the wet clothes uncomfortable between them, and soon Charles was entering his own room, suddenly being hit by reality as he saw Erik there, sleeping on the bed on his day clothes. 

He stood there for a while, hand still holding the doorknob and keeping the door wide open as the water that dampened his clothes and body made a puddle on the ground where he stood. Erik was calm, a dreamless sleep for what Charles could feel of his mind, and as much as there was the desire to finish the morning conversation, he didn't want to disturb that peaceful sleep. With a sigh, he closed the door as quietly as possible, walking through the room to find a clean towel and get some warm and clean clothes as he felt the tips of his fingers cold. The room wasn't as cold as it was outside, but it wasn't completely warm either, the only source of heat being the bedsheets that Erik was laying on top of, but that Charles decided that a warm shower would do the trick just fine to take the cold away from his body.

He made sure to walk as silently as possible, disposing of his shoes next to the door and taking a barefoot step to get to the bathroom at the other side of the room. Unfortunately, he had already made a mess of the floor, a trail of water on the ground where he stepped before made the ground slippery and he couldn't stop when his foot slid through the wet surface, making him lose his balance and fall on his ass with a harsh huff of air leaving his lungs thanks to the impact. On the bed, Erik's mind started waking up thanks to the noise and Charles grunted, getting up on his feet again and rubbing his hand on his hip, some of the impact making a light pain course through it. When he was up, Erik's eyes were already on him, tired mind trying to understand exactly what he was seeing before a frown appeared on his face.

"You're all wet." Erik's voice was rough from the sleep, and Charles smiled despite himself at the small observation.

"I can see your eyesight is working perfectly." he said back, taking the clothes he had left on the ground when he fell and sighing audibly. "I've been out in the rain all morning basically."

Erik sat on the bed, hands rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before he looked at Charles again, uncertain. Erik's thoughts were loud around the room, even if he didn't think Charles was listening, and he could hear every bit of doubt and fear that loomed over Erik's head. He offered Erik an easy smile that made a spark appear in the other man's mind, and Erik answered the smile as best as he could.

"I'll take a hot shower." Charles said, just so Erik knew the conversation wouldn't happen at that moment in particular and so Erik knew he wasn't running. Thankfully, the other man seemed to understand. "My body is freezing."

Once he received a nod from Erik, Charles made his way to the bathroom — with less casualties this time — and undressed, already feeling better to not have the cold fabric of his clothes touching his skin. Once the water was warm, he stepped under it and sighed in relief as his muscles started to relax, warm and cozy under the running water. He took his time there, body tired now after all the running and the cold from the morning, and allowed himself a few moments to just keep his head under the water, knowing that once he left the room there would be a decision to be made. As much as he had already decided his course of action, the decision wasn't made until he said it out loud, until he proved himself he had the courage to do what he wanted to do. For all he knew, he could lose his words, he could stop talking, unable to say what he needed when he was outside that bathroom. For all he knew, he could change his mind at the last minute, it was still a possibility.

When he stopped the water and started drying himself with his towel, he dreaded the moment where he would step out of the room. He took a deep breath, pressing his face against the soft towel before shaking his head and deciding to get it over with. He put his clothes on — pajama pants and a sweater that would keep his body warm as he was still feeling the effects of staying on the rain in the cold weather for that long — and dried his hair as best as he could, not bothering on brushing it. He looked at his hand for a moment, Erik's ring still on his finger as he played with it for a second, taking a deep breath. He left the bathroom, leaving the wet clothes in there to dry, the cold air from outside making his body shiver after leaving the steamy room. Erik looked at him as soon as he walked out of the door, a wave of fondness hitting Charles by surprise, making Charles blush on the spot.

He hang the wet towel on a small hanger on the wall, taking another deep breath and finally turning to Erik. They looked at each other for a moment, uncertain, afraid of what would come next, and Charles softened his gaze before walking towards the bed and sitting down next to Erik, taking the blankets and wrapping around himself for good measure, making Erik huff out a laugh as Charles cocooned himself with the blanket.

"You do know you're gonna end up sick, right?" Erik's voice was soft, even if that nervousness still stained his words, and Charles smiled.

"I sure hope not. Or else the flight back to New York will be  _ really _ uncomfortable."

Erik smiled, making Charles smile as well before the silence took over once more. Erik was aching to hear something about their talk in the morning, but was equally afraid to ask. Instead, he seemed to decide to keep the conversation going.

"I had breakfast with your mother today." he said, making Charles look at him curiously. "She was unexpectedly pleasant."

"Kurt was there too?" Erik shook his head.

"No, she found me and my mom at the kitchen. We invited her to stay and she did. I think her and my mother are getting along, weirdly enough."

"They were talking on the living room when Raven and I arrived." Charles pressed the blanket a little more around himself, feeling slightly happy to know his mother was interacting with someone — with Edie specially, who had the power of making anyone feel better, a comforting presence.

After that, silence came again, and Charles swallowed a lump on his throat. There was no running away now, he knew what would come next and he felt his stomach twisting with anticipation and anxiety for what would follow. He gave himself a few seconds to think about it again, to wonder what the best choice was, but he had already made up his mind before and he had to stop allowing fear to take over him, specially when there was a chance of what he  _ wanted _ be also what he  _ needed, _ and he was starting to slowly believe he needed Erik, needed that sharp and focused mind again around him, keeping him at bay and allowing Charles to leave his comfort zone, to give in to impulses sometimes, as well as to remind Erik not to act only on impulses as well. It was the perfect balance, the middle ground between them that they could reach if they just worked together. They had reached some kind of middle ground before, with Erik now fighting for mutant rights with less violent actions but still being active about it, and with Charles recognizing Erik wasn't all wrong in taking action instead of just talking and expecting the best from people. And that middle ground was heaven, only stained by their bad way of dealing with each other and the fights, but it was clear that Charles had changed Erik as much as Erik had changed him. And it could keep happening, if only Charles made a decision.

Charles took a deep breath, choosing his next words carefully, knowing that there would be nowhere else the conversation could go without him mentioning their situation. It was now or never.

"I'm gonna say something, Erik." he started, bringing Erik's eyes to him at those words. "But I need you to just listen and not interrupt me, alright?"

Erik was about to complain if it wasn't for Charles' eyes warning him not to do it, and he nodded in agreement even if his jaw was clenched. Charles mirrored his nod, moving a little on the bed to get more comfortable and looking directly at Erik as he opened his mouth to talk.

"There's no way I can deny that I still love you. I've already told you so and I can't take it back now, because I  _ do _ love you, Erik." he felt hope bubble up Erik's mind, focus solely on Charles' voice at that moment. "But you have to understand that we didn't start well. We have five years on our backs,  _ five long years _ that haunts both of us still, where we hurt each other when we should've just talked. And as much as I love you I am fucking  _ scared _ of those five years coming back to us and the vicious circle to begin again.  _ I don't want to hurt you anymore-" _

"Charles-"

"Let me speak." Charles demanded, glaring at Erik and seeing the man huff impatiently at his lack of power to speak, but conceded, mind certain that it would end badly, that he would lose Charles again. "I don't want to hurt you anymore, Erik. And that's why I'll need you to promise to  _ always _ talk to me for now on, the same way I will promise you that. I'll always have that fear in the back of my mind, the fear that it'll all happen again, so I'll also need you to keep reminding me that it won't, that it'll be alright. Because I love you, and I want to try again, but I'll need you to help me out on the way."

Erik's eyes widened, processing Charles' words slowly until they finally settled. Charles smiled in return, body shaking slightly now that he had taken his decision, mind fighting against the idea that it could've been the wrong choice to make. But that's why he would need Erik's help, to soothe his mind whenever doubt came, because Charles could control other people's minds, soothe their thoughts and place new ones like it was nothing, but he couldn't do that to himself, but Erik always could. Erik always had a hold on Charles' mind and heart, a hold on  _ Charles, _ and he could help him with that, with soothing his mind and keeping him at bay. Making this work.

Erik got closer with uncertainty still in his movements, as if he didn't believe that Charles had said what he had said just yet, but was desperate to believe. When Charles didn't move away, Erik's warm hand held his face carefully, to which Charles closed his eyes and leaned against his touch. It felt like the night Charles ran away from Erik in Germany — and that night already felt like it happened a lifetime ago —, but this time Charles wouldn't run. He would stay there enjoying the comfort that Erik's touch provided him, easing the shaking of his body and giving him just enough proof to know it was the right decision. Erik let out a shuddering breath, his hand now shaking slightly and Charles quickly put his own over Erik's, stilling the shake as he placed a kiss on the palm of the other man's hand. 

"Just promise me you won't run anymore," Charles said weakly, a secret whispered into the room, a plea of sorts. "and I promise I won't as well."

"I won't." Erik replied quickly, moving to get closer to Charles and pull him into an embrace as their foreheads touched. "I won't. I don't want to run anymore."

Charles smiled at that, eyes closing and enjoying the warm feeling of being held by Erik again, nodding slightly, never letting his forehead leave Erik's. The kiss came seconds later, a shy touch of lips, as if Erik was scared of scaring Charles away, but the soft whimper that left Charles' mouth at that only encouraged him to keep going. It felt right as Erik moved his hands to pull Charles into his lap so he could hold him close as he deepened the kiss. It felt right as Charles held each side of Erik's neck softly with his hands during the kiss, the blankets that were around him falling down to pool against his hips. It felt right to be in his arms again, with the promise that on the next day it wouldn't vanish, the promise that Erik would be there. And so they kissed as if they needed to stay this close to each other to live, as if that kiss was to compensate for those three years apart and those five where their kisses were marked by pain after. There wouldn't be pain after this, if Charles had some saying on it, there wouldn't be pain like it did ever again. And if it did, they could heal it now, together.

When Erik finally stopped, they were both seeking for air, and Charles dared to open his eyes to look at the man, smiling as he saw the smile on Erik's lips. A dumb smile, filled with awe as he looked at Charles. It made him chuckle.

"Don't look at me like that."

"You're asking too much of me already."

* * *

Charles and Erik only talked after that, laying in bed as close as possible — legs over each other's, arms draped over the other's chest, anything to keep touching and close —, having a normal conversation that was only interrupted to kiss each other multiple times, neither of them able to keep away from each other's lips for long.

"Making up for the time we lost." Erik had said in between kisses earlier, and Charles only chuckled at that and kissed him back when Erik's lips pressed against his again.

After a while, Erik stopped everything — kisses and words — to look at Charles for a moment, eyes and mind sparking with an idea that made Charles blink a few times and blush, face becoming hot. Erik noticed that, a fond smile on his lips before they started pressing soft kisses to Charles' face. Charles closed his eyes, a soft sound leaving his lips as the other man pressed his lips on his forehead, temple, closed eyes; tracing his face with kisses until another soft kiss, just a press of lips, was placed on Charles' lips.

"I've been away from you for too long…" Erik whispered, lips brushing against Charles' as he talked, lowering his head just a little bit to press a kiss to Charles' chin. "And yesterday we were too desperate, I couldn't properly look at you."

Charles didn't answer, only opened his eyes to look at Erik, pupils already getting wider as he watched those grey eyes look back at him with so much emotion behind them. Erik also didn't wait or even expect an answer, moving Charles to lay him properly on his back, his head laying against the pillows as Erik's hands slowly moved to push the sweater Charles was wearing up, quickly taking it out of him, throwing the piece of clothing on the ground and leaving Charles only on his pants, the warm bed under him keeping him comfortable. Erik's eyes watched the other's bare torso for a moment, hands moving to caress the skin softly, sometimes pressing or squeezing at the flesh there and making Charles sigh with the attention he was receiving and the thoughts in Erik's mind.

Usually, Erik's mind was organized in a way that made Charles envy him. It was sharp and direct and it took a rare happening to make it lose its sharpness, to make it a mess of thoughts. Usually, those rare happenings had to do with Charles, and this time wasn't an exception. Erik's mind was a bundle of thoughts mashed together, Charles' name being repeated over and over again as Erik's fingers touched his pale skin. A smile appeared in Charles' lips with one line of thought in particular, when Erik was touching his shoulders, where everything he was able to think was  _ freckles/I missed him/Charles/soft skin/I love him/beautiful/mine/I'll never let him go again. _

Charles raised one of his hands to pull Erik's face down, to kiss him, sighing happily when Erik kissed back, hands still exploring his torso lovingly. The complaint that came from Charles' mouth as the kiss was cut short so Erik could go back to look at him made the other man chuckle softly, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Patience." he said simply.

"We both know I don't have that." 

"You better learn quickly to have it, then. I intend to take my time."

Charles rolled his eyes in protest, but the promise made goosebumps run through his body. Erik only smiled, placing another quick kiss to the other man's forehead and started moving his lips through Charles' torso calmly, sometimes placing open mouthed kisses to the skin that made Charles let out a shuddering breath. Erik didn't talk the whole time, eyes sometimes closing as he kissed Charles, but his mind was loud enough that Charles had the impression that it was on purpose. The whole time Erik thought about how soft Charles' skin was — both under his fingertips and under his lips —, thought about what he wanted to do to Charles once he was finished memorizing all over again the other man's body, which caused Charles' body to shudder for a moment, breath catching on his throat. He was getting aroused by the promises made in Erik's thoughts and the soft and careful treatment of Erik's hands and lips on him, his cheeks turning pink as he realized that.

He shouldn't be surprised, really. Erik always had that effect on him, always knew what to do to make Charles want him desperately. But he had a suspicion that it had more to do with Erik himself, and the fact that Charles was very much attracted to him as a whole. That Erik could literally just get into the room and tell Charles to get a hard-on and his body would obey like the traitor it was. Charles only realized he was projecting everything he was thinking about when Erik stopped his kisses right on top of his navel to let out a laugh, mouth still resting on Charles' stomach and accidentally blowing raspberries on him, taking a laugh out of Charles as well as he moved, uncomfortable with the ticklish sensation. He moved his hands to hold Erik's head up, afraid that he would accidentally do it again as he laughed, and soon grey eyes were looking at him amusedly.

"Honestly, Charles," there was a big smile on his lips as he got rid of Charles' hands. Charles only smiled. "of all the things I thought I would hear coming from your mind, that  _ wasn't _ one."

"But it's true." he was still red in the face, but he smiled at Erik as the man pressed a kiss to his sternum. 

Erik only huffed out a laugh going up with his kisses again and pressing his lips a little harder on a point right under Charles' jaw, on his throat, a soft whine leaving his lips at that before he saw Erik's eyes on him again.

"I guess I'll have to test this theory someday then." his voice was low as he looked down at Charles with that shark-like grin of his, and Charles chuckled even with the arousal that filled his body.

Erik took one of Charles' hands that were resting on the mattress next to his head, pressing a kiss to its palm and resting it where it was before, carefully, as if he was handling something very fragile at that moment. He got down on the bed a little, hands roaming Charles' sides and making the earlier smile disappear to give place to an almost lustful one in Charles' expression. Charles watched calmly as Erik took hold of the waistbands of his pants and underwear, pulling them down his legs and throwing them to the same place his sweater had gone, leaving Charles completely naked while Erik was fully dressed. 

For a while, Erik only looked, fingers tracing a line on Charles' thigh as he admired the man in front of him in a way that almost made Charles embarrassed. His mind was loud again, praises almost screamed into Charles' mind as well as fantasies of what Erik wished to do with him at that moment. One in particular, vivid as if it had happened, of Erik thrusting inside of him roughly, made Charles moan, his whole body burning with shame for his reaction and arousal with the idea. Erik grinned at that, hand resting on Charles' hip and very close to Charles' half-hard cock, purposefully neglecting it as his thumb brushed the skin there.

"Payback for your little trick yesterday." Erik shrugged, making Charles curse under his breath as he remembered vaguely having projected his fantasies into Erik's mind to make Erik touch him again. "Although you're  _ a lot more _ responsive than I am…"

As if to prove his point, and knowing very well that Charles was still in his mind, a new image appeared on his thoughts that made Charles take a sharp breath and moan right after, eyes closing for a moment as he felt his cock twitch with interest over the fantasy of Erik taking him against a wall. It was too vivid, and Charles was both mad and impressed about how it felt like a memory rather than an idea. He could almost feel his cheek pressed against the cold white wall of the room as Erik held one of his legs up and fucked into him roughly, grunting next to his ear. It was annoying at best and Charles almost said sorry for doing the exact same thing the night before with Erik, until he realized he wasn't sorry. 

_ 'Beautiful like this,' _ Charles heard in Erik's mind as the other's grey eyes watched him with amusement and lust at the same time.  _ 'If I didn't have plans for you, I'd make you cum like this.' _

Charles inhaled sharply at that, making Erik chuckle again, his mind giving away how much he liked to play with Charles like this. Charles couldn't really complain about it. Instead, he watched quietly as Erik moved to kneel between Charles' legs, spreading them slightly on the process, mind sparking with thoughts ranging from lust to love for the man under him. Charles saw himself for a moment through Erik's eyes, cheeks and chest flushed pink, fair skin speckled with freckles that formed patterns that Erik wanted to trace in awe, blue eyes almost disappearing completely with the black of his dilated pupils, dark hair tousled against white pillows, soft thighs spread to accommodate Erik between them, and cock already resting hard on his stomach. The light marks of Erik's fingers on his hips from their sex the night before made Erik smile. In Erik's eyes and mind, Charles was nothing less than a work of art, and the praise made Charles take another sharp breath.

Erik seemed to not take notice of that breath, moving his fingers carefully through Charles' leg until they reached his calf, pulling the leg up and placing a soft kiss there, causing Charles to huff out a breath when he realized that Erik  _ really _ intended to take his time with this. The other man only chuckled at Charles' impatience, trailing his kisses down Charles' leg, being careful to keep them at a certain pressure where Charles would feel the kisses but that they wouldn't be enough to get anything from him other than sighs and looks of exasperation as he was still there, laying hard on the bed, and not receiving any attention where he wanted the most. Erik moved back a little to lower his body when he reached Charles' thigh, and the sounds that left his mouth started to change from sighs to whimpers, the sensitive area reacting to Erik's lips and making goosebumps run through his body, all of the kisses going directly to Charles' groin.

He kept kissing the soft skin, spreading Charles' legs a little wider to reach the end of his thigh and looking at Charles for a second with his eyes sparkling before biting down the soft flesh, enough to leave a mark of his teeth. Enough to make Charles moan loudly and throw his head back as his entire body shuddered. Erik placed a kiss over the bite, again trailing his kisses until he reached Charles' hip, his breath ghosting over Charles' cock and making him shiver with anticipation, only to see Erik moving away and positioning himself on his knees between Charles' thighs again, lowering his leg to take the other one. Charles grunted at that, cheeks burning as if he was in flames, the space between his eyebrows filled with a frown of frustration. Erik laughed at that.

_ 'Bastard.' _ Charles sent over to his mind, breathing so heavy that he didn't know if he was able to talk normally at the moment. Erik only grinned widely.

He did the same on the other leg as he had done before, biting again at Charles' thigh and making him moan once again, cock already dripping with arousal on his stomach, chest completely flushed and breath uneven. Charles heard Erik mutter something under his breath in German, mouth ghosting over Charles once more. He waited, eyes locked with Erik's as he stopped breathing, Erik's hands holding Charles' thighs open and mouth curved on a smile before it opened and moved to take the head of Charles' cock into it. He couldn't hold the loud moan that left his mouth even if it wanted to, sounding slightly high pitched at the end as he tried his best not to close his eyes so he could watch Erik as the other man kept his hips still with his hands, the grip tight on his skin.

Charles watched almost desperately as Erik sucked him slowly, enough to make Charles feel pleasure but not enough for him to come, grey eyes sometimes moving up to look at Charles' ones and making Charles almost roll his eyes to the back of his head everytime, his whole body reacting to the warmth of Erik's mouth on him. He wanted to show Erik how he felt at that moment, make the man fell as aroused as him, but was very aware that if he opened his mouth all that would come out would be moans and whimpers, so he chose the other option: projecting his pleasure into Erik's mind. Erik moaned around Charles, entire body shuddering with the feeling and he moved his hips against the mattress, still fully clothed as Charles withered under him.

_ 'Stop that.' _ Erik demanded, voice serious in Charles' mind. An order. That just made Charles shudder again. 

_ 'Thought you'd like to know.' _ even his mind's voice was breathless as he licked his lips, eyes shining playfully as he watched Erik still moving his mouth on him, hands grabbing the sheets beside his head as he tried to move his hips with no success with the force that Erik was using to hold him down. Even with Erik's warning, Charles projected his own pleasure once more, teasing him.

Erik stopped his mouth after that, managing to get yet another complaint from Charles, and soon he moved his mouth away. Charles was about to curse out loud for the lack of contact — except for the hands on his hips — when suddenly Erik grabbed his body and turned him around on the bed, manhandling him to make him lay on the mattress with his stomach down. Charles' cheeks grew hot again, aroused from the easy way that Erik had moved his body and ashamed to be so exposed without seeing what Erik would do next. A soft moan left his mouth when he felt the friction of his cock with the sheets, thrusting against it to test the pleasure and closing his eyes for a second before he felt Erik's hands on his ass, squeezing it slightly and making Charles gasp.

"You are insufferable." Erik said. Charles couldn't see his face in his position, but he could hear he grin in his words.

"Thank you, I try my best." Charles teased, out of breath, pushing back against Erik's hands, the touch on his ass actually weirdly comforting.

Charles didn't really know what to expect next. He knew Erik couldn't properly fuck him due to the lack of preservatives and lube. Charles started cursing at himself for not bringing anything with him to this trip, the idea of having Erik inside of him making him shudder and wish it could happen, until he remembered that they weren't even supposed to be having sex when they planned this, they were supposed to be friends and only act as a couple around his family. Clearly it didn't work. But, of all the things Charles expected from that position, Erik's tongue against his hole wasn't one of them, making him gasp and grab the sheets under him again, feeling the pleasure coursing his entire body at once. Erik's mouth moved to place a kiss on Charles' ass, a grin in those lips before he licked him once more.

Charles cried out moans, closing his eyes and feeling light-headed as he moved his hips against the mattress at the same time he pushed back against Erik's mouth. Charles was panting as Erik's mouth worked on him, and he nearly screamed when one of Erik's hands moved up and grabbed the hair on the back of Charles' head and  _ pulled. _ His back was now an arch, head up by the pull of Erik's hand on his hair and ass pushing back against Erik desperately. He felt he would be able to cum untouched if he kept going like this, and there was nothing but pleasure around him, filling every cell on his body. His mind turned blank, there was only Erik's name now, and the hot white pleasure of what was happening, but he noticed thoughts that weren't his creeping in and his eyes shot open in despair as he noticed those thoughts were Raven's, who was quickly approaching their door.

Charles moved in a hurry, raising his torso with his elbows and making Erik stop and look at him with a confused expression, pupils as dilated as Charles' and lips shining with his own spit as he wondered what could be wrong. Before Charles could explain, there was a knock on the door and Erik quickly understood. What Charles  _ didn't _ like, was the spark that passed through his eyes as the knocking happened again.

"Charles?" it wasn't Raven's voice who called from the other side of the door. It was his mom's, her mind finally making itself present there.  _ Good lord… _ "Are you there?"

Erik's lips curved into a smile that made Charles more worried than comfortable. He glared at the other man, warning him to not do anything, but it didn't work, and soon Erik was pushing him down on the bed again and resuming his work, making Charles hold back a moan, half mad, half aroused at the situation.

_ 'Answer her question, Charles.' _ Erik's voice rang in his head in the middle of the pleasure and Charles made sure to curse him as best as he could as he had to hold back another moan when he felt Erik's tongue pushing inside of him slightly.

He swallowed the lump on his throat, taking a few deep breaths with his head against the pillows and gathered strength to open his mouth to speak.

"I am, yes." he managed to keep his voice normal, eyes closed shut as Erik kept going relentlessly. 

"I was wondering if you'd like to have afternoon tea in the kitchen." Sharon said, voice soft on the other side of the door. "Is Erik with you? He could come to, his mother will be there."

Erik chuckled, and another wave of insults were directed at his mind as Charles tried his best to breathe properly. He could stop Erik with just a thought, could compose himself in a second and talk to his mother properly, and he felt his cheeks burning hot when he realized he wasn't doing it because he enjoyed it. Erik seemed to catch this thought from Charles' mind, hand petting his hip softly as a form of praise for allowing Erik to keep going.

_ 'You always liked the thrill. Don't think I've ever forgot the way you got crazy whenever we did that in inappropriate places or inappropriate moments, Charles…' _ Charles' cheeks blushed harder with Erik's thoughts, but he didn't deny them. Instead, he opened his mouth to talk again.

"Erik is in the bathroom right now." he said quickly — too quickly to be normal —, right before having to push his mouth against the pillows to muffle a moan as Erik's hand moved under him and grabbed his cock, stroking him slowly.

"Is everything alright?" this time it was Raven's voice who asked, tone worried. If Charles didn't have Erik's hand on his cock and mouth on his ass, he might've cared to understand why Raven and Sharon were together. Unfortunately, all he cared about at that moment was to make the two of them leave.

"Yes. I'll meet you guys once Erik  _ comes-" _

He cursed himself in his own mind, hiding his face on the pillows again to moan as Erik squeezed him with his hand a little tighter. His voice had broken at that last word, and he could feel the worry and the confusion in Raven's mind when she heard it. Her first thought was that Charles was crying — couldn't be far off the truth, although Charles felt like he could cry at any moment —, and her worry only grew as she thought about asking to enter the room to see Charles. With all the concentration he could muster, Charles got into her mind, making sure to not let his feelings flood her as he did it. He didn't want to traumatize his sister. 

_ 'Raven, I need you two to leave.' _ he said into her head, still making sure that she could only hear his voice and nothing else.

_ 'Are you okay? Did you talk with Erik? You sounded weird just then…' _

_ 'Trust me, I'm fine, but please leave with my mom. I'll meet you in the kitchen later.' _

She wanted to complain, to try and find out what was happening, but decided to trust him. He sighed in relief, holding his breath right after after more pleasure coursed through his body, wanting to slap Erik at that exact moment as well as ask him to never stop. When the two women finally left and were far away enough, Charles relaxed and let out a soft whine as he pushed back against Erik again and thrust into his hand at the same time. Erik finally stopped what he was doing to laugh, making Charles turn slightly to glare at him, both for the situation Erik had put them in before and the fact that he had taken his hand and mouth away from Charles.

"Good job." Erik said, grin wide on his lips as he started turning Charles to lay on his back again, only chuckling with Charles' glare.

"I hate you." it was half-heartedly, desire still shining in his eyes, and Erik knew that, moving to hover over Charles' body and press a kiss to his lips, quick and teasingly.

"I love you too." 

That made Charles smile.

Erik moved to kiss Charles' neck for a moment before getting up to stand beside the bed. Charles thought for a moment that he wouldn't let Charles finish, that he would stop everything, but the idea soon left his mind as he watched Erik taking of his clothes with trembling hands, the bulge in front of his pants making it clear that he was on his limit as well. Soon enough, his body was on top of Charles', mouth placing a kiss on his brown before taking one of Charles' hands and bringing it between their bodies, making it hold Erik's cock and stroke it. Erik closed his eyes for a moment, sighing with the pleasure as he guided Charles' hand for a while. Charles only watched, lips parted and body shivering with the feeling of having Erik in his hand, of making the man feel pleasure, body tensing up above him as Charles stroked him. Another moan left Charles' mouth as Erik's hand left his and went to Charles' cock to stroke it like he was doing. 

Erik rested his forehead on Charles' own, looking down at him with his eyes half open, both of them breathing heavily as their hands started going faster, both of their pleasures turning into one for Charles, who made sure to share that with Erik, the double feeling in both of their minds making them shake and moan. They wouldn't last long like this, both of them knew that, and they didn't really care about it at the moment. There would be time to do it again another time now that they were together.

_ 'Next time,' _ he heard Erik's mind saying, trying to pay attention to the words in the middle of all the pleasure.  _ 'I'll have you properly. Spread your legs and fuck you until you're screaming my name.' _

The words were accompanied by an image, a fantasy, of Charles with his back arched on the bed with Erik holding his legs open and thrusting against him, hips against hips. That was all that was needed for Charles to reach his orgasm, arching on the bed and moaning loudly, mind blanking out and projecting the pleasure into Erik's mind, Erik's name leaving his mouth like a prayer as he felt the man stroking him through his climax. Charles felt Erik twitch against his hand, cock pulsing slightly before coming as well with the sight of Charles and the sounds he was making, as well with the shared pleasure between both of them, whole body tensing up as his come mixed with Charles' on the man's chest.

Charles closed his eyes, breathing heavily and feeling sticky but ignoring that for the sake of enjoying the post orgasmic bliss that he was currently going through. He felt Erik's lips kissing his cheek, his chin, his closed lids, and then his mouth, mind screaming with affection towards Charles that made him smile softly. He opened his eyes again, clean hand moving to touch Erik's cheek gently and watching the man lean into his touch.

"I love you." he said, meaning it, happy to finally be able to say it. Erik smiled, eyes clouded with pleasure and love as he looked down at Charles.

"I love you." and Erik meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to make sure that everyone knows that the only reason that this second smut happened the way it did was because of my friend Ash (Reddierly on [twitter](http://twitter.com/reddierly) and [tumblr](http://reddierly.tumblr.com)) and they keep throwing kinks at me to write so if you liked it, thank them but if you didn't then it's their fault all the same. Ash when you read this, I can't believe you got drunk and talked me into writing rimming for fucks sake...


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles confronts Kurt Marko.
> 
> TW: Domestic abuse; Prejudice against mutants; Deadly use of telepathy; Slightly dark!Charles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we go, last chapter of this fic if you don't count the Epilogue! This is going to be a rollercoaster, so be prepared.  
> Also, I don't normally do this, but of you want to, put Youth by Daughter to play when the first divider appears. It was the song I used to write that chapter and it is one of the songs I use to describe this fic in general.  
> Anyway, enjoy this, and I promise the epilogue will make everyone happy! ♥️

After a while, Erik had helped Charles to clean himself and dragged him out of the bed as he pretended to be a dead weight to keep Erik next to him, chuckling when the man managed to pull him up and kissed his forehead, telling him to get dressed so they could have tea with Sharon like she asked to. Charles got dressed, finally brushing his hair after leaving the shower earlier and watched closely as Erik dressed himself, his smile not going unnoticed by the man who quickly pulled Charles close by the waist and smiled down at him, placing a soft kiss to his lips.

Charles' hands rested on the taller man's chest, and soon Erik's eyes went there, taking Charles' right hand and holding it softly, fingers brushing against the metal ring there. Charles could feel the metal reacting to Erik's touch, buzzing slightly as if it was asking to be molded again, heating up ever so slightly against his skin. Erik was looking at the ring with clouded eyes, mind dreamy as some kind of happiness hit him. Charles smiled at that, placing a kiss to the corner of Erik's mouth as the other man's eyes were still on Charles' hand.

"If this works this time," Erik's voice was soft, happy and relaxed as it haven't been ever since they started this mess. "I'll make sure to ask you properly to marry me."

Charles widened his eyes for a moment, the sincerity on those words making him lose his breath for a few seconds. Erik's eyes looked at his, catching that reaction, and soon his mind spiraled into worry, thinking he had said something wrong, but Charles quickly calmed his worried mind with a chuckle and a bright smile. 

"On Central Park in the moonlight while you cry?" Charles joked, remembering the story he had made up at the party last night when he was starting to get drunk. Erik was confused for a few seconds before understanding and huffing out a laugh.

"While saying you have a great ass and you have snot running down your nose."

The words were accompanied by a kiss to Charles' forehead and a smile, making Charles chuckle again, happy and at ease now that he was in Erik's arms. They kissed briefly, both of them still experiencing the bliss of being back together, until Charles parted the kiss and took Erik's hand to drag him out of the room. They didn't let go of each other's hand, walking side by side and smiling like fools as they did, making their way to the kitchen. Raven's eyes were the first ones that caught them arriving when they did, watching their hands together and smiling knowingly at Charles as he smiled back at her. The next smile came from Edie, whose mind was very loud at that moment for everyone to hear it if they could, maybe happier at the sight of Erik and Charles holding hands than the two of them were.

Sharon, oblivious to the previous state of Charles and Erik's relationship, only smiled normally when she saw them, although there was notable affection coming from her as she watched her son with his —  _ still fake _ — fiancé. She beckoned them to get to the kitchen counter where a kettle was resting with steam coming out of it. 

"Tea in the kitchen?" Charles questioned, eyes curious over his mother as she blushed slightly.

"It was my idea." Edie quickly said, making Sharon look at her with thankful eyes. "Sharon said that she liked to have tea in the afternoon in the garden, but the rain wouldn't let her go out, so I suggested the kitchen."

_ Because Kurt wouldn't find her here, _ Charles quickly understood. He smiled at Edie before looking back at his mother, sighing and seeing her eyes wander until they stopped at Charles' cheek. He almost forgot about the bruise on his cheek until her eyes found it, mind clouded with the memories of yesterday. He moved his face, making her stare at his eyes, and raised his eyebrows.

"It doesn't hurt that much anymore, it's healing." she hesitated for a moment, nodding after and smiling.

It was clear that she would need time to fully heal, if that was even possible after everything she had to endure. Charles could feel how hard she fought her own mind to keep her control and posture now that she wasn't too intoxicated to let it go. It just made him worry once more about what would happen next. How could Charles help her while being away again, leaving her behind with Kurt where she would have to endure everything alone once again? Charles couldn't leave his life in New York behind, couldn't just drop his school to stick around and try to find an answer, but he couldn't just leave her again, not after the promise Charles had made Sharon the night before while they were dancing. The realization hit him that they would be leaving England the next day in the afternoon, and he felt his chest hurting. He didn't even realize how little time he had left with her.

Sharon seemed to notice something was wrong with Charles, her brow furrowing and eyes shining with worry as she looked at him. He swallowed the feeling that his time was running out together with the panic of leaving her alone again, smiling at her to reassure the woman that everything was okay, and seeing her hesitate before smiling back at her.

They sat around the kitchen on a small circle, Sharon and Edie sat on chairs — the former sat with a poise of an english rich woman, stiff and proper, that made Edie shake her head, a smile on her lips as she sat comfortably on her own chair —, Raven and Charles stubbornly sitting on the counter and kicking each other's legs from time to time while Erik decided to stay up, next to Charles, hand sometimes resting on his thigh softly and making Charles blush with the intimacy. He had forgotten how Erik enjoyed doing that, touching Charles whenever he could and resting his hands on anywhere he could on Charles' body, as if to constantly remind himself and Charles that they were there, together. Thankfully, Charles enjoyed that feeling. Everyone had something to drink, Erik and Raven being the only ones with coffee while the rest of the group drank strawberry tea, the sweet taste making Charles smile everytime he took a sip of his mug. 

The conversation flowed nicely enough, and even Sharon participated from time to time, mind a little more calm now that she was around other people — nicer people —, and even Raven kept conversation with her even if her opinion of the woman still had some bitterness to it. Slowly and hesitantly, the people working at the kitchen started entering the conversation as well, still scared of Sharon's opinion of them talking with her like that. When the woman didn't seem to mind them getting into the conversation, even smiling at them when they talked, the entire kitchen soon became filled with laughter and and people talking everywhere. The whole time, Charles mind was divided in paying attention to Erik, who at some point leaned against his shoulder and was resting his head there with Charles mindlessly running his fingers through his hair as he noticed the approval coming from Erik's mind when he did that, and paying attention to his mother's mind. Sharon seemed to be doing well, blue eyes now looking a lot more like the ones from the woman from the old picture Charles had seen in her room, but he saw as well how it wavered from time to time. It was as if Sharon wasn't there for a moment, lost in her own cloud of thoughts for a few seconds before she could go back and react to the world around her. 

A coping mechanism from her brain, perhaps, where she would be safe if she wasn't there. It made Charles sigh whenever he realized that happening in her head, knowing that he wouldn't be able to organize her thoughts in the little time they had left. He noticed as well how she reacted with panic to loud noises around the room, her whole body getting defensive when a metal lid fell to the ground loudly, as if she was expecting to be attacked at any moment. His heart clenched, pity filling his whole body and he squeezed Erik's hand at one point, making Erik look up at him.

_ 'I can't help her.' _ Charles sent over to Erik's mind, making sure he understood that he was talking about Sharon.  _ 'We leave tomorrow and she'll stay… Her mind is so broken, Erik…' _

Erik's eyes moved quickly to look at Sharon who was smiling at the words that Edie was saying, letting out a sigh right after.  _ 'We'll figure this out. Maybe you can convince her to go to New York for a while.' _

_ 'And then what? Hand her over back to Kurt so he can break her again?' _ even in his mind his voice sounded desperate. Erik squeezed Charles' hand softly, placing a kiss under the man's jaw for comfort.

_'We'll find a way,_ _liebster.'_ he repeated, making Charles let out a deep breath. _'We'll think of something.'_

"Please," Raven's voice rang by their side, catching both of their attentions as they watched the girl look at them disapprovingly. "no smooching while I'm  _ right _ beside you guys."

Charles blushed slightly, cheeks turning pink as he realized he and Erik were  _ too close _ and Erik had just kissed him on a spot that usually made him whimper —  _ did he whimper? _ He couldn't be sure. Erik, on the other hand, only chuckled, moving slightly to not look like he was clinging onto Charles anymore. Edie mumbled something in German under her breath, making Erik snort and shrug.

"Old habits." Erik said simply, looking over at Raven again and grinning maliciously as the girl fake-gagged at him.

"Disgusting, Lehnsherr. He's my brother."

"I hate this." Charles shook his head, seeing Erik chuckle again. The small distraction at least was enough to make him forget the  _ Sharon-problem _ for a few seconds.

"Did you guys already decide on a date for the wedding?" Sharon asked, prim and proper, eyes looking at Charles and Erik with affection again.

The question came from the fact that she seemed happy with how lovely the two of them looked together, as Sharon's mind showed Charles, and the fact that they never really gave her a date. She wanted to know, Charles realized, to have something to wait for. To know when she would see Charles again, to finally be there on an important moment in his life since she had already missed many of those. To be able to dance with Charles again maybe, to know there'll be happiness ahead of her. And Charles felt his heart clench, because he didn't even know if a wedding would happen in the first place, considering that he and Erik were just beginning their relationship from scratch after three years apart from each other.

The two of them looked at each other then, trying to decide what to say, and Erik didn't try to argue when he saw the look in Charles' face that told him that he wanted to tell her the truth. Charles couldn't give Sharon false hopes, in his mind it was worse than telling her the truth, and so he made his decision. Erik moved away from Charles a bit, crossing his arms over his chest and left the job of breaking the news to Charles. He cleared his throat, dangling his legs slightly on the counter and moving his eyes away from his mother.

"We're not engaged." he said quickly, as if he was taking a band-aid from his skin.

Sharon seemed confused for a moment, blinking a few times and looking at Charles who still refused to look at her back. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's a long story…"

Charles explained calmly, finally looking back at Sharon to see the woman's reactions. He had to explain about them being exes, about their break up, about being separated, and Sharon paid attention to each word. He watched not only her expression changes but her thoughts as Charles talked, seeing the curiosity and sadness over their sad tale. And then he explained about two months ago, after her visit to Charles in Westchester, and how Erik had arrived in New York at the same day he was looking for a solution for his problem and how Erik agreed to help. She seemed sad for a moment there, knowing that it was partially her fault that Charles had lied that day, but the sadness went away once he finally said they were back together, eyes shining with happiness for them. 

Charles realized how weird he felt after saying all of that once he finished talking and everyone was silent, including Sharon, who looked to be trying to find what to say next. He had just told his mother about his love life, something he never expected to happen, and the weirdness of it made him chuckle to himself and shake his head. He wondered what could've happened if Sharon was in his life those years ago when he and Erik broke up. Wondered if the woman would be there to be a shoulder to cry, if she would try to give him advice or just hug him and tell everything would be okay. Things he didn't have because he just now had gotten his mother back.

Something in the back of his mind felt dreadful over that even if he was happy with the situation. He now had Erik and Sharon back in his life in a good way, harmony falling over him as if the pieces of a puzzle had finally fit together to form the final picture, satisfaction over every muscle of his body. But there were pieces missing, something Charles couldn't put his fingers on, minor pieces that would give Charles the bigger picture. One that he didn't know what it was, but that made that dreadful feeling take over part of his mind. As much as the rain was falling heavily outside, there was another storm forming around him, and he couldn't stop himself from thinking about Irene Adler and her words on the night before. The static in the air made Charles wonder if the future that she had seen for him wasn't closer than he expected.

"But… you two are back together?" Sharon finally asked, blue eyes curious over Charles' one. He just nodded. "Can I ask how?"

"Oh, you know," Charles scratched the back of his neck, shrugging dismissively. "I was drunk last night…"

"Dear Lord, Charles." Sharon shook her head, a smile appearing on her lips at her son's confession. 

* * *

When the night came they had dinner together in the dining room after Sharon carefully covered Charles' bruise once again just in case questions were asked. Kurt seemed suspicious of the way Sharon looked at ease around them now, smiling and relaxing even if she was sat by Kurt's side. 

"I've noticed you haven't been having breakfast with us." he commented quickly, dark eyes looking at Charles as if he was the root of all evil in the world.

"I confess that it's my fault, Mr. Marko." Edie said, making Kurt's eyes go to her instantly, as well as Sharon's. "I enjoy much more having a breakfast that I made myself."

Kurt didn't seem pleased, and Charles saw in his mind that he didn't like Edie.  _ Not submissive enough for his liking, _ Charles thought, knowing that Kurt would never be able to bend Edie even if he wanted to. The woman seemed aware that she wasn't liked by the head of the Marko household, but it didn't really matter that much. She didn't like Kurt either, specially after spending these days in Sharon's company and hearing the woman's side of the story. There wasn't much chatting that night after that, except for small remarks from Kurt and Edie and a few lose words shared by Sharon, everyone still not comfortable enough to talk in the presence of Kurt and Cain.

Once dinner was over, Charles dragged his mother with him and the rest of his group to occupy a small living room on the house, where Kurt wouldn't be present. Raven made a quick run over to the kitchen with Erik and grabbed a batch of fresh made cookies that she had asked one of the cooks to make for them, as well as hot milk for everyone. Sharon seemed happy there, and Charles decided to stay away from Erik for those few minutes that they would be there to sit by his mother's side, sometimes leaning against her whenever she started to get distant again, his presence and affection grounding her in the moment. He didn't remember the last time he saw the woman that happy.

"It feels like when you were a child." she had said while the others were too distracted to hear it, looking at Charles with a grateful look in her eyes. "When I would sit in front of the fireplace with you and let you sleep in my lap. It's the same feeling."

Charles had smiled at that, knowing what she was talking about but not letting go of the thought that, this time around, Charles was the one letting Sharon seek comfort on him like he did with her as a child. He couldn't seem to care, not when Sharon seemed genuinely happy and her mind told him that she  _ was _ happy, affection flowing from her in waves towards Charles.

After a while, everyone dispersed to their rooms as the late hours caught up to them, and soon enough Charles and Erik made sure to be on each other's arms as quick as possible. Charles laughed as Erik trapped his body on the bed, laying on top of him with a big smile on his lips when he leaned down to kiss Charles slowly, enjoying the feel of Charles' lips against his. Both of them were already on their sleeping clothes, even if they weren't going to sleep so soon, and Charles whimpered as he felt Erik's warm hands under his loose shirt, touching his sides as his thumb brushed circles on his waist before lowering the waistband of Charles' pants slightly, freeing more skin for him to touch.

"Will you ever stop trying to get inside my pants?" Charles asked, giggling happily at Erik, who smiled down at him and kept his fingers on the Charles' hips.

"Who knows. Maybe one day."

Charles chuckled again before being kissed once more, his hands moving to Erik's head softly, grabbing a few locks of hair between his fingers and already knowing what would happen next, shivering in anticipation, until his phone rang on the bedside table. He frowned, parting the kiss to look at the device that rang and vibrated on top of the wooden surface, demanding Charles' attention. His mind thought the worst, that it was someone from the school, maybe Ororo or Hank, calling to say that something had happened. Erik didn't try to distract Charles from the device when he saw the man's expression towards the phone, freeing Charles' body a little and watching as he moved to get it and see who was calling.

Charles' confusion only grew when he saw Raven's name on the screen.

"Raven?" he asked as soon as he picked up the phone, worried as to why his sister would be calling him when she was just a few rooms away. 

_ "Charles, go to Kurt's study. Now." _ she said, voice urgent on the phone. Charles sat on the bed at that, trying to understand why she was saying that.  _ "Irene texted me. Told me to go there and tell you to go as well. Something's about to happen. I'm almost there already. Come quickly." _

She didn't wait for Charles to answer, or even process her words, before hanging up and leaving Charles with a shiver that took over his entire body. He looked over to Erik, who watched him carefully, waiting for Charles to explain what was happening, only to see the shorter man get up in a hurry, fix his clothes as best as he could, and go towards the door. Charles didn't think of waiting for Erik, even if he could feel his mind following right behind him, thoughts too preoccupied with the information that Irene had warned Raven to get him into Kurt's study. 

_ Something's about to happen, _ Raven had said, and everything in Charles' body and mind told him that it wouldn't be something nice. Outside, a lighting made the entire corridor turn white for a second, the sound of thunder hitting them right after. The storm was raging both on the outside and inside the house, Charles could feel it with each step he took to get to Kurt's study. He noticed a few minds there, his worry only growing with each one he felt. There was Kurt's, angry, thunderous and cold. His mother was there too, scared, distant and agitated at the same time. Edie's mind was a comforting presence next to those two, grounded, soft and worried. And then there was Raven's, full of rage and as thunderous as Kurt's, but determined about something that Charles couldn't grasp. 

When he finally turned the corridor that would lead him to the study, Erik walking right behind him, he noticed that his mother and Edie were hiding somewhere near the doors where he could hear Kurt screaming something. Sharon was shaking, eyes clouded and expression weirdly neutral, as if she was gone for good, but he could still feel her agitated mind. Charles approached her first, seeing Edie give him space as he grabbed her arms gently, standing in front of the woman and trying to get her eyes to focus on him. Just minutes ago they were bright and happy, and now she had just turned into the ghost Charles had grew up with. He entered her mind, trying to pull her back into the moment and calm her thoughts as best as he could, eyes still focused on hers.

"Mom," he called out, a minimal response coming from her as she finally raised her eyes to look at him. "It's okay. I'm here. You're okay."

She seemed to snap back for a moment, still slightly out of it but more present than before. He didn't need much to understand why she had relapsed, Kurt's screams inside the study making Sharon's body shiver again and giving Charles enough explanation. His eyes turned hard as he looked at the parted doors, anger filling him with every word that Kurt screamed on the other side even if he couldn't quite understand what he was screaming about.

"You need to go inside. Raven is in there." Edie warned him, making his worry only grow as he heard that his sister was in that room with Kurt.

Charles gave Sharon a last look, heart beating fast as he heard another thunder shake the walls of the house.

"Take her away." Charles said, looking at Edie with urgency. "Make sure she's away from this."

As soon as Edie nodded and started guiding Sharon away from the study, Charles turned his body and opened the doors without ceremony, taken aback for a moment as he saw the scene that was unraveling in front of his eyes. Kurt was there, face full of anger just like his mind, looking like he could burn the entire world if he was given the chance. And Sharon was there too, standing tall while looking at Kurt with a look of disgust, and it took a few moments for Charles to understand that it was Raven who was seemingly standing up to Kurt. The only time Raven had taken Sharon's form was when she was a child, all those years ago when Charles and her first met. She had sworn to never take that form again, not after what she learned about the woman, and yet there she was, the form of Sharon but the fire behind the blue irises were Raven's.

None of them seemed to notice Charles and Erik entering the room, and soon Kurt tried to hit Raven with his fist, only to be stopped by the woman's hand. Kurt seemed taken aback all of the sudden, the strength with which Raven was using to hold back his fist being unnatural of the woman, since, to him, that was Sharon Xavier there. Raven took the moment of surprise he had to use her free hand and push Kurt backwards, making him stumble on his own feet and fall on his back with a huff, eyes still wide at the woman in front of him.

_ "What the fuck-" _

"Kurt!" Charles finally reacted, all the attention on the room falling on him. Raven was taken aback for a moment, expression turned surprised as she looked at her brother and the anger that his face carried. "That's enough."

It took a while for Kurt to compose himself, standing up again and looking at both him and Raven, who still kept Sharon's face, with some kind of mixture of anger, fear and confusion. "Don't put your nose where you weren't called, boy."

"Oh, I think I've been ignoring this for far too long already, Marko." Charles' voice was almost a growl, and at this point he didn't care anymore, letting every bit of hate that he felt for Kurt, old and new, seep out of him and make itself known, causing Kurt to lose his balance for a moment.

"This is between me and your mother-"

"Oh, sure, and what do you think I should do? Say I'm sorry and let you hit her for nothing?"

"You don't even care about her, boy. You left her alone, remember? Don't try to play the hero right now." 

The words hit Charles like a punch in the gut, making him lose his air for a moment as his mind spiraled into guilt, knowing that, in part, Kurt was right. But, contrary to what Kurt believed, it only made Charles more angry, eyes hard over his stepfather as his entire body tensed up.

"Don't you dare try and tell me what I feel and what I don't, Kurt." his voice was weirdly calm, and yet everyone in the room felt a shiver run up their spines. There was danger in the air. "You are not gonna hurt my mother now or ever again. Take this as a threat."

"Oh, the great Charles Xavier is threatening me, how wonderful." as much as Charles could feel the sense of fear in Kurt's mind, there was defiance there. Somehow, he knew Charles would never follow with his threats, even if he knew Charles could. "Stay away from my life, Xavier. Go live your pathetic one. Sharon is  _ my _ business."

"Sharon is my  _ mother. _ She's a Xavier. She's not your  _ business _ and I might have ignored your abuse and left her alone in the past but that's enough." Charles took a step forward, stopping only when a stray thought from Kurt crossed his mind and he caught it.

The whole world seemed to stop around Charles, everything froze in time and there was no noise except a ringing in his ears as he felt like he was watching everything from outside of his body at that moment, realization downing on him like the cold rain that he knew was falling outside. Kurt noticed his mistake when he saw Charles' look, eyes widening as much as his and breathing stopping immediately. Next to them, Raven turned into her blue form, yellow eyes looking at Charles worriedly as she tried to understand what had happened to make him like that, while Erik took a small step forward when he noticed the stillness in Charles' body.

In his head, Kurt's thought swirled around, becoming the only thing he could think about. He was vaguely aware of a few tears leaving his eyes and wetting his face, but nothing physical would be able to take him out of his mind at that moment, not while those words were fixed into Charles' mind like they were engraved there with fire.

_ 'I should've killed you like I did with your father.' _

"Charles…" Erik's voice sounded behind him, voice nothing but an echo as all that existed for Charles now were Kurt and that small phrase. 

Once he recovered from his first shock, Charles went further into Kurt's mind, making sure that the man knew that he was there and he wouldn't be able to hide  _ anything _ from Charles anymore. Kurt took as step back, as if that would help, as if that would make Charles leave his mind, only causing Charles to glare at him more intensely. He searched deep into the man's memories, finally finding what he looked for in an old memory that took Charles' breath completely. Kurt was younger then, face still as hard as now but with less lines, reflected on a mirror inside a lab that he was looking at. But as Kurt was young, so was Brian Xavier. They were both wearing lab coats, and Kurt seemed to look at research papers as Brian had his eyes on a sample of blood — Charles' blood, he got the information —, constantly taking notes. There was worry in Kurt's mind as he looked at his friend and associate there, and soon he said something.

_ "When we find the cure," _ he started, harsh voice softer than what Charles was accustomed to. _ "it'll sell like water. We'll need to make sure that it'll be perfect." _

Brian frowned at that, slowly raising his head from the sample to look at Kurt, pale blue eyes confused as he tried to understand the other man's words.  _ "A… cure?" _

_ "Yes. For your boy and the others like him." _

_ "Kurt, I'm not looking for a cure." _ Charles felt from that memory how confused Kurt was at that moment with Brian's words.

_ "But I thought-" _

_ "Charles is not sick, Kurt. He doesn't need a cure, he needs to be raised the right way so he can reach his full potential, just like the others like him." _ Brian explained calmly, as if he was talking to a child, which annoyed Kurt deeply.  _ "What I'm doing here is trying to identify how this evolution happened and the differences of our nature to theirs." _

_ "Brian, this is not normal. I'm sorry, but Charles is not normal, he's not natural. You should be wanting to reverse what you call evolution for him if you truly love him." _

Brian's expression changed immediately, suddenly looking a bit like Charles when he was annoyed at something, and his entire body tensed up with Kurt's words.

_ "I'll kindly ask you to take that back, Marko." _ his voice was harsh, annoyed and offended.  _ "It's my son you're talking about, must I remind you." _

_ "If you don't want to cure Charles, fine. It's your son, do what you want with him." _ Kurt's voice was equally annoyed, as if Brian's choice was outrageous.  _ "But think about how much money we could make if we got the cure for this mutation? No one wants to be a freak, Xavier. They'd be buying it like crazy!" _

_ "The only one crazy here is you! You're talking about stopping something that was meant to happen sooner or later, Marko! Charles and the others like him are the next step of evolution, and you're making it sound like they have some kind of illness. I couldn't care less about this idea and the money you're talking about." _

_ "Fine! Then I'll do this research without you." _

_ "No, you won't." _ Brian's voice was cold then, eyes reflecting that coldness and looking like ice as they stared back at Kurt with anger.  _ "Must I remind you that I am still the head of this company and my word is more powerful than yours? You are not to start any research about mutation that isn't approved by me beforehand." _

_ "You're losing a chance of a lifetime, Brian-" _

_ "I am keeping my son and other mutants safe from you and people like you, Marko. This conversation ends here, and I'll kindly ask you not to bring it up ever again if you are truly my friend." _

Kurt was angry then. Angry at Brian's words and the fact that he would just let Charles be a  _ freak _ instead of finding a way to turn his own son normal. Brian was intelligent, Kurt knew that the man would be able to find a cure for mutation without a problem given time, and yet he didn't want to do it, he wanted to just allow people like Charles to be around when clearly, for Kurt, they were a menace. Kurt knew Charles, at the age of seven, had already some kind of control over his mutation, that allowed him to be in other people's minds, and the man dreaded the power he could have if he decided to use it against anyone else. Charles, just like the others like him, were a threat for everyone else.

And Charles watched in Kurt's memories the many tries over the years of bringing back the subject, of convincing Brian that he was wrong in not trying to find a way to control mutation and stop this new race from becoming too powerful. And Charles saw how his father denied each request of a research for a cure and the many fights he and Kurt had on the last months of Brian's life. And then he saw one day, that one fateful day where the skies were dark and rain poured down like the sky was falling, much like the present day. He saw Kurt out on the rain next to the car that Charles still remembered belonged to his father, and saw Kurt mess with the breaks of the car, his mind full of rage and hatred after another argument with Brian. Brian Xavier had too much power, and he intended to end that on that rainy day. And Charles saw how calm Kurt was when he received the news that Brian had died on a car crash, saw himself as a child next to Brian's coffin, looking at his father's body with no expression on his face, as Kurt observed him with hatred in his mind that Charles wasn't able to pick up at the time, too busy being distracted by his mother's agitated and sad mind and the fact that he couldn't feel his father's mind anymore. 

_ "Sharon," _ Kurt had said, bringing both Sharon's and Charles' eyes towards him at that moment.  _ "I am so sorry… I'll do my best to help you and your son." _

When Charles finally left Kurt's mind, his whole body was shaking as he looked at a wide eyed Kurt in front of him, uncertain and frightened of Charles and at the same time angry and wanting to end him more than ever. Charles took a step back automatically, feeling more than ever that he was looking at a monster there, realization of what that small piece of information meant. The final piece of the puzzle, the bigger picture shining in front of his eyes in a cacophony of colors that seemed to hurt Charles' mind. 

"It's all your fault." Charles whispered, unable to talk for a moment as the tears kept rolling down his face without him even noticing. Next to him, Raven and Erik seemed to sense something was  _ really _ wrong, looking at each other for a moment before their eyes went back to Charles. "You did this. You took everything away from me and from my mother. It was always you,  _ always…" _

For a moment after saying those words, Charles wasn't able to see anything other than Kurt, whole body filling with anger in a way that it had never happened before, burning behind his skin and making Charles see red. Everything was gone from his mind, it was clear as ever before, there were no other feelings other than that anger as he took his fingers to his temple and focused on just that, on the pure and burning anger. In front of him, Kurt gasped and put his hands on his head as if it was hurting. And it was, because Charles wanted it to hurt as he watched the man in front of him doubling over in pain, knees to the ground and hands firmly pressed over his head. Because Charles wanted him to suffer, to hurt, so he could know what it felt. And he wanted Kurt dead, out of this world so he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else, to break anyone else. And Charles would make sure that it happened, keeping the process painful, slowly pulling the strings on Kurt's mind, stretching, twisting, without ever breaking them. Not yet, he wouldn't break his mind yet, he would make it feel like it was about to break, but it wouldn't just yet, torturing him in a way that Kurt wouldn't be able to run from. He couldn't run from his own mind and thoughts.

It was just him and Kurt and the pain, until he felt arms wrapping around him from behind and his feet left the ground. For a moment, Charles didn't understand what was happening until someone pulled his hand away so his fingers wouldn't be pressed against his temple anymore, all the sound around him seeming to come back at once — the rain outside, the thunder, Raven's screams for Erik to take him out of the room, Kurt's whimpers… He only realized what was happening when he was dragged away from Kurt, the other man's body relaxing as Charles' hold on him got looser. Charles widened his eyes, anger still burning on his skin, and he screamed.

It was filled with rage and determination, coming from the depths of his soul as his eyes still focused solely on Kurt, heartbeat drumming in his own ears as his blood boiled, trying to get his fingers back to his temple and getting more and more angry as Erik's hands stopped him from doing so. He tried to keep going without the gesture that allowed him more focus whenever he used his telepathy, getting a hold of Kurt's mind again and hearing the man screaming in pain as Charles was still dragged away from the study and to the end of the corridor, losing sight of Kurt, moving his body desperately to get away from Erik's hold with no success. Raven was still screaming as they went on, something about taking Charles to the car, but all of Charles' concentration was on the man that he couldn't even see anymore, only feeling his mind getting farther away as Erik dragged him. He still screamed, hitting whatever part of Erik's body he could to get free and run back to that study and finish the job, trying once more to snap Kurt's mind but being stopped by the distance and the fact that his body was preoccupied with getting itself free. 

He kept screaming his lungs out the whole time he was dragged through the corridors, the sound of it making even Erik shiver. Not even the cold rain stopped him from screaming and trying to free himself, Erik's hold on him getting tighter to prevent Charles from slipping away, and soon he was being pushed into the backseat of a car, the same car that he had used to go to Oxford that morning, when everything seemed calmer and Charles wasn't screaming and hitting Erik so he would let him go and kill Kurt once and for all. Even with the punches and kicks, Erik managed to get a hold of Charles' arms again as he sat on the backseat of the car with him, holding Charles' body closer but having no power over his legs, that started kicking the front seat where Raven was now sitting on as she turned on the car. He could faintly hear Raven complaining from the kicks that certainly were hurting her back, but the Charles that was there didn't care, he only cared about Kurt, and Kurt being dead. Charles could feel his hold on Kurt's mind weaker thanks to the distance they had put between each other, his stepfather's mind still full of fear and swirling with thoughts, _ still alive, _ and that made Charles scream and kick again, wet body sliding on the leather seat as he moved, making Erik double his efforts to keep him still.

"Raven,  _ drive!" _ he heard Erik's voice say, demanding.

_ "No!" _ Charles tried to protest, voice ringing on their ears and minds, taking Raven by surprise for a moment as her hand left the steering wheel, mind unconsciously obeying Charles until she managed to block his request.

Once the car started driving and went through the gates, Charles screamed again at the top of his lungs, hurting his own throat with it, body stiffening as he slowly was losing grip of Kurt's mind altogether. He started kicking again, making Erik change his position to try and stop Charles' legs from kicking Raven's seat with his own leg, holding Charles' hands next to his body. He wasn't thinking about anything other than to get free and turn that car around and put an end to Kurt Marko's life, he wasn't thinking that he was hurting Raven by kicking her seat like that or that he was hurting Erik by digging his nails into his skin to try and get himself free or the shoves he was giving him, making him hit his back on the car's door painfully. His ears were still ringing, mind begging to finish what he had started, and he only stopped when fatigue hit him, body getting more and more weak as he tried to get himself free, tears still falling freely and screams turning into a pained cry. His chest was hurting from the physical efforts and from the knowledge that Kurt had been the one to break his family apart from the start. 

_ You're on the path to a future that will hurt again, _ Irene Adler's words from the other night rang on his brain, making Charles clench his teeth as another pained sound left his mouth.  _ You've been oblivious for too long. _

For a moment, Charles redirected his anger to her, to the oracle who had given him a hint of his future, but it didn't last long. It wasn't her fault, it was Kurt's. He moved again, a meek attempt to get himself free once more as his face looked down at Erik's arms holding him in his place. He heard Erik's shushing him softly behind him, the gesture making something in Charles' mind calm down as the hold on his body started feeling more like an embrace. Charles let out a choked sob as he screamed again, letting out all the pain he was feeling on that one scream, stopping his nails from hurting Erik and only holding his arms tightly, as if part of his mind was still trying to ground himself with Erik. But it was too much, too much in such a short amount of time for Charles' mind to not have a reaction like this, and so he didn't fight it, and only let the pain spread as he cried on Erik's hold.

After a few minutes, Raven stopped the car by a small park, still in London for what Charles knew, and once again he tried to leave Erik's hold for a moment. He heard Raven say something, an order for Erik to allow Charles to be free, and soon Charles was crawling to the other door to get out. He fell to the ground with a grunt once he opened the car's door, skin hitting the wet pavement and getting some scratches on his bare arms, the pain seemingly allowing Charles' mind some clarity, physical stimuli over mental. He heard his sister and Erik call his name worriedly, but he only got up and started to walk inside the park in the middle of the rain, barefoot and on his sleeping clothes. The cold night mixed with the cold rain made Charles lose his breath for a moment, but the discomfort brought back some kind of lucidity to his mind. He moved his hair out of his face with his hands after a while, taking a deep breath and letting out another sob as his tears mixed themselves with the rain.

"Charles." Erik's voice called behind him, and Charles listened, turning towards the man who was now standing in the rain with him, walking towards Charles carefully.

Charles allowed him to get closer, allowed him to hug Charles' body tight for a moment, but his mind was still too agitated, too concentrated on his desire to kill Kurt.

"I need to go back." Charles' voice was almost a whisper, almost drowned by the sound of rain. "He killed my father. He took my mother away from me. I'll  _ kill him." _

"No, you won't." Erik's voice was serious and soon enough his grey eyes were staring at Charles' blue ones. "Charles, you won't kill him."

"He doesn't deserve to live."

"I know. But you can't do this. It breaks something inside of you, killing a man." Erik's eyes were hard, and the small part of Charles' mind that was lucid enough to care about other people's feelings knew why he was like this. Erik knew what it felt like to kill someone, had done it before, and Charles could feel in his mind the despair to keep Charles from experiencing that. "That's not how you solve things, Charles. You're overwhelmed. I need you to try and relax."

Eight years ago Erik was the one in Charles position, he noticed with a shiver. Charles had convinced Erik not to kill Sebastian Shaw, even knowing how much Erik's mind ached to do it. Erik was filled with fury when he punched Shaw unconscious after deciding to listen to Charles, had considered again killing the man in the few moments it took for Raven and Charles reach him and take him away safely, giving Shaw to the CIA. He remembered Erik's surprise when, once Shaw woke up and was being put in a police car, Emma Frost had stepped forward and snapped Shaw's mind and killed him quickly, the way Charles was trying to do to Kurt moments ago, but quicker, more practical. Charles had looked at the woman with surprise when he noticed the way Shaw's mind ceased to be, feeling everything inside his brain collapse, but the other telepath only smiled at him and shrugged as she let the CIA arrest her. And, the whole time, Charles remembered Erik's mind thinking that it should've been him to end Shaw's life.

Now, eight years after that day, they stood in a park in the pouring rain with Charles slowly getting his mind together thanks to Erik's touch and words and the freezing cold of the winter night in London, standing almost in the same position as Erik once stood.

"Charles." Erik's voice called again, filled with worry as the man in front of him seemed to be slowly losing it again.

Charles caught a glimpse of himself at that moment, his breath catching on his throat as he realized how his eyes looked like his mother's for a moment, lost and distant. Charles always said that Kurt would never be able to break him, but by the looks of it, he was close, and the thought terrified Charles. He felt more tears falling from his eyes, warm and salty next to the rain drops, and he looked back at Erik with a silent plea for help. 

"I'm so  _ angry… _ I feel like I'm gonna lose my mind." he said, voice still quiet as he used all his strength to be able to talk. "Please help me…"

Erik only looked at him for a moment, eyes worried as he thought about what to do, before pulling Charles' close and holding him again, making sure his body was flushed against Charles', before nudging Charles' mind with his and the telepath quickly understood what he wanted to do. Soon enough, there was only Erik around Charles — physically and mentally. He wrapped himself in Erik's mind like it was a blanket, keeping him from everything that wasn't Erik and his thoughts. There was still worry there, but he was doing a great job to keep only his calm and love there for Charles to take advantage the of. Charles' body relaxed against Erik's, and the only thing keeping him up was Erik's arms around him.

"Hey, come back to the car." Raven's voice called out, a tinge of worry in her words. "It's too cold for you guys to stand in the rain like this."

Erik moved a bit, moving Charles' limp body to pick him up and carry him to the car as Charles hid his face on the other man's neck, eyes closed so the only thing he could feel would be Erik. He entered the car with some difficulty since Charles was clinging to him and he had no intention of pushing the man away, and soon the warm from the car made Charles' body relax a bit more, body soaked and shaking from the cold. Erik sighed, relieved as now he knew Charles was safe, being able to tell that the man's mind was calming down slowly.

When Charles was able to open his eyes again, he turned his face to look at Raven, feeling her mind loud around him and not being able to hear her thoughts because he was focused on Erik's mind at that moment. But, as soon as he saw her face, he noticed the tears running down her blue cheeks, yellow eyes shining with the tears even in the partial darkness of the car. She was worried, she had never seen Charles like that before in her life, and she was scared for him and his well-being. He moved one of his hands for her to hold, still completely clinging to Erik other than that, and soon her hand was on his, her scales against his cold skin, warming the palm of his hand slowly. 

They sat there in silence, the rain outside drumming on the metal of the car, but soon enough Raven let go of his hand softly to start driving again, giving a last look to Erik for confirmation that it was safe to take him back to the house. When Erik nodded, she drove back. Charles didn't say anything anymore, just demanded silently to keep being held by Erik so he could stay grounded when they arrived back at the house. Erik carried him the whole way back, Charles' arms wrapped around Erik's neck as he held Charles' by his thighs, legs too weak to wrap around Erik's waist for more support at the moment. Raven walked behind them and watched her brother's face carefully as he kept his head rested on Erik's shoulder, eyes open but not seeing much of anything. When inside the house, Charles felt Kurt's mind around him again, and he fought with every drop of strength he still had to focus only on Erik's soothing mind. Raven bid them goodnight hesitantly, only letting them go when Erik promised that he would take care of Charles.

They were in their room again, completely wet and cold, and Erik took them to their shared bathroom. Charles was only half present when Erik helped him to take a warm shower, constantly holding Charles whenever his mind got agitated again, still being able to notice that happening for the way Charles' mind was tangled with his in a way that only Erik ever felt in Charles' entire life. He dried Charles carefully, soft hands and soft towel making Charles feel a bit better as he kept his eyes on Erik's. Erik kissed his forehead softly before picking him up again, Charles promptly wrapping his arms around the other man's shoulders, and soon he was being placed on the bed and put under the covers. Erik laid with him, allowing Charles to hide his face under his chin as his arms wrapped around the smaller body, keeping him safe.

Erik slept before Charles, arms tightly locked around the smaller man's body to keep him there, and Charles concentrated on that feeling, sometimes letting his mind wander through the quiet house. He caught a glimpse of his mother's mind, sleeping peacefully in one of the rooms next to Charles', safe from Kurt. Raven and Edie were deep asleep as well, and so was Kurt. He stayed on the man's mind for a while, knowing that from that distance all he needed to do was put his fingers on his temple to focus on snapping every part of Kurt's mind into nothingness. Instead, he held Erik a little tighter, feeling the man do the same in his sleep, and closed his eyes, slowly drifting to sleep with only Erik's mind around his, where he would be safe.

* * *

When the morning came, Charles woke up to Erik's eyes looking at him softly, his mind still around Charles' like a warm blanket, which was enough to make Charles smile slightly, even with the bad feeling in his chest for last night's events. Erik managed to smile back, kissing his lips softly and sighing, relieved to see that Charles at least was able to crack a smile. He would be fine. They stayed in bed for a few more minutes until Charles stopped their connection.

"You can stay in my mind if you want." Erik's voice was hoarse from having just woken up, and Charles shook his head.

"I need to take back my own control. It's alright." he said, resting a hand on Erik's cheek softly. "Thank you."

Erik held Charles' hand on his cheek, pressing a kiss to its palm before looking back at Charles and sighing, nodding. They dressed themselves quietly, as Charles noticed his desire to kill had died down, and now there was just bitterness. Even so, he was sure that Kurt would be the first person that he would never forgive, that the anger would live on, but Charles wouldn't kill him, wouldn't torture him anymore, because Erik was right: that wasn't Charles' way of solving things. 

Erik made sure to hold Charles' hand before they left the room, keeping at least that physical connection between them, making sure Charles knew he wasn't alone like he had done on that restaurant months ago when they had dinner with Charles' family, like he kept doing to keep Charles grounded. Erik was his anchor through this whole mess, and Charles smiled at that, squeezing the other man's hand slightly and sending him a wave of affection that made Erik smile at him again. Edie and Raven left their rooms moments after, and Charles only broke the contact with Erik to hug his sister tightly when she jumped to hug him.

"I'm alright." he said, seeing her nod as she acknowledged his words. "Thank you for last night. I know I kicked your seat a lot."

Raven snorted at that, even if her mind was still dealing with Charles' state from the last night. "Thankfully, I'm more stubborn than you."

Charles found his mother on one of the living rooms by herself with a cup of tea and scones by her side, both untouched. Her eyes moved to Charles' as soon as she noticed his presence there and she got up and held him close. She was glad that Charles was safe, for what her mind was telling him, since he had confronted Kurt the night before, and soon Charles was crying again. She didn't know about Kurt's involvement in his father's death, she endured years of abuse from the man that took the life of the man she loved, and Charles knew that she deserved to know, deserved to feel anger and grief that Charles had to deal with, because she deserved to know who Kurt was.

When he calmed down, he sat with her at a couch, holding her hand and using all the control he had to keep her mind calm before telling her the whole story, the whole truth. He thought for a moment that he had finally broken the woman with his words, but soon he saw the woman get angry as she understood how much Kurt had taken away from her exactly. After a while, Erik, Raven and Edie left to leave the two of them alone.

Charles asked for one of the maids to start the fireplace of the living room, rain still pouring outside, and soon they were sat by the fire, Charles arms holding Sharon quietly as they calmed themselves together, grieved together once more for everything they had lost because of Kurt, and Charles felt comfortable there. So did Sharon.

"Come to New York with me." he asked after a while, voice still breaking from all the crying. "Leave him behind. I can take care of you."

He expected her to deny the request, but was surprised when the woman nodded, body still tense against Charles' but more relaxed than before.

"I think…" her voice was quiet, eyes focused on the creaking of the wood on the fireplace. "I think a divorce is long overdue…"

* * *

Charles helped everyone pack their things on the cab in the afternoon, mind now calmer and clearer than before. He saw Erik's looks at him the whole time, ignoring them until the last bag was packed. He kissed Raven goodbye and gave her some instructions before telling her to go inside the car. She did, but not before hesitating a few times. Once Edie and Raven were already inside the cab, Charles finally acknowledged Erik's looks at him, getting closer to the man and placing a soft kiss to his lips, wishing he didn't have to part right after they finally got together again.

"I don't like the idea of leaving you alone here." Erik confessed, not even trying to hide his annoyance, and Charles smiled.

"I have my mother with me. And I won't be staying long. Just want to make sure she'll be safe."

Erik clenched his jaw but nodded, knowing that Charles was right in staying with his mother until she was safe to go back to New York with him. Still, he leaned down to place another kiss on Charles' lips, not really wanting to let go, knowing that it would take a while until Erik would be able to see Charles again. He lived in Germany, his job was in Germany, and that would be a problem for them. Even so, Erik had promised to find a way to be with Charles again as soon as possible. That promise was what gave Charles hope, a future where Erik would be there warming his chest and calming his mind even more.

"Go, or you'll miss your flight." Charles' voice was soft, and even if he was telling Erik to go, his hands held the other man's coat tightly to keep him close, foreheads touching, seeking every kind of contact he could find, making Erik grin.

"Stay safe, alright?"

"Same goes to you."

"I love you." Charles smiled at that, huffing out a small laugh and nodding.

"I love you too."

When he finally let Erik go, he watched as the cab drove away, leaving him behind, and before the car was too far, he felt a small nudge on his finger, Erik's ring heating up on his skin and making him smile softly. In return, Charles sent the man small imprint of a kiss in his mind, that he was sure Erik would feel on his cheek as if it was Charles doing it. When both of them were too far away from each other for their powers to reach them, Charles went back to the house, looking for his mom's mind so he could stay with her, knowing that the worst had already passed, and hoping that the better would come.


	17. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.
> 
> TW: None.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the epilogue, so it's made of a few jumps in time to explain what happened after the last chapter's mess and tie some loose ends. Somethings happen months apart, somethings on the same day. Just making it clear! Enjoy ♥️

The room was filled only by Charles, Sharon, Kurt, and their respective lawyers that were handling the terms of their divorce. Charles had taken care of Sharon's part, since the woman seemed to be in a bad day when they first discussed the terms, mind wavering way too much as Charles' tried to calm it. The deal was that Kurt could keep the house, and the belongings that weren't Sharon's, but — since the company was once Brian's — Charles had put a deal that Kurt would keep money coming for Sharon for the rest of her life, 50 percent of his earnings would legally go to her so she could go on with her life. Their lawyer had argued that it was not gonna work, Kurt would never accept the terms, but Charles assured him that he would.

There was another deal that wasn't on the papers, but that Charles made sure Kurt would know about. He would end his research on the X-Gene, close the entire sector, but would find a place on the company for everyone that was linked to that sector. He couldn't let Kurt fire Irene Adler after what she had done for Charles, and he had a feeling that, if he accidentally got her fired, he would have to go through Raven's fury. And Charles would be sure if know of the sector was closed or not, he had Irene on his side for that, so Kurt wouldn't be able to run.

Kurt had denied the deals at first, including the closing of his research sector, but, from the other side of the table, Charles' eyes turned darker as he tugged at Kurt's mind just a bit, a reminder of that night at his house and what Charles could do. Kurt was angry, but at the same time terrified of dying in the hands of Charles Xavier, and soon he was signing the papers. Sharon smiled minimally by Charles' side, mind still wavering, but some kind of relief washing over her, as if she had just broken the chains that kept her locked on that place. 

* * *

When they arrived at the Westchester house, the kids had made an welcoming reception for Charles. He smiled brightly as they screamed  _ 'Welcome back, Professor!' _ and when he saw the cake on a small table placed at the end of the stairs by the entrance. By his side, Sharon smiled as well, amused at the amount of children there and all the love that Charles was receiving. Ororo asked to talk to him privately about what had happened while he was out after the reception, and he said he would be with her in a minute after making sure Sharon was comfortable.

He guided her to one of the empty rooms in the part of the house where all the staff stayed, watching as her eyes observed the house around her. He settled her there, telling her that he would be back soon and left, feeling her mind wavering once again, those walls making her distance herself once more. The entire time he talked with Ororo on his study, his mind focused on Sharon, and the girl soon gave up on trying to give Charles a full report once she noticed that.

"Raven told me about the trip." Ororo said suddenly, Charles' eyes focusing on her again as she crossed her arms. "Can't believe I'll have to be on the lookout for Erik again."

Charles snorted at that, shaking his head, even if his mind was still focused on his mother. "Hopefully you won't have to intervene ever again, darling."

He looked around for a moment, seeing the clouded winter sky outside and having an idea, looking hopeful at Ororo who just raised her eyebrows.

"Do we have any spare fairy lights?"

* * *

At night, when Charles had taken care of everything and was getting ready to go to dinner with the rest of the staff and bring his mother with him, he entered her room with a small box in hands that made Sharon look curiously at him. She watched carefully as Charles took a string of fairy lights out of the box, placing it on the headboard of Sharon's bed and on the window, smiling to himself once the lights started blinking slowly when turned on. He turned to Sharon then, who still looked at him with a frown on her face. His smile only softened at her.

"There are fairies inside of those lights," he said calmly, voice soothing as he saw his mother's eyes widening slightly, recognizing the old story she once told Charles. A piece of better days for her to cling on until she was able to realize that the pain was over from now on. "they crawl inside of the lamps to keep people safe. They'll keep you safe at night."

Sharon huffed out a laugh as a few tears left her eyes, walking towards Charles and hugging him close. He hugged her back, smiling against her golden hair, knowing that she would truly be safe there.

* * *

When the weather became warmer again, Charles took Sharon to sit at the bench of the small lake behind the house at night, watching the night sky, her mind calm as ever as she smiled at the stars.

* * *

As time went by, Raven started walking with the woman through the school grounds in the morning.

* * *

Five months after moving back to New York, Sharon bought a small apartment in Westchester, next to the school. Charles visited her every weekend, her mind now much more calm and grounded as she smiled at him and made him sit down and enjoy the food she had learned how to cook. 

Sometimes, Raven would go with him, and suddenly it felt like having his entire family back with him again.

* * *

During spring, Irene Adler showed up at the school. Charles expected the worst, afraid that she came with bad news, but was pleasantly surprised when she said she only wanted to visit the famous Xavier Institute. They had talked that day, about what happened to Kurt's company and that he resigned from the research on mutation, closing the entire sector as Charles had told him to and distributing the people that worked there to other parts of the company.

"He's terrified of you." she had said, voice slightly impressed. "Whatever you did to him, it left a mark. He won't ever forget."

Charles didn't feel bad about it, about making Kurt feel fear, only feeling accomplished for having stopped the man.

* * *

  
  


At night, Charles caught Raven and Irene talking in the backyard, big smiles on their faces, before Irene placed a kiss to Raven's cheek. Charles smiled at that, Raven's mind going wild and losing her self-control as her body changed back to her blue form. 

* * *

In the middle of the summer, when the kids who spent their break with their families were away and the house was quieter, Charles decided to take a moment for himself and picked some food from the kitchen, walking to a tree and sitting by the shadow. He watched the school grounds, mind peaceful after so many months, as he took a sip of his orange juice from the little straw from the carton, and took a bite of a cookie he had found around the kitchen.

He was distracted enough by the view around him that he almost didn't hear a mind approaching, taking a few moments to recognize it and quickly turning around to see Erik there, a giant smile on his lips.

"It's not fair. I wanted to scare you but it's hard to surprise a telepath, huh?"

Charles smiled widely, getting up from the ground and running towards the man, laughing like a child as he jumped on Erik's arms, being caught easily by him as his feet weren't touching the ground. The hug quickly turned into a kiss, Charles' chest filled with happiness to see him again after seven months of only talking through texts and video calls, only parting the kiss to laugh some more.

"What are you doing here? You didn't warn me!"

"I wanted to surprise you." Erik shrugged, smile as wide as Charles' as he looked down at the man. "Besides, your birthday is coming up, so I wanted to be here to celebrate it with you. My mother came as well."

Charles chuckled at that, quickly looking for Edie's mind around the house and finding her talking excitedly with Raven inside. He kissed Erik again, melting against the other man almost instantly and only stopping once he remembered that there were kids still around and he was being  _ very _ unprofessional at the moment, but never letting go of Erik's embrace.

"I'd also like to ask if you could shelter me here until I find an apartment." Charles frowned at Erik with his words, seeing the man shrug once again, happy expression never leaving his face. "Got transferred at work. Guess I was needed more here in New York."

"Wait, so you're staying?"

"Maybe…"

Charles beamed at him, kissing him once more and completely forgetting about professionalism while Erik chuckled against the kiss.

* * *

"There was another reason why I wanted to come early…"

Erik looked at Charles as they sat in the backyard of the school at night with a bottle of wine between them. He moved slightly, taking Charles' right hand from where it was and looking at it. The metal ring he had done all those months ago for Charles was still there, reflecting the moonlight. He never took it off, keeping the metal on his hand to remember Erik whenever he played with it mindlessly, smiling at the small patterns on it and letting his fingertips trace it sometimes.

Erik slowly took the ring from his finger, a small smile on his lips and nervousness seeping from his mind. It took Charles only a few seconds to realize what was about to happen, eyes widening and breath catching on his throat. He watched quietly as Erik moved to stay in front of Charles, getting on his knee and making the ring float in the air with his powers as his eyes faced Charles in the dim light that the moon and the stars provided them.

"Charles Xavier," Erik said, voice shaking slightly with nervousness. "I know this isn't Central Park, and that I'm not crying, but would you give me the honor to marry me? This time, for real?"

Charles laughed, whole body shaking with excitement before he jumped forward towards Erik's frame, hearing the man laugh as well and hold him tightly against his body, some of the nervousness leaving him with Charles' reaction.

"Yes." Charles voice was a whisper, but Erik's smile only grew, and soon he was putting the ring back on his finger again, this time truly meaning something.

Charles hugged Erik tightly again, feeling the man doing the same and laughing to himself as he moved away slightly to look at Erik's face.

"You forgot to say that my ass is great." Erik snorted.

"Oh,  _ Schatz, _ I think that's implied."

* * *

The music played around them as Charles rested his head on Erik's shoulder, on his  _ husband's shoulder, _ dancing in the middle of the ballroom with him as everyone watched with smiles on their faces. Charles was slightly embarrassed of all the attention, of all the minds thinking just how adorable they looked dancing together, but he ignored it by focusing on the happiness coming from Erik's mind, much like his own.

The only mind he didn't ignore was his mother's as she watched them dancing, tears falling from her eyes as she smiled brightly at them and pride and happiness filled her thoughts. She wasn't distant there, she had danced with Charles first before Erik took him for himself, smiling the whole time as she let her son guide her on the dance floor. Now she was holding Edie's hand as both of them cried copiously. Sharon was happy, healing, and so was Charles.

Raven was there too, watching the two mothers crying amusedly, but with tears filling her yellow eyes as well as Irene held her by the waist with a smile on her lips, ivory eyes looking at the ground but with a clear idea of what was happening around her. 

He looked up at his now husband, seeing Erik smile down at him as they moved in their dance, and there were no words needed there to know how each other felt, and yet they used them, quiet  _ I love you's _ shared in the middle of the loud music, sweet and truthful.

As they kissed, the whole room cheered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! The end of this rollercoaster of emotions I created. I always get emotional whenever I finish a long story because I get emotionally attached to it so I was very sad and happy at the same time as I wrote this epilogue. I truly hope you guys enjoyed this story, both the ones who read it from the start and the ones who started after. Thank you for everyone who left a kuddo and/or a comment on this, it just made me more happy to write this, and thank you to my friend Ash who kept hearing me ramble about this story everyday for the past months non stop.  
> This is not the last story I'll be posting (there's already a series of 6 fics planned and some already written that will be posted very shortly, as well as Cherik Week and other stuff I intend on making), so you can expect new content after this and very different content as well (I'll TRY not to do so much angst in the future but I can't promise anything). Again, thank you *so much* for reading this, it meant the world to me. See you guys in the next work! ♥️

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kuddos and comments so I can know if you guys are enjoying it! ♥️


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